


Finding Home (I'm not alone anymore)

by grossnoona



Category: A3! (Video Game), Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: (wild gestures) there are other enst charas but these are the important ones basically, Adopted Children, Character Death, I took the entire A3 plot regarding gekkagumi and made it enst basically, Kidnapping, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Spies & Secret Agents, Temporary Amnesia, alternative universe, im like going to beta this as i go (bc they are just SO MANY CHAPTERS) so uh im sorry, p unbeta basically
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 113,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21746698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grossnoona/pseuds/grossnoona
Summary: “It’s so pretty,”Jun breathes out at the sight of the tall and big Christmas tree that was in the middle of the shopping area.For a small moment, Jun almost forget what he was doing here. Clutching tightly to the bread he stole from the shop-owner a couple of blocks away from where Jun was. He felt oddly out of place, the sound of children laughing and trying their best to pry out any sort of hint to what kind of gift they’ll receive for Christmas―Must be nice to have a home to celebrate Christmas in, Jun quietly thought.It takes a lot to find a home but Jun wants to keep finding it. No matter how much it takes.
Relationships: Ran Nagisa/Tomoe Hiyori, Saegusa Ibara/Sazanami Jun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	1. On Christmas, I found love

**Author's Note:**

> (pops party poppers) what abt dudes grossnoona here and im not in the best state of mind right now  
> not in a depressing way, i mean it in a "goldie stop why are u doing this" bc i am clearly doing _too much_  
>  I wrote an enst au that is not an au bc i took a3's plot regarding gekkagumi and slapping it on a bunch of enst charas au aka; eden gekkagumi au  
> its one long spiral joke abt how i keep mixing up august w hiyori  
> so enjoy! enjoy the monster I have created!

“ _ It’s so pretty, _ ” Jun breathes out at the sight of the tall and big Christmas tree that was in the middle of the shopping area.

For a small moment, Jun almost forget what he was doing here. Clutching tightly to the bread he stole from the shop-owner a couple of blocks away from where Jun was. He felt oddly out of place, the sound of children laughing and trying their best to pry out any sort of hint to what kind of gift they’ll receive for Christmas―Must be nice to have a home to celebrate Christmas in, Jun quietly thought.

“ _ Ah, there he is! _ ” An angry voice shouted. Jun doesn’t have to turn to see who it was. It was that shop-owner, he really doesn’t want to give up, huh? He’s pretty resilient for an old man, Jun can’t help but want to say. He had no time for useless snarky comments, he has to run quickly before he gets caught.

It took an hour or two for Jun to lose that old man. He lost his shoe in the midst of that terrible goose-chase.

It’s cold.

Jun wants to look for his shoe. Maybe he’ll feel less cold when he finds it.

Jun walks around but doesn’t find it.  _ Where did it go? _

It’s cold.

Jun shivers when the wind blows strongly in his direction, he clutches tightly to the bread he stole. He doesn’t want to lose it too. He continues to stride through the empty shopping area in hopes he’ll find his missing shoe. He wobbles a little as he walks, he’s scared that his legs are starting to numb out.

Jun suddenly remembered a conversation between two adults, they were talking about the cold and body parts.

“ _ I heard that your arms and legs begin to rot when they freeze, so you have to cut them off. _ ”

_ A old-looking man said, tapping his gloved index finger against his face. He was telling this to a younger man who shivered, not because of the cold weather but because of the scary fact that the old-looking man bestowed on him. It was a little comical watching the younger man’s reaction, Jun thought. _

“ _ Eh? Really? That’s scary! _ ”

_ The younger man continued how he can’t imagine how scary it would be to be out here in the cold with nowhere to go _ . _ The old-looking man told him that that is why he should appreciate what he has now. Though, honestly, would they even bother to help people like Jun? Jun wondered bitterly as he watched the two polished men walk into the station _ .

“I don’t want to cut my arms and legs off,” Jun huffed as he wander about. He can’t find his shoe. It’s useless. He won’t be able to find his shoe.

Some lousy adult must have thrown his broken shoes away. Some lousy adult must have kicked it on his way to rest somewhere warm and easy.

Jun wants to cry but he can’t. He shouldn’t. If he does, his entire body will freeze. He doesn’t want to freeze. He doesn’t want to die. It’s scary. It’s scary to die. Jun doesn’t want that.

“ _ It’s cold, _ ” Jun breathed out as he huddled himself into a ball.

“ _ Oh, are you alright? _ ” A voice asked. His voice is warm, like the sun.

Jun looks up to find a man dressed very warmly. He’s holding a boy’s hand, he’s frowning at Jun. The boy is all dressed warmly too. They don’t belong here, they belong somewhere else. They look like they’re from the expensive neighbourhood a couple stations away from this town.  _ What are they doing here? _

“What are you doing out here all alone, my dear? You’ll die, you know?” 

The warmly dressed man is so strange. He can say such things so casually, Jun wondered why. More importantly, should Jun answer the man? It seems like he won’t go away until Jun answers his question. He’s going to lose his voice and energy thanks to this man, Jun bitterly thought.

“There’s nowhere else.”

The warmly dressed man tilts his head, almost as if he had to take a minute to understand Jun’s short answer.

“Nowhere else? You don’t have a home?”

Jun shakes his head. Please leave already, Jun wanted to say. It seems the The warmly dressed man had other plans for Jun, he continued the conversation despite the discomfort both of the younger boys were in.  _ Maybe he’s dense? _

“Why don’t you come home with us? I can introduce you to  _ Eden _ , an organization we work for.”

Jun ponders at the offer. Maybe. Is it warm? Jun wondered. Right before Jun could ask such a question, the other boy chimed in.

“Don’t bother, he looks too weak―I doubt he’ll be in any use.”

Jun reconsiders his choice. He shakes his head immediately. That other boy, he’s mean. He looks bitter. He looks vile. Jun doesn’t like him. He decides to not go, he rather die than be with someone like him.

“See? Let’s go―I’m cold.”

Jun watches the warmly dressed man sighed in exasperation. He hears the other boy talk about how Jun doesn’t want to go. There’s no use in forcing Jun to go, the other boy says as he tries to drag the warmly dressed man away from Jun. He’s pretty impatient, Jun thought. Must be because he’s freezing too despite how warm he’s dressed.

“Fine then, have this at least.”

The warmly dressed man removes his scarf, wrapping it tightly around Jun. He tells Jun to keep it so he at least something to keep himself warm for the night. He even mentions that Jun is not dressed appropriately for winter, it’s such a shame.

“If you change your mind, you can find us at the station, okay?” The warmly dressed man bids Jun goodbye.

Jun closes his eyes, listening to the two walk away. He can hear their whispers. They’re talking about Jun. The warmly dressed man sounds worried while the other boy wasn’t. If anything, he blatantly notes how weak and useless kids like Jun will freeze to death in this kind of weather. He’s not wrong, Jun thought.

Jun, too, thought he was going to die but he didn’t.

Jun actually lost the number of times he thought that he was going to die. Terrified, he would whisper to himself in tears that he was going to die alone like this but then, the very next day, he’ll wake up. It was how he lived, to be frank. It’s amazing how far he’s managed to stay alive. Jun wondered why he hasn’t died yet, though.

That warm man and that bitter boy, they kept visiting Jun. To be honest, Jun never really found the fondness the warm man in having conversations with him. Everyday, the warm man would make an attempt to bring Jun back to that organization of his.

“I don’t mean to brag or anything but,  _ Eden _ treasures my intelligence a whole lot. They could never live without me!”

_ That’s an obvious brag, though? _

Is it rude to point it out? Jun wondered. He glances at the bitter boy who sighs and shakes his head. ‘ _ Just go along with him, _ ’ the bitter boy’s face says when he makes eye-contact with Jun. Guess, this is rather typical of the older. Jun wonders if that intelligence of his is actually worth as much as he says.

Jun doesn’t really want to doubt it but he can’t help it.

“ _ Oh, _ you’ve got wonderful physical abilities and you can survive harsh weather too―I’m amazed you’ve lasted so long with just your tattered clothes and my scarf!”

Jun wonders about his survival skills too. He watches the warm man inspect him as the bitter boy asks if he just portions out his food so he can survive during the day. Jun doesn’t actually know if he has a survival tactic―he just prays that he’ll make it to tomorrow. That’s all he does, really.

The warm man laughs in astonishment. He praises Jun for having such faith in God.

“There’s no use in asking, he’ll struck you down every time you ask―Now, can we go?” The bitter boy scolds the warm man who pouts. Childish, Jun can’t help but label the warm man. A rather childish adult that needs to be guided by a bitter violet-hair boy. What an odd combination.

“Alright, alright―I’ll come again tomorrow, okay? Since it’s Christmas, why don’t you have some gingerbread?” The warm man handed some sort of brittle, brown biscuit that was in a vague shape of a man. Strange. Is he supposed to eat this?

“ _ Gingerbread? What’s that? _ ”

Jun took a bite as he hears the bitter boy exclaim how weird it is that Jun didn’t know what a gingerbread is. Jun shrugs in response, he might have seen it before but he didn’t know what they were called. It’s not that big of a deal, really.

“It’s sweet,” Jun notes. The warm man mentions how all gingerbread cookies are sweet, that’s normal.

Jun nods at the explanation. He likes the gingerbread cookie. He likes the warm man. He doesn’t mind the bitter boy, he’s funny sometimes. Pouting and whining whenever he has to visit Jun but he’ll end up telling Jun weird things that make him giggle. He watches the two bid goodbye and walk away.

It beats better than waiting in the cold right?

Jun tugs on the warm man’s coat.

“I’ll go,” Jun says quietly. The warm man stares at the bitter boy for a moment before asking Jun to repeat what he said once more. It seems the two didn’t get the picture.

“I’ll go with you,” Jun says properly. He tightens his grip on the warm man’s coat who smiles brightly.

The bitter boy asks why, Jun shrugs in response. The gingerbread was nice, he ended up answering. The bitter boy quirks an eyebrow before exclaiming how strange Jun is. The warm man laughs, mentioning how he didn’t expect Jun to be a sweet-tooth. He should’ve lured Jun out with sweets from the very beginning, the warm man continues laughing.

“Well then, from now on, we’re a  _ family _ , okay?” The warm man says as he holds Jun’s hand in one hand and the bitter boy’s hand in the other.

Jun and the bitter boy tilt their heads in confusion. They didn’t quite understand what the warm man was saying.

“ **_On Christmas, you spend it with your family._ ** ”

Ah, is that so? Jun didn’t know. From now on, this warm laughing man and this pouting bitter boy, they are his family. Tightening his grip, Jun relishes in that strange warmth for a minute. He’ll get used to this warmth, somehow.


	2. Garden of Eden; the Garden of Delight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Your name from now onwards will be Sandalphon.”_
> 
> That was his name. Sandalphon. He should never forget such a name. It is important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's right bois  
> I lit am spamming the first chapter bc I wrote them the fastest so here we go  
> Yes, there are biblical names  
> Look up the names, I swear I put too much effort in this shit tier au  
> Ibara voice) (covering his face with his hand) (sobbing) pls just let me rest  
> I hope you enjoy

“ _ Your name from now onwards will be Sandalphon, _ ” the warm man who is named  _ Eve _ , tells Jun.

Jun learns to throw away his previous name. His name is Sandalphon now. That’s all he needs to remember. Sandalphon. He nods as he follows Eve around the organization. It’s comfortable but it is a little dark. Maybe it’s the lack of windows that makes it dark.

“ _ Samael _ , you have a new roommate,” Eve greets Samael, the bitter boy that accompanied Eve when they first met Sandalphon.

“He’s not a  _ new _ roommate, we’ve been roommates since he got here,” Samael corrects. He climbs down from his bunk bed and asks what happened. Sandalphon tilts his head, Samael sighs. Surely, there’s a reason Eve is reintroducing Sandalphon to Samael despite it being a little over a month since Sandalphon arrived.

“Oh, I have name now;  _ Sandalphon _ .”

Samael mouths  _ Oh _ , he notes how ironic that name choice. Eve hums in agreement; very peculiar name choice. It’s even more ironic once Eve couples it with the fact that Samael is his roommate.

“Maybe  _ He _ saw you two bickering about sweets again?” Eve tries to supply a reason, though he seems unsure.  _ He _ , that must be the man Eve was talking to earlier. Sandalphon didn’t get a good look of him but he gave Sandalphon a name and a place to rest so it’s not like Sandalphon could complain about the name.

Though, Samael was at fault that one time they bickered. He was the one complaining about how much sweets Sandalphon could eat from the pantry. It was fine, it wasn’t like anyone else was going to take them. Eve said Sandalphon could take as much as he wants, anyway.

Sandalphon remembers even trying to share some with Samael who refused. He, instead, preferred the spicy fish crackers Eve brought from his last mission. Despite their bickering, Samael still helped Sandalphon bring drinks and snacks back to their room.

“I wouldn’t want to be a bother when the adults are working―Let’s go back to our room.”

Samael isn’t so bad, outside his venomous mouth. Speaking of which, didn’t it suit his name too? Samael; the Venom of God.

Though, rather than venomous, sometimes Samael comes off as a bit nitpicky and naggy. Wasn’t it somewhere in Summer did Sandalphon realise how nitpicky Samael could be? It was a little comical, thinking about it. Samael is a talkative person in comparison to Sandalphon, it’s troublesome.

Here Sandalphon thought it was only Eve who was talkative.

“Sandalphon, I don’t want to be crass but  _ would you please not act on your own?! _ ”

“I wasn’t acting on my own, I just fell asleep.”

“That’s pretty much the same, isn’t it?”

Sandalphon sighs. No, it isn’t. He was tired, physically and mentally. The mission was harder than expected. He was a little drained and Samael’s nagging wasn’t very comforting. If anything, it made him more agitated. He was just tired, that’s all. He accidentally fell asleep, it was a short nap. It’s not like anyone got hurt in the process, Sandalphon wanted to argue back.

“ _ Time-out! _ ” Eve suddenly announces, clapping his hands to get the younger boys attention. They stay silent as Eve scolds them for arguing over such a thing, they made out alive so it’s fine. No one got hurt, it was fine. Sandalphon was right, the mission was harder than expected. It was only to be expected that they’d all be tired and agitated.

“ _ But _ Samael is right, you have to be a little more careful, Sandalphon. Now, eat.”   
  
Eve pats the two boys’ heads before gesturing them to eat something sweet. Sandalphon liked them a whole lot, he smiled warmly as Samael protested about how sweet food would cause headaches rather than calm people down. Eve laughs and teases how Samael has been studying lately. Though, it’s still good to eat sweet food.

“Unless, you prefer to try this _brand new_ medicine I’ve been working out, yes?” Eve offers Samael who inhales the sweet food _almost_ _immediately_.

Sandalphon laughs at Samael who forces himself to eat sweet food. Though, it is a bit shameful to force someone to eat something they don’t like. Despite how funny it was to watch, Sandalphon rather see Samael eat something he likes not something he dislikes. Sandalphon fishes out a packet of spicy crackers from his pocket and hands it to Samael.

“Take it―you rather eat this, no?”

Samael stares at the packet before taking it. He gives his thanks and hands Sandalphon the rest of his sweet food. If Sandalphon eats it, that means they’re even. At least, that’s what Samael said.

Eve laughed brightly at their exchangment. Cooing at them, Eve called them such good boys. He made them promise not to fight again, though Sandalphon wasn’t sure how well they could maintain such a promise but they can  _ try _ . For Eve’s sake, they’ll try their best to not fight.

Halfway through finishing the sweets, Sandalphon began realising something about them. It was a strange discovery. Though, was it really strange? Maybe to Sandalphon, it was.

“Eve,” Sandalphon calls out to Eve who hums in response.

“What are these called?” Sandalphon asks as he shows the sweets Eve handed him.

“Strawberries. Why do you ask, my dear?”

Strawberries. Sandalphon nods in understanding. Samael peers closer to Sandalphon, wondering the same as Eve. Why was he asking about them?

  
“ _ I think I like strawberries a whole lot _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact, they're like middle school bois in this chap and the prev chap so yay  
> hiyori can only make quiches says who? says i  
> anyway thank you for reading!!


	3. You're an angel, I am not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sandalphon has only known Eden his entire life, same goes to say Samael.   
> They both wonder if the same applies to Eve, a part of Sandalphon doubts it.
> 
> Unlike Eve, Sandalphon and Samael are angels.   
> They do not see the dangers the same way as Eve.
> 
> Such dangers, _only Eve can see. _  
> Why won’t Eve tell them about those dangers?__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more nyooming  
> but this chapter's highlight is hiyori can tell how to serve matcha but august (his assigned chara) cannot  
> anyway enjoy

Studying is hard. Sandalphon had a hard time studying a new language.

“How do you read this kanji again?” Sandalphon asks Samael, pointing at the kanji with a pencil. Samael starts at it for a minute, almost as if he forgot how to read it too. It’s okay if Samael doesn’t know, Sandalphon can go check the answer later.

Samael ends up shrugging, seems a little difficult for him too. Well, Sandalphon will just ask Eve later.

“How’s studying, boys?” Eve chimes in, poking his head into their room.

The two groan in unison. Tiring, no doubt. They wished they didn’t need to do a mission in Japan. Why couldn’t it be somewhere easy like America or something? Sandalphon can’t complain, though. It’s been years since he’s been doing this so picking up another language shouldn’t be a problem.

Maybe they’re just lazy to study, Sandalphon wants to joke. Surely, Samael will roll his eyes at Sandalphon for wanting to pin Samael to the likes of him.

Eve laughs at their groaning. Japanese is hard, it’s understandable. Differentiating between kanji, hiragana, and katakana can be difficult, no doubt. It makes one’s head spin, just looking at it in one glance. Structure and everything is different from the other languages they’ve been studying too.

“Though, Sandalphon, you seem to be pretty good at Japanese―I’m amazed by how easy it seems to you,” Eve praises Sandalphon who quirks an eyebrow. He guesses it’s easy? Though, that’s mainly because he’s studying conversational Japanese, unlike Samael who’s studying complex kanji that Sandalphon wonders if he’ll  _ actually _ use. ‘ _ Business Japanese Proficiency _ ’, Sandalphon pities Samael whenever he sees that on his notes.

Though, it makes sense why Samael is tasked to go undercover in a Japanese trading company. He’s far more capable than Sandalphon, he even looks like a businessman too. What a bonus point, Sandalphon wanted to joke.

Despite that, Sandalphon wonders if he needs a fake name. He’s just going undercover as a double agent in an organization that  _ Eden _ has been watching very closely. Nothing more, really.  _ Does he actually need a fake name? _

“Well, aside from that, have you figured out any names yet?” Eve asks, it seems he was gesturing them to follow him have dinner.

Sandalphon and Samael shake their heads. Samael was too busy trying to study and Sandalphon couldn’t come up with one. Even if the two of them tried, they wouldn’t really be able to come up with any good names. Sometimes, Samael’s suggestion come off as too weird to be real and Sandalphon isn’t exactly the best at coming up with names―they all sound plain when he tries to come up with one.

“Thought so. Why don’t I name the both of you?”

“I don’t think it’s necessary, Eve. Surely, we could come up with―” Samael gets cut off, he’s fed a helping of quiche. Ah, was it Eve’s turn to cook tonight? Sandalphon giggles as Samael chokes on hot food.

Sandalphon watches Eve continue talking about naming the two. It’d be fun, he says. Eve even thought the names he chose out were interesting, it wouldn’t hurt to listen to his suggestions. It’s fine if they didn’t want to use them, Eve says as he places a slice of quiche in Sandalphon’s plate. That gesture, it’s a clear sign that Eve would like them to use the names―Sandalphon knew that tactic rather confidently. Samael too.

“ _ Let’s start with Sandalphon, yes? _ ”

Sazanami Jun is a rather simple name.

Though, isn’t it strange to use Jun? Maybe Eve never wanted Sandalphon to forget who he originally was. That’s always what he said, no? ‘ _ Never lose track of yourself _ ,’ Eve often said as he wiped Sandalphon’s messy face with a towel. Sandalphon nodded as Eve explained how to write the name down.

Sandalphon committed such a name to memory. He’ll write it down as many times as he can to fully remember it. Even if he loses everything, he’ll try his best to remember that name. Eve chose such a name for a reason, Sandalphon thought.

_ Sazanami Jun _ , he wants to take good care of that name.

Eve laughs and tells Sandalphon not to worry so much about his actual name. It’s written in katakana, it shouldn’t be hard to forget.

“Saegusa Ibara suits Samael, yes?” Eve suggests.

Saegusa Ibara? How do you spell that, Sandalphon can’t help but wonder. Sandalphon can’t quite figure out the kanji for  _ Saegusa _ but he has a couple of guesses for  _ Ibara _ . Though, would Eve make Samael’s name so short? Sandalphon wonders about that a little.

“Wild roses?” Sandalphon says as Samael asks if that’s seriously what his name means.

Eve laughs as he nods; yes,  _ Ibara _ as in wild roses. Samael is rather spikey and hard to get but even then, wouldn’t Sandalphon agree that Samael is someone you want to get close to? Samael can be a pretty interesting person, no?

Sandalphon wonders that. Maybe Samael is an interesting person? Sandalphon can’t quite count on it when all Samael does is nag and pull stupid tricks on him to keep him awake during missions. Sandalphon still doesn’t quite forgive him for tickling Sandalphon’s nose with a feather to keep him awake―that  _ seriously _ nearly blew their cover last time.

“ _ Anyhoo _ , why don’t we try some new things I bought from an Asian market?” Eve says as he hands them both a mug of tea.

“Green tea?” Samael asks as he stares at the frothy mug of tea. _ Does it have milk in it? _

Eve laughs at the boys’ confused stares. There seems to be a lot of questions that hang above their heads, no doubt. It couldn’t be helped, though. They didn’t quite get the point of having this frothy cup of green tea. Maybe they’re missing something that Eve knew which, to be honest, is a common situation.

“It’s  _ Matcha _ . It’s traditional green tea so no, there’s no milk in it.”

_ Bitter _ .

Sandalphon stuck his tongue childishly out of disgust. Samael laughed at Sandalphon’s disgusted face. Even in their twenties, they’re the same. Sandalphon mentions how he didn’t want anymore while Samael called the tea rather average in bitterness. Maybe all of Sandalphon’s bitter taste buds had died from that high sugar consumption of his, Samael nagged.

“Oh my, I forgot―” Sandalphon watches Eve take out soft pink fluffy sweets, he wonders what they are.

“ _ Wagashi _ . They’re Japanese sweets, I specifically bought strawberry-flavoured sweets since Sandalphon likes strawberries so much.”

Eve asks them to take a small bite before drinking the tea. Maybe that’ll change how bitter it tastes, Eve advises. Samael jokingly tells Sandalphon not to inhale the entire sweet in one go, Sandalphon sticks his tongue out in retaliation.

“Ah, it tastes different.”

“Right? The sweet balances out the bitterness, isn’t that great?” Eve smiles brightly at such a simple concept. Simple things, Sandalphon knows Eve likes those kinds of things. As smart as he may be, he still prefers to have simple things.

Today too, this small family Sandalphon has long cherished, spend their day in laughter and sweetness. Sometimes, Sandalphon wishes their circumstances were different so they could spend every day like this.

_ As happy Sandalphon felt that day, he couldn’t help wonder; _

_ Just what exactly didn’t Eve want to tell them see that lead them to this situation? _

_ He must’ve known something, right? _

Everything was perfect. All of the procedures were done perfectly too, nothing was out of place. Nothing at all. From invading the targeted organization’s building to collecting data needed, everything was done exactly how Eve planned it.

It was supposed to be an easy-success.

_ Then how did such a well-crafted plan get leaked? _

Did Sandalphon mess up? Did Samael mess up? Sandalphon doesn’t know. All he knows is that the enemy had surrounded them. Sandalphon was scared, he clung tightly to an injured Eve as they tried their best to escape the building.

Sandalphon was scared. He was so very scared.

Like the small child he was when he first met Eve, he wanted to cry. Sandalphon wants to cry but he can’t. He shouldn’t. If he does, his entire body will freeze. He doesn’t want to be the reason why Eve and him never come back home. He doesn’t want to die. It’s scary. It’s scary to die. Sandalphon doesn’t want that.

Really, it wasn’t long before they were cornered. A cliff, what dramatic scenery.

“Sandalphon,  _ please _ ,” Eve was shaking each moment he spoke, Sandalphon hated it. 

Why is it now, he was afraid of Eve dying? Before this, a small bullet was supposed to be nothing. A small bullet, Eve is supposed to handle such a measly thing. Eve was supposed to be somebody that could handle such injuries with ease, or at least that’s what Sandalphon thought.

“ _ No, you promised! _ ”

Sandalphon didn’t want to listen. He didn’t want to leave Eve to die alone. No, he can’t. It was impossible to fathom such an idea. Escape without Eve? That would be such a laughable thing to do. Sandalphon can’t do such a cowardly thing.

“We won’t survive if you try to escape with me,” Eve states rather matter-of-factly. He must’ve weighed these consequences too, huh? How typical of him, Sandalphon wanted to joke but the lump in his throat prevented him to.

“If that’s the case, I’ll die too.”

Sandalphon drinks the vial that hung off of his pendant. Will Samael be mad if he found out that Eve and him didn’t make it back safe? Or will he weep over the loss of his family? Sandalphon wonders such foolish questions. No matter how funny it sounds, Sandalphon can’t bring himself to laugh.

Eve somehow can laugh, even in such a dire situation. Could he read Sandalphon’s mind? Probably not. Sandalphon had long stopped believing in Eve’s strange sayings. God knows where this man gets these strange philosophical stories. 

“It won’t work, my dear,” Eve breathes out.

Sandalphon looks at him strangely, what on earth is Eve going on about? What won’t work? Sandalphon frowns for a minute before looking at the vial. Just as Sandalphon calls out for Eve, he gets stopped.

“Samael and yours, they’re not the same as mine―It’ll only make you lose your memory temporarily,” Eve explains slowly, his breathing was getting ragged. He wasn’t looking so good, Sandalphon knew that.

Sandalphon wanted to protest. Just why? Why would he do this? What was the point of going so far to switch out Samael’s and his vial to a drug that had a significantly less effect than his? Is Eve crazy? Is he out of his mind? Sandalphon wanted to shout and cry but it was hard to do that with a body that was losing strength.

“I had no choice,” Eve said as he pushed Sandalphon’s hair aside.

A part of Sandalphon felt small when he felt Eve push his hair aside, it was a warm feeling. It made him feel like a child that was falling asleep in his father’s arms. It felt warm.

“The idea of losing both of you, it hurts. I brought you into this mess and I have every right to take you both out of it so please, Sandalphon, live freely―Forget about me, forget about  _ Eden _ and start a new life, okay?”

Sandalphon was never given a chance to reply back to Eve’s request.

All Sandalphon could see was the silver line of the beautiful moon.

All Sandalphon could feel was the rush of cold water trying to enter into his lungs. That regretful, terrifying moment caused Sandalphon to quickly attempt to recover conscious and swim to shore.

_ It was scary. _

_ It was cold. _

_ It was tiring. _

When Sandalphon arrived to shore, he was barely able to stay awake. He was barely able to find a proper place to rest so he stayed there, wet and covered in sand. Closing his eyes, he did not realise that was the last time he will remember such a scene.

“ _ Where am I..? _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> : )


	4. Fallen Angels―They exist, you know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the salty taste and smell of the sea, Jun wakes up on the sandy floor of a beach.  
> He can’t recall a reason to why he would be here, let alone be sleeping on the beach.
> 
> _Just what was he doing here?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Grossnoona here, awake and less shaking from me when I was mass-uploading this shit at 2am kjsdnjds  
> This time, I took the time to edit this ( _kinda_ )  
> I might mass-upload more chapters again later bc I wrote _**the entirety of act 4**_ in advance bc I got too focused on it skjdnkjds  
> anyway, this chap's highlight is _**W I N T E R**_  
>  I really love the cast for winter troupe im sorry i had multiple galaxy brains making mankai minus for tasutsumu (i still like them as you can tell from my enst fics)  
> enjoy!

“ _ Where am I..? _ ”

Jun wakes up on a beach, he felt gross and dizzy. Just what on earth was he doing here? He stumbles a little as he tries to stand up. He can’t recall a reason to why he would be here, let alone be sleeping on the beach. Did he get black-out drunk or something?

_ Wait, does he even drink in the first place? He doesn’t actually know _ .

Jun takes a moment to stretch and dust off any sand that had stuck onto his clothing, his clothes smell a little of the sea. Did he get washed up from the sea? What was he doing out there in the first place? Jun seriously can’t remember a single thing.

He can’t call for any help, there’s no one. Should he walk till he can find help? It’s not like he has any other options, right?

Slowly, he tries his best to walk towards the road. His ankle hurts but he can bear with it, a part of him tells him that he has handled worse. This is nothing but a small injury, it won’t kill him. He can still handle it.

He heaves as he walks.

_ Just how long has he been walking? Jun can’t tell _ .

All he knows is that Jun has reached a lively part of the city. There’s shouting, laughter and chatter everywhere. So much is happening here, Jun is honestly just getting a headache just from watching and listening. It’s a little overwhelming to be in this area, he realised that as soon as his headache got worse. It aches even more as he heaves.

Maybe he hit his head? Jun isn’t so sure anymore.

Jun walks into a quiet street. Not many people are here, he can quietly catch his breath as he hears people walk by.

This is too much. He can’t handle this headache anymore, he wants to rest. He needs rest. He can’t handle it anymore. God, someone help him shake this headache away. His head feels squeezed with every step he takes. He wants the headache to stop but he isn’t so sure how to stop it.  _ It hurts so much _ .

Taking one more step, he realises his vision turns dark and the rough feeling from the asphalt road grazes his cheek. 

“Looks like there’s no sign of him waking up,” a rough voice notes.

Jun seems to be resting on something soft. He swears that’s not what the road felt minutes ago? That chatter also seemed rather muted, he must be in a room. Everyone sounds concerned, did he worry everyone in this room? Jun can’t help but feel a swell of regret. These kind people shouldn’t have picked up Jun up, it’s just bothersome.

Jun slowly opens his eyes, a circle of concerned faces is the first thing he is met with.

“Are you alright?” the sole woman in the group asks. Jun has decided that he doesn’t want to answer.

_ God, that’s troublesome _ .

“He went back to sleep!” the same rough voice notes except this time, he seems visibly annoyed by Jun’s actions.

Jun feels a gesture nudge, he slowly opens his right eye to a delicate worried face with red-white hair veiling his face a little. Cute, Jun thinks for a moment. Maybe he’ll entertain this group for a moment. Not like he has anything else to do.

“ _ Ah, he woke up, _ ” the dual-tone beauty announces. The attention gets drawn back, he somehow doesn’t like it. A part of him calls it dangerous and bad, for some odd reason. Why? Jun doesn’t know, he closes his eyes in hopes that people will stop staring at him.

Jun hears someone nag him a little. He has no choice but to open his eyes for a small moment, he’s met with green eyes frowning at him. Scary, this one is. Yea, it’s better to close his eyes than deal with this one. He likes the dual-tone beauty more, Jun quickly concluded.

“He’ll only open his eyes when you nudge him, huh?” A voice with a rather rolled out tone notes, soft and sweet voice. Jun hears the girl speak again, she asks if they should call the ambulance. Ambulance? Somehow that word sounds dangerous to Jun. Is it because he has nothing on him? Probably. It doesn’t feel safe, that’s all he knows.

“ _ I’m fine, _ ” Jun tries to reassure them. Thankfully, it seems this bunch are more surprised at the fact he can talk other than anything else. That’s some pretty unwanted attention, he doesn’t like this but just as he might consider drifting back to sleep, he’s asked if he remembered anything. Pondering for a moment, he answers no.

He hears gasps and exclaims about amnesia. He isn’t so sure about it but it does fit the bill. Maybe he did lose a couple of memories, he isn’t entirely sure but at least he can remember  _ some _ things. That’s good enough, right?

“ _ Well, do you remember your name? _ ”

Name, Jun ponders for a moment. A name? Does he have a name? He calls himself Jun so that’s a name but a full name would be more appropriate for this situation. He mumbles out  _ my name _ but drifts a little back to sleep in between his sentences. He is scolded for sleeping in between his sentences, that’s troublesome. All this scolding and nagging feel familiar but in a not-so-good way.

He’s being asked if he remembers his name again.

What is his name again?

“ _ Sazanami Jun _ ,” Jun answers. He feels a little dizzy from trying to remember his name. That seems to be not a problem for the people around him, they take it as a chance to identify that Jun may have lost bits of his memories. That’s a good thing, right? Then why isn’t he able to remember much other than his name? Surely, there must be a reason.

Jun is asked for his age.

Being told not to sleep again, he’s forced to try to remember his age. Alas, nothing floats up. He doesn’t know his age, he answers them.

He’s asked if he remembers anything else. Nothing really comes to mind.

“Don’t sleep,” the voice Jun has identified as the frowning green eyes’ says, it makes him open his eyes properly. This guy looks visibly worried and a little annoyed, he seems nice now that Jun has a good look at him.

It seems they really want him to try to remember anything, huh? He can’t really. The more he tries to force himself to remember, the more sleepy he gets. It’s hard to think and stay awake at the same time, Jun thought but Green Eyes over here wants him to not even try to sleep with his eyes open. A strict fellow we got here, Jun wants to joke.

“I seriously can’t remember anything,” Jun finally says. Yes, he has amnesia. It’s strange but it’s happening so there’s nothing they can do about it, unfortunately.

A man with braids in his hair asks if there’s anything on him that could help him identify himself, Jun shakes his head. Empty pockets, he pulls out his jacket pockets. No wallet or anything that could help him identify himself. He has tried it too, for the record. It’s unfortunate, really.

“Why don’t we go to the police?” the owner of the soft voice suggests. Jun, for a moment, stares at how the other places his hand on Jun’s knee. How sweet, Jun thought but he shakes his head from that thought. Don’t start buttering up to these people, you never know what kind of people they are. Green Eyes over there is an obvious threat in comparison to those two pretty faces.

It seems they took that head shake as an answer. Well, they’re not wrong. Jun doesn’t want to go to the police. He doesn’t feel safe hearing the police, why though? There’s a feeling of threat that’s bigger when people talk about going to the police than staying here. He doesn’t want to go to the police.

“No, I won’t go.”

“It seems he has own circumstances too,” another dual-tone hair man notes. Geez, how many redheads are in this room? Jun has counted three redheads that he’s spoken to and that’s not counting the pink one that’s worriedly looking at him. He won’t say it aloud, though. This room is filled with a lot more capable people of beating Jun up than he thought. He has come to that conclusion after looking around the room.

These people, they conclude that Jun should stay for the time being. How kind of them, really.

Jun hears the girl clear her throat;  _ does she have a question? _

“ _ Are you interested in acting? _ ”

Before Jun could even answer that, he’s met with sighs and groans. Is this a common question that this girl asks? Judging from the complaints thrown by the purple haired teenager and the grey-haired teenager. Apparently, she doesn’t discriminate. Her defining trait, it seems.

_ Acting…? _

The girl describes the place he’s staying in;  _ Yumenosaki Company _ . Jun is currently at the dorms, he passed out at the entrance of the dorms. They seem to be recruiting members as of now, she would like to know if Jun would like to join. It’s a sudden offer, the girl seems apologetic for asking Jun so suddenly. Especially, when he has just recently lost his memories too.

Jun shrugs. He doesn’t know, to be frank.

“Well, if you’re up for it, you can always come and join practice,” the dual-tone man. Kind of think of it, doesn’t he look a bit scary? Jun doesn’t know how to put it but he feels scary. He wonders why but before he could reach a proper conclusion to why, his stomach grumbles.

The man in braids laughs, he says he’ll whip something up quickly. Though, he also notes how it’s nearly dinner time so he should start preparing dinner.

That makes Jun realise he has been knocked out for a long while, then.

“Oh, there’s some strawberries, if you would like?” A boy with light brown hair offers, he hands Jun a small clear box of strawberries. It’s sweet as Jun munches them. He doesn’t know why but he enjoys them a lot. Maybe it’s his favourite food? It seems like it. He’s even noted by those around him about it.

After a week, Jun learns everyone’s names. At least, those who stay at the dorms. He has yet to learn about those four people he met when he first arrived to the dorms. He later learns that those four were supposed to be that troupe Anzu was recruiting Jun to join. He hasn’t gotten their names and faces quite down yet but he considered Mao the scariest out of the bunch, he was from a high-class troupe according to Tomoya. It seems Tomoya is familiar with him but only from a distance.

Due to unfortunate events, Jun also learns that he is forced to be roomed with Shu. Shu isn’t so annoying but he’s a fashion designer so that means it’ll be pretty noisy, right? Jun isn’t so sure but that Tori kid admires him a lot. It’s always a little noisy when he passes by Tori and Tsukasa’s room. Though, really, all Jun hears are arguments.

Jun is dragged away by Shu who calls him, a sleeping prince. He hears Anzu converse to the other three about room arrangements. Hm, it’s a little unfair that he got Shu but Shu isn’t so bad since he carries Jun to his room.

The first troupe practice, Jun realises that he might be a  _ tad bit _ underqualified for acting. He gets tired easily and doesn’t really get the lingo used. At least, Ritsu is nice enough to explain some terms for him and Natsume.

Jun also realises a couple of things about each and every member as he watches them roll out their own etude act. Mao is sharp and refined, it’s easy to follow his movements. Ritsu is softer than Mao, Jun can’t help but feel like Ritsu’s acting makes you feel within his reach. Shu has a lot of flair, Jun realised. Too much attention gets drawn onto him but it seems Shu prefers it that way, strange man. Natsume doesn’t move much, hides in the background well but he doesn’t seem very confident about such a trait. Jun wonders why?

“ _ Sazanami-kun? _ ”

Jun jolts as soon as Shu pokes him. Is it his turn? It seems like it, he asks Anzu for his role. It seems Anzu wants him to choose his own role, that’s a little hard. He can’t really do that, he admits to the troupe. Anzu nods in understanding, a fast-food worker should be easy. He asks for more specifications; age, job, appearance, family background and anything he’d need to fully identify this person. It’s important to get these details right, he doesn’t want to ruin it.

“Welcome,” Jun greets. Take a moment to pretend like you’re listening to their order, it would probably be the same as the customer before. Though if there was a limited edition meal, surely the customer will weigh between their usual and the limited-edition menu, no?

“Please take your time, do let me know when you’re ready to order.”

Relax your posture, this customer won’t go anywhere any time soon. Sooner or later, they’ll make a decision. Maybe around now? They would feel a little bit pressured from Jun’s words despite the fact they are supposed to be reassuring. Jun nods at the customer and repeats the order. Tell the price and give back the change. As soon as the customer is gone, stretch your back a little. It’s stiff, Jun thought.

“Was that okay?” Jun asks as Anzu nods slowly. Is that a good nod? Jun hopes it is, he walks back to Shu as Anzu seems to be pondering something. Maybe she’s evaluating the entire troupe? Jun isn’t so sure, honestly.

Mao asks Jun a question; does he do martial arts? Jun tilts his head in confusion. Where did that come from? Did his character seem like a student in martial arts? Jun doesn’t think a character like that would be in martial arts but then again, people have different opinions.

Mao shakes his head and points out Jun’s footsteps;  _ they’re silent _ . Jun shrugs, he didn’t realise it.

Practice ends when all of them feel all tired out. Mao has good stamina, others pale against his. Maybe because he’s used to practicing for hours? Jun doesn’t feel  _ that _ tired either. He does feel a little drowsy, maybe that’s him being tired too. Right before they can leave, Anzu explains how someone needs to be the troupe leader. The same person who will be the troupe leader will be the lead actor for the debut play, it seems.

Jun isn’t quite interested in that. He’ll just tune it out for now, he’s too tired to chip in anything.

Well, he awakens to the announcement that Ritsu was reluctantly appointed leader. He softly asks for the troupe’s cooperation. He’s an unexpected choice but Jun can’t say it’s a bad one.

That bunch Jun has to call his troupe, they get worried about how empty Jun’s side of the room is. Isn’t it fine? Shu owns too many things. Just how many mannequins does he need to own? Isn’t one enough? Other than things relating to his job, Shu definitely has more weird junk than needed. Even with those light protests, they mention how Jun should live comfortably too.

It’s apparently an off-day for the entire company, Mao offers his car for the rest to use. Mao really is a nice guy that’s just hard to deal with, somehow that is uncomfortable to deal think about. Either way, the problem is getting a driver.

Anzu mentions how she doesn’t really believe in her driving skills. She stopped driving years ago, it seems. She still seems pretty up for it, if Mao minds that is. If Mao lets her, she’ll try her best in not denting the car  _ that _ badly. The last part concerns not only Mao but definitely the rest of the troupe.

Mao immediately rejects and asks Ritsu if he could drive. Ritsu laughs sheepishly, Mao doesn’t seem to be amused by Ritsu’s weak smile. Mao tells Ritsu to spit out the confession, there’s no use in hiding it. Jun watches Ritsu bite his lips, he looks regretful.

“I haven’t driven since the training camp,” Ritsu quickly confesses. Jun notes that as the fastest Ritsu has ever spoken, at least he has seen so far from the other.

Mao looks appalled by Ritsu’s confession. Immediately, Ritsu gets rejected from driving. Bad experience, Jun guesses as he watches Mao exasperatedly ask if anyone else can drive. Natsume has a license but never really driven and it seems Shu’s license are for something else  _ completely _ . Jun, with no identification cards, clearly cannot drive either.

It leaves Mao with no choice.

“I’ll drive then,” Mao ends up taking the role upon himself. Unfortunately, there’s no one else that could do the driving. Jun falls asleep on the way to the car, the mall and to the department store. Even then, he doesn’t exactly have much of a preference for things like furniture. It’s too difficult to decide when there’s so many.

Everyone’s personal styles appear when it comes to helping Jun choose furniture.

First of all, Shu’s taste is too big and fancy. Tone it down, there’s barely enough space in their room as it is. Anzu even screamed how room expansion is prohibited so it’s best to just go after smaller. Natsume’s taste in furniture is rather similar to Shu, probably a tad bit more darker and gothic than Shu’s. He really appreciates their choices but they’re just  _ too big _ for his side of the room and he doesn’t even have that many clothes to fill the dresser in. Ritsu’s taste seems rather simplistic, it’s small too but Jun doesn’t quite like it. He kind of feels bad for rejecting Ritsu’s choice. Mao’s choice is rustic and too stylistic, Jun doesn’t really like it.

Second of all,  _ isn’t everyone just showing Jun stuff  _ **_they_ ** _ want to buy? _

“Is this one okay?” Jun ends up pointing at a small monotone dresser. It’s enough space for Jun’s clothes and things. It also takes little space so he doesn’t have to worry about fitting it in his room. Though, in the end, it seems all of Jun’s things turn out to be simple and monotone. Occasionally, he’ll indulge in some biblical designs but even then, they just feel familiar to look at.

Most of the troupe members paid for Jun’s things, he feels bad but they tell him not to worry.

It seems everyone had more fun getting Jun furniture than Jun did. It’s funny, hearing Shu complain about Jun’s room choices and only giving a pass to the elegant angel-themed vanity. Jun only got it due to how familiar it felt, that’s all. Nothing more. It seems the others are wondering what exactly is Jun’s fashion sense. Comfort, he guesses? Even then, he isn’t so sure. The vanity is not that comfortable.

“ _Isara-san_ ,” Jun calls out who hums in response.

Ah. Jun remembers this place now. No doubt, this is the same place.

“ _ Stop the car here, please. _ ”

Mao seemed puzzled for a moment, asking for a confirmation Jun would like to get off. Jun nods, this has to be the place. This has to be it. Jun can feel it.

They stumble out, Shu mentions something along the lines about finding inspiration in being out here at the beach. It’s a little too cold for comfort, Natsume notes instead. Ritsu laughs and offers Natsume his scarf, it seems Ritsu doesn’t mind the cold so much. Jun wants to ask why but that’s aside from the main point.

“I think I drifted from ashore,” Jun announces. Anzu stares at him bewildered while the rest of his troupe asks if he was serious about that statement. It’s a little hard to believe but he remembers walking with sand in his hair and clothes that smell of the sea. He can’t remember why he was at sea, though. It’s a little unfortunate.

Even how unfortunate it feels that Jun can only say such a statement, Winter Troupe still take that as a chance to throw guesses on what kind of life Jun lead prior to washing up to shore. A diving instructor that wasn’t in uniform, Shu suggested as Mao questioned such a possibility. Natsume wonders if Jun is just a man of the sea, though Anzu wonders what that even means. What is a man of the sea? Jun wonders the same. Natsume doesn’t know, to be honest. He’s just making assumptions as they go along.

“Maybe you were told to run away,” Ritsu suggests. The way Ritsu says that, it feels sentimental so much so it scares Jun a little. Anzu fears of the day Jun recalls his memories, she hopes he had good memories. Jun frowns a little, he doesn’t know either. It scares him a little when Ritsu says that.

“Did I scare you? Sorry, I didn’t mean it seriously.”

  
Ritsu seemed genuine about his apology. Jun took no mind to it, he was just surprised over Ritsu’s suggestion. It was a terrifying suggestion, no less. Though, a small part of Jun does feel that way. He does feel like he’s running away from something. He isn’t so sure what but it’s  _ something _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mao drives a lot in my aus and so does ritsu but for this au, i want to believe he cannot for obvious reasons  
> also shu has a license for smth and following by enst logic, it would be the license to own an axe and swinging it like a complete madman which i love so much  
> if you're wondering who else got casted in this company, it's on my twt so like half-spoilers but also not bc its the company and i'd assume you would have read _at least until the end of part 2_ or know the entire cast already  
> thank you for reading!!


	5. Humans and Angels aren’t the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It gets loud. It gets frustrating. Jun wants to help but he can’t.
> 
> Why is it that he can’t help?
> 
> _Is it because he doesn’t understand?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be ashamed of the ability to write this much and being able to massupload but somehow _I'm not_  
>  anyway, idk how many chapters i squeezed into this one fucking chapter  
> i just know ive ascended which isnt good

Street acts, Jun has heard of that. He heard it in a conversation between Shinobu and Koga, they were going out to do one somewhere last week. A street act is just acting in public without a script, right? Jun can do that. He should be a little bit more confident in creating his own character now.

“ _ Let’s talk this over, please― _ ”

“Isara, is that really you? I really didn’t assume you were this type of person.”

Who is this guy? Jun doesn’t recall him but he has no right in being that rude all of a sudden. Talk about annoying, he’s yapping the troupe’s ear off about how low Mao is for joining Yumenosaki. It actually makes Jun want to fall asleep as he hears this guy nag them to death. Who is this Hokuto guy and why does he talk  _ so much? _ Kuro, Shu and this Hokuto guy could seriously do a talking battle on who can make Jun nap the fastest.

It seems Mao is just as tired too. In fact, he doesn’t seem the slightest bit interested in Hokuto’s sudden news about being Dramatica’s top actor. He actually looks more annoyed than amused or surprised.

“ _ Great for you,  _ **_hokey-pokey_ ** _. _ ”

Hokey-what? What did Mao just call this guy? What was that? Huh? Was that like a real nickname? What the fuck was that?

“ _ Hokey-pokey? _ ” Jun and Anzu end up saying in unison.

It flairs this guy’s face up, though. That’s amusing to watch, Mao looks smug about it too. Is this a personal nickname from Mao or? There seems to be a lot more context than  _ just a nickname _ . Jun hears Hokuto stutteredly threaten Mao but it seems Mao’s snickering prevails. Is that what Mao is actually like? He’s a goddamn bastard? Man, that’s news to Jun.

“Now, now, we wouldn’t want Hockey Mask here to blow a fuse in front of  _ such a large crowd, right? _ ” Mao teased Hokuto. Ok, what does the Hockey Mask part mean? Was there some sort of accident back in Dramatica that  _ only Mao _ knew? If so, Jun is curious. He’s known this Hokuto guy for approximately 5 minutes and he’s already  _ this _ close to wanting to kick his ass.

Hokuto glares at Mao as Shu, Natsume, and Jun peer closer to Mao. Hokuto doesn’t look as capable as Mao in terms of brawling but just in case, it would be best to stop Mao and save Yumenosaki’s face. Jun doesn’t want to admit right now  _ but _ Mao looks capable of murder and that fact is unbearably squeamish to think about.

Just as Hokuto opens his mouth, a voice echoes out of thin air.

“ _ Hokuto-kun, don't start commotions in the middle of the street _ .”

Jun hears Mao murmur ‘ _ God no _ ’ as he rubbed his temples. Does he know the owner of that weird voice too? Dramatica is weird. They’re filled with a bunch of weirdos. Somehow, Jun wants to massage Mao’s back and thank him for his hard work up till now. Jun looks around for the source of the voice and lo behold, a strange long blue-haired man flies down being carried by doves.  _ Weird _ .

Anzu straightens her posture and greets the man.  _ Hibiki Wataru of Dramatica _ .

“ _ Wonderful _ , I see you have successfully put together Winter Troupe without an issue,” Wataru notes as he inspects the troupe. Anzu seems to be keeping her head up and straight, she mentions how it was thanks to Wataru that they could successfully create such a troupe with ease. Wataru doesn’t seem fazed by such words, it seems he has taken notice of Mao who looked rather displeased by Dramatica’s presence.

Wataru asks for the leader, he assumes it’s Mao. Jun wouldn’t blame him, he fits the bill of a perfect leader. Though Mao chuckles and shakes his head, he points over at Ritsu who stiffens immediately at the attention being drawn at him.

“ _ Oh, aren’t you that child from before…? _ ”

Jun steps in front of Ritsu, Wataru notes how defensive Winter Troupe is for their leader. Jun doesn’t really know Ritsu’s circumstances with this man but seeing Ritsu’s uncomfortable expression, it only felt right to protect such a person. Anzu takes that moment to tell Dramatica to back off, Jun asks if Ritsu is alright. Ritsu nods and thanks Jun for wanting to help.

“ _ Well, if you feel so tough―Dramatica hereby challenge Yumenosaki to a showdown act! _ ”

Showdown act?  _ What’s that? _

Shu supplies that knowledge to him; A showdown act is wherein two theatres perform in front of the same audience. It’s a match where the better performance would be decided by the audience’s votes. Jun takes a moment to take all of that info. Okay, is there a way to cheat in it, though? Jun isn’t saying they should cheat, he’s just concerned for any foul play—

“The audience are decided by drawing lots, so there’s no cheating. It’s a real earnest match between two theatre troupes,” Mao explains before asking Wataru for the circumstances. He seemed pissed off at the moment.

Simple. If Dramatica _ loses _ , they will give all of their earnings from their next performance to Yumenosaki. That thought alone excites Anzu, that’s enough to cover their debt. Hopefully, it would. Dramatica is popular, they could easily cover their debt. Mao tells Anzu not to get too excited, there’s obviously a bigger threat when it comes to  _ that kind of reward _ .

“Mao-kun, you have always been the sharpest and boldest actor I’ve had―if Dramatica  _ wins _ , then I will have Yumenosaki Company immediately close down.”

Oh, that’s shitty. That is a real shitstorm. Jun is  _ this _ close to making a commotion but he’s being held back by Ritsu. Ritsu whispers not to, there are too many people surrounding them. If Jun makes a big commotion, it’ll just ruin their chances of winning. On top of that, Wataru is probably waiting for that kind of indecent reaction. There’s no use in taking the bait.

_ A week. They’re given a week to decide _ .

Every time it’s brought up, Ritsu looks reluctant to admit his worries which irritates Mao. Even with how laidback and slow Jun is, he can’t help but feel the same bubbling irritation. However, unlike Mao, he feels sympathetic to Ritsu as well. Being thrust into such a situation on short notice, it’s overwhelming. Jun isn’t the only one, Shu and Natsume have worriedly spoken about this issue.

_ Tomorrow is the last day to decide. They have to decide soon _ .

Jun finds it hard to properly sleep when he thinks about the situation. He has opted to take naps during different points of the day to make up the loss of sleep he gets at night. Ritsu looks like he hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep, it seems like everything is stacking up against him. It’s pitiful, really. Shu tries to cheer him up by offering a god-awful poem, must be nice to be as open-minded as Natsume. Jun, unfortunately, is not.

Shu has been luring Jun out of sleep with strawberry flavoured anything; from marshmallows to actual strawberries, it works until Jun dozes off mid-eating. Other than that, practice proceeds as normal. Mao scolds them for messing around, that’s typical of him.

Though, this practice didn’t end as normal. The practice ends with Mao and Ritsu having an argument, it makes Jun instinctively cover his ears. He hates arguments, he really does. He’s not sure why but they’re scary. Shu’s voice sternly stops the fight, his voice manages to break through the comforts of Jun’s hands that cover his ears. Terrifying, everything is a little overwhelming. The door slamming shut hitches Jun’s breath a little.

Ritsu apologises for his lack of competence. Everyone offers him solace but he calmly turns it down, he says he’ll step out for a moment. It’s fine, Ritsu says but his bitter smile says that he’s  _ obviously  _ hurt by Mao’s words. Natsume admits his worry for Ritsu as soon as the other steps out of the practice room. Shu and Jun agree, they want to help Ritsu somehow. Though, in the end, all three of them weren’t able to chip in the conversation. Jun ended up curling up in fear, instead. That wasn’t very useful, if anything.

“ _ Let’s turn down the showdown, then _ .”

Anzu announces to only the remaining three Winter Troupe members. She admits that it was a no-brainer if they keep trying to force Ritsu into making a sudden choice. Shu agrees and notes how he can help devise other plans to raise funds. Surely, there are other ways.

“While those two cool down, why don’t we discuss that?” Natsume offers as they step out. Other ways to raise funds, huh? Jun isn’t so sure but maybe he could take up a part-time job to help ease the burdens. That would work, right?

Jun hears chatter at the entrance. He yawns as he stretches his back uncomfortably, Natsume and Shu are gone. Maybe they got busy with other things, Jun fell asleep on Natsume when discussing other ways of raising funds. That proved that he wasn’t very useful in the discussion. At least he got to sleep on someone comfortable as Natsume so he’s satisfied with that outcome.

Oh. It’s Koga and Tomoya―Wait no, Jun hears Mao’s and Ritsu’s voices too. Jun worries if they’re still fighting? Judging by Ritsu’s concerned tone, it seems likely. That’s worrisome. Should he murder Mao in his sleep for Ritsu? Ritsu might stop him, nevermind.

Yumenosaki holds an abrupt meeting after dinner.

They all find out the reason why Ritsu was so reluctant to be leader and lead actor when Dramatica got involved. Ritsu calls the fear for the stage, a little dumb. He finds himself recounting Dramatica’s enrolment exams. The way he talks about how he probably arrived overconfidently or lacked the self-awareness to point out his own flaws, the image of Ritsu becomes a little clearer. He couldn’t leave such a sweet first-love, it was impossible to leave acting so that’s why he has pitifully crawled back here. He doesn’t want to be a coward anymore, he wants to overcome his messy feelings and face Dramatica with full confidence.

Bowing his head towards the company, he begs.

“ _ Please, accept my selfish request to take the showdown. _ ”

Nobody can say no to someone who poured his heart and soul in their request. Ritsu really is something else, huh? Judging by Mao’s soft smile, it means that Jun doesn’t have to choke him to death tonight. Jun mentions that they won’t hold back, Natsume teases how Jun is suddenly smug all of a sudden. Shu wonders if he’s imitating Mao for laughs, Mao rolls his eyes and calls Jun ridiculous.

“ _ Let’s try our best! _ ” Ritsu smiles brightly at Winter Troupe as he joins everyone’s hands together.

Yumenosaki insists on a party to get along better, Jun laughs at the amount of joy everyone is having. He hears Mao drone about having bad luck all the time as Shu dives in to be his savior from a game of Old Maid. Really, this bunch are strange. He hears Tori and Tsukasa clatter around about how scary it is to play a game with such a bad punishment, seems like Summer Troupe want to avoid cleaning the bathroom at all cost.

What a funny group of people.

Jun wants to take a breather, though. He escapes for a minute. It’s fun to be surrounded by these cheerful, colorful noises but it can be overwhelming. He just wants to take a minute and rest, really. Maybe he’s coming down with the flu. He isn’t so sure.

Jun closes his eyes for a minute.

Strange. A part of him is telling him not to let guard down. It’s not safe. You will be found and the data needed won’t be collected, you musn’t let that happen. Close your eyes but keep your ears open, listen for any intruders. One slip-up and the cover is blown, Jun doesn’t want that. He hears it, someone is approaching him from behind. Quickly, grab their hands and pin it to their back then demand to know who they are―

“ _ Ow! _ ”

It’s Anzu. Jun immediately lets go, he apologises for hurting Anzu. Anzu tells him not to worry but was more worried about how scary Jun was for a second there. Jun apologises again and asks Anzu to not stand behind him so suddenly. He abruptly leaves. 

Maybe he should head to bed early.

Even when he heads to bed earlier than Shu, he still wakes up late. Just does this man sleep? Regardless, he yawns and drags himself to practice. He awkwardly meets up with Anzu who shows a thumbs-up, probably implying that whatever happened yesterday was nothing. Natsume is talking about how the weather has gotten cold lately, it kind of has. Jun wants to stick closer to Natsume, maybe he’ll nicely lend some of his warmth to Jun.

Regardless, that train of thought disappears when he hears rings of laughter from the practice room.

Anzu and the rest of Winter Troupe walk into the room, only to find Mao twirling a giggling Ritsu around. They’re talking about  _ something _ but it goes unexplained when they embarrassingly stopped themselves from twirling around like idiots. Before Anzu could even ask, Ritsu claps his hands together and state how they should start practicing now. Shu gaps his mouth like a fish for a minute while Natsume snickers at Mao’s reddening face.

Good to know that they’ve made up. Just do that kind of romance somewhere else, please.

Ritsu somehow proves himself as a relatively good leader, surprisingly. When those burdens are gone, Ritsu ends up discussing important issues really well. What is he? Some sort of secret mind reader? Jun doesn’t know but the way he asks for the members’ cooperation in getting along, it seems like he’s good at luring people into doing the things he wants. Jun can’t admit it’s a bad thing, though.

Though, Jun doesn’t think Ritsu needs to ask for Winter Troupe’s cooperation in getting along when they can always find a way to be together. Or at least, Jun thinks they’re trying to be together.

The theme given by Dramatica is ‘ _ Angels _ ’.

Somehow that is an uncomfortable thing to hear. Why is that? It’s alarming for some odd reason. He tries to let that bother slide as he tries to focus on Mao who notes about Dramatica’s strengths in such a theme. The bigger problem right now is most definitely the play, Jun can deal with his memories and headaches later. Right, the play. Angels. This is going to be hard for a, sadly, unnamed reason.

Mao is unbelievably strategic. The way he explains to Tori why going flashy would be too difficult with Dramatica, it’s almost as if he has seen other troupes attempt the same and fail tremendously. Talk about harsh.

“Then? What are you trying to say here― _ Spit it out, Mao. _ ”

Ritsu’s fingers tapping against his forearm and his glare scares Jun a little. It seems he’s not the only one that’s worried they might get into another argument, Shu and Natsume are throwing the same worried glances at him. If they do start arguing, they know what to do. At least, Jun thinks they do. Hopefully. Just stay on guard for now.

“Let’s go with something subtle, instead,” Mao suggests. Ritsu pauses for a moment, he seems to be evaluating Mao’s suggestion. No sign of a fight so maybe it’s okay to let them be. Maybe they just talk this way with each other? Jun isn’t so sure because every time he passes by their room, it’s radio silent.

“Your acting is in the way. We have no choice but to do something about  _ that _ .”

Didn’t those two mention they were childhood friends? It makes sense, Jun can confidently say that now. The way Ritsu narrows his eyes at Mao who shrugs and mockingly apologises for  _ accidentally _ bringing his skills from Dramatica along with him. Ritsu rolls his eyes and notes how it’s better to have Mao beg, instead.

Jun hopes that’s a joke.

After a back and forth conversation that Jun rarely chipped in, they landed on Mao’s choice. He seemed pretty pleased about it. It makes Jun voice a thought he wished he kept to himself instead.

“Huh,  _ so you can smile _ .”

“Pardon?”

“Nothing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _**hockey-pockey**_  
>  ok really head empty so no commentary  
>  ~~ok but seriously, im so sorry that im massuploading everything~~


	6. Step by Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weird feelings, Jun wonders the name to these feelings he’s feeling.  
> “ _I want to understand them better,_ ” Jun wants to say every time he sees that bunch he has to label his troupe.
> 
> If Jun accepts them, they’ll help him too, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my back hurts and i havent tagged winter charas skdjdsnsdkj  
> I will  
> also this is the last upload for today bc after this, it's all bumpy and painful so : )  
> have fun w that i guess  
> anyway, enjoy!

“ _The day when her soul departs for heaven is already decided. Don’t waste your time interfering._ ”

Ritsu steels his expressions, not wanting to believe Jun’s words. No matter what he says, Ritsu will follow his heart. It’s really impossible to stop this man, Jun thought as he hears what Ritsu has to say. Surely, it’ll be a rebuttal to his warning. Foolish boy.

“That list is just a prediction. It’s not set in stone.”

Jun sighs. There really is no use in stopping him, huh?

“ _Even so, it’s not something you can twist around at your own discretion. If you’re going to let personal feelings get in the way, you’ll be brought before the council of heavenly laws._ ”

It seems Tsumugi really fine-tuned Mao’s ideas into this script. The scenes play out rather easily, it’s pleasing to see them come to real life. Practice runs rather smoothly, Jun finds himself having more fun than anything. He likes watching everyone act, to be honest. It’s comfortable watching and acting with them. He wonders why.

“ _Tarot card reading?_ ”

Jun watches Natsume shuffle his cards, it seems that Natsume thought that a little tarot card reading would help jog some of his memories. Jun isn’t so sure how that’ll work but he’ll try it out, he guesses. Mao laughs at Jun’s reluctance, tarot cards can’t curse him so he’s fine. It’s just a little bit of magic which isn’t so bad in the long run. Jun doesn’t want to believe in Mao’s words but Natsume seems to agree to his statement, these two are a scary combo.

“How do you know stuff about magic, anyway?” Jun asks, he keeps a mental note that Mao is the best person to stay close to during cold weather. He’s warm as hell, a walking heat-pack.

Natsume nods, he seems surprised that Mao is the type to know things relating to good luck charms and talismans. Mao doesn’t look the type to believe so much in magic. Mao laughs at Jun asking Mao if he was part of a cult. He isn’t, much to Jun’s dismay.

“Ritsu used to be into dark magic? I don’t know what made him stop but I remember him hanging charms on me for no reason,” Mao explains.

Natsume and Jun turn to Ritsu who seems to be helping Madara with baking, he doesn’t look like the type at all. If anything, he radiates the energy of a newborn baby reindeer. He’s too soft, no way is this guy into dark magic. Mao laughs at Natsume note how Ritsu doesn’t even dress like someone who was into dark magic, he wears such soft clothing that he looks like someone who spends his time reading more than anything.

Jun is honestly curious, just as he was about to call out to Ritsu―Everyone hears a screech.

“Was that Shu-kun?” Natsume asks for confirmation as the others wonder where was he. Chiaki notes that it’s from down the hall, seems like he fell over. Why though? There shouldn’t be anything for you to trip over in the hallway.

Chiaki wonders if it’s one of the company’s Seven Mysteries, Anzu tells him not to start scaring people while Mao calls that complete horse-shit. Regardless, they go out to the hallway to see what has gotten onto him.

“ _Demons…! I saw demons in the dark shadows!_ ”

No, he didn’t see any demons in the _dark shadows_ . Jun is met with a set of twins that snicker at Shu’s distressed state. Turns out, they’re the Aoi twins―the company’s set-makers. They’re wonderful at making sets but they’re _also_ wonderful at pranking people. This isn’t the first time this has happened to the _current_ Yumenosaki. Apparently they’ve made Hajime faint during Summer Troupe’s debut play, that is too mean.

Either way, Jun and Mao find themselves staring at Shu who was shaking like a leaf. He’s stuttering how he doesn’t believe in the occult, anyway. Chiaki takes that as a chance to warn him about it’s not safe to feel relieved, Anzu scolds him for trying to instill fear in Shu. Ritsu states how Shu should just be glad that _this time_ , it wasn’t one of the Seven Mysteries.

Jun tilts his head and asks Ritsu what does he mean by _this time_ , he just giggles. _Seriously, what does that mean?_

Guess Mao was right, Ritsu _does believe_ in magic.

Working is tough. That job Ritsu suggested, he thought Ritsu was going to give Jun something easy but working at a pharmacy isn’t quite easy. He’s _somehow_ familiar with the items on the rack but he isn’t so sure about the safety. His co-workers tell him not to worry so much, surely they’re safe. Jun makes a mental note to not fiddle with the medicine so much. Something bad will happen, his heart scolds him like he’s done it before.

_Just what on earth was he doing before he lost his memories…?_

“Did Sakasaki-san return to his job?”

What was it again? Something related to sleeping, right? Regardless, it’s strange that he decided to go back to it all of a sudden. Especially when they’re in the midst of preparing for a play, didn’t he say he was on a break? It seems Jun isn’t the only one that’s worried.

The fact that he comes back long after everyone has gone to bed is a little troublesome. Jun wants to approach him about it but somehow he can’t. Even if Jun is awake when he comes back, Jun doesn’t know how to tell Natsume that he’s worried and wants to know if Natsume needs any help. Even then, what can Jun even do? He finds himself wondering that as he lies in bed late at night.

It doesn’t poise as an issue since he always arrives to practice so why should he worry? Jun can’t help but want to find the answer to that, he just feels Natsume is straying far from them.

“ _...I’m thinking of going back to work._ ”

Natsume wants to move out. He doesn’t want to worry people anymore for staying out too late. The rest of the company’s lifestyles are too different from his, it’d just be troublesome on their end if they keep watching over him. Somehow Jun feels that’s a lie. Though, can he really say that kind of doubt aloud? It’d probably be inappropriate.

Jun tries to push his worries during the farewell party. Just why is he so worried? People move in and out of places all the time, don’t get so attached. That internal scolding feels wrong but it sounds like a common phrase that Jun has gotten used to in his life. Don’t get so attached, people can stay and leave out your life as they please. Don’t be so stupid, Jun’s mind keeps scolding. He hates it. Stop saying those mean things.

It gets cut through by Koga and Anzu scolding Mika about stealing some fancy sunglasses. More importantly, they seem to be worried about some sneaky old man that Mika saw around the dorms premises. Isn’t that unsafe? Was he looking for someone? Maybe he was looking for Natsume? Jun isn’t so sure.

“How has your move been going so far?” Jun asks Natsume who laughs sheepishly. Seems like he’s only packing things away _after_ the party. It shocks everyone to know the other hasn’t exactly packed despite the looming factor of the movers coming over _tomorrow morning_. Jun notes Natsume as a rather my-pace person.

Winter Troupe cut the farewell party short and started helping Natsume packing. There’s no time, they have to start packing _now_. Natsume and Anzu run off to go get cardboard boxes from the storeroom as the others start arranging the items so they could be packed easily. Chiaki even offers a hand, he swears he’ll try to be careful though Mao is giving him a questioning look.

It doesn’t take long to arrange them, probably because Natsume didn’t really bring _a lot_ of stuff. Though, Mao did note how they were some questionable stuff that he rather not see but he won’t ask Natsume about it. It’s none of his business, after all.

“Hasn’t it been a while?” Ritsu asks.

They’ve been sitting around after arranging Natsume’s things for a long while now. Really, it’s just Natsume and Anzu that’s preventing everyone from getting the job done. _What’s taking them so long?_

“Should we go find them?” Shu suggests, maybe they got lost. Though, there is a problem to Shu’s statement.

Jun can’t help but point it out.

“ _The dorms is pretty small, though?_ ”

Really, where did they go? Winter Troupe have been looking for them all over, they can’t have disappeared into thin air. No way is that possible. They’ve checked everywhere. Those two are literally gone. Shu and Mao wonder if they left the dorms premise though Ritsu doubts so. The storeroom is _within_ the dorms so why would they need to leave the dorms? Not to mention, someone would have seen them.

Winter Troupe goes through the entire dorm, enough times for Jun to lose count.

_Seriously, where are they?_

“What about this door?” Ritsu points out a door that Jun swore was never there.

Mao also points out how strange it was that they missed that door. They were sure that they checked the entire place, no way could they have missed this door.

“It wasn’t here the last time we checked?”

“Nonsense, don’t say that the door just _magically_ appeared out of thin air.”

Jun shrugs at Shu as Ritsu opens the door. They can save the arguments about whether or not magical things exist for later. For now, it’s best they just hope Natsume and Anzu are behind the door. If all else fails, they _really_ have to report it to the police much to Jun’s dismay with dealing with those sorts of things.

The sight of Anzu and Natsume on the floor was an odd form of relief. Just what on earth were they doing there? Jun doesn’t want to know, to be honest. Either way, it’s a relief that they’re fine. Shu sternly asks what were they doing, it seems they didn’t know how long it took for Winter Troupe to find them. Natsume seemed to be the most confused, Jun wonders why.

_Was he afraid that no one would come looking for him?_

“The door wouldn’t open!” Anzu explains the situation they were in. That’s strange, it wasn’t locked when they tried opening it? Anzu seemed to shake her head, stating that maybe it was fatigue that made it difficult to open the door. Jun doesn’t really believe that.

Anzu takes Natsume’s hand and notes how he isn’t alone anymore. Why is Anzu suddenly saying such big words? Seems like those two won’t mention why.

Shu checks his pocket watch and explains how there’s no time for any sentimental talks, there are only mere hours left before the movers get to the dorms. That’s not a lot of time, Mao explains how all they need to do right now is put away the things so maybe they can make it. Jun nods in agreement, 4 hours is probably enough to put the things in their respective boxes.

“ _Wait,_ ” Natsume calls out to them.

Ritsu turns and asks if there’s something wrong.

“ _There’s no need to rush―I’m not moving out, anymore_.”

Then what about the movers? Isn’t it troublesome? Mao scolds Natsume for suddenly backing out, he hopes that Natsume has a plan to bail himself out. Natsume laughs out an apology, he calls Mao a meanie for scolding him. Yes, he does have a plan―there’s no need to worry. Shu hopes Natsume is able to, it can be troublesome if he’s not careful enough.

“Aside from that, I would like to rest my head for a tad bit,” Shu announces as he yawns.

Jun checks his phone. Ah, there might not be enough time to rest, though?

Showing his phone to everyone, he points out a problem. It’s time for morning practice, already.

Much to Anzu and Shu’s shock, they _really_ did spend all night on finding Anzu and Natsume. Shu asks if they’re staying up, he rather not. Mao and Ritsu have other plans, it seems. They’re stating how it’d be impossible to miss out on practice during a dire moment like now. Mao throws in a joke that this is a first to see Ritsu strictly ask them to proceed practice despite the ironic fact that Ritsu used to like skipping practice.

Hearing that, Jun really wonders just what kind of person is Ritsu, really.

“By the way, that room just now―Was that the storeroom?” Natsume asks, he notes how it’s dangerous to have a storeroom that has a door that cannot be opened from the inside. Ritsu gives Natsume a strange look before explaining that the storeroom was located further inside. Jun asks; what was that room then?

Before anyone could check again, Shu notes how it’s missing. Natsume wonders if it’s one of those Seven Mysteries Chiaki likes talking about, Mao doesn’t want to know. Mao _seriously_ doesn’t want to know.

Practice was impossible when everyone was low on energy. Before anyone knew it, Ritsu had curled up tightly against Mao and slept. Jun whines about Ritsu getting to rest first so he started plopping next to Mao who uncomfortably adjusts himself. Soon enough, everyone started huddling next to each other. Due to that, it has been a while since Jun took a good nap honestly.

“ _So what do you think?_ ”

Anzu introduced Winter Troupe to an ex-member, _Hasumi Keito_. Another old man with a stick up his ass. Though, it seems he was satisfied with their performance. Even called them, the readiest troupe out of all of the troupes in Yumenosaki. Sounds like high praise to Jun, he feels pretty happy about it. Just fix a couple of minor things and they’re good to go, Jun can already tell Ritsu is going to drag him into a meeting after this.

“ _Though, it is a little obvious that all of you aren't as close as I hope you were―good acting can be bad acting if you don’t get along with the people you go on stage with, so why don’t you spend a night drinking, yes? You’re all adults, after all._ ”

Keito considers it a pre-celebration to their debut play so it’s fine to relax once in a while. In fact, he states how it’s good to loosen up before the play that way the chances of messing up lessens dramatically. He leaves as soon as he gives that advice, leaving Ritsu awkwardly asking if Natsume knows any good places to go drinking.

There’s a couple of things that Jun has learned about himself from this drinking party.

“ _That’s too fast, please calm down!_ ”

Jun doesn’t hate the taste of alcohol. He prefers sweeter tasting alcohol but he enjoys this taste. Though, he has to admit that he likes soju a whole lot. It’s definitely the sweet taste and how it can be pretty easy to swallow. He takes another shot of soju as he listens to the other members converse about various topics. He can’t really chip in much so he’s drinking in replacement of speaking. It’s not going to bother anyone, right?

“Okay, really, calm down―the alcohol won’t run away if you stop drinking.”

_Except Mao._

Speaking of which, that guy is drinking pretty responsibly. He can handle himself pretty well, like Natsume. Shu isn’t drinking much and he’s already a little tipsy, yikes. Anzu is trying her best too. Though, Ritsu isn’t really touching his drink. It seems like he isn’t interested in drinking?

“ _Ritsu,_ ” Jun calls out.

Ritsu hums in response.

“ _You’re not drinking―is there something wrong?_ ”

Ritsu gets a little embarrassed when he gets called out for not drinking. It seems Natsume is asking him if he hates the drink that was chosen, he even offers Ritsu to change his drink. Ritsu stops him, though. He says it’s fine. It’s just rare for him to drink, that’s all. He hasn’t gotten used to drinking yet, he states.

“Ah, so you’re still not getting any better?”

Not getting any better? Jun looks at Mao in confusion. Is there something wrong with Ritsu? He hopes not, though it’s shocking to hear that. Ritsu looks completely healthy unless there’s a reason why he only wears long-sleeved clothing. Anzu and Shu show concern in such a statement, Natsume even goes out of his way to ask if asking Ritsu to drink was a bad idea. 

“ _Nono_ ―It’s just, I have a couple of ailments. It doesn’t affect me that badly anymore but when I got older, I was told not to drink or smoke so much. It’s nothing bad, I swear―”

Before Ritsu could protest, it seems Natsume decided to switch out Ritsu’s drink. From alcohol to an iced latte, he really wasn’t given a chance to explain himself properly. To hear Ritsu beat around the bush about his actual condition leads the group to believe that it’s a lot worse than he makes it out to be. They spare a glance at Mao who seemed unconvinced by Ritsu’s explanation. Shu asks Mao for his actual condition, surely this would affect how they should change the direction of the play too.

“Ritsu was diagnosed with severe anemia and low-blood pressure since birth, I think? During uni, Ritsu would opt out of after-parties because he was afraid of scaring his friends if he were to faint.” Mao explains as he stares at his empty glass of beer, he orders another one and asks if Jun would like another glass as well. Yes, obviously.

“ _Faint?! You faint from drinking too much?!_ ”

Anzu and Natsume ask if Mao is serious about his explanation, he isn’t flinching one bit. He nods and yawns. Ritsu does have anemia and low-blood pressure. Yes, he _can_ faint if he’s forced to drink too much alcohol. Not he _has_ fainted, Ritsu is smart enough to not drink till he hurts himself. If he drinks _too much_ , he may worsen his conditions and cause severe damage to his health. Aside from that, Ritsu is just overall not a heavy drinker so he’s fine.

“Though, Sakasaki is right. It’s best you don’t drink, Ritsu―The last time you forced yourself, you were sent to the hospital.”

Shu asks why Ritsu insists on forcing himself to drink socially if his body cannot handle it. Surely, that’s going to lead to dangerous outcomes. Jun asks if Ritsu is afraid of explaining his condition over and over again, that’s why he tried to cover it up earlier? Isn’t it safer to come clean and admit that he is unwell? Jun doesn’t really get why Ritsu wants to hide it.

“ _I don’t want to burden people, anymore_ ―That’s what you told me before, right?” Mao ends up answering for Ritsu who looked down at his iced latte. Ritsu nods quietly, he apologises for trying to hide it.

Shu points out how information like that isn’t Ritsu being a burden, it’s essential information for people to accommodate Ritsu. Knowing Natsume is a sleeping-partner is essential so they can accommodate his timing in their practice schedules, knowing Jun is amnesiac is essential so they can think of ways to regain his memories―that kind of information isn’t a burden and it’ll never be a burden. Otherwise, it’d lead to disasters that simply cannot be reversed. It’s almost always impossible to reverse severe conditions and the last thing they want is _accidentally_ killing their leader with alcohol because he didn’t know how to explain that he’s sick.

Ritsu smiles softly and thanks Shu for his strong words. Anzu nods, she even asks Ritsu to try to inform her or any of his members if he has an appointment upcoming so they can plan things out better. Ritsu laughs, he says appointments are rare but he’ll mention when he’s picking up medicine.

“Why don’t we drift to an easier topic? We shouldn’t be pressuring Ritsu to be the only one in explaining himself,” Natsume jokes. He drifts into a topic about past lovers, more stuff Jun _definitely_ cannot contribute. What makes them think he would know if he had a love life before this? _News flash_ , he has amnesia. Even when he tries to think about it, he feels as though he didn't have much of a love life.

Anzu, surprisingly, has dated. Well, should he be surprised? Actually, _yeah_. Anzu looks like a workaholic who would insist that dating is a waste of time. Anzu takes offense in Jun’s statement, she notes how she dated a friend so it was fine. Not to mention, it didn’t last long. Thankfully, no harsh feelings.

Due to her own embarrassment, Anzu tosses the question to Ritsu who unfortunately gets targeted about his life twice. Poor guy, Jun thought. It hasn’t been 10 minutes since the previous topic and he’s gotten targeted again. Though, Jun wonders if Ritsu has even dated. If he even pushes aside his own health for friends, it’s worrisome to think of him in a relationship.

“I’ve only dated one person so far?”

Mao chokes on his drink, he asks when did Ritsu ever go out? Seems like this is new information for Mao too. Ritsu laughs sheepishly, he mentions that it wasn’t long. They only dated for around a year then broke up rather peacefully. It wasn’t much of a relationship but Ritsu still talks to his previous partner occasionally.

Jun murmurs how nice it is to be able to end a relationship peacefully. Rather ideal, actually.

“What about you, Isara-kun?” Anzu asks Mao who sighs. It seems he’s thinking hard about it, Jun immediately takes that as a chance to call Mao popular. Definitely popular, Mao looks the type. He looks like _Mr.Typically Popular_ , no doubt.

Mao has had several. He can’t really figure a proper number, he states that there are some that _are_ relationships and there are some that _aren’t_. Natsume teases him as sleazy while Shu wonders if Mao meant that he’s only had crushes on people. Mao confirms Shu’s statement by saying that he’s gotten people who share mutual interests but the timing was terrible so they never pursued a relationship. Ritsu hums, Mao doesn’t often consider gender as a problem too.

Anzu asks if that’s true, Mao nods. He doesn’t really care about those kinds of things, he explains. Jun finds Mao’s lack of discrimination rather uncharacteristic of him, Mao manages to respond that he somehow feels offended by that.

Anzu was about to ask Jun about his love life until she remembered that he lacked memories to answer such a question. Natsume laughs as Jun tells Anzu to not worry about him feeling offended, he doubts he has one anyway. Anzu somehow feels a lot more embarrassed as she thought that was Jun’s way of saying that Anzu’s question was insulting.

“ _What about type? Don’t you have a type?!_ ” Anzu tries to cover her growing embarrassment, Jun shrugs. He can’t think of one at the moment.

Natsume laughs and obliges to take Jun’s place in answering the question. Natsume thought Mao and him were on the same in terms of types of past relationships but after his explanation, Natsume realised that they didn’t. Natsume thought Mao meant physical relationships which were something Natsume had. Before Natsume could go in any further detail, Anzu stops him out of more embarrassment. Such things are difficult to talk about in public, Natsume apologises for his foul mouth.

“What about you, Itsuki-san?” Ritsu asks.

Ah, right. Shu didn’t say much which is strange. He seemed the type to be rather lively about things like this. Jun wondered why but before he could, Shu explains that he isn’t quite interested in fickle things like relationships. That’s surprising, Jun thought. Shu doesn’t seem like the type.

“Though, I do have a question to ask―Have any of you been feeling as though you’re being watched lately?” Shu asks, changing the course of the topic. It seems he has been feeling that wherever he goes, the other members can’t help but feel the same.

“A ghost maybe?” Natsume suggests, Anzu hopes Natsume is just fooling around.

Ritsu looks at Mao who immediately says _no_. Jun merges into their conversation, asking what Ritsu’s look meant.

“I was wondering if it was a stalker?” Ritsu admits, Shu shivers at that thought. It isn’t exactly out of the question, actually. 3 out of the 5 members of Winter Troupe _do_ have some form of influence on the public. Though he doubts anyone would stalk Natsume but he isn’t so sure about their resident top actor and famous fashion designer over there.

Anzu hopes not. At this point, a ghost is better than a stalker.

That kind of suggestion sticks with Jun until the very end of the party. Somehow, he feels Ritsu is right. It very well might be a stalker but to stalk 5 of them? Isn’t that going too far? Surely, most weirdo fans would prefer to stalk only _one_ person? Jun doesn’t know.

_Ah. Over there_.

“ _Sazanami!_ ” Shu calls out to Jun, he turns as the others ask what’s wrong.

Jun shrugs, he probably just thought he saw a dog or something. At least, he hopes it’s a dog.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ritsu's actual face means "ma-kun, you got a new stalker?" but mao made it public-appropriate ksjdnkd  
> I _think_ this the shortest chapter in the entirety of act 4 so yea  
> after this will probably be longer than expected skjdnksd  
> thanks for reading!!


	7. Wanting to Become Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jun wants to know what makes up all of these flurry emotions he feels when he looks at Winter Troupe.  
> Are they dangerous?  
> Are they safe?
> 
> He won’t die, right?  
>  _God, he hopes he won’t die._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hewwo grossnoona here and i'm _finally_ at the end of act 4  
> I'll post the last one shortly but here we go!!!  
> this is p long??? I think it's p long  
> heads up: look up _**EVERYTHING**_ for the costume section, it is batshit crazy  
> I made the sketches at 1am and slept at 3am bc of it (literally became shu for that moment)  
> anyway, I hope you enjoy

Where has Shu been? Jun hasn’t seen him lately. Every morning after practice, he simply disappears. When he asks the other members, they either shrug or shake their heads. Strange, Jun thought as he asks Anzu if she’s seen Shu. Seems like Anzu doesn’t know, either. He has been acting strange lately  _ especially _ after that time he asked for the troupe members’  _ shoe size _ . Really, what was up with that?

“Itsuki ain’t the only one missing, I don’t know where Mashiro has run off to either,” Koga chimes into their conversation. He stretches his back as Tsukasa mumbles how Tori has been rather unbearable lately too, he has taken refuge in Shinobu and Subaru’s room.

“Hajime-chan isn’t around too, I wonder if Hajime-chan is with Tomoya-chan?” Arashi suggests, she notes how Hajime helped Tori with the costumes the last time so maybe they’re in Tori’s room? Jun wonders the same, they should probably check Tori’s room then.

Just as Anzu considers Jun and Arashi’s suggestion, Shu appears out of nowhere.

“ _ Splendid timing―We must go now! _ ”

Before Mao could ask where they’re going, Shu drags the rest of Winter Troupe to Tori’s room. He rambles about how he has been working very hard lately alongside his favourite children, he even treated them to dinner while buying materials yesterday. He continues to talk about how much fun he has been having lately, he didn’t think that these splendid boys would even want to help him.

“ _ Fashion designer… _ ”

Jun forgot. Shu is a fashion designer, he could help make the clothes if he wanted to. No, more importantly, wasn’t it Tori who heads the design? Is Shu taking over? That seems likely. As soon as they arrive, they find Tori, Tomoya, and Hajime gasping at their entrance.

“Good! Try the costumes on!” Tori barked out the order as Winter Troupe confusedly stare at the costumes they were handed. They spare a glance at Shu who smiled brightly at the creations he held, Jun took that as a sign that Shu  _ definitely _ helped to make these.

Pretty. Comfy.

Jun likes this. He spends a minute or two twirling around as Shu laughs at Jun’s excitement over the costumes. Shu really went all out for these costumes, huh? Everyone looks out worldly aside from Natsume who was in a typical doctor uniform, it was a shame that he couldn’t wear this kind of costume. Jun thinks that Natsume would look good in an angel costume too.

He wears a flowy white gown that ends at his ankles with long-sleeves that have golden tree branches embroidered, a gold metal belt around his waist, a blue shawl with gold lining wrapped around his shoulders and a crown of white thorny roses with red blotches on his head. Really, this is too much. He can’t help but smile at his costume. So this is  _ Uriel _ , he can’t help but feel that this is only an image of  _ Uriel _ . This is not the  _ real Uriel _ .

Jun looks at Mao in his costume; a similar white gown except for his rolled-up sleeves only had golden rings circling the sleeve hole and his skirt had a fish motive around it. He has two shawls, one dark red shawl tied around his waist and another one of a brighter shade thrown over his shoulder. A metallic gold choker with a heart mark is worn around his neck. Shu mentions about doing an arrangement with the Aoi twins to provide a staff for him so soon, Mao’s costume will be complete.  _ Raphael _ seems to be a strict person, Jun thinks. He wonders why.

Shu wasn’t an archangel but even then, he still  _ looked like an angel _ .  _ Metatron _ is the Angel of Veil, an angel that oversees humanity alongside Michael. A white gown with puffy long sleeves, tight cuffs and a high collar, a purple veil attached to white coif and a purple ribbon tied around his waist. Significantly, Shu looks less like an angel but more like  _ a nun _ . Even with the cross necklace that hangs around his neck but it surprisingly makes sense.  _ Metatron _ is more like a protector than whatever other angels do most of the time. He watches over people and keeps track of what you do, at all times. Like the head of guardian angels, Jun would like to say.

“Itsuki-san, is my costume supposed to be like this?” Ritsu asks as he moves around.

Oh yeah. Ritsu definitely looked like the main character. His gown had see-through sleeves that connecting directly to the high collar. Unlike the rest of the angels, Ritsu’s gown ended at his knees in the front but extended it to his ankles in the back. Like a wedding dress, Jun can’t help but compare it to as Shu adjusts his purple veil before placing a gold daffodil crown on top of his head to keep the veil in place. A thin roman sword belt hung around his waist. There’s no sword yet, though would he even need it? Jun wondered.  _ Michael _ always preferred to do things with as little violence as possible so to ask him to carry a weapon around would be a little strange. Jun hopes he doesn’t need one.

Now that Jun thought about it, why is he thinking about all of these random bits of information? It’s almost as if he knew the angels personally which is  _ very unlikely _ . Then why does he know all of this useless lore? Has he been sleeping to Shu’s rambles about it? Maybe.

Jun sees Shu thank Tori, Tomoya, and Hajime for their hard work, Tori smiles brightly and happily accepts Shu’s compliments. It seems that the trio was happy to hear Shu praise them for their work from the bottom of his heart. Must be great to look up to someone like Shu who loves spending time helping people in the same industry as him. Jun kind of admires Shu for that.

“That isn’t all!”

_ Even with that admiration, Jun can’t help but feel worried when he sees Shu this excited _ .

“ _ It isn’t?! _ ” Tomoya whines, Jun pats him to a sign of condolences.

Shu explains that there’s a part of the costume that unfortunately, the children could not make. He didn’t allow them too. It’s too dangerous,  _ he _ could make them but he wouldn’t let the children anywhere near the process. Tori asks if it was  _ that _ , Shu nods. Ritsu asks what could it be, Jun hopes it’s nothing  _ too extra _ . Their current costumes are  _ enough _ already. Shu’s costumes are probably enough to blow Dramatica away.

Heels. High heels. Shu wants the angels to wear high heels.

“Ah, so you took my advice, Shu-kun.” Natsume knew about this? Natsume goes on to explain that high heels are probably a safety hazard in hospitals so he declined Shu’s idea.  _ Well then _ , Mao and Ritsu clearly didn’t know as they’re sharing the same confused expression as Jun. The three of them watch Shu hand them boxes and hope they’re not going to be difficult to wear. Is this what the measured shoe sizes were for?

Jun and Mao sigh in relief. Their heels are not  _ that _ bad. Mao gets short heels boots so he isn’t going to have an issue with imbalance. It seems Jun got platform boots instead, probably to make sure Mao and him had different designs. Shu really went all out for his nun look to wear nun shoes, Jun can’t comment since Shu looked too happy about it. Well, at least Mao and Jun can’t disagree with these shoes.

“Ritsu’s heels are a little too extra, no?” Mao comments as Ritsu stares at them. He looks like he doesn’t really want to put them on. Shu asks if Ritsu doesn’t like them, Ritsu quickly says no―he’s just a little bothered by the starking difference in his shoes and the rest of the cast.

“Aren’t they too tall?” Ritsu asks.

Well, no doubt. They’re pumps according to Shu, golden leaves spiral around the heel and shoe with small flowers blooming in between. Shu tells Ritsu that he pretty much based Ritsu’s entire outfit on these pairs of heels so he might have gone overboard but it  _ was definitely worth it _ . Ritsu smiles weakly before meekly asking why they were so tall.

“Because you’re short―” Jun’s mouth gets covered by Mao’s mouth as Shu bends down to slip the heels on Ritsu. Mao tells Jun to  _ never _ mention the fact that Ritsu is the shortest in Winter Troupe. It’s obvious  _ but _ Ritsu is a demon in the flesh, if Jun cherishes his life then he better not risk it.

“Because you’re the lead character, my dear―you deserve to be adorned.”

Ritsu stutters as his face turns red, Natsume laughs and calls Shu charming. Shu apparently can’t see the charm in the words that escaped his mouth, Jun is surprised. Though, Shu is right. With Ritsu’s entire getup, as embarrassed as he is, he doesn’t look real at all. Jun wonders how it’s even possible to have somebody look unreal, Natsume wonders if it’s because Ritsu has always looked otherworldly, to begin with.

“Isn’t the entirety of Winter Troupe pretty otherworldly, though? Ritsu-san isn’t the only one,” Hajime notes, Anzu chuckles as she mentions how right Hajime is. It’s almost impossible to believe that Winter Troupe is real sometimes. Especially when they’re in costume, Natsume is the only one that looks the closest to a human and even then, you can’t help but feel that he’s too pretty to be human.

“By the way, where did you get Ritsu-kun’s heels? They look expensive,” Natsume asks as he inspects Ritsu’s heels.

They’re part of a couture collection called  _ Eden _ . The shoes Ritsu is wearing is specifically called  _ Eve _ . Somehow that information doesn’t sit well with Jun, he can’t tell why. The thought stops bothering him when he hears Mao complain about how Shu probably went overboard on getting the lore over the angels right.

“ _ Please treat us favourably. _ ”

Passing out flyers to watch the play, Jun finds it fun. Occasionally, he’d get to converse with those who seemed interested. They ask a couple of funny questions but there’s no harm in them. Jun kind of enjoys it, for some odd reason. Probably because he gets to talk to people but he isn’t so sure if that’s the answer either.

“ _ Do drop by to watch the debut play, _ ” Jun says to an old lady who calls Jun’s smile charming. How sweet of her, Jun thought as he waved her goodbye.

Almost done, huh? Guess he can check the other members after he’s done with his share of flyers.

“Excuse me, can I ask you a question?” A young man with a facemask approaches Jun. Jun nods, wondering what could the question be.

A part of Jun tells him to be careful, though the guy looks harmless. Maybe Jun is being defensive again. He’s been working hard on not being so defensive, in case he might hurt someone in public.

“ _ Sazanami Jun isn’t your real name, isn’t it? You’re, like, one of those illegal workers, right? I heard you did some dirty work prior to joining Yumenosaki. _ ”

Jun frowns at this complete stranger;  _ What the fuck? _ Seriously, where the hell did this guy learned all of that? Surely, if that was true―he would have been arrested by now. He grits his teeth a little and asks, as nicely as he can, where the young man learned that kind of information.

_ The internet is all he says before walking away _ .

It seems like Jun isn’t the only one who was bothered by this, Natsume and Ritsu looked just as annoyed as he is. Did that guy bother those two too? Before Jun could even ask, Ritsu confirms his suspicions by admitting that he was approached by a stranger, explaining to him that his failed Dramatica’s audition was smeared all over the internet. Ritsu mentioned how it seemed impossible since it was long ago and only people close to him knew about it.

“I was told that there are rumors of me being in the nightlife industry,” Natsume bitterly stated as he folded his arms across his chest. Jun doesn’t like the sound of that.

Jun admits that he got the same. An illegal immigrant that used to be involved in shady business. Jun hates the sound of it, he doesn’t know where that guy got information like that because clearly, such rumours are false. At least, he kind of thinks they’re false.

Shu notes how it’s dangerous that 3 out of 5 members were approached with rumours. All he got was children asking why he was wearing heels, normal stuff he deals with his everyday life. More importantly, Mao points out how Jun’s rumours were the weirdest―no one should know about Jun’s circumstances besides people within the troupe. Jun being famous is out of the question, there would have been detailed information regarding that if it were true.

“Then, a spy?”

Anzu hopes not. Sure, Autumn Troupe had one but that was Tomoya and he confessed to it. She doubts someone would be a spy in Winter Troupe, though. It seemed too unlikely.

“Now, you can’t say that, Director―We barely know each other, I don’t even know how old Jun is.”

“Don’t expect me to know either.”

Jun makes a mental note to himself that if he ever finds out he’s older than Shu, he’s going to make the other to beg for mercy. At the same time, Jun realises the fallacy in that is Jun would be the shorter  _ and _ older one. Maybe it’s better to be the younger and shorter one. Yeah, maybe it’s better to be the younger and shorter one.

That train of worry gets cut off when Natsume points out how he saw Mao talk to that Hokuto guy earlier. Mao quirks an eyebrow and states how they were only catching up with each other, nothing more. Unless Natsume is doubting Mao about such a harmless thing? Jun doesn’t really see the fallacy in doubting Mao, though…

Natsume shrugs. They shouldn’t be trusting every single word that slips out of an _ex-member of Dramatica_ , they never know if Mao has told _a few things_ about Winter Troupe to that friend of his. Mao takes that as a confirmation on his statement about Natsume, he _really_ _is_ doubting Mao.

“Look, I don’t think anyone can  _ even pay me _ to reveal anything―Unless, you, once again, think I’m the same as you?”

Natsume grits his teeth, everyone knows what  _ that _ meant. Just as Natsume asks Mao if that was him trying to call him a goddamn whore, Ritsu stops them. He tells them to knock it off, the irritation is definitely from the situation  _ not _ from how they feel about each other. It’s best they talk about these kinds of things back at the dorms so they can settle it without any more information being spread around. 

Jun nods as he approaches Natsume to ask if he’s alright.

“ _ Don’t touch me, _ ” Natsume coldly tells Jun who backs away. This isn’t good at all.

No matter how they approach the matter, it seems no one has actually let go of the rumours that were spread around. The first performance is around the corner and nothing is getting better, Jun feels like he’s going to lose sleep due to the amount of worry he has for the troupe. It’s horrible, Jun thought bitterly.

“We’re going nowhere if we keep going like this.” Ritsu sighs, there’s no use in clinging onto that worry. It’ll just distract everyone from the play and that’s  _ the last thing _ they want. Anzu nods, they should move on from this situation. It really is doing more harm than they think.

Mao admits that Ritsu is right, there’s no use in bringing their feelings into practice. It’ll become a bother.

It seems like Natsume has other plans, he brings up that shrugging  _ such matters _ is irresponsible. Mao asks Natsume what the hell does he mean by that, he’s returned with a shrug and a snarky reveal how he has no worries in quitting the troupe if his job is considered  _ too indecent _ that it can tarnish the troupe’s reputation. Really, Natsume has no worries about leaving.

Mao scoffs, he never said that. Though with that personality, it’s easy to say Natsume is as irresponsible as ever. First, going back and forth with moving out and now, making the idea of  _ quitting the troupe _ seem so easy. He really is just coming off as a brat than anything, Mao spits out.

Anzu can’t control the situation and it seems Jun and Ritsu aren’t able to help as well. They have sharp tones that make Jun curl up in fear a little. Just how are they going to stop this argument now?

“ _ That’s enough―the more you argue, the more nothing gets solved. _ ”

Shu’s stern voice echoes in the practice room. He sighs and asks Anzu if it’s alright for him to settle everyone’s problems for once. He has stopped Mao and Ritsu from arguing, then he can finish this one easily as well. Though, Jun can’t help but feel uneasy. When Mao and Ritsu were arguing, it was clear that Ritsu was trying to get Mao to listen to him  _ not _ that Ritsu didn’t like Mao. That was a different case from this.

“Sakasaki, I may need you to stop running away,” Shu explains that this anger is definitely due to how Natsume feels inferior to the rest of the troupe, he believes that his job as a sleeping partner will affect how the members view him. Whether it’s actually a vulgar job or not, Natsume’s reaction by wanting to quit the troupe to  _ save face _ makes him appear  _ weak _ . Surely, that’s not what Natsume is like in reality, right?

“Now Isara, I’m aware you’re a kind person deep down  _ but _ you’re clearly troubled about being an ex-member of Dramatica, no?” Shu goes on about how it’s clear such a tagline affects how he acts and how people perceive him. The problem prevails beyond Mao and troupe’s own expectations, correct? That’s  _ obviously _ the reason why Mao never nominated himself as leader despite the obvious fact that Mao  _ has _ been a troupe leader in Dramatica and meets all the qualifications of one. Unfortunately, the more Mao acts aggressive about being doubted, the more Mao will just appear as a stuck-up person who thinks lowly of his team members.

“ _ And Sazanami, _ ” Shu calls out. Jun doesn’t like the sound of this. Not at all.

“Even if you’re amnesiac, I can’t say I cannot hold you accountable given the situation at hand,” Shu states coldly. He states how the lack of noise from Jun is clear that Jun doesn’t want to be doubted or suspected as  _ a possible spy _ for Dramatica. His circumstances are strange enough that he could easily be on the list too. There’s no excuse for him to not defend himself in a situation as severe as this in such critical timing as well.

_ Harsh. That’s definitely too harsh for Jun’s taste. _

Jun looks away as he hears Shu target Ritsu. He mentions how it’s clear that Ritsu hasn’t gotten over his own fears about failing against Dramatica. Due to that, Ritsu clearly becomes unfit to resolve this situation critically despite being  _ the leader _ . Though, he’ll give Ritsu a benefit of doubt as he  _ did _ bring up how the situation will go nowhere if all of them stayed silent about it, instead.

“...Let’s stop practice here, okay?” Natsume suddenly states before leaving. Mao agrees with Natsume and takes his leave, Jun throws a glance at Ritsu and Anzu who remain silent. A part of him not wanting to leave them but he does anyway. Even then, he doesn’t take another step away from the door, unlike the others who have decided to return to their respective rooms.

Jun hears Ritsu’s voice tells Shu that what he said did more harm than good. He can hear Ritsu take a deep breath, probably wanting to say more but stops himself. He mentions that they can try to solve this tomorrow but for now, everyone should just cool down. It’s better before everyone starts hurting each other even more. Jun starts walking off quickly, in hopes Ritsu doesn’t suspect Jun eavesdrop.

“ _ Jun, _ ” Ritsu calls out. Shit, don’t suspect him, please. Before Jun could even walk away, Ritsu holds the hem of his shirt. He asks Jun to listen to him,  _ please _ . Jun gives in, he can’t say  _ no _ when Ritsu sounds desperate about it.

_ How is Jun going to watch over Shu after  _ **_that mess_ ** _?! _

Approaching him to talk about the problem? That’s impossible. Surely, Jun will get pulverized by Shu’s words again which is something Jun doesn’t want to look forward to.  _ Though _ , Ritsu is right. Probably Shu meant well but he couldn’t phrase himself properly. Even with that, how is Jun going to confront Shu about it?

Maybe he’ll wait till he gets back and asks him about it. Yeah, that’s probably a good way of approaching him;  _ corner him so he won’t escape! _ Jun lies at the couch as he fiddles with his phone in the meantime of waiting for Shu to come back.

“Sazanami, wake up―It’s time for practice.”

_ Ah. He fell asleep. He’s dumb. _

Jun feels like he failed Ritsu for falling asleep while waiting for Shu. Goddammit. Why did he do that? Why did he flop on the couch in the first place? Has he learned nothing from himself?! He should know how easy it is to get comfy and sleep on the couch,  _ especially after practice _ . Jun, you goddamn buffoon―now you can’t approach Shu about the issue.

Jun sighs as he drags himself to practice. Surely, Ritsu would like to hear progress but he has nothing to show. He wants to say sorry to Ritsu for tasking him with such a job. Surely that’ll disappoint him.

Shu announces he wants to have a meeting before practice begins. He takes out a magnifying glass as he explains how he has some important things to discuss with the troupe.

“Does that include the magnifying glass?”

Shu shakes his head, the magnifying glass is for the script since the lettering is so small. Lately, his eyesight has been getting poor, he makes a remark that he should seek an appointment with a specialist later. Jun wonders if it’s from those late-night sketching he has been doing as of late. Jun hears Mao mumble about how eyesight doesn’t work that way but he shakes his head as if he wants to let such an absurd thing slide.

“Right, I should apologise for the crude words I’ve said yesterday during practice.” Shu begins his apology speech. He continues to explain how it was his fault for not being able to fully understand people’s feelings―he expects too much out of people and their feelings as he’s so used to having people listen to his harsh comments and fixing their errors immediately. The difference with him doing that and this situation are that  _ these errors _ he’s asking the troupe to fix, aren’t errors that could be found in stitches and inanimate objects that can easily be mended with a needle and thread. These errors he’s asking the troupe to fix are intangible things, they require care, love and time to heal. He should’ve known that, Shu explained as he bowed his head.

“I’ve become rather fond of all of you hence why I tried to take matters into my own hands but it was done poorly―Please, I wish to continue working with all of you.”

It’s a lot to take in. Honestly, taking in  _ all of that  _ makes him want to eat right now. God, he could use a carton of strawberry milk right about now. Maybe that way, he can fathom all of that information Shu just spilled out.

“Sazanami, that’s completely unnecessary right now!” Shu suddenly says to Jun who tilts his head in confusion.  _ What…? _

Shu apologises, he didn’t mean it seriously. It was nothing, he swears. Jun shrugs in response. Maybe Shu can read people’s thoughts but that’s too outrageous from someone who doesn’t believe in mythical things. Regardless, it seems the rest of the troupe have moved onto the topic about a spy in the group. Jun wonders if that can even be resolved since it’s obvious there’s none, right?

“If we keep avoiding this issue, it’ll affect the play―I’m sure even Ritsu is aware of the damages if we resolve this, no?” Shu admits, Ritsu nods and states how Dramatica is probably waiting for Winter Troupe to abruptly cancel their debut play. There’s no doubt in it.

Jun wonders if that’ll clear Mao’s name out of Natsume’s book, though. Surely, it won’t when he’s an ex-member. As if Shu acknowledge that kind of question thrown up in the air, he devises a promise for Mao to keep;  _ Until the end of the show’s run, you are to abstain from making contact with Dramatica members. _ Mao shrugs and states how that won’t be hard but even with such a promise, it doesn’t drive away from the suspicion that much.

Natsume states how it’s good enough, he won’t cast any doubt if Mao keeps his promise. Shu asks if Natsume can keep the promise of fending off from work till the end of the run as well, Natsume answers with he already is but he can extend it till the end of the run.

“Good and by the way, Sakasaki, you should be proud of that sex appeal of yours―It’s a  _ very powerful _ asset that is difficult to defeat,” Shu compliments as Natsume laughs. It seems he has never thought about it that way but he’s glad to hear such words from Shu.

Shu turns to Jun. Does he know what Jun wanted to do last night? Probably not.

Shu asks for Jun to write his own history, instead. He asks Jun to forget his past and write his history with the name,  _ Sazanami Jun _ . Surely that way, Jun won’t have to feel worried about the things he did in the past. It makes Jun laugh when Shu expresses about how the life Jun is living now is like him being reborn, he has every right to change it to anything he wants anymore. How poetic, Shu has always been.

Practice manages to go smoothly thanks to that strange heart-warming speech from Shu. Strange man, Jun can’t help but think warmly. He tries to approach him after practice but finds Ritsu talking to him, just this once then after this, he won’t eavesdrop on these kinds of conversations.

“Thank you for that meeting today. Things were resolved thanks to you, Itsuki-san,” Ritsu thanks as he clasps Shu’s hands tightly. Shu stutters as Ritsu mentions how happy he is to have Shu in Winter Troupe, Jun can’t help but feel the same. He hears Ritsu bid goodbye and sees Shu stand there awkwardly. Like a fool, Jun wants to laugh.

“Shu,” Jun calls out, Shu turns to him in confusion.

Jun calls him a good person and tells him that he hopes Shu will help him write that new history he told Jun to do. Jun sees Shu smile warmly and say that all of Winter Troupe will be able to help Jun with such a thing.

The first day, Jun somehow feels overwhelmed by the rush and chatter among the members as they prepare. Jun slips on his costume as he hears Ritsu recite a line and Mao walking past him, answering to Ritsu’s line  _ almost immediately _ . Even with his excitement, he can’t help but think that it’s  _ almost scary _ how in-sync Mao and Ritsu can be with each other. That’s too much, only childhood friends can do that. Seriously, only childhood friends.

“ _ It’s the first day, so let’s do it just as we’ve practiced―there’s no harm in having the same amount of fun we had in the practice room, the audience will definitely have fun if we have fun. _ ”

Ritsu’s words are cute. The audience will definitely have fun if Winter Troupe has fun. That isn’t a lie at all. Jun can’t help but cling to those words tightly as he sees the curtain rise.

“ _ Even so, it’s not something you can twist around at your own discretion. If you’re going to let personal feelings get in the way, you’ll be brought before the council of heavenly laws. _ ” Uriel looks straight. He cannot see Michael’s pitiful expression but he can hear it in the form of a deep breath he takes as he opens his mouth. Really, Michael has been too kind to humanity.

It was only to be expected that he’d fall in love with one.

“ _ I don’t intend on interfering. I simply want to watch over her. _ ”

Uriel sighs, he turns to the direction Michael’s voice is heard from. Though his cloudy eyesight cannot confirm if he’s actually facing Michael or just the source of his voice, he hopes that the other understands that Uriel wishes his friend to only be happy. He cannot stop this one. He’s always been too curious for his own good. It cannot be helped at all.

“ _ Well then. Even if you descend to earth, can you promise that you will not meet with her? _ ” Uriel asks, he knows there’s no use in asking.

“ _ Okay. I promise. _ ”

Michael won’t keep such a promise. He’s far too in love to keep Uriel’s promise, Uriel knows that.

Uriel listens to those two quietly, the way Raphael held closely to Michael―Raphael rarely fears anything but when he does, it’s for a good reason. Uriel hears Raphael’s breathing become difficult, he can’t take it anymore. He’s unable to fathom the loss over Michael, Uriel feels the same. He comforts Raphael when Michael disappears. Though he is aware he cannot see Raphael’s pain, he hears it in the way he sobs on Uriel’s shoulder.

“ _ You did all you could, Raphael―Michael will be okay,  _ **_he_ ** _ would never punish such a sweet soul like him _ .”

The applause was huge. It only startled Jun who started yawning as he walked off stage. It wasn’t calming down at all. That’s a good thing, right? Jun watched Shu twirl around, talking about how the huge applause meant the play was a success. They all did better than what they had practiced, Jun hears Shu say as Mao laughs. That’s the magic of plays, Mao noted as Natsume wondered if all plays felt this magical. 

Ritsu shook his head as he held everyone’s hands together;

  
“ _ It’s only magical when you do it with the people you love―Let’s go to the curtain together, everyone! _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you looked up the meanings for the flowers too : )  
> i actually lost my literal mind when i was writing this and the last chapter bc so much was happening skjdndskdjk  
>  _i became tsuzuru_ when writing this ksjdnsd  
> anyway, thank you for reading!!  
> i hope you had fun and managed to read everything without losing your mind too!!


	8. Never lose track of Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “ _You’ve grown so much, I am so proud of you―_ ”
> 
> Those words haunt Jun. They speak to him in his sleep.  
> Who are you? Why are you trying to talk to me? What do you want from me?
> 
> Jun finds himself waking up abruptly every night.
> 
> _All he can feel is fear and suffocation every time he sees the bright silver moon loom over him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah yes last chapter of act 4  
> after this, idk when i will finish the other chapters but soon hopefully kjsndskjd  
> anyway big mess lots of stuff  
> junjun i wuv u but u stress and stupid  
> enjoy

_Achoo!_

Ritsu pulls away the strawberries Jun asked for, he quirked an eyebrow at Ritsu’s sudden action. Why did he do that? Jun asks if there’s something that’s stopping Ritsu from giving Jun the strawberries.

“You’re sick.”

Anzu’s head pops up from the fridge and repeats Ritsu’s words with more caution. Jun shakes his head, it’s only a light headache. It’s nothing bad, he promises. Ritsu frowns and states how he isn’t going to give Jun the strawberries. Mao warns Ritsu that he should probably stay away from Jun too, Ritsu’s immune system isn’t strong enough to fend off Jun’s cold. Even if it’s something small.

“ _Sazanami, there you are!_ ”

“ _Off to bed, you go, honey._ ”

Natsume and Shu appear all of a sudden, Jun slips right past them as they try to catch him. Anzu stutters out that nickname Natsume gave him, Jun knows that trick―it’s all sweet talk to get him to go back to his room. No way is he doing that. Jun could have escaped them had it not been Mao who catches him just as he’s about to crash into Ritsu who was unaware of the situation unfolding right behind him as he was turning on the electric kettle.

“ _I can’t believe you caught a cold while performances are ongoing... If it doesn’t get better, you won’t be able to go on stage you know!?_ ”

It’s a small headache, he isn’t dying. It’s fine. He believes he’s handled worse so there’s no use in worrying. Just as he stands up to walk away from Winter Troupe’s discussion about his flu, Natsume grabs his wrist and states how lucky Jun is that it’s not a fever yet. Even if it’s not a fever, he _has_ to get rid of it today itself. Jun sighs, guess the strawberries will wait for later.

Shu uses brute force and manages to get him into bed. Looks like he’s going to guard the door too. Shu even uses bribery with his strawberry-flavoured snacks to ensure he stays still. Why does he feel like he’s heard that trick too?

Jun _tries_ to sleep. He really does. It’s not a lie, it was almost impossible to sleep with a fever. He checks to see if Shu had fallen asleep―Judging from those soft snores, it’s obvious the tall man is dead asleep. Quietly, he climbs down from his bed and slips out of the room.

_Maybe he should find somewhere else to rest_ . _Somewhere where nobody would be able to find him._

Jun walks around the dorm, quietly. That way no one will find him. There has to be a room where he can rest, he quietly walks until he slips into a room. Oh? Isn’t this the room that Anzu and Natsume were trapped in before. With that thought rattling in his head, even with a heavy headache, Jun manages to make the terrible connection in his head.

The door is locked as expected. Ah, he’s trapped.

There’s no use in trying to get the door open. If he remembered correctly, Natsume mentioned the door being unable to open from the inside. He’s trapped. Oh no, he’s trapped. Someone let him out. _Please open the door_.

With his hands over his head, Jun feels his head being squeezed tightly. It’s too much. Too much is happening. It hurts. It hurts. Please stop. Jun squeezes his eyes shut, he can hear it. He can hear the voice he has been suppressing for days. The play was the wrong choice. The play was the wrong choice. It triggered it. It triggered those god-awful memories.

_Stop. Please._

(“ _Sandalphon,_ ” a voice sings sweetly, Jun remembers the warm feeling of cuddling close to someone.)

_No. Jun doesn’t want to remember it anymore._

(Jun remembers holding tightly to a hand as they walk through a market, the owner of that hand tells Jun to cling tightly. If Jun behaves well, he’ll be rewarded a box of strawberry milk. Jun was excited about such a simple award.)

_Stop. Don’t bring it back. Please, don’t bring_ **_that memory_ ** _back!_

(All Jun remembers was seeing the silver line of the beautiful moon. All Jun remembered feeling was the rush of cold water trying to enter into his lungs.)

“ _Sazanami-kun!_ ”

Jun looks up, it’s Anzu. How did she get here? Before Jun could ask such a question, Anzu quickly makes him take his medicine and drink a bottle of water. She’s scolding him for hiding―why does he like hiding when he’s in such a critical state. Doesn’t he know it’s unsafe to do such a thing?

“I was taught to do that―I was taught to hide and lay low until I regain my strength whenever I got weak,” Jun answered Anzu’s question. She frowned in confusion, mumbling what kind of parents teach such a thing to their child. Jun watches Anzu shake his head and order him to go to bed, he needs it. He hears Anzu tell him that no one here will hurt him―If anything, _everyone_ wants to help him.

Anzu is right.

Staring at the sole window of this room, Jun can’t help but remember what he has done. It cannot be erased, can it? The unfortunate sins he has committed.

“I remember everything now, I’m sorry for doing this to you.”

Jun remembers _him_ . _He_ smiled like the sun. _He_ was warm like the sun. _He_ bloomed everything that was under his touch. Jun remembered everything about _him_. How could Jun forget such a person in his life? Jun is such a fool.

“I’m sorry, _Eve_ …”

Jun closes his eyes. He dreams of _Eve_ . Such terrifying feelings weigh heavily in his heart. He’s sorry for forgetting _Eve_ and attempting to live his life as if he was free of sin. He isn’t. His hands are tainted with blood. Just like Uriel’s crown, it’s blotched with red stains. Jun can’t be forgiven for such a cruel fate.

“ _Good morning._ ”

Jun stretches his back as he walks into the dining room. Shu is talking to him about how quick his fever went down, Anzu gasps at the sight of Jun as she nearly drops a plate had it not been Kuro’s quick instincts. Before Jun could explain, Anzu earns a mouthful from Kuro who talks about how all cutlery and dishware should be treated with respect and care.

“Besides that, how are you feeling?” Mao manages to whisk them back on topic. Jun states that he’s all well so he can act today. Natsume sighs in relief, all of that work to get him into bed _actually_ paid off.

As if on cue, Jun’s stomach grumbles. Ritsu laughs, that is a _definite_ indicator that he’s fine.

“Oh right, Sazanami-kun, you mentioned you got your memories back yesterday. Do you remember anything in particular?” Anzu asks, Jun tilts his head as the other troupe members ask if that was true.

_He got his memories back? Really? When?_

Jun shakes his head and asks what on earth is Anzu going on about. He doesn’t remember anything at all.

Anzu whines how she _seriously_ thought Jun got his memories back. Natsume suggests that it might be a dream, Ritsu adds that Anzu probably heard Jun sleep talk too. Mao rolls his eyes and starts calling Anzu too paranoid. Jun chuckles as he takes a bite of his toast. Anzu is a very funny person.

It’s almost the end of the run, already? Jun hadn’t realise. Acting is fun, Jun found himself saying that to a cat he found at the courtyard. Mao found him and asked him what was he doing there, he even took the time to scold Jun for loitering around in cold weather. Seems like Mao doesn’t want Jun to get sick again.

Two more days till the showdown. Even if Jun’s been satisfied with acting, he can’t help but feel worried.

“Isara-san, don’t you feel like something isn’t right?”

Mao hums in confusion. Is it _just Jun_ that feels bothered? Maybe. Jun isn’t a professional actor like Mao so he doesn’t know if Mao feels worried about showdowns. Jun watches Mao hum before nodding slowly. He mentions that Ritsu has been acting funny lately.

_Ah, that’s not what he means but that has been concerning him too._

Mao mentions that Ritsu has been acting funny and he wonders if that’s going to affect today’s run. He hopes not. He doesn’t want anything bad to happen, especially when it’s their last day at their homebase. Jun can’t help but feel worried too. It sticks in their heads even after Anzu agrees to Ritsu wanting to change things up here and there. They spare a glance at each other, acknowledging each other’s worries for that small moment. They just both pray that Ritsu isn’t going to hurt himself in the process.

Alas, like Michael, Ritsu seemed to be yearning for something that the troupe could not stop him from chasing.

Jun can’t help but compare the situation in front of him unfold like the play. Like Raphael, Mao shows immense concern over Ritsu’s actions―he wants to help Ritsu but it’s not the help that Ritsu is looking for. Like Metatron, Shu wishes to understand Ritsu’s actions―there must be a reason why he’s _suddenly_ insecure. Like Phillip, Natsume is concerned that the troupe might be missing a piece they failed to find in Ritsu. Like Uriel, Jun realises it quickly enough but didn’t put an exact stop to it.

“We never solved Ritsu’s fear of failing,” Jun announces to the group, he gathered them. They couldn’t ask Anzu for help, she’s busy arranging things so it can be sent to Dramatica’s theater in time. They have to solve this by themselves.

Shu nodded, that’s true. They didn’t solve it at all. If anything, they turned a blind eye on Ritsu’s personal worries. Natsume forgot all about it, Ritsu probably kept those thoughts at bay by reminding himself that he has to focus on becoming a good leader. Even then, he could only keep such worries aside for so long.

“He’s always been like this―Ritsu won’t tell you about his worries _until it’s too late_.” Mao looks annoyed about it. It seems that Ritsu doesn’t know how to properly convey those thoughts without hurting others in the process, a bit similar to Shu. Mao recounts the auditions for the troupe to understand Ritsu better.

It was the same. Ritsu acted the same, it was hard to confront someone who becomes afraid of everything around him. Mao passed and it was revealed so wholeheartedly. Celebrated wholeheartedly. Why wouldn’t Ritsu be jealous? If Mao tried to confront Ritsu, it would come off as a brag, won’t it? It’s hard to confront someone during such a vulnerable moment.

“Instead of asking Ritsu if he needed help, I called him a coward for running away―I guess I’m not cut out to be close to Ritsu if all I ever do is hurt him,” Mao laughs bitterly. No, that’s not right. Mao knows Ritsu better than the rest of the troupe, they’re completely in-sync with each other despite how strange it comes off to Jun. Jun jokes how Mao probably even can tell when Ritsu is in the bathroom and everything. God, that’s _too in-sync_.

Natsume laughs while Shu scolds Jun for going off-topic.

“Aside from that, I think you should go talk to Ritsu first. We’ll definitely join you _but_ Ritsu probably needs to hear what you have to say about things like this,” Natsume advised as Jun and Shu push Mao into the hallway. Mao sighs and drags himself down the hall, Shu asks if it really is okay to let Mao do this.

Jun shrugs, Ritsu is a hard person to figure out so really Mao is the only choice they have.

“We should probably make a better effort in getting to know Ritsu, then.” Jun goes to the fridge as Natsume asks him what was he looking for. Jun pulls out a plastic packet of strawberries and a big bottle of tea, he recalled Ritsu cheering up Yuzuru about some weird idol graduation thing with tea and sweet things so he thought they could do the same. Shu and Natsume share a glance before explaining that strawberries won’t be enough to fill their stomachs.

Is it considered bad timing to barge into someone's room just as you see two people hugging each other tightly? Jun isn’t so sure but he’s aware that Mao is _very_ embarrassed while Ritsu is wiping his tears and laughing brightly.

A pre-celebration was made. They spent the night, drinking tea and eating snacks as they tell weird embarrassing stories about each other. Jun couldn’t contribute much except a couple of bad commentaries and stuff he has encountered when working at the pharmacy. It was warm, Jun found himself thinking as Shu entailed a story about his older cousin using a stick to fend off bullies when they were younger. Really, that older cousin of his is such a weirdo.

“Is this the same cousin that has a poet and a teacher as his older brothers?” Ritsu asks as he leans against Mao’s shoulder.

Shu nods. They’re also the same three idiots that Shu invited to come and watch them tomorrow. He invited his siblings too. Ritsu notes how Shu has a huge ass family, Natsume agrees. Shu doesn’t come off as a person with a big family. Shu scoffs―How could an only child be raised to become like him if he wasn’t surrounded by an immense amount of support and inspiration that a huge loving family will give? Jun snorts at that.

They sat there, talking about the people they invited. Ritsu has an overbearing family that spammed him to send the link to the tickets, Mao has a sister who bought the tickets in secret and Natsume invited some friends but they’re not exactly family but _it’s still someone_. Jun enjoyed the animated talking about family and friends―He kind of wished he had someone to invite too. Though, all of Yumenosaki is going to watch too so they count, right?

The last day before the showdown. Tomorrow is the showdown. _Scary_.

Anzu was surprised to find all of Winter Troupe all huddled in Mao and Ritsu’s room, sleeping on each other. They passed out after talking about all sorts of things, Jun remembered that. He also remembered hearing Anzu scolding for partying during such a crucial time period. She hopes to God that they weren’t drinking alcohol, Ritsu shakes his head. Trying to lure Ritsu with alcohol seems so ironic since they won’t even let Ritsu near alcohol now. They just drank tea and had snacks, Anzu shouldn’t worry so much.

Jun laughs at Anzu who only sighs at them. Despite her initial anger, she’s glad to hear that Ritsu is feeling better from yesterday. Ritsu even apologised for causing trouble yesterday.

With Mao’s help, they try to adjust the directing accordingly. Dramatica’s stages are _huge_ , definitely bigger than the one that Yumenosaki has so it’s best to space out. Jun watches everyone tries their best to space out as Anzu nods as she walks around the stage. Isn’t it unsafe to walk backwards like that, Anzu? Jun somehow doesn’t feel safe, watching the other walk backward so casually.

“ _Itsuki-san, maybe you can be here at the end of the stage―_ ”

Gotcha.

“Please be careful, we don’t you hurt.”

Anzu stutters out an _I’m sorry_ as she gets down from Jun. Shu notes how quick Jun is at moving, Mao asks if Anzu is alright―Jun asks Mao if the stage is actually as big as Anzu thinks it is. To their surprise, it isn’t. Anzu scoffs, asking if Jun is trying to make her look stupid. He actually isn’t, he just wondered why Dramatica would need _such a big stage._

“Somehow, it’s a shame that our wings cannot fly,” Shu states as he flaps his arms about. Jun asks if Shu wants to fly, he nods in excitement. Wouldn’t it be nice to fly with such beautiful wings? _Especially for such a stage like this?_

Mao doubts they’d need a stage if that were the case. Natsume wonders if it’s even possible while Ritsu thought about the scene where he loses the feathers on his wings will make him feel so naked if he flew too. Jun asks if Tori and Shu can wrestle the budget out of Kuro’s hands for such a contraption.

“Maybe not now but _if we ever do_ , I suggest we do a butterfly-theme play―I would like to be a purple emperor butterfly,” Shu expresses as he twirls around the stage, Jun snorts.

Anzu asks what seems to be funny as Jun started bursting into laughter. The other troupe members look over at Jun who is practically shaking at the moment.

“ _Wing-ter_.”

Mao groans. He didn’t expect Jun to have shit humour while Shu called the pun, cute. Natsume didn’t know such a simple pun could make someone roll all over the floor laughter. Ritsu and Anzu share the same sentiment. Jun has really simple humour, he enjoys puns. It’s somehow funny to the rest of the troupe that they start laughing along with Jun’s laughter. Such strange people, Jun thought as he watched the troupe members try to stop themselves from laughing as well.

_Warm. Jun likes this warmth. It’s not the same warmth as he’s usually familiar with but it’s a new type of warmth that he likes._

“Let’s try our best tomorrow, okay?!” Anzu shouts. It’s a little too loud but they understand how excited and stressed she feels. She takes a quick leave, mentioning how she can bribe some more money out Kuro if they can borrow his truck on getting the props back. Jun doesn’t understand that girl at all―that guy is a lot nicer than she makes him out to be sometimes.

Stretching his back, Jun notices Shu feel around his coat. _Did he forget something in the theater?_

“Oh dear, I believe I left my phone in the theater.”

Jun quirks an eyebrow at Shu.

“Why did you take your phone out?”

Shu shakes his head, he didn’t take it out. It must’ve slipped out of his pocket when he took his coat off during rehearsals. Natsume suggests going back inside the theater to look for it, phones are essential to one’s life anyway. Jun shrugs, he managed to live his life without one prior to arriving at Yumenosaki.

Shu looks at him confusedly.

“Sazanami, I’d like to believe you _actually_ lost your belongings so I would assume you needed a phone before this as well.”

They walk into the theater, is someone else still there? Kind of think of it, Mao and Ritsu haven’t left yet, right? Shu assumes it’s those two as well, Natsume chuckles about how close those two can be. It’s kind of strange since, before this, Natsume almost didn’t believe that they were childhood friends. They didn’t look like it at all. Now, it’s obvious that they’ve spent _so long_ together. It’s hard to even imagine a time where those two aren’t together.

Natsume is jealous. He wished he had a friendship like those two. Shu nods along as Jun wonders if _he_ has had any like that. It’d be nice if he did.

“Regardless of what happens, I want to keep going with this Winter Troupe. Don’t you want too, _Ma-kun?_ ” Ritsu voice echoes in the empty theater. Jun hears Mao laugh wholeheartedly, he tells Ritsu that he’d like that too. This Winter Troupe, they’re probably better than any other troupe he’s been in so far. He’s glad that he could be part of this troupe alongside Ritsu―No, _Ritchan_.

Shu blew their cover as they watched the duo. It’s not really his fault but he didn’t have to be so loud about the nicknames he heard just now. Jun wants to hit Shu in the face for that but Natsume seems to have blown his cover by giggling uncontrollably. It left Jun no choice but to come forth alongside the other two.

Mao’s face is no good―he’s as red as his hair while Ritsu’s laughing with his cheeks dyed red. Mao asks them just how long have they been eavesdropping and what are they even doing here, Shu points out how he lost his phone while Natsume mentions that they only heard Ritsu talking about how much he wants to keep going with Winter Troupe so it’s nothing much, they swear. Mao can’t really believe them as Ritsu jumps down from the stage to help Shu look for his phone. Jun can tell Ritsu is embarrassed―It’s not as obvious as Mao’s but the way he laughs brightly is a clear sign of how embarrassed he is.

Mao sighs at the entrance of the theater. They better head home anyway, if not Anzu will surely scold them again like this morning. Tomorrow is the showdown. They really shouldn’t be messing around anymore, Mao seems to be scolding himself. Jun wants to joke how harsh he is to himself sometimes―they’ll be fine.

After all, Ritsu was right. No matter what happens, they’ll probably keep going as this Winter Troupe. Even if Yumenosaki falls apart, Winter Troupe will keep going and Anzu would probably try to refurbish the company so there’s no need to worry.

“Do you perhaps think that _we_ _all_ should give each other nicknames?” Shu asks all of a sudden, Mao quirks an eyebrow. Jun should’ve known that he was interested in such a thing.

Ritsu thinks it would be a fun idea. Mao shakes his head furiously, he rather no one calls him _Ma-kun_ . Natsume teases him by asking if _Ma-kun_ is a nickname that _only Ritsu_ can say, Mao stutters about while Ritsu mentions how it would be boring if everyone called each other by only one nickname. Jun didn’t expect Ritsu to be the type to be able to keep up with so many different nicknames. Does he only give nicknames to those who are special to him? If that were the case, does Winter Troupe have one? Jun somehow doubts Ritsu is that type, though.

“No, this guy definitely has nicknamed you guys before―He just didn’t know if he could say them.”

Ritsu whacks Mao at the shoulder as he explains that they’re just names on his phone to make things easier. Natsume insists Ritsu to share as Ritsu stutters out how they’re a little embarrassing so maybe another time. Just at that, Ritsu manages to escape to his room. Jun sighs, maybe they can ask again after the showdown tomorrow.

“ _Tsukki, Sacchan, and JunJun_ ,” Mao lists them out like they’re things off a grocery list. He isn’t even checking anything, he knows them by heart. How is that even possible?

Mao yawns out an explanation; Ritsu uses them when arranging notes about the members. Ritsu keeps a notebook on things the members lack in and excel in. Also because Ritsu uses them on accident during conversations so there’s that. Whatever it is, go to bed―they have to wake up early, Mao scolds.

Jun can’t help but comment out how cute Ritsu’s nicknames are. JunJun is a cute nickname. Maybe they should make nicknames too.

Dramatica is exactly like its name. _Very dramatic._

If Jun said that aloud, will Mao hit him again for making more shitty jokes? Maybe. Are they relevant to the situation? Yes.

Very dramatic. Very flashy. Jun is going to go blind because of the number of lights they’re using. Mao mentions getting nauseous at the number of lights being used, the fact that he has managed to be in that kind of setting for _years_ amazes him. Natsume wonders how they’re going to go against a grandiose show like that. Jun wonders the same.

“ _Oh, they’re here._ ” Mao points out, he’s looking at the audience.

Jun tilts his head. Is there someone that they were expecting? Maybe Mao’s family or maybe Yumenosaki? Jun isn’t so sure.

“I know―My family is spamming the group chat about how I’m _finally_ following the family lineage.” Ritsu sometimes speaks very bluntly. Especially when family is involved, Jun used to wonder why but hearing that sentence, he’s gotten even more confused about Ritsu’s family. Family lineage? What does his family even do?

Mao laughs sheepishly. Ritsu’s entire family is filled with entertainers―Have none of them properly check Ritsu’s name online before? Anzu stutters out how Ritsu never really brings up his family name so it was easy to forget that he was a _Sakuma_. Ritsu rolls his eyes, he mentions how it’s useless to talk about family names―his mother didn’t mention having sons until his brother did the introduction for her concert. Even then, only _after_ his brother made a name for himself, did his mother bring up the fact that she gave birth to him. Using them as a pedestal would be straight up crude―Ritsu isn’t _that_ _low_.

“So you’re part of _that Sakuma family_ ,” Natsume states, taking a moment to mention that Ritsu is hilariously rich then.

Ritsu waves his hand to signify that he doesn’t care. It won’t do anything in luring fans, Ritsu isn’t a popular member of the family. His family bought the tickets without telling him so they’re probably going to pretend that they aren’t related. You know, normal family stuff. Jun, unfortunately, doesn’t really get what Ritsu means by that but he nods regardless.

“ _The show will begin shortly_ ,” an announcer echoes through the theater.

Anzu mentions that Winter Troupe can talk about Ritsu’s family later. For now, they should be worried about the play. Today’s performance may be their last performance, not only in this run but as a troupe altogether so they should do the play without any regrets. Do whatever it takes to make this show memorable to the members at least.

Ritsu asks everyone to come close, huddle around each other. He whispers _thank you_ before asking everyone to do it _exactly_ like how they’ve been doing back in Yumenosaki. Forget how big the stage is, forget who is supporting whom in the showdown―Just do it exactly like how they’ve been doing it up until now. Even if it’s the end, surely they can still perform together, right?

“I don’t think it’s _actually_ the end for us.”

_Mao looks smug but it’s expected. Jun can tell that Mao believes in them more than ever. He said it himself last night, Winter Troupe is the best troupe he’s been with so far. Jun can’t help but believe in Mao’s faith in Winter Troupe even if the situation feels grim._

“Even if it is, I want to keep going with everyone―I think my life will be lonely without every one of you.”

_Natsume’s expression looks soft. He must be yearning for the same warmth as Jun. Jun tightens his grip around Natsume’s shoulder, in hopes that Natsume knows he’s not alone anymore. Everyone is here, Natsume._

“No matter the label, I wish to continue to follow with all of you till the very end. Till death do us part.”

_Was that a wedding vow at the end there? Somehow Jun can’t help but chuckle at Shu’s absurd usage of things but he understands the other. Jun too wants to follow Winter Troupe to the very end. Whatever is the outcome, Jun wants to follow them._

“Where Winter Troupe goes, I’ll go as well―I belong with all of you.”

Jun smiles brightly at the troupe as they cheer for their best. Together, they promise to go forward, whatever the future holds for them. Whether it’s good or bad, they’ll cling tightly to each other and stride forward confidently. _Let’s do our best_ , Jun hears Ritsu say before the curtain rising. This is it. It’s time to prove your worth, Jun.

“ _The day when her soul departs for heaven is already decided. Don’t waste your time interfering,_ ” Uriel explains strictly, he knows what Michael is doing. There’s no use in stopping him. That archangel has loved humanity with his entire being. Uriel wondered what was going on in **_his_ ** mind when he was creating Michael. Did he expect such a flaw? Maybe. Uriel can never be so sure. Uriel never understood **_him_ **.

Though, Uriel deeply worried about Michael. This isn’t safe.

“ _That list is just a prediction. It’s not set in stone._ ”

Uriel looks in the direction of Michael’s stubborn voice, he frowns at that voice. Uriel wants to scold Michael. Doesn’t he know that all he will get in return is pain? Doesn’t he know that everyone around him is worried about the outcome that Michael refuses to see? _Michael, don’t do this._

Uriel closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“ _Even so, it’s not something you can twist around at your own discretion. If you’re going to let personal feelings get in the way, you’ll be brought before the council of heavenly laws._ ”

Although Michael promises to not get involved so directly. Uriel knows it’s no use. Michael won’t keep such a promise. He’s far too in love to keep Uriel’s promise, Uriel knows that.

“ _It hurts. Uriel, tell me why does it hurt so much?_ ”

Uriel comforts Raphael when Michael disappears. Though he is aware he cannot physically see Raphael’s pain, he hears it in the way he sobs on Uriel’s shoulder. Uriel wants to cry too, to be honest. It hurts. It hurts a lot. It hurts like the sharp thorns on his crown. Why does it hurt so much? Aren’t archangels like them supposed to be immune to such pain? Uriel wondered sadly.

“ _You did all you could, Raphael―Michael will be okay,_ **_he_ ** _would never punish such a sweet soul like him._ ”

The applause was _too loud_. It scared the crap out of Jun. Jun wasn’t the only one, Ritsu was startled like a cat that had his tail stepped on. Mao sighed in relief, mentioning how he thought the audience went home. Shu scolds Mao for thinking so lowly of the guests when he himself was the one that insisted Winter Troupe will do well. Natsume wonders if they were just in too much awe to do anything. Maybe. That seems right.

“That was too tiring,” Mao groaned.

“I don’t think I can move an inch…” Natsume stretched his back that ached painfully.

“Didn’t you move the least out of all of us?!” Mao scolds. Shu laughed and nodded, Natsume has weak stamina so it’s suspected that he’d be too tired once he gave it his all. Jun and Shu are tired too. Ritsu looks like he can only stare into space. Complete airplane mode. He won’t even respond if you poke him.

Anzu barges into the room.

“ _The votes have been tallied―there’s no time to rest!_ ”

Winter Troupe crawl their asses to the stage. It’s the final moment. They _should_ be worried but somehow they don’t have the energy to be worried anymore. They don’t know if they’ll make it but they’ve made their promises to stick together regardless of the outcome, so it’s okay. They hold onto each other’s hands and wait for the results.

“ _Dramatica, 467 votes_.”

Oh. That’s a lot of votes. Scary. How many people were in this theater? Jun doesn’t think he knows. He’ll ask Mao about it later.

They take a deep breath when they hear Yumenosaki Company. Jun can feel everyone tighten their grip. This is it.

“ _Yumenosaki Company, 469 votes._ ”

Winter Troupe can’t say anything. Their brains are empty. That applause and cheer is for them, right…? They really won, right? Someone say something. Jun feels like this is a huge trap or something ridiculous like that.

“ _Congratulations!_ ”

Even when they’ve returned home and changed out of their costumes, it’s _really hard_ to register what just happened. They seriously won. Everyone is having their own celebration while all of Winter Troupe are slumped against each other, wondering if that wasn’t some sort of massive hallucination. That was too amazing to _actually_ happen.

“We won,” Mao says blankly.

“Against the company that crushed my dreams,” Ritsu continues Mao’s sentence.

“We’re no longer in debt,” Natsume adds to that sentence.

Jun realises something about that last sentence.

“We can finally get paid!” Jun stands up for a moment then sits back down. Is that even possible? Jun doesn’t know.

Shu laughs. Maybe aim for something that sounds realistic like being able to have a rerun again. Oh yeah, that sounds more likely. They can continue acting. They can _seriously_ continue acting together. Winter Troupe isn’t going to disappear. Jun’s home―It won’t disappear. He’s really glad about that.

Jun closes his eyes for a moment, taking in all the chatter and laughter around him. He can hear Shu talk about how his cousin, _Homare_ , gave them poems to celebrate the success of winning against Dramatica. Ritsu is groaning about how he didn’t think his mother would bring her co-workers too―Whoever _Takatoo-san_ is, he gave Ritsu an earful about zoning out during the reveal of the results. Jun can even hear Daikichi bark and run around Madara, trying to get ahold of a slice of pizza from him probably. 

_Jun realised something._

This is home now, he has to remember that. He has to take good care of this home. Yea, he has to take good care of this home and this family. Never lose track of them. Never forget about your place in this family, Jun. People need you here. Jun should keep that close to his heart.

Jun wants to keep that promise. He’ll try his best to keep that promise till the very end.

“Oh, hey can I ask you a question?” Mao asks Jun while handing him a slice of pizza.

Jun shrugs. Was there something bothering Mao? Jun wonders what kind of thing could bother in such a positive point like this. Mao is such a worrywart, really.

“That last line― _You did all you could, Raphael_ ―That’s not actually part of the script, isn’t it?” Mao wonders where Jun got such a grand line. The fact that he continued to say it from the first show to the last, he really must’ve liked the line. Not that Mao is complaining, he’s just surprised to hear such a comforting line from Jun.

“I learned it from someone, I think.”

Mao quirks an eyebrow but before he could ask who taught Jun such a line with all of those names, Chiaki mentions Jun getting a fan letter. Shu applauds Jun for getting a fan letter while Natsume and Ritsu wonder what kind of letter is it.

“ _I’m always watching, Sandy―Sammy._ ” Ritsu quirks an eyebrow as he reads the letter. The names are funny-sounding, he asks Jun if he knows the meaning of such names.

Jun wonders for a minute as Anzu complains about not wanting _another stalker problem_ . Shu wonders if they should call the police about this kind of thing but there isn’t any hard evidence that someone is stalking them _yet_ so maybe it’s just a creepy letter. Maybe. Hopefully. Should they just burn it?

“ _Samael._ ”

That’s what _Sammy_ means right? Jun only knows that because of _Eve_ . Then, who are they? Who is _Eve?_ Who is _Samael?_ Do they know who Jun is? Is that who _Sandy_ is meant to be? Jun’s name is _Sandy?_ Jun wonders a lot of questions as he retreats into bed.

All Jun can remember now is the blood-stained hands he once had and the feeling of water rushing into his lungs.

_Just what kind of life did he lead before this?_

_Will this hurt the people he has now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jun: I would like to get paid  
> kuro: no  
> jun: damn i thought that would work  
> also aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa winter actually watching winter  
> tasuku works w ritsu's mom while homare is shu's cousin (i really am going off for this fucking au)  
> i hope you had fun!!!  
> thank you for reading!!!


	9. A Lost Sense of Muse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Petting the cat that rests on Jun’s stomach, Jun thinks how it has been a long while.  
> It’s already Summer, huh?
> 
> Yawning a little, Jun asks if the cat wonders if this year will go by as easily as it has been lately?
> 
> _He hopes it does._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grossnoona here and hewwo  
> no mass-upload today be happy for me  
> only one chapter bc i burnt myself through this fic (lmao not really)  
> anyway, today's chapter is mystery!!  
> redid a bunch of stuff bc i am liber's no.1 enemy ksjjdnjds  
> i hope you have fun

“ _ Today’s muse will be― _ ”

Shu points directly at Jun who was lazing around the courtyard. Jun quirks an eyebrow at him as he patted the cat resting on his stomach.

“ _ Sazanami _ ; you will be my muse, my moonlight, my purpose of today!”

Jun asks him if he’s trying to find a new model to base clothes off, Shu chuckles. It seems like he has been getting far more busy than usual lately―those clothes can’t make themselves, can they? Jun asks if cat clothes can be his next line of clothes, Shu squats next to him and explains how it’d be far more suitable for couple outfits if Jun would like that. What a comforting thought, Jun ends up agreeing on such a funny task.

“ _ Hold on―What is all of this?! _ ”

Seems like Chiaki got sucked into some trouble. Carrying the cat that rested peacefully in his arms, Jun follows Shu to the entrance to see what has gotten Chiaki all twisted about. They meet Mao and Anzu along the way, they seem to be curious about the same things as well. Is it just Chiaki that’s at the entrance?

_ So many packages… Just who is sending their entire house to Yumenosaki? _

Shu apparently. They’re nothing important, just more family-related packages. Before Chiaki asked why Shu asked his family to send him a truck worth of packages, Ritsu and Natsume arrive―their morning chat got stopped abruptly by the alarming amount of cardboard boxes that were all over the entryway. Shu apologises for the mess but hoped if the troupe could help him in putting away all of this luggage.

Mao looks taken aback, he asks Shu why do  _ they _ have to help him. Natsume doubts Shu could move all of the packages on his own, that’s sweet of him to say  _ but _ they are still Shu’s things that he asked to be sent to Yumenosaki dorms  _ unannounced _ . Though, even when they do help, where is Shu going to place all of these things? It’s not like that room of theirs has any space left.

Shu stands there for a moment. He turns to Chiaki but Chiaki rejects him immediately.

“The storeroom will be impossible to clean if you add  _ all of this _ into the mix―Every time I try to clean that accursed storeroom, there would be more props and costumes and stage sets,” Chiaki explains. He takes a deep breath before sobbing how it’s endless, Anzu offers her condolscents and apologises for pushing such a horrible task onto him. She’ll ask for the other troupe members to help later, she promises.

Jun suggests getting rid of some of the stuff. Maybe there are some things that don’t matter anymore. Shu ponders about that―A little spring cleaning won’t hurt.

“ _ Itsuki, _ ” Mao calls out to Shu as he stares deep into one box.

Shu hums, he turns his head to Mao as he places his books onto a shelf.

“ _ Why did your family send you a rubber duckie? _ ”

Shu takes the rubber duck from Mao’s hands, it was something Shu used to play with in the bath during my childhood. A childhood memento. His parents must’ve sent it as he placed the rubber duck on his desk. He pauses for a moment before calling to Mao who hums in response, back turned to him.

“Did you just say  _ rubber duckie? _ ”

Ah, Shu cut him to the chase. That was the  _ exact _ same thing Jun was going to ask.

Mao slaps his forehead and asked if he  _ seriously did just say  _ **_rubber duckie_ ** . Once confirmed by the rest of Winter Troupe, he groans in embarrassment. He has a nephew back at home who takes care of during the weekends so it became a natural instinct to babytalk items that remind him of his nephew. Natsume coos at how cute of an uncle Mao can be while Ritsu asks if it was his cousin’s son because his sister seemed too young to get married  _ yet _ .

“What about this rocky-buddy?” Jun asks as Mao calls him out for mocking him. Jun sticks his tongue out as Ritsu tells them to not start brawling in the midst of unpacking. Shu laughs about it as he takes the rock and turns it to show Jun; a washed-out poorly drawn butterfly. It’s apparently one of Shu’s first and favourite creation.

Natsume asks what kind of butterfly was it supposed to be. Jun carefully inspects its bright orange and pitch-black wings―there are white dots surrounding the tips of its wings. Don’t all butterflies kind of look like this? Jun isn’t very good at bugs so he wouldn’t know the difference from  _ this butterfly _ and  _ other butterflies _ , to be honest.

“ _ A monarch butterfly? _ ”

Shu claps in astonishment, he didn’t expect Ritsu to figure it out of this poorly drawn rock. Ritsu laughs and explains how it’s a rather iconic specimen so it wasn’t very hard to guess. Though, monarch butterflies are poisonous, no? It’s not safe to get close to one as a child. Shu agrees hence why he drew it instead. His mother never let him keep the one he found that day so he tried to make do with all he had at the time.

Natsume laughs. Shu has always been pretty smart in finding ways to satisfy his own wants, huh?

Ritsu finds snacks in one of the boxes, he laughs at how Shu’s family must love him so much to send him snacks despite not living so far from where they were. Shu smiles proudly―It must be from his brother, then. His brother doesn’t live in Japan anymore. He’s currently residing in Taiwan for business purposes so he sent some snacks for the company to have. How nice of him.

“What about this?” Natsume asks as he pulls out a heavy box. He seemed afraid of handling it so Mao took charge instead, Jun leans closer to see what was in it. Such a big antique box, they wondered what was in it. Ritsu asks if it was an instrument that was in it but it seemed unlikely as there aren’t a lot of instruments that come in  _ that size _ . This is a little too small to be an instrument, at least Ritsu can’t think of any that was  _ this size _ .

Shu tells them to leave it. It isn’t much.

Ritsu makes a joke; how unlikely it is that there is nothing valuable in that expensive box. It must be something that his family must’ve wanted Shu to have for it to be delivered in such an extravagant fashion. Ritsu even promises to handle it with care if it’s something fragile. He flicks open one of the latches but is stopped as soon as he places his thumb on the second one.

“ _ Leave it. _ ”

Ritsu stutteredly nods and places the box aside. The rest of Winter Troupe watch Shu quietly arrange his things, Jun even looks at Ritsu who seemed apologetic for trying to pry through Shu’s things despite the protests. They shuffle through more things quietly, not wanting to comment on anything particular unless it was about the placement of those said things. It was quiet till the very end when Shu apologises to Ritsu for earlier.

Ritsu shakes his head and apologises for his own mistake for fiddling with Shu’s things. It’s not his place to try to pry into people’s things, he should have pushed his curiosity aside. Shu shakes his head―he was just  _ embarrassed _ to show everyone what was in the box.

“Embarrassment? You feel embarrassed about what’s in the box?” Jun asks confusedly. Embarrassment? Itsuki Shu can feel embarrassment? That’s not the Shu he knows. The Shu he knows is  _ never embarrassed _ about anything―He can talk and inspire people about feeling satisfied with their identity without breaking a single drop of sweat. Just what was in that box that made him feel such crawling embarrassment?

Shu nods as he flicks open the latches. It’s a prized possession that his grandparents got him, it’s an old thing―Nobody quite understood why he kept such a thing. People used to look down on him for owning such a thing. What that thing was―All of Winter Troupe peered closely to see what was Shu so shy about showing.

A doll. A pristine antique doll. Her name is Madamoiselle, she is Shu’s favourite doll that his grandparents gave him for his 5th birthday. He cherished Madamoiselle for years, he loved such a divine doll. He used to take her everywhere he had to go. If he did, then why did he stop?

Shu explains how Madamoiselle just took up space. Other than that, her arms are broken so it became impossible to handle. He left it at his parents’ house in hopes that she’ll be in better care there but it seems his parents had other plans for the dear doll. She can stay in his room, though he isn’t so sure how careful he’ll be with having such a fragile thing around here.

“Don’t you want to bring it to a repair shop or something?” Mao asks.

Shu shakes his head.

“She’s fine the way she is, Isara,” Shu says with a weak smile.

That weak smile bothers Jun. He should get it fixed, no matter what. Surely, Madamoiselle would like such a fix. She’d probably be happier and prettier after a good fix but if Shu refuses, he can’t force him.

Occasionally, when no one is at home and it’s an off-day, Jun would talk to her. Ask her questions; what does she like to eat? What was Shu like as a child? Has Shu always been weird since childhood or did he knocked his head and straight-up become weird? All those foolish questions, though unanswered, he would like to think Madamoiselle answered them in her own way. It’s fun talking to such a charming woman.

“ _ I’ve made copies of the script. I’m going to pass it around, okay? _ ”

A mystery. Tsumugi apparently died while writing this. Jun can see why―There are too many lines for Jun’s comfort. Also, some kanji that Jun just  _ does not recognise _ . He can’t fathom the ability to say all of these lines with ease. Whoever he’s getting, Shu is going to have to do  _ twice _ the work to help him read because he can  _ barely _ understand this script.

“Sazanami seems fitting for Shiki, don’t you think so?” Mao suggests, Jun sticks his tongue out in protest. Mao tells him not to stick his tongue out―This role is for his own good, apparently. It’s so people can get a good look at Jun for once. He’s always hiding in the background, it’s no good.

Natsume nods. Didn’t he get that weird fan letter during their debut play? Jun should utilise his ability to stand out more, Anzu mentions how she doesn’t really want to think about  _ that _ letter. To be honest, Jun doesn’t remember where he placed that letter―Jun probably stuffed it into the vanity or something. He should probably go find it later.

“Besides, I think it’d be better if Shiki was younger than Sagishima. Jun fits the criteria of someone young-looking and free-spirited. In fact, that’s probably his entire personality.” Mao notes as he flips through the script. If they wanted someone young, Ritsu is right there but then again, Ritsu isn’t  _ exactly free-spirited _ . It’s also isn’t right to put someone who has been lead as second-lead. That’d be unfair to the troupe. Natsume is a choice but the other doesn’t seem quite up for it. That  _ seriously _ leaves Jun to do it, huh?

“If you work hard, I can ask my parents to send me as many strawberries as you want from Hokkaido.”

_ Deal.  _

Jun remembers Ritsu talking about being dragged to Hokkaido one holiday for strawberry-picking. Jun vaguely recalled Ritsu mentioning how if his parents decided they are in dire need of more obscure fruit-picking holidays, he’ll try to get strawberries for him. Ritsu is sly, he caught him in his trap by being reminding him about that conversation. He better prepare one whole truckload of strawberries then.

“Isn’t that expensive?!” Anzu exclaims as Ritsu shakes his head. He can figure out the details later. Right now, they should be worried about settling the cast for the play. They’d have to figure out someone who can play the protagonist, Sagishima. 

Ah, right. It has to be someone who can go along Jun as well. It’d be ideal to have someone that wasn’t leading the debut play. Mao states how he’ll pass while Natsume notes how he had a different role in mind. Ritsu shakes his head, he’s  _ significantly _ smaller than Jun thus making him a butler would be too out of place. Someone taller and bigger framed than Jun would be perfect.

“ _ Like Itsuki-san. _ ” Ritsu points at Shu who tilts his head in confusion. Shu as the lead? That seemed fitting. He’s always meddling with Jun and how he spends his day at the dorm so it seemed fitting to have Shu as his butler. Constantly watching over him as Jun goes about his day, it’s honestly funny to think about.

It seems once the two leads are settled, the rest of the cast proceeds rather easily.

_ Though, Jun wonders about that choice on the real culprit… Is that really okay? _

“ _ I’m afraid it’s too late. _ ”

Just as Jun gets a maid to call for the doctor, Shu abruptly tells Jun that. What does he mean that? Jun doesn’t seem to be capable of fathoming the outcome that has been laid out in front of him.

“ _ What? _ ”

Without sparing a glance to him, Shu gets up and tells him rather unremorsefully.

“ _ She’s dead, Shiki-sama. _ ”

Something is right. Shu’s face is still but his gestures aren’t still at all. He understands that Sagishima has weird tricks up his sleeve but he’s also rather steeled too, isn’t he? Shouldn’t Shu be a little bit more remorseful about the passing of Miss Kusanagi? It seems his head is somewhere else.

“Kagehira-san,” Jun says without sparing a glance at the younger. 

He hears a hum that clearly indicates that the other is listening.

“ _ Why are we doing handstands in the hallway? _ ”

Mika smiles brightly. He can’t remember the reason why they’re doing handstands in the middle of the hallway. He just remembered agreeing to it and Mika felt pleased to finally have a challenger, whatever that means. Why couldn’t he ask someone else like Koga or Subaru? They probably know how to do a handstand. Speaking of which, can anyone else in Winter Troupe do a handstand? It’d be cool if someone unexpected like Natsume could do a handstand.

“ _ Woah―! _ ”

Jun won but at what cost?

Shu walked into Mika who loses balance, leaving them both toppling over each other. It’s kind of funny now that Jun is looking at it, he kind of wants to laugh. It’s a stupid joke but he can’t help it.

“Hey look, our roles are reversed.”

Shu huffs and states that  _ it has not _ . Shu asks Mika to  _ please get off him _ , Mika laughs and apologises for doing handstands in the middle of the hallway  _ but _ Shu should’ve been more careful too. Had he noticed, maybe he wouldn’t have bumped into Mika. Shu scoffs and calls it nonsensical―Just what on earth were the two of them doing handstands in the middle of the hallway? Are they crazy?

Jun shrugs as Mika states that he wanted to know who could do the handstand for the longest!

Before Shu could continue scolding Mika, Ritsu catches them and complains how he has been looking for Shu and Jun all over. The meeting is about to start soon―everyone is waiting for them already.

Ah. Is that..?

“Jun? You okay?”

Jun nods and follows Ritsu to the meeting. He stuffs the roll of bandage tape into his pocket.

This isn’t right. Jun can’t feel at ease like this.

“ _ Director, _ ” Jun calls out. Anzu lifts her head up from the script, she asks what’s wrong.

Jun can’t take it. He can’t handle the feeling of someone lurking behind him. It’s uncomfortable, he wants to stand behind Shu instead. He can’t relax at all if he has someone behind him at all times―God, he doesn’t know why but it makes him feel  _ physically watched _ . It’s honestly unbearable.

The rest of the group note how absurd the positions will be, though.

If Sagishima isn’t the one standing behind Shiki, it’d be hard to tell what kind of relationship the duo have. It’d be acceptable during  _ some scenes _ but  _ not all _ , it just feels out of place otherwise. Jun sighs and succumbs to the complaints; he’ll just have to find a way to get used to having someone lurking behind him.

“Now, now, Sazanami, why don’t I try to stand behind you every day for you to get accustomed―That way, I can also understand how it feels to be in Sagishima’s position,” Shu suggests. Jun immediately rejects it. No thanks. That’d be too unbearable.

There’s a screech from Jun and Shu’s room.

_ Just what has happened now…? _

Madamoiselle is missing. She is not sitting on Shu’s shelf, like she always is. Shu looks distressed. He complains about how expensive the doll is and recounts how unlikely that the thief has gone far due to how heavy she is. With that deduction, it is clear to say― _ The thief is within this building! _

This is a serious case of theft. They must take this seriously!

_ Oh boy. _

“The suspects of for the thievery of my prized possession doll are  _ these three! _ ”

First, Takamine Midori. Spring Troupe’s strange baby. That seems unlikely. So very unlikely. While yes, it’s true that the younger likes dolls and fluffy things  _ but _ why would he try to steal Shu’s doll? It’s a pristine, antique doll that needs to be handled with care. He wouldn’t try to steal it, honestly. He doesn’t seem to have the ability to care for it like Shu has.

Second, Morisawa Chiaki. Yumenosaki Company’s manager. He’s poor, that is true. Jun can’t say that  _ isn’t a lie _ . He’s all roughed up and filled with patches, he should get new clothes. It seems likely that he would steal such an expensive antique doll in exchange for money  _ but _ Chiaki also has a heart of gold and cannot lie so he’s definitely out of the question. Definitely. 100%.

Third, the last culprit, Anzu. Yumenosaki Company’s director. This also isn’t out of the question. Definitely. Anzu is, unfortunately,  _ very money-minded _ . From  _ almost _ immediately accepting a showdown by Dramatica because the winning prize was money to haggling Kuro to buy her something ridiculous, all she cares about is money and work. Definitely. Though, Anzu doesn’t seem like the type to even want a doll like Madamoiselle. She believes in superstitions like Chiaki so if anything, she’d probably try to avoid the doll as nicely as possible.

Jun hears the other members come back from looking around. Alas, no one has taken the doll anywhere. Or at least, whoever took it, must have gone further than expected. It seems to have gone completely missing. Such a shame, Jun thought.

_ Wait. No, that’s not right. _

Just as Jun figured out who was the culprit, Shu mentions how it was fine. Surprisingly, Shu seems indifferent over the loss of such a precious friend. He apologises for causing such trouble on the company and left. Jun feels guilty about such a face. He doesn’t like it when Shu has that kind of face on.

“You can’t handle having someone behind you, that’s clear as day on stage. Clearly, it’s trauma-induced. Do you think you can remember why?” Keito asks Jun who shakes his head.

All he knows is that it feels like he has instinctively moved away from whatever is behind him. It feels like he’s in danger when he has someone behind him. Anzu frowns at the thought and asks if it would work out better if he reminded himself who was behind him. He hasn’t tried that, yet.

“Maybe I should start carrying strawberry-flavoured things again, that way you won’t hit me like last time I tried standing behind you.” Shu ponders as Jun tries to recall the last time  _ that _ happened. He can’t remember at all. Does he have amnesia or short-term memory? Is it possible to have both? Should he ask Ritsu that later? Maybe.

Street acts have gotten easy. Though with this kind of setting, it’s a little hard to be able to act as naturally as he normally does. Just stay aware of who’s behind him―That’s supposed to be easy. It’s just Shu. Itsuki Shu, the tallest man in the world who wears heels to become  _ even taller _ than he already is and a famous fashion designer that has a precious friend named Madamoiselle. Jun finds himself chanting that in his head as he straightens his back.

“ _ You lost? Rare to find a high-class heir like yourself around here. _ ”

Jun squints at Mao who gives him an unamused look.  _ Get on with it _ , Mao’s face says very clearly despite the lack of lip movement present. Jun asks Mao has the time to spare a conversation, Mao pretends to look at the clock on the wall. A couple of minutes then he’s off. He has no time for dilly-dallying.

Jun quickly asks Shu to hand him a fake newspaper. He folds it neatly and points at the printed article in the front cover.

“ _ You’re investigating this case, no? _ ”

Mao quirks an eyebrow and asks why would Jun be interested in such a thing. Unless Jun knew about the list of suspects that were all being questioned at the moment?

“ _ If I help you, will you clear my name from the list? _ ”

Jun stands in front of Anzu’s door. Usually, he’d try to get advice from Ritsu or even Mao. Despite being older than them, those two really know how to feel about situations. Maybe for Mao, it’s the fact that he’s one of the eldest in his side of the family but for Ritsu, maybe, he just spent a lot of time being on his own so he figured everything out on his own. Jun isn’t so sure. All he knows is that he shouldn’t be bothering those two for every measly thing that gets in his way.

Just as Jun was about to knock, Anzu opens the door and yelps.

“ _ Do you think Shu meant it when he said that he didn’t need Madamoiselle anymore? _ ”

Jun watches Anzu hum as she poured two glasses of water. She shakes her head as she hands Jun, a glass of water. If Madamoiselle really was something Shu didn’t need, then he would’ve thrown her away long ago. He wouldn’t have held onto Madamoiselle dearly and took good care of her. There’s just no way Shu truly thinks of her as something unnecessary.

“ _ Then why did he say it was unnecessary to report it and everything? _ ”

Anzu pauses for a moment. She doesn’t know. All she knows is that she wants to find Madamoiselle and return her to Shu as soon as possible. Anzu doesn’t know if being able to return Madamoiselle is a good idea or not  _ but _ she just feels it’s necessary to. Though, she’s starting to lose hope too. She can’t find a single clue to where the doll had gone off to. It’s like she turned alive and started walking off on her own.

Jun stays silent for a moment. He tells Anzu to lean closer. When she does, Jun whispers something into her ear.

“ _ Itsuki-san, there’s only room for one loiterer in this house, _ ” Jun insults Shu as he throws a blanket over him. Just why has he been sleeping in all sorts of places? Not to mention, he doesn’t know how to curl up  _ at all _ .

Shu’s gangly arms and legs get in the way and take up space.  _ Dear God. _ Though such a sight, it worries Jun a little. He asks Shu just what has been making him sleep in such a way that it seems like a poor mimic of Jun. Shu laughs as he wraps himself tightly around the blanket. Though it’s summer, the night has been awfully breezy.

“ _ I was wondering about my role, that is all _ .”

Weird. To sleep in awkward places that don’t suit him? Is that his idea of role-studying? Jun sighs and tells Shu that that is not like him at all. Shu rebuts with a comment on how draping a blanket and caring for him is unlike Jun either. They chuckle for a while. They haven’t been themselves lately, huh?

Jun stays silent as Shu blabbers about how he has spent too long in looking into a Sagishima that does not suit him. He tried to make a Sagishima that was not capable of being played by Shu. It’s hilarious, honestly. He spent so much time in creating someone he didn’t want to be that it disrupted him from being himself.

“Looks like you’ve lost your sense of having a muse.”

Shu hums confusedly.

“Today’s muse is you, Itsuki-san. Tomorrow’s muse, we won’t know for sure― _ we’ll just have to wait and see. _ ”

Tomorrow’s muse is Madamoiselle who sports a maid outfit that is done in a similar fashion as Shu’s maid costume and butler costume. Jun can’t help but wonder why that costume change is even necessary.

Though Tsumugi had no worries in fitting a scene where Sagishima appears as a maid when Shiki tries to tail Keiichi around the town. The scene is a rather comical scene; Sagishima running up to Shiki in a maid getup, asking Shiki alarmingly where has he been as Sagishima had been looking for him  _ all over the place _ . It felt like a scene out of a Summer Troupe play honestly. Though, it did feel good to have such a scene. It makes Sagishima feel and look real. He felt less like someone who was waiting by idly and sourly commenting on every single move Shiki made.

Shu delicately holds Madamoiselle and asked how the rest of Winter Troupe found her. He thought Madamoiselle was gone  _ forever _ .

“Such a prized possession, I was often told by my peers that I’m childish for wanting to keep her and that such an old creepy broken doll like her should be tossed away. I never brought her out again  _ because _ I was often told by people around me that weren’t my family, to never be a disgrace.”

Shu pauses for a moment, delicately holding her hand.

Shu could spend years being loved by his family, wholeheartedly but it still won’t be enough to chase the fear he gets from being himself. The fear he gets from being told that he’s weird for wanting to do the things that he loves;  _ wearing feminine clothing, dancing and twirling about in public, having the ability to share his feelings and words without being misunderstood _ ―Shu wanted to have friends that cherished him the way he is. For the longest time, he tucked Madamoiselle away in hopes that people would scorn him less.  _ It worked _ but it felt strange. It felt irresponsible.

“I was afraid of everyone making fun of me for owning such a thing―I didn’t expect you to  _ fix her _ .”

Natsume corrects Shu on how they didn’t fix her, they  _ healed her _ better. Though Mao and Ritsu spent all night on mending her arms and clothes―Jun wonders if it’s safe to let them on stage in such a frazzled condition. Ritsu complains about how it’s been  _ years _ since he last sewn that he almost lost count over the amount of bandages he’d used in the process. Mao doesn’t want to think about how long it took to fix the limbs, he was almost working on automatic at one point. Though, they’re glad their hard work paid off.

“Today’s muse is  _ Madamoiselle _ ―Don’t you think so?” Jun asks as Shu smiles brightly.

Today’s muse is Madamoiselle, she’ll be Winter Troupe’s muse, their moonlight and their purpose of today. _ No _ , wouldn’t it be more appropriate if she were the muse of this run? Jun wonders about that.

_ Maybe Miss Kusanagi will look like Madamoiselle to them? _

It’s almost time. They gather in a circle and ask Shu to give them a good cheer, he’s allowed to do whatever he wants because his leader this time. Whatever it is, Jun halfheartedly hopes he isn’t going to ask them to do ridiculous things all of a sudden.

“Alright, first, raise one hand up. Then, place one foot tendu, and then extend it up high—arabesque!” Shu does some weird pose that is honestly rather difficult to do but more importantly, why does Ritsu have a perfect form in this?!

Ritsu looks at everyone in confusion, asking if there’s something wrong. Yes, why is it that Ritsu is the one doing that pose with no restraint. Jun hopes Mao has an explanation to why Ritsu can do it perfectly fine like Shu while Jun and Mao are struggling to keep themselves completely afloat. Natsume stopped trying after the first two attempts, Jun feels so sorry for him.

“Now, let us blossom in full glory and soar high across the sky together, Winter Troupe...!”

Jun can’t help but laugh until he loses balance when he sees everyone in this awkward huddle. Just what on earth made Shu think this was a great idea? Jun doesn’t know. Jun doesn’t understand the guy but he can’t help but laugh warmly at the amount of love he pours in every single thing he wants to do with Winter Troupe.

“ _ That is what you say, however, you simply wish to meet the young miss, do you not? _ ”

Sagishima hums in wonder, he’s suspecting Shiki on more irresponsible love quarrels again. How many times has this happened? The last time he suspected Shiki on having a possible interest in the heir to Eru family when he had gone to visit the heir to require advice on the type of cloth he should make his kimono in next. That butler of his can be a busybody without even trying, he does make some form of an attempt on hiding the fact it’s very indecent of him to make such an assumption on his master.

Though, it must be because he is heir that he gets suspected of these kinds of things.

“ _ Would you stop implying that there’s an ulterior motive to my kindness? _ ”

Arriving at the scene, Shiki asks if Miss Kusanagi is around. She seemed to have left her handkerchief at his house, the last time they spoke. Shiki can’t fully recall the topic. What were they talking about? It was something rather political and strange for someone of the Kusanagi family to say.

They find her body lied on the garden floor.

“ _ I’m afraid it’s too late. _ ”

Just as Shiki gets a maid to call for the doctor, Sagishima abruptly tells Shiki those three terrifying words. What does he mean that? Shiki doesn’t seem to be capable of fathoming the outcome that has been laid out in front of him. Who would do such a thing…?

“ _ What? _ ”

Sagishima looks up to him and gives him a rather remorse look, he quietly places the dead woman’s handkerchief over her eyes and quietly pronounced her dead. It’s such a shame, Shiki thought. Shiki wondered how such faith could befall such a kind woman?

Due to being at the scene of the crime, he is obviously suspected. No doubt. Shiki cannot deny that. It’s too easy to be called a suspect when he was the one who identified the body, Sagishima laughs at Shiki’s bitter glares at the newspaper. Don’t just toss his name around when all he did was arrive at the scene to return a measly handkerchief. He has no idea how he even got into this mess.

“Sagishima, I want to visit someone.”

Sagishima looks at him peculiarly before sighing at Shiki walking ahead of him. Sagishima asks if he’s planning on clearing that name of his? Of course, why wouldn’t he? Not only is his family going to disown him from all of his inheritance, he’d also never kill a friend like the young woman of the Kusanagi family. He may be stupid but he isn’t reckless.

“ _ You lost? Rare to find a high-class heir like yourself around here. _ ”

Shiki squints at Nakatsu who gives him an unamused look.  _ Get on with it _ , Nakatsu’s face says very clearly despite the lack of lip movement present. Are all detectives  _ this _ scary? Shiki shakes his head a little before asking Nakatsu if he has the time to spare a conversation. Nakatsu shrugs, a couple of minutes then he’s off. He has no time for dilly-dallying.

Shiki quickly asks Sagishima to present him the newspaper this morning. He folds it neatly and points at the printed article in the front cover.

“ _ You’re investigating this case, no? _ ”

Nakatsu quirks an eyebrow and asks why would Shiki be interested in such a thing.  _ Unless _ , Nakatsu is a quick fellow. Far quicker than Shiki could ever be at times. He respects that capability. His name and personality  _ definitely _ suit his job. If Shiki were to say that aloud, he’s sure that this isn’t going to be the first time Sagishima has carefully prayed for a dead body.

“ _ If I help you, will you clear my name from the list? _ ”

The first suspect was suggested by the brother of Miss Kusanagi, Shizuma. Shizuma heard about his sister supposedly wanting to be engaged by a slum. Shizuma remarks how it’s such a worry to think about how eager his sister wanting to marry such a dirty man.

“You understand my pain, don’t you? Wouldn’t you be worried if you saw her in places she shouldn’t be in?”

Shiki slowly nods as Shizuma holds his hand gingerly. He whispers  _ thank you _ as Shiki watches Shizuma’s long hair blow in the wind.

_ Huh? That’s a strange scent... _

Shiki was asked if he could stroll around the town district, hoping he’ll spot a man that so happens to be part of Miss Kusanagi’s love affair. Though, why would Miss Kusanagi hide a lover? Isn’t love the best feeling in the world, or so they say? Shiki doesn’t quite understand. He just knows that he’s meant to be on the lookout for a young man named  _ Soma Keiichi _ . 

Hm? A brothel house?

Wasn’t Keiichi and Miss Kusanagi supposed to be engaged? Shiki tries to recall the details that Nakatsu supplied but somehow looking at Keiichi walk out almost as quickly as he entered, it places him in a weird juxtaposition. Just who is this man and what is he doing in a brothel house?

“ _ Shiki-sama! _ ”

Shiki turns around and finds a disaster unfold itself. Goddammit, he’s going to lose track of the first suspect if he doesn’t continue following him _ but _ more importantly, is that Sagishima in a maid outfit? _ What is he trying to do? _

Shiki seriously doesn’t understand that man. He asks, in a rather alarmed tone, just what is Sagishima trying to do in such an outfit. According to  _ the maid _ , he is undercover. Shiki doesn’t get him at all.

“ _ Shiki-sama, don’t you know? In cafes, girls always dress like this. _ ”

The more they gather details about Keiichi as a person of his own, the more muddled the idea of what the newspapers and the heresy Shiki has been hearing about the man. A son of a prostitute, he works as a back alley doctor for women in need. _Then why is the description given to Nakatsu_ _different?_

Nakatsu clicks his tongue. Stupid rich people. Of course, they’d slap such a label on a slum like Keiichi. He was the only suspect to be brought in for questioning so many times, Nakatsu and Sagishima noted how they should have noticed how strange that was. Every other suspect, Shiki included, were only brought in half of the number of times Keiichi was. Though, if that were the case, then who would try  _ so hard _ to pin a poor man for murder?

Sagishima stares at Shiki who looks distraught.

Shiki doesn’t like it at all. The dots that were being connected painted such an ugly picture. Shiki shakes his head and lies that he has no idea who would be capable of throwing so much of his disposable income on this, Sagishima gives him an unamused look. Sagishima asks Nakatsu if they should check up on Keiichi. The amount of times he’s gotten detained, surely that it has led him to believe  _ he _ actually did murder his own fiancee. Though, judging by the information laid out here, it is very unlikely.

“ _ Shiki-sama, _ ” Sagishima calls out. 

Shiki looks up and he’s met with a strict face. That’s the boldest facial expression Sagishima has ever made in Shiki’s life. For a moment, Shiki can feel a drop in his stomach.

“I would rather not be involved in your own love affairs  _ but _ sometimes, you should climb down from that throne of yours and see what kind of struggles we have to put up with once in a while.” Sagishima leaves to follow Nakatsu to track down Keiichi in hopes that the younger was still in a sane condition. Shiki stops for a minute and wonders if what Sagishima sees is the same as what Shiki sees.

_ A small part of him doubts it. _

Were they too late? They find Keiichi heaving in a hallway, he definitely got stabbed. Sagishima acts quickly as Shiki watches Nakatsu assists Sagishima in caring for the wounded man. Those words Sagishima said earlier; Shiki doesn’t understand the struggles that they’ve been through. Shiki kind of gets it. Looking at Sagishima gingerly inspects all of Keiichi’s wounds as Nakatsu quickly takes out any sort of medicine to help him. Shiki realises that he is very misplaced in doing this case.

“ _ Are you alright, my dear? _ ”

Shiki should have known not to get too close. He was told not to meddle with such affairs. He could have simply not gotten involved in this  _ yet he did _ . The feeling of Shizuma pushing his hair aside as he giggles about how unkempt Shiki can be for such a divine heir. Shizuma is a sweet-talker. It’s obvious that Shiki fell for such a trap. It really is his fault for wagging his tail so willingly in front of such a fatal person. Just why was Shiki such a fool for falling for such simple tricks that even a dog could outwit him for?

“ _ I think we would be great friends, Kusanagi-kun. _ ”

Shiki yearned for such a warmth but he misplaced it in someone’s hands that would make him dance so foolishly in front of a sick audience. He wasn’t going to  _ help _ Shiki clear his name if Shiki kept meddling with him. He wasn’t going to  _ befriend _ Shiki if Shiki manages to help him frame Keiichi, an unbeknownst bystander that was tossed into a cage and beaten senseless until he confessed to a crime he didn’t commit. He wasn’t going to do anything if Shiki helped him dispel all of that because Shizuma isn’t interested in the value Shiki has afterward.

_ Stupid dog _ , Sagishima’s voice echoed in his head.

_ He really thought he was  _ **_helping_ ** _ Shizuma get some sense of closure with his sister. _

“ _ Shiki-sama! _ ” Sagishima knocks him out of his small little trance, he looks at him worriedly. Nakatsu folds his arms, asking if Shiki was too scared of the blood he saw that poured onto everyone’s clothes. Shiki isn’t so sure, actually. Maybe he was. He apologises for that.

Nakatsu shrugs. It’s fine. Heirs don’t touch these parts often so it was to be expected. Sagishima is checking if Keiichi is alright while Nakatsu places a cup of tea on the table for Shiki. It seemed Shiki had managed to walk to Nakatsu’s place without uttering a single word. Amazing since Shiki is usually talking a lot despite the lack of context.

“The murderer,” Shiki says. Nakatsu quirks an eyebrow as Keiichi looks at Shiki. He looks lost and tired. He doesn’t want to be here. His face says it;  _ Please don’t say it’s me. _ Shiki pities him, he walks up to him and pulls out a piece of candy from his pocket. Keiichi is forced to eat some sweet candy that Shiki doesn’t recall the ridiculous price it was tagged with, he asks why are heirs so weird. Shiki shrugs, he doesn’t know why they are so weird.

“I’ll go to him, I believe he won’t exactly fess up if it were any of you so will you meet me there later? Keiichi, take as much rest as possible―Sagishima can assist you with  _ anything _ you would need.” Shiki says before stepping out.

Shiki wonders if he’ll die in the process. Maybe but that’s fine. In his life so far, he has spent it doing  _ absolutely nothing interesting _ so to be used as a token to properly revert the attention back on Shizuma, it’s definitely worth it. He isn’t so sure if it’s called an act of bravery or an act of idiocy though does it really matter?

A blind lovestruck puppy―That’s all Shiki is. Foolishly wagging his tail and following this beauty down the hall, not once realising the damage that this beauty has made him do. It’s a dance with the deuce, no doubt. Shiki can’t tell if he purposely kept the blindfold on or he did it unwillingly, all he knows is that he realised he failed to follow Sagishima’s footsteps this time.

Shiki wants to laugh.

Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Wasn’t it supposed to be Sagishima that followed Shiki?

Useless lapdogs like him will never learn their lesson until they realise that outside the comfort of their little worlds, there is always something else to do. Stop sucking on your thumb, Shiki scolding himself.

“ _ Kusanagi-kun _ ,” Shiki calls out to the older, he looks a little different today. He smells of calming―Is that just a family thing? Didn’t Miss Kusanagi smell of this that day too?

When Shiki asks about the scent, all he is answered with is about how it’s a personal blend of oils Shizuma received. If Shiki would like, Shizuma has no issue in gifting Shiki a bottle of it. If he would like, Shizuma wouldn’t mind letting him try some right now. He takes out a tiny bottle of essential oil and tries to reach out to Shiki’s neck.

Shiki declines nicely. The smell was so strong that Shizuma could honestly smell it from his exposed neck that was a lot closer than Shiki expected. On one hand, he tries to shake himself out of this weird trance he’s in and on the other, he’s finding this situation peculiar. Wasn’t his sister in the same position? Well, Shiki doubt Shizuma did  _ whatever he did _ to Shiki but it doesn’t change the fact that Shiki is sitting in the same seat as her, staring at the same tea blend she drank that and Shizuma was giving off the same scent as her that day.

“ _ Kusanagi-kun, are you a one-trick pony? _ ”

Shizuma gets taken aback by Shiki’s sudden comment and asks what made him say such a crude thing. Could it be? Does Shiki suspect Shizuma as the culprit? Shiki shrugged, it wouldn’t be hard to assume such things. First, Shizuma was the one that insisted that Keiichi was the culprit despite not having the alibi and personality that Shizuma carefully crafted for him. Second, Shizuma didn’t exactly talk to anyone outside of those he could seek aid from―Shiki included. He never once sought proper aid to Nakatsu who was a rather good detective, in Shiki’s opinion. Third, Shizuma’s alibi fits the timing, no? Shizuma was surprised to see Shiki the day his sister died but not in the same way he was just now.

“You actually know about her plans on using her share of the fortune to aid  _ those slums you so happen to hate so much,  _ right?”

Shiki ducks under the table as soon as Shizuma pulls out a pocket knife.  _ Yikes _ , Shiki came  _ completely unprepared. _ God, he hopes Sagishima and Nakatsu arrive quickly enough. He has learned his lesson in being a goddamn baboon. For now on, he’ll listen properly and consider fulfilling Miss Kusanagi’s wish.

Speaking of which, that conversation Shiki had last time he saw her. It was something about the district Keiichi’s from. Was she asking if Shiki would like to collaborate on salvaging such a horrid place? Maybe. Maybe she was.

Shiki’s thoughts are cut short when Shizuma finally pins the pocket knife against his neck. Well, at least his death was in vain. Now, Shizuma  _ really _ has nowhere else to go. Miss Kusanagi died without a trace of blood but  _ Shiki will _ .

“I believe that’s considered a crime, Kusanagi Shizuma-kun.”

Shiki puffs out a sigh of relief―He lives. He certainly will live thanks to Sagishima. Sagishima and Nakatsu arrest Shizuma with no issue. It’s a shame, honestly. Maybe Shiki thought Shizuma and his sister were the same. They weren’t really. He actually thought they could have become good friends had it not been that small fatal misstep.

“Though, I do wonder what kind of tea blend is this?” Shiki picks up the cup. He began describing it; it was a clean smell, almost impossible to detect. It looks like Darjeeling tea but that tea has a sweet smell. Right as he puts his lips on it, Sagishima takes it away.

“Larkspur, you’ll die if you try to drink it.”

Nakatsu explains how that’s probably how Miss Kusanagi died so easily. Nakatsu tosses the bottle of essential oils that Shizuma tried putting Shiki earlier, he asks what was in it. He lets Sagishima have a smell who in return made a disgusted face. Lavender, Chamomile, Marjoram, Neroli, Sandalwood, Clary Sage, Rose, and Ylang Ylang―He was clearly just trying to pretend to soothe his sister’s pain but in reality, was probably drugging her to quicken the pace. What a foul man.

“If another one of these kinds of cases pops up, I’ll be sure to give you a call―I’ll see you around, Tojo-san.”

Shiki bids Nakatsu goodbye. On the way home, Shiki entails Sagishima a discussion he had with Miss Kusanagi prior to her death. The last visit where she left her handkerchief at their house. It was about helping the poor side of town, she has always been kind-hearted. Nothing much like her brother, really.

“Here I thought you liked being a lapdog,” Sagishima joked.

“Not when the owner I’m resting on is someone who would murder me as soon as I don’t follow his orders.” Shiki glared.

_ That play was too long for Jun’s taste. _

What was going in Tsumugi’s mind when he made this script? Jun doesn’t want to know. He’s tired. He doesn’t want to think about it anymore. He just wants to sleep and snack off of those strawberries Ritsu got from Hokkaido. He never wants to think about the play ever again. He just wants to sleep forever. Can he do that? Surely, the company won’t let him.

_ Nevermind then. _

Drinking with Winter Troupe is always filled with laughter. Though Ritsu isn’t able to drink, he always seems to manage to have fun with everyone. Jun laughs as Mao annoyingly complains about how the fact that Ritsu lacked lines, he was napping in between the scenes. Really, they should have a play where Ritsu and Jun are leads―That way nobody is dozing off backstage anymore. To be frank, Jun knows Mao isn’t drunk. He’s just a little tipsy because that’s just him being himself.

Anzu wonders who the next leads should be for Winter Troupe. While Jun and Ritsu sound like a fun combination, it’d be unfair to have them become leads again. Maybe someone who hasn’t tried it yet.

“Like Sakasaki-san?” Ritsu asks. Natsume hums in amusement, him as a lead―That’d be fun. He looks forward to seeing who his second lead may be if that opportunity ever arises. Jun looks forward to it too.

More importantly, they all should be more worried about something else. Shu is sobbing about how  _ beautiful _ the play was. He’s going on about how he enjoyed being in Sagishima’s side―The cynical, tough side of the town where everyone had to fight for their right to live and were never born with a silver spoon in their mouth. Sagishima suffered so much, it’s no doubt he has a steel heart  _ but _ he cares for Shiki. That must be why he asked Shiki to understand his position in this case. That must be why he wanted Shiki to realise that Shizuma must be using him and that  _ his solution _ wasn’t the answer Miss Kusanagi wanted. It made Shu want to sob.

Unfortunately, Winter Troupe were trying their best to fathom whatever he said. 

_ They really are. _ Jun can’t say they couldn’t fathom because they were all tipsy; Anzu is rather out of it but Mao is fine as far as he goes, Jun and Natsume are heavy drinkers and Ritsu is holding a pint glass of  _ iced lemon tea _ . Clearly, they’re all pretty capable of understanding Shu. It’s just―they’re somehow unable to at the moment.

“ _ Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask _ ―Why did you decide to fix Madamoiselle?” Shu asks Jun who takes a moment to think of an answer.

Why did he decide to fix Madamoiselle, he wondered.  _ Ah. Right. _ He broke her arm when Shu went out for a meeting after practice. Her arm came  _ right off _ when he tried to bandage her arm with the bandages that fell out of Shu’s pocket that day. At the end, that made it worse so Jun quickly transported her to Mao and Ritsu’s room so they could fix it. He forgot to mention it to Shu but by the time he remembered it, Shu already said he didn’t need her anymore.

“Geez, it was really hard to fix that arm, you know?” Mao complained. He really suffered a lot in fixing such an antique doll. He really was  _ this _ close to just send it to a shop that specializes in fixing these kinds of dolls but Jun insisted the two of them fixed it. Ritsu yawned as he mentioned how tiring it was. Just thinking about it, already makes him tired.

Anzu suggests they should head home soon. It’s getting late anyway.

Just as they’re leaving, Shu calls out to them. Jun wonders what is it this time? Has this drunk man not waxed enough poetry about how much he loves them? They get it―Shu loves Winter Troupe with all of his heart. There’s no doubt in that. Though, what else does he have to say now?

“ _ Thank you. Thank you for everything. Madamoiselle is someone who I consider my best friend since childhood, a soulmate, someone to look up too―similar to how Mao and Ritsu are long-life companions to each other―and without her, I believe I would have been far lonelier than I was. _

_ To know you care for her as much as I did with her, I’m glad for that. Thank you. All of you, you really did help me understand things that I could not. Discarding her was a poor choice on my behalf. Thank you for teaching me to love again. _ ”

Jun told Shu to bend down, he lowers his head and receives a big hair ruffle. The others join along too. There’s no need to make an elaborate speech about such a thing. Madamoiselle is part of Shu, it’s obvious they’re going to treat her with care. Jun even mentions having conversations with Madamoiselle whenever Shu isn’t around. He thinks talking to her is fun, he should do it more often.

“ _ Oh, so it wasn’t just me, _ ” Natsume admits to swinging by Jun and Shu’s room during off-days to talk to Madamoiselle too. Ritsu giggles and explains that that’s all Mao and Ritsu did too. They’d talk to Madamoiselle while fixing her, telling her to take good care of herself and so on. It was almost as if they were affected by Shu.

Anzu wonders what Madamoiselle’s voice is like if all of Winter Troupe can hear her. Shu offers to speak for her the next time he gets the chance to introduce her to the  _ entire company _ . Winter Troupe makes guesses to what her voice sounds like; randomly naming idols, voice actresses and so on. Really, these people lie to themselves when they say they’re tired.

“ _ Good evening, senpai, _ ” Yuzuru greets as he answers the phone, he carefully stitches together his uchiwa. It’s almost perfect. Maybe he should paste another heart? Later. He has to listen to his senior speak to him.

It’s good to hear he enjoyed the play though he never took the other as a theater enthusiast.  _ Actually _ , he doesn’t appear to be interested in much so it was shocking to hear him say he wanted to watch a play. For a moment, Yuzuru was skeptical over his senior. What a strange fellow, Yuzuru wants to say.

“ _ Of course, I gave them the sunflowers you gifted―Don’t look at me so lowly, senpai _ .”

Yuzuru chuckles as he brings his knees close to his chest. He asks why his senior was saying that he would like to count on him  _ the next time _ he wanted to watch another Yumenosaki play. Don’t be cheap, please buy the tickets yourself. Yuzuru jokes for a while before finally saying that he looks forward to meeting his senior outside of the office.

As soon as he gets off the phone, he wonders for a moment.

_ Why did he say he’ll be in Yuzuru’s care from now on…? _

Yuzuru shakes his head. Totally unlikely. Yumenosaki company isn’t accepting anyone at the moment. At least, he doesn’t think so. He can’t trust Anzu that much sometimes. Yawning to himself, he retreats to bed peacefully. Wondering to himself for a moment, why does he have to put up with such a weird senior?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that blend is a real blend and ive had smth similar, that shit _really knocks you out good_ so be careful if u do try it! only have a bit! dont be like shizuma who probs used a huge amount to knock his sister out!  
> btw larkspurs are fatal to humans (loosened it up bc _technically you can drink larkspur tea too_ )  
> lots of stuff  
> i hope you had fun bc i surprisingly did despite the initial worry i had!!  
> thank you for reading!!


	10. I want to be held too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jun wonders if it’s lonely to be Natsume.  
> Natsume someone who never wishes to be held, it’s amazing how resilient he can be.
> 
> Jun wished Natsume cried for help too.   
> Maybe Winter Troupe would understand him better if he was honest for once, Jun bitterly thought. _That’s a rude though_ , Jun scolds himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I come back with nocturnality chapter!!  
> It took me a month to get this done, I can't believe this  
> Sorry, I started Nocturnality in such awkward timing bc I had other stuff at the same time skjdnkds  
> Anyway, I'm _okay-ish_ with this (surprisingly short??) chapter, I'm sorry if it's not as fun as you expected!!  
> I hope you enjoy!!

“We’re home,” Jun greets as he opened the door.

Ritsu and Jun find Natsume and Anzu conversing about something. Probably has to do with that package in Natsume’s hands. Did Natsume order something? Jun takes a minute to ponder about the contents of the package. Spellbooks? Laboratory equipment? Jun’s mind wanders off to stranger things that leave him completely out of the conversation between the other three. Somehow, he is glad for that. He’s afraid that he might say something inappropriate if he was involved.

“ _ Are you tired, Sazanami-kun? _ ”

Jun hums in confusion. Well, he kind of is but it seems the others wanted to do something? Jun asks what was on their mind. If it isn’t so hard then maybe he can join them along. He’s just not looking forward to counting and jotting down numbers. Stock day is the worst. Jun never wants to do it again. Though, he says this  _ every month _ while Ritsu laughs at him for consistently complaining about it.

Coloring books. That’s what was in package in Natsume’s hands.

Jun didn’t mind doing such an activity. It’s not exactly tiring. If anything, it’s a fun thing to do in their spare time. It wouldn’t hurt to spend some time doing it. It seems Ritsu didn’t mind such an idea, he makes a vague mention of how it relaxes the mind too. Though it seemed he didn’t want to go into detail. Too many things to go through in order to explain that, honestly. He’s done enough explaining today.

Just as Ritsu rubs his temples, complaining about how he’s getting a headache from  _ just thinking about work _ , Mao and Shu could be heard from the other side of the door. They’re talking about something. Jun can’t quite hear but that conversation is abruptly stopped when Mao asks what on earth is everyone doing at the entryway. They’re going to be blocking the way and someone will get hurt if they keep standing there.

Ritsu covers his ears and says that Mao’s voice is giving him a headache. Mao rolls his eyes, he can’t tell if Ritsu is  _ actually _ being serious or Ritsu is trying to annoy him again. Jun watches the two banter for a minute before Mao gives in to Ritsu’s wishes. Shu and Natsume wonder why Mao is so easily-swayed by Ritsu. It’s both charming and funny to see Mao easily give in to Ritsu’s wishes.

“The perks of being childhood friends,” Jun says as they head to Natsume’s room. It’s definitely that, isn’t it?

Mao is the type who can’t say no to anything if it’s asked sweetly. If Jun does it, Mao would give him a weird-looking before asking what  _ exactly _ is Jun trying to get out of this. If Natsume or Ritsu said it, he’d probably do whatever task he was asked to do in a flash. Maybe not Natsume but Ritsu is obviously true. Though, Jun wonders if the same applies to Shu? There’s a chance and it’s  _ definitely _ bigger than Jun’s so maybe.

“ _ Giant kindergarteners, _ ” Mao says. That is definitely true.

A group of adults huddled around one table, each holding onto their own colouring book―They seriously look like a group of kindergarteners. Giant kindergarteners. Jun kind of wants to laugh at the thought. He wonders what kind of kids everyone was like when they were younger? Though, Jun surely can’t give his piece to that conversation. He doesn’t know what he was like as a kid.

“What’s wrong, Sakasaki-san?” Anzu asks as Natsume tilts his head in confusion.

Natsume seems to have lost his colored pencils. They weren’t in their usual spot which was strange because he doubts anyone would want to go through his things. At least, he doubts anyone would invade such privacy so willingly. The rest of the troupe believes that he may have accidentally misplaced the color pencils and offered to look around his room for it.

“ _ Ah, it has appeared again―The whip. _ ”

Anzu stutters out  _ again _ while Mao tells Jun to put the whip back where he found it. No one wants to see  _ that _ . Natsume teases Anzu and Mao for having such a strange imagination. That’s a riding crop. It was gifted by a regular client who often invited Natsume to horse riding, they actually gave Natsume a complete set of equipment if anyone was curious. Shu marvels at Natsume’s regular clients on spending their money freely while Ritsu wonders if Natsume has ever tried using it for anything else.

“My, I never took you as the imaginative type―”

“Like, a shoehorn. Doesn’t it look small enough to be one?”

_ Ah.  _ Jun sometimes think Ritsu is unintentionally innocent and cute when it comes to these topics. It’s very obvious that the rest of Winter Troupe think the same whenever they are met with these kinds of topics. Sometimes, everyone kind of gets why Mao can’t say no to Ritsu. It’s pretty hard when he’s like that.  _ Very hard to say no to Ritsu when he’s like that _ .

Anzu asks Natsume about a pair of keys. They dangle brightly under the fluorescent lights, the two don’t look like the same key. Natsume explains that they’re his apartment keys, he hasn’t moved out yet because it’s a hassle. Mao scolds him for being lazy. Ritsu somehow agrees with Natsume’s statement, somehow. Maybe because Ritsu is still tired from work, his laziness is cranked up by at least 100.

“Natsume-neechan, are you here?” Arashi’s voice is heard from the other side of the door.

_ Turns out the color pencils were with Arashi and Hajime this whole time. Natsume had forgotten that he had lent the entire set to them. _

“Have you gone senile, Sakasaki?”   
  


Natsume scoffs and rolls his eyes at him.

“I’m not at that age yet, Mao.”

Coloring is fun. It really does take your mind off of things. Especially when there are no restrictions. Just choose your own set of colors and color away. Jun likes doing that. It lets him build his own little world without thinking so hard. He’ll just let fate choose his choices. God, he sounds like Shu when he says stuff like that. Jun thinks he’s getting affected by the guy already. Too bad his height won’t get affected by Shu at all.

“Isn’t Shu coloring too intensely...?”

Jun doesn’t want to come off as rude but the way Shu is coloring, it seemed like he was coloring a sketch that he had to send in for work. It didn’t seem like he was having fun at all. Though, Jun could be wrong? He isn’t exactly sure, to be honest. Maybe Shu finds joy in doing work like that, Jun guesses. Well, Shu does like to enhance the beauty in everything so it’s not wrong to say that.

Just like the furniture shopping Jun did with everyone, their personalities start leaking out of the books due to the lack of restriction on how they should color.

Shu was too elegant for Jun’s taste, it almost seemed like he was painting instead of coloring the goddamn thing. Natsume had a striking set of colors, it makes the drawing pop out of the book. Ritsu had cold and soft colors, it made his drawings so delicate. Mao had rougher colors, almost as if he wasn’t planning on coloring them properly. Though, the one with the brightest and loudest colors was Anzu’s drawings. It felt like staring at a children’s drawing.

Of course with a whole table of all sorts of coloring styles, Shu still pokes at Jun for having a pretty bleak set of colors. He complains about how it doesn’t do justice on the drawings he had chosen. Jun covers his ears as Mao tells Shu to calm down. Yeah, listen to Mao. It’s fine to color however you want, Shu.

In the midst of that coloring, Anzu starts talking about the next play. Apparently it was discussed before the troupe’s knowledge, aside from Ritsu. The two have been curious if Natsume was willing to pick up the role as lead for this run. It makes sense; Natsume is the only one who has  _ yet _ to become lead or co-lead for the play. It would be nice if Natsume was willing to give it a try.

“Isara-kun can be co-lead, you’d feel better when you have someone with experience guiding you.”

Of course, this is all depends on whether or not Natsume and Mao agree to this decision. There are no harsh feelings if this decision gets turned down. It’s all based on the actors’ comfort. Anzu isn’t interested in hurting anyone’s feelings, Ritsu is the same. They said that they could even let them think about it for a while before making a decision. The announcement was rather abrupt after all.

“I’m fine with it. What about you, Sakasaki?”

Natsume hums for a moment.

“There’s no way I can refuse such a cute request from the Director.”

Suave as always, Jun doesn’t really want to comment on Natsume’s usage of flirting towards  _ literally anyone _ . Surely with Mao, Natsume would be struck down in less than a minute when it comes to flirting his way out of anything. Though, isn’t Mao easily embarrassed when it comes to being flirted at? Maybe there’s still a chance for Natsume.

“Vampires?” Jun asks as he reads through the script. The roles are ironic all over. Only Mao remained in a role that made sense, everyone else was just all over the place. Appearance-wise, at least. Natsume makes a joke about how typically, vampires would look more like Ritsu than Natsume. It’s a change of pace to have Ritsu play an opposition role, though.

“Please don’t bring up vampires with me.”

Shu asks if there’s something wrong with vampires. Ritsu shakes his head and states that his dad’s side is a little crazy when it comes to Halloween. He rather not bring up the number of times he has been told to dress up as a vampire  _ just because _ he looks one. It’s bad enough that his  _ entire family _ on his dad’s side look like him as well. If anything, Ritsu is glad that he isn’t getting a vampire role. He rather die than be a vampire.

Jun ayes that statement. Although, the difference between him and Ritsu is that  _ he’s the one who got the vampire role. _

“Oh? Where did Isara and Sakasaki go?” Shu asks as he stuffs a strawberry in Jun’s mouth. Huh, not even Jun realised it until Shu pointed it out. Where  _ did _ they go? Don’t say that they got caught in that goddamn locked room. Jun will physically tear apart that room himself if that’s the case. It’s a curse, it needs to be burnt. Kill it with fire.

Jun giggles to himself when he realises that he sounds like Ritsu’s role.

“They went out just now,” Ritsu answers as he flips through his script. It’s surprising to see Ritsu not worried about them despite Anzu literally biting her nails over the worry that the two of them might fight. Ritsu seriously doesn’t seem bothered. Or maybe he is…? Shu and Jun look at each other before glancing at the quiet and still Ritsu.

“Typically, you would worry about pairing those two up, no?” Shu asks Ritsu who looks up from his script.

Ritsu tilts his head and asks what does Shu mean when he says that? He even quirks an eyebrow at them. Clearly, there’s something Ritsu isn’t catching that the other two are. Another time to add to the list of times where Ritsu appears to be a lot more innocent than his face lets him on to be.

“Aren’t you worried about Isara-san and Sakasaki-san? Don’t you think those two will fight?” Jun asks.

Ritsu hums for a moment before shaking his head. Mao may quarrel with Natsume but he probably can figure out how to help Natsume. Hopefully. Ritsu doesn’t really know but he believes they’ll be fine. They didn’t seem to be fighting or acting awkward around each other when they left so why should Ritsu worry? He’ll hear what happened during the trip later when Mao comes back, anyway. Ritsu ends the conversation at that and goes back to reading his script.

Jun and Shu undoubtedly came to the same conclusion. Is it safe to assume that, though? Well, that gesture  _ obviously _ spelled it out.

_ Ritsu is jealous, isn’t he? _

“ _ Hm? You’re not eating? _ ”

Mao tilts his head as he furrowed his eyebrows. He voices his concern for Natsume’s lack of appetite. It’s not good to skip meals.

“ _ I eat during irregular hours. Don’t worry about me; go on and eat. _ ”

Natsume smiles softly as he pushes the fake plate aside. He rather watch Mao eat satisfyingly than eat. It makes him happy to see that his efforts hadn’t gone to waste. Nothing is more satisfying than the sight of a pleasing smile that Mao wears on his face.

Somehow, it feels unsatisfying watching Natsume acts as Reo. Doesn’t he seem like he’s not even properly playing Reo? Jun has significantly less experience than most of the troupe but even he can tell that Natsume isn’t really getting into his role. Anzu points it out as well. Mao offers Natsume advice as they talk about their roles together.

Jun can’t help but feel a little worried that there might be a personal reason why Natsume just  _ can’t _ get into Reo.

“ _ It’d be better if Kota shifts to stage right during this line, right? _ ”

Ritsu quirks an eyebrow at Mao before shaking his head.

“ _ The audience would get distracted if you do that. Rather than that, it’d be better if Reo turns this way… _ ”

Just how long have they been at this? An hour? Maybe more? Jun can’t tell anymore. Either way, Ritsu is definitely a lot harsher on Mao than expected. Even back when they did Mystery and Sympathy, Ritsu was a lot softer. Jun can’t help but wonder if Ritsu is just trying to show how annoyed he is at Mao? Wait, no―Ritsu already told him that he isn’t jealous. Then again,  _ that’s what Ritsu said. _

Jun turns away and hears Natsume and Shu conversing with each other. Natsume asks Shu, how he feels about theater. That is a good question.

“However, what’s important to me is not about like or dislike—but rather, whether or not I feel the significance in it.  _ And I do believe that theater has a significance to me. _ ”

Somehow, Jun isn’t so surprised by that answer. Natsume wouldn’t be surprised either but why does he look deep in thought after hearing that answer? Don’t tell him that Natsume is planning on running away again? Wouldn’t it be best to talk it out with the rest of the troupe than running away again? Jun doesn’t quite understand Natsume. It worries him a little.

“ _ Sakasaki-san? _ ”

Natsume has not been himself  _ at all. _ The way he stares at his reflection, it seems something about the costume is throwing him off. Natsume can’t quite pinpoint what, not like the other members could either. Shu asks what seems to be the problem―If so, do tell so they can quickly fix it before the play.

“Maybe I should cut my hair shorter?” Natsume suddenly suggests. Everyone looks at him confusedly―it isn’t even that long yet, though?

Tori asks if Natsume would like a change of a hairstyle. Though, wouldn’t it be long hair if he wanted that? Everyone recalls the good feedback they received about Natsume’s long hair. Though, Natsume wasn’t very enthralled having long hair at the time, wasn’t he? It took a bit of convincing to get him to agree.

Natsume looks at his hair for a moment and wonders. He’ll try to give a proper answer before the first day of the play, he promises.

“ _ I have some things to take care of so I’ll be heading out. I think I’ll be able to return before practice starts. _ ”

Jun watches Natsume leave the practice room as the other members murmur amongst each other. It’s clear that Tori is the most bothered out of everyone, he has something on his mind and doesn’t know if he should say it aloud. Anzu still coaxes it out of him, somehow. Something about how Tori should voice out any of his worries before things go out of hand. Typical good advice from the company’s amazingly resilient director as usual.

“Natsume-neesan’s skin hasn’t been looking good lately, don’t you think?”

Jun tilts his head in confusion. Natsume’s skin has been looking the same, though? At least Jun can’t really tell the difference. Tori makes a jab at the fact that he isn’t so surprised that someone as useless as Jun wouldn’t realise whether or not Natsume had bad skin, Jun glares at the kid. Seriously, who taught this kid to have such a foul mouth? Regardless, it doesn’t take a lot to figure out that Natsume hasn’t been himself. Jun can figure that out with his eyes closed, Tori. He’s not  _ that stupid _ .

“He’s been heading out every night recently,” Jun points out. Ritsu wonders if it’s safe to let him to go out all the time on his own. Shu and Mao note on Natsume’s lack of enthusiasm as well. It seems Natsume has been acting awfully strange and it worries the troupe. Just why is Natsume acting that way?

Tori asks why can’t they just confront Natsume.

“If only confronting Sakasaki would be that easy―He feels threatened whenever you try to bring his issues up,” Shu explains as he rubbed his temples. Rather than saying that the troupe doesn’t want to get involved, it’s just hard to confront the other. He won’t talk regardless of what you do to him, it leaves the troupe waiting for him to open up. That is  _ if the other even wants to open up _ .

“Do you mind if I try talking to him? We’re going to be interacting the most with each other so whether Sakasaki likes it or not, he’s going to have to get used to me being in his face all the time, right?” Mao suggests as the rest of the troupe ponder for a moment before agreeing to his suggestion. It’s not like they have any other choice. Anzu asks if Mao minds, he shakes his head. It’s all part of the job of being leads together, right? Overcoming problems together, that’s something to do with your partner.

For a minute, Jun looks at Mao in awe. Solving things together, that’s something surprising a guy like him can say. Regardless, he’s counting on Mao in wrangling  _ something _ out of Natsume. Anything, just anything will do at this point.

“Don’t scare him,” Ritsu warns Mao before pushing the redhead out of the door. Jun laughs as Mao scoffs at Ritsu for thinking so lowly of him. Shu wonders if such a comment was necessary to say, Ritsu giggles. It’s just a fair warning, that’s all. There’s no harm in warning Mao to not use brute force all the time.

Jun wonders if that still counts as Ritsu being jealous of Natsume. Though, when Jun looks at it from that angle, wouldn’t it mean Ritsu is jealous of  _ Mao _ , instead? Warning him and stuff, that clearly is him wanting to be leads with Natsume, right? Maybe Jun is misinterpreting Ritsu’s feelings towards this play. Shu seems to be on the same boat as Jun about that.

Jun wakes up abruptly. He can’t sleep like this. He can’t sleep like this at all.

He finds himself at Natsume’s door. He peeks his head inside and finds Natsume reading a book. Natsume asks what seems to be bothering Jun. If it’s strawberries, Natsume doesn’t seem to have any in hand right now. He apologises for not being prepared as he didn’t expect Jun to be dropping by. Jun shakes his head. He flops down onto Natsume’s lap.

“You look sad,” Jun says as he touches Natsume’s cheek. He doesn’t like it when Natsume makes a sad face. He offers a strawberry marshmallow. They’re a little hard but they’re okay.

Natsume laughs and says that strawberries are best on their own. Next time Jun visits his room, he’ll prepare a box of strawberries for them to share together.

Despite the troupe’s efforts in breaking down Natsume into telling them what has been bothering him, Natsume still insists he’s fine. Jun is  _ this _ close to giving up. Jun flops on Ritsu who giggles at the feeling of Jun’s face pressed into his stomach. Ritsu mentioned that Natsume wants to try and work it out with Mao so they all have no choice but to hope for the best. Jun just hopes Ritsu is right about this. He can’t help but still feel worried even with the reassurance he tries to give Jun.

“ _Are you perhaps the_ _Long-legged Witch?!_ ” Anzu’s voice could be heard from the living room.

Huh? The Long-legged Witch? What kind of weird-ass name is that?

Jun follows Ritsu to the entrance, they’re met with a tall man with long-silver hair. He looks uncomfortably familiar. According to Shu, the man is named Azuma, he is an executive from the fashion house he’s under. He is also the infamous Long-legged Witch that Natsume is acquainted with. Surprising to hear that  _ this is _ the Long-legged Witch. Jun was expecting a woman. Ritsu jabs him in the side for that absurd comment. Azuma seems to take no mind in such a comment, though.

“Well then, is there anything we could help you with today?” Shu asks Azuma who shrugs. He seems to be passing by, he just wanted to see Natsume was home. That’s all. If he isn’t, then it’s fine.

“I can always see him at the apartment later,” Azuma says before taking his leave.

_ Apartment? _

Anzu abruptly stops Azuma and asks what he means by _ apartment _ . Surely, there’s something more to that. Azuma looks at the troupe confusedly before asking if Natsume never told them about his apartment. They shake their heads as Azuma giggles. It seems rather Natsume-like to hide such details of his life. What to do with such a peculiar child, Azuma sighs.

“My family has been in the real estate business for generations. Natsume-kun has been renting a room at our apartment building for a long time now, and he’s been going there a lot recently. It was a rather strange and abrupt return, though?” Azuma explains.

_ Ah. It makes sense now. He was trying to isolate himself for the play. _

That seems like  _ a really weird _ method acting.

“Could you tell us the address, Azuma-san?” Mao asks, the rest of the troupe nodding along. Azuma looked reluctant for a minute before finally agreeing to. Azuma mentions how he thought Natsume was acting strangely for suddenly coming back despite telling him how much he enjoyed his place in the theater company. For a moment, Azuma thought that Natsume had finally found a place he could call home. To see Winter Troupe get worried for him, it leaves Azuma no choice but to bring Natsume’s family to him.

Anzu and Shu nearly break down the door. It leaves Mao and Jun shouting at them as Ritsu laughs. Natsume looked speechless at their arrival. He didn’t expect them to actually find him at his apartment. Before he could even ask how the troupe found his address, Azuma clears his throat.

“Natsume-kun, you should know by now that you have a family―you shouldn’t leave them worried about your whereabouts.”

Natsume stutters about as Azuma laughs. He bids the troupe goodbye and tells Natsume to work hard on the play. He looks forward to Natsume leading the play to success.

Natsume asks the troupe to what brought them all the way here. There’s no need to worry about him. He’s an adult. He doesn’t need some sort of supervision wherever he goes. Jun notes how that’s the thing Shu was worried about; Natsume getting defensive whenever they try to show concern for him.

“You’ve been going out every night without a single explanation, people get worried when they aren’t given an explanation as to why you go missing every night without fail,” Mao scolds. Natsume looks away from Mao’s gaze, he explains how it’s all just research for his character. Nothing more, he swears.

Mao sighs as he scratches his head. It’s frustrating being co-lead to Natsume, huh? Jun wants to give Mao a back massage after this.

Mao asks for Natsume’s hand. Natsume tilts his head in confusion.

“Let me accompany you then. If you want to go somewhere every night, at least do it with someone―Let me be  _ that someone _ .”

Woah, big line there. Calm down, buddy. Now, Jun feels like  _ he’s the one that’s jealous _ . Come on, Mao has someone else  _ right next to Jun _ . Jun is surprised Ritsu isn’t affected by their exchange at all. If anything, he seems to be glad that they could work out their differences. No, Jun thought Ritsu was the one that was jealous here. Hello? Why isn’t Ritsu being jealous? Was Ritsu serious about it when he said he wasn’t annoyed by them being leads at all? Jun somehow feels annoyed by this revelation. It’s less of a revelation and more of Jun just realising his mistake.

Jun hears Natsume asking Mao for his script, Mao quirks an eyebrow before pulling it out of his bag.

_ God, look at that worn-out hunk of junk. _

Just how does Mao flip through a script like that? Anzu mentions how it explains why Mao wanted another copy of the script. Shu and Jun peer over Natsume’s shoulder as they read through Mao’s script. Each page is scribbled in different colored ink and covered in sticky notes. Anzu points out how it’s interesting that Mao even has notes for Natsume despite never showing them to him.

“It’s just notes to keep in mind when interacting with Natsume both as himself and Reo, really.”

Natsume laughs. Charming, Natsume smiles. Though, it’s unnecessary for everyone to go this far. Everyone should know by now that Natsume was already in the midst of making the play a success so there’s  _ seriously no need to go to the extent of coming over to his apartment for this _ . Winter Troupe really is ridiculous.

“This isn’t about the play, though,” Mao says with a sigh.

Even if the show will go well, the feelings Natsume has right now won’t go away. Natsume should speak up now when he has the chance or else, he’ll be bothered by it for the rest of the run. It’s not going to be great to have a troubled leader for the entire play. No one would want that, to be honest.

“I believe we’ve had it once and never again,” Shu says as he glances at Ritsu who laughs weakly. Yeah, they definitely don’t want another round of that. The last time they had that problem, it involved Mao too. Geez, why is Mao the source of problems like this? Jun doesn’t understand it at all.

Natsume laughs. That’s true. It  _ would be _ troublesome if he went on with the play with these current feelings. If Winter Troupe don’t mind, Natsume can tell him what has been on his mind. They don’t have to listen if they don’t want to.

“I’m sure we would love to, Sakasaki-san,” Ritsu says with a soft smile. Jun nods as he leans on Natsume’s shoulder.

Natsume talks about his family. His parents were civil servants; both of them were diligent and reliable people. Natsume had an older brother, they were far apart in age. Natsume’s older brother was smart and kind. He was also the type to choose economically for the sake of his family’s finances. He didn’t mind going to public school instead of private. Regardless, it never posed as a problem for him. Natsume admires that about him.

Natsume’s dad was a rather impatient man, he’d always get exasperated when the rest of the family did everything at their own pace. Even then, he never threw a huge fit about it. It was fine, Natsume’s mother would always laugh. Natsume would always smile when he heard his mother joke to his father about how it’s only age that has made him impatient.

Natsume would like to assume they were a happy family.

They were supposed to go on a trip together before Natsume’s brother left for college. Natsume got sick the day before they had to leave. Even though his family wanted to cancel, Natsume insisted they go since they were all excited about it. It’s not like living alone was any trouble, Natsume thought. It’s not like Natsume has never been alone.

_ It was only for a short while, right? _   
  


“They apparently crashed into an oncoming car and got thrown off a cliff,” Natsume explained bluntly as he stared deep into his clenched hands.

Natsume’s parents’ bodies were found but not his brother’s. Before this, he used to think that maybe one day, his brother would come back so Natsume used to keep his long hair and clean from dye. He kept it clean from the scissors and dye for a long while before deciding that he was just being childish. He can’t keep clinging onto such a weird prayer.

“I cut my hair and dyed it as a way to run away from their deaths but when Tori suggested I have long hair for Mystery,  _ it felt awkward _ .”

Natsume kept touching the fake wig. He didn’t know how to feel towards his appearance. He only was unsure if he wanted to keep his hair long or not. He thought maybe cutting it  _ really short _ will help him forget about his family but it feels wrong to do such a thing, right?

“Honestly, I treat people the same way, don’t I? Cut them away when I feel like I’ve caused too much trouble. I tried that with all of you but it seemed that failed tremendously,” Natsume laughs hoarsely. It actually makes him feel guilty towards the troupe, Mao and Anzu especially. Those two are always putting in so much effort in Natsume, hoping that Natsume would reply back with the same amount of effort.

It’s a little lonely, though. This method of reassuring oneself by cutting people off all the time―Natsume never found it lonely until he joined Yumenosaki. He’s surprised by how much he enjoyed the troupe’s presence. It’s comforting. He felt so lonely when he had to stay in this apartment.

“I thought that maybe, just maybe if I stayed here alone―playing Reo would get easier but it didn’t.”

Natsume curled up into a ball. He said it’s embarrassing to show this kind of side of him. He really tried his best to tuck away this side but it’s impossible with such an overbearing troupe like Winter Troupe. They don’t know a thing called personal space, always chasing each other. What a foolish group of adults, they are.

Such a group like Winter Troupe knows no peace. It tires Natsume out, honestly.

“Talking about all of these feelings drains me completely,” Natsume laughs. He feels so bare in comparison to the other members. He wished he didn’t feel so embarrassed about it, he wanted to cover his face. Mao tells him not to be embarrassed. It’s all part of trying to be a better troupe, no?

Just as on cue, Ritsu has managed to quietly ransack Natsume’s kitchen. He hits his head against Natsume’s fridge door, like an idiot. He rubs his head as he complains about how he’s so short yet he can still manage to hurt himself. Anzu asks what was he doing there, Ritsu laughs sheepishly before explaining how he got hungry. He’s aware of how insensitive it was but he just assumed since Mao could handle it, he didn’t have to be there.

“Trying to sneak away from your leader duties, Ritsu?” Shu scolds as Ritsu shakes his head. No, he just really got hungry. That’s all, he swears. He just wanted to make some food. See? There’s even food and drinks for the other members too! Doesn’t that count as a part of his leader duties too? Shu sighs as Jun laughs at Ritsu who puffs his cheeks in retaliation.

Winter Troupe has a cheer up party for Natsume. They stay up late, telling each other funny secrets like little kids at a sleepover except there’s alcohol and Ritsu’s strange assortment of sandwiches that he made out of Natsume’s rather small pantry. It’s still better than nothing, honestly. They’ll take what they can get.

It’s funny listening to the many stories about each other despite the terrible factor that Jun can’t contribute much to the conversation. Though there were some things they knew about each other, Jun was just glad to hear them talk happily about each other. Jun felt at peace, listening to all of his friends’ voices.

Jun falls asleep to the feeling of Natsume’s fingers combing through his hair. He vaguely recalls Shu sprawled on the floor next to him, he doesn’t remember where Ritsu was but knowing Ritsu, he’s probably tightly against Mao like always. Jun can hear Natsume joke how Mao is only extremely sweet to Ritsu. Mao scoffs. It’s hard to just simply  _ not take care of Ritsu _ . Even after a couple of years of ghosting, Mao can’t help but want to immediately take care of Ritsu.

“Not taking care of Ritsu―Are you asking me to chuck Ritsu out of my life?”

Natsume laughs, he’s probably shaking his head.

“I’m just amazed that you’re never tired of taking care of people. Don’t you want to take a break sometimes?”

Mao yawns out a no. For Ritsu’s case, he wants to keep being Ritsu’s life. He didn’t realise how lonely it can be without Ritsu in his life. He tried it once and he decided that he hates living without Ritsu. It’s hard. He hates it. He doesn’t want to live a life away from Ritsu, ever again.

Natsume laughs at him for his pure love for Ritsu.  _ Please get married already _ , Natsume jokes as Mao stutters about. He isn’t even dating Ritsu, to begin with. Don’t start getting strange ideas, Sakasaki.

Jun finds himself quietly giggling along Natsume as Mao flounders about his interest towards Ritsu who was sleeping contently in Mao’s arms.

“ _ Sammy appears yet again! _ ” Anzu exclaims as Jun stares at the bouquets of Zinnias and Gladiolus in his hands. Geez, this guy won’t give up, huh? 

Ritsu and Shu exchange a joke about how Jun has to work  _ extra hard _ since Sammy is in the audience tonight. Are they aware that Sammy could very much mean Samael? Like the Poison of God? This guy could be dangerous. Though, it’s not like he has caused any harm so Jun can’t exactly say anything about it. He just has to work hard as usual. Not like he has any qualms to messing the play up despite his role being minor.

“Well then, any words from tonight’s leader?” Ritsu says as Natsume laughed.

What are tonight’s words of encouragement, leader? Will it be sweet and filled with childish charm like Ritsu’s words? Would it be obscure, outlandish but definitely lovable like Shu’s words? Or will Natsume set a mature tone and have Winter Troupe act like the adults they’re supposed to be? Jun doesn’t quite know, to be quite frank. Either way, he just knows that Natsume will say something worth committing to memory.

“Thank you for entrusting me with the lead role, it was honestly nerve-wracking. I didn’t think I couldn’t make it but I’m glad all of you held my hand and braved through it with me. Thank you for helping me get through my fears and helping me accept Reo the way he is.  _ Though I come off as rather unreliable, I hope you’re willing to stick with me till the very end. _ ”

Jun hears Shu mention how it’s to be expected that they were going to stick through everything with Natsume. Mao tells Natsume not to sweat out the details so much. Ritsu agrees wholeheartedly while Jun cheers for Natsume’s short speech. Anzu wishes them good luck as they rush to the stage.

_ Today’s play will be a good play too, right? _

Reo feels someone hoist him up from the ground, the man speaks in a rough tone. He asks if Reo is drunk or something. He even takes a minute to scold Reo for even loitering around the road, he could catch a cold if he isn’t careful. Reo wants to giggle―This man is a funny man. He worries over a stranger’s safety, why is that? Reo can’t think of a reason why he would care for a stranger.

“Thank you for taking care of me―It was careless of me to have collapsed on the road like that,” Reo says as the other man looks at his apartment confusedly. Was it wrong to clean the place up? Reo thought it was only courtesy of him to repay back his kindness in ways that Reo could unless he wasn’t supposed to do that? Reo doesn’t understand this man. He’s such a strange person.

Seo Kota. That is the man’s name. He asks Reo to refer him as Kota, it’s easier that way apparently. Reo doesn’t quite understand the lack of formalities Kota feels towards him but he accepts it graciously. It’s rare to find a human like Kota, he takes everything with such pure kindness. Reo is quite fond of it. It’s unfair that Reo finds fondness in such a person, though. Isn’t it dangerous to meddle with people like him? Reo wonders.

Reo laughs when Kota asks him to join for breakfast.

“ _ You’re not hungry? _ ”

Kota tilts his head as he furrowed his eyebrows. He voices his concern for Reo’s lack of appetite. It’s not good to skip meals.

“ _ I eat during irregular hours. Don’t worry about me; go on and eat. _ ”

Reo smiles softly as he pushes the fake plate aside. He rather watch Kota eat satisfyingly than eat. It makes him happy to see that his efforts hadn’t gone to waste. Nothing is more satisfying than the sight of a pleasing smile that Kota wears on his face. He thinks it makes the other charming when he smiles, he says as he laces his fingers together.

He has taken quite a liking towards Kota.

It’s not right to take a liking towards someone like Kota. A rather defenseless man, in some odd sense. Reo, however, has taken it upon himself to be  _ a wife _ or whatever Kota keeps jokingly calls him has. He quite likes that nickname. What is a wife? Someone that just does household chores and sleep all day? Reo isn’t so sure. He should probably ask Kota when he gets back from grocery shopping.

“Oh? Rare to see someone of the same kind in a place like this,” A voice behind Reo says.

Reo finds himself meeting another vampire. One that seemed to have finish dinner too. Well, that explains the missing employee that was  _ supposed _ to be at the cashier register. Reo somehow isn’t so surprised that he’d meet other vampires too. There are more than one thinks. Though, to meet under these kinds of circumstances, it’s rather rare, isn’t it?

Just as Reo converses with Franz, he hears Kota call out to him.

That’s not good. Humans like him shouldn’t meddle with them, especially when one of the two  _ just finished _ feeding off of another human being. He’ll get himself hurt, Reo thought as he tells Franz that Kota has nothing to do with him.

“Might as well get along since  _ he _ thinks we’re acquainted―”

Reo retreats his hand when Franz tries to reach for it. He’s not interested in getting along with strange people like Franz. He takes his leave as Franz laughs. He’ll just apologise to Kota when he gets home. He’ll probably cook him an apology dinner. Surely, he’ll be forgiven with that, right? Reo isn’t so sure.

Understanding humans are difficult.

“I can’t tell if your new roommate is a shady businessman or something nonsensical like a vampire―What do you think, Kota?” Nonomiya asks as Kota looks at him funny. No, he isn’t playing another round of Nonomiya’s weird list of drama tropes that can be applied to his current situation. If anything, he doubts either.

Nonomiya tilts his head and asks why else would Kota’s new roommate ignore him, especially after interacting with an equally-looking shady man. It’s not wrong to say Nonomiya is worried and suspicious over the safety of his own friend. Though, if Kota wishes to say his roommate isn’t normally like this then so be it. Don’t say Nonomiya didn’t warn him.

Kota wonders if there’s even a need to worry about who Reo might be. It’s not like Reo is going to hurt him, right?

“It was horrible of me to overstay, it’s just―It’s very comfortable here,” Reo admits as Kota laughs boisterously. Reo watches Kota shake his head and mentions how he’s glad that Reo is around too. There’s no need to hurry, Reo.

Reo smiles softly at Kota’s never-ending kindness. Just how does such a person exist? Reo doesn’t know. It’s been such a long time since Reo met someone as warm and kind as Kota. It’s a shame that he has to leave such a warm and kind home. He wished he could stay for even just a little longer.

Kota tells Reo to tell him his contact details, Reo laughs. He’ll be sure to tell him once he gets everything settled. He promises.

“I’m really grateful to you, Kota― _ Thank you. _ ”

Just as Reo gets up to leave, Kota stops him by holding him tightly around the waist. He rests his head on Reo’s shoulder. He whispers Reo to not leave yet. Don’t leave. Just not now. He can leave tomorrow, Kota asks him to. Reo finds himself stiffly nodding as he leans into Kota’s touch. It’s hard to say no to someone warm like Kota, right? Reo wished it wasn’t this difficult. He really wished it wasn’t difficult to leave such a comforting person.

That night, it’s spent in laughter and laced hands. For a minute, Reo forgets that he and Kota are different. For a minute, Reo only remembers Kota’s boisterous laugh in his ears as they talk about nonsensical human-related things that Reo doesn’t fully understand but that’s okay. All that mattered that night was seeing Kota’s smile next to Reo’s.

Izumi is the kind neighbour next door, right? Reo recalls Kota talking about him once or twice. Though mysterious, Reo had only known him as a sweet and kind person who has helped Kota and Reo as well. It was nice of him to hear that he had a farewell gift for Reo despite them not being very acquainted with each other.

Reo smiled as Izumi handed his gift.

_ Ah. It hurts. It hurts so much. _

Reo feels a painful burning sensation across his chest as Izumi glares at him. Terrifying. Izumi isn’t as nice as he makes himself out to be. He wasn’t aware that Izumi was even capable of murdering innocent beings like vampires. He has no pity of the otherworldly, huh? Reo should have known.

Reo feels his head lifted by the stake that Izumi held onto. It burns against his skin. Really, this man knows how to torture. It’s clear in the demonic smile that plays onto his demonic features.

“ _ Vermins like you shouldn’t have existed, really―I shall take it as my duty to exterminate thee from the night. _ ”

Reo struggles as he backs away from Izumi. He can hear Kota tell him to stop, Reo doesn’t want Kota to get into this mess. He warns Kota for trying to get caught in the crossfire. Don’t be so righteous now, Kota. There are times where it’s best to just run away. Reo isn’t a child. Reo doesn’t want Kota to get hurt too.

Just as Izumi was about to take matters into his own hands and get rid of Kota in the process, he is stopped. It seems Franz had crashed into the apartment, rather ungodly but somehow Reo could barely be able to process that mess when he’s in so much pain. Reo doesn’t really want to question why and how Franz knew Reo was in trouble. Clearly, there is no time for that kind of question right now. All that mattered was Kota voice echoing painfully in his head, he really is sorry for putting this mess upon him.

Reo feels someone lift his body up, he hears Franz talk to Kota. Ah, is Franz taking him somewhere safe?

It can’t be helped. Staying with Kota would be too dangerous. Especially when he’s in a state like this. He has to thank Franz later.

“Oh, you’re awake. Geez, I’m running out of emergency rations thanks to you, you know?” Franz’s voice scolds, Reo turns to find Franz look at him worriedly. Don’t push yourself if you’re still hurt, Reo sees written on Franz’s face.

Reo asks about Kota. Franz ponders for a minute, seems like it’s been a while.

“He’s safe, last I checked. Though, I can’t just tell him to give you blood, right?” Franz says as he pats Reo’s head. He mentions how it’d be dangerous because then, Reo would have eaten the human he cherished so much, whole. Not exactly something Reo would want, Franz assumes. 

Reo nods quietly. He thanks Franz for taking care of him up till now. He should probably look after himself better from now onwards. All he’s been doing lately is burdening others. It’s truly unfair of him to just live in the care of others.

Franz laughs. It’s fine, it’s not like Reo is a bother. Well, it’s not like they can stay here anymore. Surely, the headquarters would know of their existence here by now. Better leave before matters get worse. The fact that Franz had to get rid of that demon-looking vampire slayer, he rather not stay any longer than today. Being reported is one thing, being reported  _ for murder _ is a whole different situation that Franz rather they both not be in.

“It’s such a strange thing―Why do they hate us?” Reo asks Franz who shrugs in return. It’s part of human nature, it seems. To get rid of anything that doesn’t bear a single resemblance to themselves, it’s just something they do.

Franz yawns and stretches his back after saying that. He mentions that thinking about human nature tires him out. He’s thousands of years too late in trying to figure out a solution to stop humans from being destructive. He rather just stay hidden in peace.

“Though, I do suggest that before you leave, you talk to that precious human being of yours. I promised him that you’ll come back, even if it’s for a short while.”

Reo finds himself wandering around the streets, he really messed up. He finds himself in the same position as before. Kota looking at him with a frown as he shields Reo’s face with an umbrella from the fluorescent light from the street lights. He calls Reo the same as ever, there’s no bite in it. Reo wants to giggle at such a lack of bite in his scolding.

Even though Reo enjoys being able to crawl back into Kota’s arms, he can’t stay here anymore. Franz was right. It won’t be long till Reo finds himself in the same terrible situation, for sure. Except for this time, Franz won’t be around to save him and Kota. Kota will get seriously injured, Reo doesn’t want to put him through all that trouble.

Kota stays quiet as he thumbs Reo’s knuckles. He seems to be contemplating something that Reo isn’t aware of.

“Take me with you then,” Kota says softly. He whispers his wishes to stay with Reo, like a small secret between only them. It twists Reo’s heart. He can’t. He can’t bring Kota. It’s impossible to bring such a precious person into Reo’s world. It’ll taint him completely.

Reo rests his head on Kota’s shoulder. This will be the last time he’ll ever be able to do this. This will be the last time he’ll ever be able to feel this warmth. It’s such a shame to say goodbye to this comforting warmth.

Quietly, he puts Kota to rest with a small bite. It won’t hurt him, really. It won’t turn him into a vampire. It just a small feast. Like a weird mark of remembrance. Something Reo has done in the past. Reo has lost count the amount of times he has done this kind of thing. Though as intimate as this, it’s a rather rare thing to do.

“ _ Maybe in another lifetime, surely, I’ll come and see you again, Kota, _ ” Reo says as he kisses Kota’s forehead.

Kota wakes up to the sound of Nonomiya’s alarmed voice. He asks if Kota was alright in a worried tone, Kota shakes his head as he gets up stiffly from the floor. He looks around. Reo really left, huh?

Nonomiya notes how Kota’s roommate is missing. That’s a shame. It can’t be helped, though. He was bound to leave one way or another. He was, after all, a peculiar freeloader. Nonomiya is just glad that Kota was safe. He helps Kota up from the floor, Nonomiya mentions that he can nurse Kota back to health if he just  _ stays where he is _ and not go runoff.

Kota laughs hoarsely. He won’t do anything, he swears. He’s too tired to.

“Well, at least I’m glad I got to see him one last time,” Kota admits to himself. Maybe, just maybe, in another lifetime, Reo would let him follow along.

Jun finds Ritsu napping backstage again. Really, that guy has it lucky for playing a dead minor character. Mao scolds Ritsu for taking his minor role as a chance to sleep in as much as possible, Shu is amazed by how quick Ritsu was in finding a spot to nap. He can rival Jun sometimes.

“ _ Ritsu, don’t sleep here, _ ” Mao scolds as he tries to pick Ritsu up from the floor. Ritsu slips off of his grip, almost as if not wanting Mao’s help. The rest of the troupe look at him in surprise. That’s new, he  _ rarely  _ shrugs off of Mao’s help.

Ritsu shakes his head as Natsume giggles. Ritsu mentions how he’s mad at Mao for the fact that Ritsu has to die, Mao exclaims how he has no control over Ritsu’s death. He can’t prevent Ritsu’s death if his role is on the opposing side. That’s just being ridiculous.

“ _ Ritchan, _ ” Mao whines as Ritsu turns away from Mao. Don’t try to use that against Ritsu, Ma-kun.

Jun and Natsume laugh as Ritsu sticks his tongue out at Mao. Shu wonders if Ritsu is that really all to why Ritsu has been rather distant and looking bothered throughout the entire preparation and first day. If anything, Ritsu was rather anxious-looking. Natsume worries that Ritsu was bothered about something-related to the play. Jun scolds him for holding it back.

“I knew it, you’re actually jealous!” Jun exclaims as Ritsu gasps. Ritsu, again, tells Jun that he isn’t jealous or anything. Stop being ridiculous, Jun-kun. Ritsu isn’t jealous, just how many times does he have to say that?! Mao quirks an eyebrow at the two of them but doesn’t voice out his concern for Jun’s statement.

“Then why are you bothered? I noticed that you  _ immediately _ go on your phone as soon as you get off stage―Did something happen at home?” Mao asks instead as the rest of the troupe look at Ritsu in worry. Ritsu sighs, it’s nothing. He’s just waiting for something, that’s all. It’s nothing big, he promises.

They take that reasoning begrudgingly. There are other things to worry about like Azuma who makes an unannounced entrance, greeting the troupe by showering them with compliments. They did a wonderful job, he really enjoyed the play. He was happy to watch Natsume have fun on stage. Jun watches Azuma tell Natsume that he’s really happy to see Natsume having to have found his own family. Cherish them well, Azuma advises as Natsume nods graciously.

“ _ Oh _ , where did your leader run off to?” Azuma asks as the rest of the troupe alarmingly looks around. Where did Ritsu go?! He was here a minute ago.

Jun finds Ritsu hugging a couple excitedly. He seems to be conversing with them happily, he even acts a little bratty in front of them. Jun wonders why. His brother maybe? Though, none of them look alike. Just as he calls the rest of the troupe, they watch Ritsu happily interact with the couple.

“Oh, that must be those actors Ritsu’s mom works with; Takatoo-san and Tsukioka-san,” Mao notes. Eh? That’s the Takatoo-san that scolded Ritsu for dozing off on stage during the Dramatica battle? Takatoo-san is the guy that looks like he is scolding Ritsu relentlessly again, huh? Scary.

They watch Ritsu bid them goodbye as he carries a bag that he received from them. Is that what Ritsu was worried about? The troupe wonders.

Tubs of face masks? They peer into Ritsu’s bag as Ritsu relays the couple’s compliments for the play. He even relays the advice and critical comments that were made by both of them. Ritsu mentions how he was facing God’s wrath firsthand, just listening to Takatoo-san scrutinize him for some slip-ups from today alone. The first day and the last day is always the most important because that’s when you want to make the best impression on people watching, all that junk. Ritsu didn’t know how to bring it up that he is merely a minor character so his slip-up isn’t so bad.

“Anyway, Takatoo-san said that these face masks are welcome back gifts! He was away during Sympathy so he bought these as compensation for me!” Ritsu smiled brightly.

Takatoo-san was away during Sympathy? Didn’t Ritsu mention Takatoo-san scolding him for dozing off on stage that day, though?

Mao points out the absurdity of Ritsu’s statement. Ritsu looks at him in confusion for a minute before clapping his hands and laughing. There seems to be a joke that none of the troupe members understood except for Ritsu. Did they mishear Ritsu or something?

“Nono, Tsukioka-san isn’t called Tsukioka-san anymore, or at least, he isn’t going to be called Tsukioka-san starting  _ somewhere next Spring _ ―They’re getting married, I think.”

Hm? Ritsu ponders for a minute, he can’t fully recall if it was going to be Tsukioka or Takatoo. Both of them have T in their surname so Ritsu can’t remember who’s taking whose surname since the wedding invites have their surname abbreviated to just T. Ritsu might want to check back but they both respond to Takatoo so Ritsu is going to assume that it’s Takatoo. At least, he thinks so.

That doesn’t matter. What matters is that they can put on the face masks during their off-day!

Ritsu tells them to not worry so much about the wedding. It’s a private wedding that only Ritsu is invited to, he has to bring a plus one but he’ll worry about it later. It’s not like the couple isn’t going by their current names in public anyway so Winter Troupe doesn’t have to worry. They’re worrying so much for something only Ritsu is involved in. Seriously, this troupe is overbearing sometimes.

Jun wants to scream. It hurts  _ so much. _ Ritsu literally slapped cement on his troupe members’ faces without a single care. He even managed to pour coconut oil all over their heads. In the name of beauty, Ritsu and Natsume said as they run off to make more of that ungodly mixture for the rest of the company.

Anzu screams in horror as she enters the living room. Kuro mentions how this entire company has been turned into a temporary spa, thanks to Ritsu. Though, he wonders if this really is called relaxing not torture.

“Director, why don’t you join us?” Arashi asks as she pushes Anzu towards Ritsu who was already preparing to make more of that clay mixture. Arashi mentions how it’s good for the skin, it’ll make Anzu’s skin all pretty and better. Anzu reluctantly agrees, Jun pities her.

“ _ Selfie! _ ” Arashi says as she takes a group selfie with Summer Troupe. Koga notes how terrible everyone looks in the picture, Arashi teases him by challenging Autumn Troupe into a group-selfie competition. Surely, it’s impossible when everyone has cement smeared all over their faces. Shinobu wishes to join as well, he mentions how he can rely on Yuzuru’s photo skills in order to get Spring Troupe to win. Jun doubts that’s possible.

“Should we join?” Natsume jokes as Ritsu mentions how they’ll look like monsters if they tried. Though, it wouldn’t hurt, right?

Jun laughs at the stupid-pictures that was spammed onto the company’s group chat. They should take one where it’s with everyone. They can even hang it on the wall or something. Jun watches Summer Troupe and Autumn Troupe quickly rush to the bathroom as soon as their facemasks were done drying up. Spring Troupe weren’t far from lagging behind them. Tsumugi mentioned how painful the masks were, Adonis says he’s never been in so much pain from a facemask alone while Arashi makes a joke that beauty is pain.

“I never want to be pretty  _ ever _ ,” Midori bemoans as he stumbles into the bathroom.

This company is so strange, Jun thinks. He hopes Ritsu isn’t planning on doing this again though surely, that’s not possible to ask of Ritsu. Ritsu will always torture his troupe through odd ways that rival Kuro’s tactics. Winter Troupe just has to bear with them. Though, that’s fine. It’s not like the rest of Winter Troupe or any better either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (strokes screen) 4 winter appearances, 2 more to go  
> where are guysan and hisokakun? I wonder too  
> anyway, I might take a long while to update bc after this is Act 5 so pwease be patient w me!!  
> I hope you had fun!!  
> As always, thank you for reading!!


	11. Too Cold to Handle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Oh, magical curry~ Grant me a new member~_
> 
> While Ibara doesn’t fully get this peculiar blog post. It’s still _a chance._  
>  One Ibara cannot miss. It’s hard to infiltrate places like these so Ibara is going to take every chance he gets.
> 
> He really is going to make Sandalphon pay this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hewwo grossnoona here  
> it's been (checks watch) A GODDAMN MONTH SINCE I UPDATED THIS  
>  _and here we are!_ Act 5! Finally! This took a long time bc I've been in a slump :ccc  
> but here we go!! here we go!!  
> hope you have fun!!

“Good work, everyone―RomiJuli rerun was a success!” Anzu cheered as Spring Troupe rejoiced. It was a long rerun. Yuzuru wants to flop on the ground, it was a really tiring run. He heard a couple of idols came to watch as well, it was motivating to see their tweets about the show. He felt cheered on by those idols despite how ironic it felt from Yuzuru’s end.

Anzu laughs when Yuzuru admits how happy he is in having to finish the run. Though he won’t admit it, he’s glad that the rest of Spring had fun during their rerun. It’s amazing to see how much they’ve grown, to be honest. He didn’t expect to care so much about this troupe.

“I had a lot of fun playing Romeo again―Don’t you think we’ve gotten more in-sync, Midori-dono?” Shinobu asks excitedly, Yuzuru wants to coo at the younger for his upbeat personality. How does one stay positive all the time? Yuzuru doesn’t know. Whatever it is, he admires him for it.

Midori shakes his head, he notes how it feels the same as before. In typical Midori fashion, he asks Anzu’s opinion on their changes. It can’t be helped that this kid wants to hear compliments from their beloved director who smiles confusedly.

“I think you both have gotten better though? Your exchanges look a lot more natural in comparison to your first run,” Anzu compliments the two boys who smile happily in response. Always fishing for compliments, huh? Such stingy boys, Yuzuru wants to scold jokingly. It can’t be helped, Midori always wants to work extra hard when Anzu compliments him. Yuzuru will let it slide for today.

Anzu makes a mention that Eichi came by to visit, he apparently filled his survey from corner to corner. Talk about devoted, Yuzuru feels dizzy from glancing at it. Tsumugi seemed rather embarrassed about it but his smile betrays him a little as he looks at the survey. Subaru makes a joke about how it could hold a confession, Yuzuru asks him not to tease Tsumugi so much. Subaru sticks his tongue at Yuzuru as he wraps an arm around Yuzuru’s waist.

“Since it’s the same play, it’s easy to tell how much we’ve changed,  _ and that’s fascinating _ ,” Tsumugi says it with his hands clasped together.

Yuzuru’s glad that the mistakes they made during the first run, didn’t occur during the re-runs. It was honestly nerve-wracking to perform your first play, you can’t help but think about those past mistakes you made. Tsumugi admits to having the same worry as Yuzuru.

“I’m not satisfied, though,” Subaru says, cheeks puffed up. Ah, right. Subaru had way fewer lines back then so it was obvious Subaru would be unsatisfied by the lack of lines he has in comparison to his recent roles.

Tsumugi sighs, it’s only that way because Subaru gets distracted easily. Anzu laughs at Subaru explaining how Tsumugi is discriminating against him from getting more complex roles. Yuzuru doubts that it’s discrimination, though? Tsumugi did tailor all the roles according to everyone’s level at the time so it’s obvious that it would feel too easy for where they are at the moment. Even with that answer, it still doesn’t stop Subaru from terrorizing the poor scriptwriter. Poor Tsumugi, Yuzuru can’t help but pity him.

“Aside from that, we should be figuring out what to do for the next play!” Anzu announces, rather abruptly too. Yuzuru wonders what the director has in mind. Subaru hopes it involves fighting like Romeo and Juliet, Yuzuru doesn’t know if he wants another fighting scene. Shinobu seems up for it while Midori seems alright with anything as long as Anzu is fine with it. Though, didn’t Midori mention wanting to do more cute-themed plays during Alice in Wonderland? If Yuzuru were to bring it up, Midori would probably be too embarrassed to function. Yuzuru will spare him from the torture today.

Though the play isn’t what seems to be on Anzu’s mind today. She mentions making a big announcement, hoping that the troupe would go along with the plans she has. She apparently discussed this with Kuro, Tsumugi, and Keito already. This must be big news to involve a higher up like Keito, though? Yuzuru tells Anzu that whatever the news may be, he just hopes it’s nothing too scary like they’re going in debt again. Yuzuru shivers at the thought. Let’s hope it’s not true.

“ _ What? _ No! I’m thinking of adding a new member to each troupe, starting with Spring Troupe’s next performance!”

Oh, well that is  _ news _ . The rest of Spring Troupe pondered about that decision. It isn’t a bad one nor is it a good one, it’s just  _ surprising _ . Midori mentions how he’s afraid of the thought of dealing with more pesky members while Subaru complains how that means the fight for being lead is going to get harder too. Yuzuru is a little bit more concerned about other matters when it comes to adding another member to the troupe.

“We’re thinking that by adding more members to the main cast, Tsumugi-kun can do more with his scripts, and it’ll reinvigorate the troupe.”

Shinobu, positive as ever, gets excited at the thought of a new member. He tries to cheer Midori and Subaru up by mentioning the benefits of getting a new member. They get to be a senior to the new member, isn’t it great? Yuzuru doesn’t know how to tell Shinobu that  _ that _ isn’t a benefit at all. If anything, it comes off as rather troublesome. Yuzuru kind of doesn’t want to be a senior. He sighed deeply as he thought about his own seniors―God, some of them can be  _ very _ troublesome.

“Are we holding auditions again?” Yuzuru asks Anzu who shakes her head.

Anzu has considered holding auditions again but she was advised to scout people through connections this time. Since they’re somewhat well-known, it’s best to do a background check before they start letting people in the company. Safety precautions and all. The troupe agrees with that statement, they don’t want to deal with a swamp of applicants either. Anzu asks for the troupe to let her know if they have anyone in mind.

Just as Yuzuru tries to vocalise his concerns for other things about this new addition, a phone rings. It’s Midori’s phone. Shinobu asks why Midori doesn’t want to pick it up; an unknown number, it seems.

That’s beside the point, Yuzuru thought as he asks Anzu if the new member has to dorm as well. Seems likely. If the new member dorms, it means that the new member would be  _ Yuzuru’s roommate _ . Ugh, Yuzuru somehow doesn’t like that. His growing collection of uchiwas and other merchandise is at stake here. He hates this. He really does.

“I’m going to die,” Yuzuru says as he pretends to faint. Subaru catches him and explains that being an idol fan should be a requirement for the new Spring Troupe member, then! Anzu tells the two of them to knock it off and that such a requirement is too weird! If they’re planning on having requirements, at least think of something normal and related to acting! Don’t start throwing in obscure requirements that would drive people away!

Tsumugi suggests Yuzuru find someone if he’s afraid of rooming with someone he’s uncomfortable with. That way, it would be a win-win situation, right? Shinobu nods in agreement. Surely, Yuzuru would be able to find someone that would like to act and room with him. It seems the troupe has some weird faith in him finding a new member.

“Midori-kun, please pick up calls from people you know as well!” Anzu’s scolding cuts through Yuzuru’s thoughts. It seems he can worry about any suggestions later. For now, Midori is throwing fits about not wanting to answer calls from strange people. That strange people include Subaru which is rather unfortunate since  _ they are members of the same troupe _ . Please pick up our calls too, Midori.

Yuzuru sighs as he thinks about the new member. Yuzuru can’t really think of anyone at the moment.

Though, isn’t  _ he _ an option?

Even though Shinobu has graduated, he’s still waking Midori up for school, huh? Yuzuru wonders if that’s okay. It probably isn’t but Shinobu isn’t going to stop because he doesn’t really trust Midori. Though he doesn’t show it, it’s pretty clear in how he acts. It’s kind of funny, thinking about it.

“Well then, we’re off, director!” Madara shouts as he leaves with Adonis and Tsumugi. The entire company was surprised to hear Adonis wanting to join Yosei University, he tried his best in studying too despite how abrupt and stressed he felt during the process. Yuzuru is glad that he’s having fun, though. He hopes Madara and Tsumugi are treating him well.

“ _ Koga-chan, don’t leave me! _ ” Arashi exclaims as Koga sighs. It seems Mika is joining them for classes today, too. Maybe he’s doing a course there for the time being, Yuzuru recalled Shu tossing him in a course because Mika was interested in helping with the costumes this year as well. That’s good to hear. Yuzuru admires the youth for their energy, really.

Anzu seems satisfied to see how everyone is starting off their year. As always, she’s caring as ever.

“Director, are the applications open yet?” Yuzuru asks as he puts away his washed cutlery. Anzu mentions that she was planning on asking some people she has in mind today, if that’s what Yuzuru means. Yuzuru hums and reminds her to  _ seriously _ put idol oshi in the requirements, it’s important that he can get along with his roommate. Anzu appreciates the enthusiasm but that requirement is too specific, please just get along with whoever you get, Yuzuru-kun!

Yuzuru sulks as he goes to work. He can’t beat this girl, huh?

Just thinking about getting a new member bums Yuzuru out. If it’s someone he doesn’t know, he can’t be himself in peace. Really, that means he has to keep his pristine persona up even at home. That’s going to be too tiring. Yuzuru doesn’t want to do that at all. 

“ _ Good morning, Yuzuru. _ ”

Ah, there it is―the bane of Yuzuru’s existence; Saegusa Ibara. He’s not traveling this month, huh? Somehow that thought makes Yuzuru wonder. Maybe there’s no need to go out of the country this month.

“Good morning, senpai― _ Awfully strange to see you around. _ ”

Ibara laughs, he takes a minute to joke with Yuzuru. His sharp tongue spits at Yuzuru for acting like he doesn’t like seeing Ibara. It’s not that Yuzuru doesn’t like Ibara, it’s just strange that Yuzuru can’t read this guy at all. He’s just too weird and unpredictable. It leaves Yuzuru irked out.

Suddenly, Ibara asks Yuzuru about the fact that Spring Troupe are looking for new members. Yuzuru quirks an eyebrow, he asks how Ibara found out. Through the company blog, apparently. He’s a fan of the blog, allegedly. Yuzuru can’t help but call him rather old-fashioned, as a joke. Though, it isn’t so surprising that Ibara is interested in the company’s blog posts. It only makes sense that he keeps up with every update made when he watches every play done by Yumenosaki. Though, Yuzuru doesn’t quite understand what his interest with the theater is. That ticket request was so sudden, Yuzuru was almost taken aback by it.

Though if he’s asking about how Yumenosaki is opening applications for a new member, that means…?

“Saegusa-senpai, don’t tell me you want to join my troupe?” Yuzuru asks Ibara who shrugs.

“What if I say I do?” Ibara shoots back the question as Yuzuru contemplates about the thoughts of having Ibara as a roommate. Ibara is always traveling so that definitely means he won’t dorm, right? That means Yuzuru gets to keep his room to himself, right?

Yuzuru asks if he wants to dorm.

“It’d be nice to dorm,” Ibara answers, almost as if he knew that Yuzuru was hoping that he wouldn’t. God, Yuzuru is going to have trouble if this guy becomes the new member. Yuzuru explains to Ibara that if he dorms, it would be with Yuzuru but even with that explanation, it doesn’t deter the violet-hair senior away. He really doesn’t care about the circumstances, huh? Somehow Yuzuru hates this. Maybe because Yuzuru feels uncomfortable with Ibara.

Yuzuru hums for a minute. Though, it’s possible to work something out with Ibara. He’s not exactly a pain to deal with so maybe Yuzuru doesn’t have to sacrifice his hobbies to accommodate this guy. Yuzuru proposes a contract with Ibara if he wants to join the theater company. Ibara accepts it with no qualms of arguing about it.

_ Looks like Spring Troupe has a new member. _

“Saegusa Ibara, single. Born on November 14th, 175cm, blood type A. I was introduced to the troupe by my coworker, Yuzuru. I’ll be in your care from now onwards.”

The director, known as Anzu, nods and calls Ibara’s introduction very prim. She asks him to read the lines on the page. They seem simple enough. Just how does this troupe wish Ibara to act? They probably won’t give Ibara a profile so he guesses he has to make one on his own. What kind of person should he be today?

Straightening his back, Ibara follows the lines accordingly. Seems like it’s a frustrated adult who was going to miss a quarter of a show. The person on the other line was probably just equally frustrated with Ibara’s poor timing. What a rocky relationship, Ibara thought. At least be sympathetic to Ibara who’s  _ trying _ to make an effort to be there on time.

“Eight o’clock, huh… I’ll take a taxi—no, it’ll get caught in traffic. If I switch trains… no, I still won’t make it.” Ibara tilts his head uncomfortably. This is frustrating. Had he not been caught up with work, he wouldn’t be in this mess.

Ibara pretends to call. He gives it a minute before the receiver picks up. He pretends to feel sorry.

“ _ Hello? It’s me. I’m sorry. I don’t think I’ll make it to the theater on time. Go in first and wait for me— _ ”

The receiver isn’t having any of that. The other is angry that Ibara is late, it can’t be helped. It’s only natural the other would be angry. He sighs annoyedly, this relationship―whatever it may be―isn’t really working out. He can admit that much.

“Look, there was nothing I could do about it. I got a sudden request just as I was about to leave. I had to finish it today.” Ibara tries to reason but it falls on deaf ears. It’s frustrating to hear the other nag him to death. He tries to reason one more time before he finally assumes he’ll get hung up and possibly left by whoever the other is. Ibara sighs, he really wouldn’t want to deal with that.

“ _ Do you have any experience in acting? _ ” Anzu asks, seemingly taken aback by Ibara’s acting.

Does faking an identity count as acting? Probably not. He shakes his head. This would be considered his first time acting. At least,  _ this kind of acting _ .

Anzu suggests Ibara to join, his acting has lots of potential it seems. He’s asked when he’ll move in the dorms so they can start practice with the rest of the troupe. Ibara mentions having a couple of things to do first before moving in. If Anzu wants an exact date, next weekend is as soon as he can move in.

It wasn’t much. Just a couple of reports and maybe spend a day or two buying new furniture, clothes and other regular household items so he can appear somewhat decent and human to the company. He rather not come off as an empty husk of emotions. Though, would he call himself that? Ibara doubts he can call himself something that lowly.

“Cheers to Saegusa-dono who is joining the troupe and the dorm from now onwards!” The short boy with one eye cheered, the rest of the company rejoiced. Pleased to have Ibara in the company. Ibara is rather flattered by everyone who treats him  _ very friendly _ . It might take a while to get used to their energy.

Ibara showers them with his round of compliments. He mentions the first time he watched the troupe’s performance; Yuzuru gave him a ticket. To be quite honest, he does mean it when he said he was moved. Even if his intentions are not the same as the words uttered, he did find himself enjoying every show he went to. He is  _ rather _ curious about how everything will work out from now onwards. Though Ibara’s stay is short, he believes that he’ll have some fun with this troupe.

Due to the nature of humanity, an influx of questions occurs when the company is faced with a newcomer.

“ _ What’s your relationship with Fushimi? _ ”

Co-workers, of course. Though it isn’t hard to assume Yuzuru and him have a strange relationship, right? Yuzuru is surprisingly volatile with Ibara despite how humble and pristine he is in the office. Ibara wonders if the company here knows him as the sharp-tongued Yuzuru or the humble and sweet-voiced Yuzuru? Judging by their interest in the relationship between Ibara and Yuzuru, it seems like the first rather than the latter.  _ Interesting _ .

“ _ Do you have any acting experience? _ ”

Again, none. He has no acting experience that would qualify him for this job, actually. Then again, neither did Yuzuru or Sandalphon. They’re still here, somehow. Ibara would like to assume the rest of those involved in the company have some background in acting. Ibara knows the red-haired child that asked him earlier was an actor so there’s some sense of reassurance.

“ _ Do ya like collectin’ shiny things? _ ”

Ibara stares at the heterochromatic child in front of him. He can’t say he hates shiny things. Though he isn’t so sure about collecting them. His accent is rather thick, quite difficult to understand. Regardless, the actor from earlier scolds the heterochromatic child for asking such an absurd question.

“ _ Ooh, I wanna ask a question too―What are you good at? _ ” A blonde child asks, she smiles brightly when Ibara hums. How cute, Ibara notes.

Ibara takes out a coin and flips it. He asks the company if they would even consider the trick, a talent.  _ It is something he is good at, though _ . He’s going to assume it counts.

“It disappeared!” The short one-eyed child exclaims as the other members check around them to find the missing coin. Ibara laughs at the sight. Such an interesting company. He can’t mess around so much, he’ll get an earful from Yuzuru if he keeps playing around.

“Director, please check your pocket.”

Anzu gasps as she pulls out the coin from her pocket. She didn’t expect it at all. The blonde child makes a note how there’s now an increase of magicians in the house. Ibara wants to laugh, he’d like to meet the other magicians that reside in the company as well. Maybe he can learn a trick or two from them as well. What are the chances the tricks he’d learn would be tricks he already knew of? Ibara thinks it’s very likely.

The short one-eyed boy introduces himself as the leader of the troupe Ibara is joining; Spring Troupe’s leader, Sengoku Shinobu. Rather deceiving to know someone as timid-looking as Shinobu is the leader. Guess having a timid leader has its own quirks. Ibara looks forward to it, to be honest. He’s curious to see what someone like Shinobu can do.

“As a token of our acquaintance,” 

Ibara flips the coin and raises both of his hands.

“Tell me, Sengoku-san, which hand do you think the coin is in?”

Shinobu flounders for a minute or two. How cute, Ibara thought as he watched Shinobu mumble and fumble. He chooses right rather unconfidently but it’s better than no answer.

Ibara laughs and reveals the coin to be in his left hand. Shinobu claps in awe, he tells Ibara that he’ll work hard in figuring out where the coin is. Ibara wonders if such a thing is possible. Hardworking and a little stupid, Ibara is amazed that  _ Shinobu _ is the one in charge. He won’t comment about it openly, though.

“ _ You seem to be the type to who would be discovered first in a battlefield―I’d be extra careful if I were you, Sengoku-san. _ ”

Just as if Ibara knew that as a bad move, Yuzuru swoops in and tells Ibara not to scare Shinobu. Rather protective over these children, huh? Ibara never knew Yuzuru was that paternal type. It seems only Yuzuru was bothered by Ibara’s statement, the orange-haired adult next to him agrees with Ibara. He even goes into further detail about how Shinobu would act during a battle. Not even Ibara can comment on that.

Ibara spends a couple of minutes playing with the younger members, they seem to enjoy the coin trick a whole lot. Ibara is rather surprised by their insistence that they could outmatch Ibara in his own magic trick. Rather daring, Ibara would call them.

“ _ Say, would you like to try as well? _ ”

Blue hair and yellow eyes stare at him with a head tilt. Almost as if he was unaware that Ibara was talking to him.

“Who are you?” This blue-haired man asks, eyes squinting as if he was gauging what kind of person Ibara was. Ibara wanted to laugh. This was a very comical and familiar scene. It has been a while, hasn’t it?

The blue-haired man gets scolded by a man with short pink hair. He is told to introduce himself as Ibara is going to be joining the company from now onwards. Like a child being coaxed to introduce himself. Ibara is curious about this pink hair fellow that follows the blue one around.

“Saegusa Ibara, let’s get along, okay?” Ibara introduces himself as they share a handshake.

“Sazanami Jun.”

Is that all he’s going to say? Really? It can’t be helped. He was never much of a talker, to begin with. Ibara can’t exactly coax anything else out of him but it seemed Jun’s pink-haired friend had other plans. He scolds him for just stopping there. There are other things to say in Jun’s introduction as well. Jun can mention how his favourite food is strawberries and that he has the ability to fall asleep anywhere, in an instant. A rather peculiar trait in Ibara’s opinion.

“Well, it can’t be helped that you can’t say anything―You lost your memory, after all.”

“Lost his memories?”

Ibara looks at the company confusedly. Anzu prompts Ibara that they found Jun that way. He hasn’t been able to remember much ever since. Aside from essential information like his full name and age, he doesn’t really remember much. Since he had nowhere to go, Yumenosaki took him in. He’s been staying with them since.

Interesting to know such a weird bluff, Ibara thought.

Ibara manages to corner Jun after the welcome party. He glares at the other. Just what an obscure bluff to pull, Ibara doesn’t understand him at all. What exactly was he trying to gain from lying about his identity and using the name that  _ Eve _ gave him? Ibara doesn’t understand the other at all.

“What are you trying to do, Sandalphon?”

Jun looks at him confusedly. Don’t think he can lie to Ibara too? What does he take Ibara as? An idiot? Don’t be ridiculous.

“Don’t act like you lost your memories with me, either.”

Jun mumbles how he doesn’t quite understand what Ibara means. He really doesn’t know what Ibara is going on about. It’s almost laughable hearing how sorry he feels towards Ibara. If only he was  _ that _ sorry about  _ Eve _ and  _ Eden _ .

“You’re kidding, right? I actually thought I lost you alongside  _ Eve _ this entire time,” Ibara scolds Jun who winces. It seems he’s trying to push himself to remember. Is he serious about losing his memories? That’s impossible. Jun has got to be a lot more resilient than that.

“ _ I, Samael, have come here to seek vengeance upon you, Sandalphon. Remember and confess to the sins you have committed, know that you are nothing but a scum who has betrayed  _ **_He_ ** _. _ ”

  
Ibara won’t let him forget. Even if he does, he would be tortured until he remembers. Call back to that night, Sandalphon. Atone for the sins you have committed that night. There is no way Ibara is letting him live peacefully, especially after all he has done to  _ Eve _ . Ibara would never let him get an ounce of rest until he understands the mess he has caused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of testing and playing around tbh  
> this set of charas are the charas i write the least (w subaru being my most written) so im like (wild gestures) winging this as i go on w the act skjdnjds  
> i'm going to upload a little bit more soon so pls look forward to it as always (yes i'm mass uploading again)  
> thank you for reading!


	12. Cue―Lights, Camera, Action!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Acting is easy when you’ve done it long enough, Ibara might say but that might stir up some mean comments from his peers. He’s not very interested in getting involved with them, to be honest.
> 
> It’s easy to pretend to be nice, evil, weird, funny― _anything, really._
> 
> _**The only thing Ibara fails at faking is not caring.** _
> 
> It’s hard to push away feelings of worry whenever he’s met with someone he _might_ care for. It’s a little gross that this troupe is growing on him a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to upload all of these chapters in intervals bc I'm editing them _THEN_ uploading them bc i am bimbo  
> and i cant remember the cut off points in this god forsaken documents (bc i write everything in one huge doc)  
> anyway, enst spring troupe good i wuv them pls wuv them too  
> i hope you enjoy!!

Ibara quirks an eyebrow when he hears Subaru ask a tall green-haired man if he lost his job. Ibara is trying to understand this Subaru person. He’s such a peculiar person, Ibara doesn’t quite understand him. He has started calling Ibara a weird nickname,  _ Barry _ . What kind of weird name is that? Ibara doesn’t understand people sometimes.

Hasumi Keito, an ex-member of the previous generation Spring Troupe. Rather strict, judging by how much he’s glaring at Ibara who recites the tongue-twisters rather flawlessly. Despite how easy the tongue-twisters and articulation pieces were, he can’t help but want to hurl at the sight of them. He has spent long enough practicing that he was able to memorise them perfectly. What an unfortunate thing to remember, though.

Etudes are rather easy to do. Maybe Ibara is too used to the weird impromptu character-building lessons that  _ Eve _ insists Sandalphon and him do. At the time, Ibara found the ridiculous and useless. He found no reason why he should care so much about how he acts during missions. It’s not like they had a lot of missions revolving around interacting with the public. Most of the time, it’s just infiltration work. Maybe when they were younger but as adults, faking a full-fledged identity was rare.

Ibara didn’t think that such peculiar things would come in handy one day.

Shinobu compliments Ibara for his acting skills. Tsumugi asks if Ibara has any experience in anything similar to acting, such a thing couldn’t have been natural skill. It must have been cultivated from something, right? Ibara laughs at the younger’s confusion.

“While this is my first time doing theater,  _ I do _ have some experience in Kabuki dancing,” Ibara jokes. Yuzuru wonders if such a thing was possible, tough as always. Ibara wonders if it’s even possible to loosen up someone like Yuzuru. Either way, it seems that most of the troupe has taken a liking to Ibara’s  _ Kabuki dancing experience _ . It makes Ibara laugh, honestly.

Keito suggests Ibara to be the lead for the next play. It seemed Ibara seemed to have enough potential to play the lead role. While he doesn’t have a lot of experience being on stage, playing the lead role will help him build experience and give him a better feel for what it’s like to perform. Whether or not the audience accepts him is up to his performance, but it’ll be easier for them to remember him if you put him in the spotlight. 

The way he puts it is so straightforward, Ibara is rather in awe of it. What a strict person.

Ibara isn’t against it, though. While he'd rather be a bystander or a minor role, he can’t exactly deny that playing lead would be fun. Not to mention, his skills have garnered enough trust from the other members. It was only to be expected that the suggestion of Ibara playing lead would pop up. He can’t really say he didn’t expect it. It was inevitable, to be honest.

“I don’t really trust myself but I’m willing to try,” Ibara says rather unconfidently. He fakes a worry about dragging the troupe down, it causes the troupe to cheer for him. The troupe is here to help, they say. Ibara smiles at their enthusiasm. The only one who isn’t really smiling is Anzu who notes how quick Ibara in accepting his role. Well, it can’t be helped. It was a rather immediate acceptance. Maybe he should have pretended to ponder a little longer. He’ll keep that in mind for next time.

Shinobu wonders what kind of Spring Troupe would there be if Ibara is lead, it seems he’s very excited to see it unfold. Subaru notes that it may be mature since Ibara is the eldest now, Midori snickers about Ibara being old. How rude. Yuzuru takes that as a chance to jab at Ibara. Really, he’s being bullied by a group of people who are younger than him. They have no pity for the elder.

“ _ In order to write the script, let’s hold a get-to-know session about Saegusa-kun. _ ”

Ibara doesn’t see what’s necessary for this interview but he doesn’t see the harm in indulging these sorts of things once in a while. He isn’t so sure what exactly would they want from Ibara, though? Maybe basic information like his hobbies, likes and dislikes. If that’s the case, he doesn’t really have to fake those kinds of things, right? Being honest once in a while isn’t so bad.

“What do you think of today’s game, huh Barry?”

Ibara tilts his head in confusion as Anzu scolds Subaru for confusing Ibara. Don’t toss him into a sports’ interview! Especially not one that no one knows what Subaru is talking about. Ibara finds Subaru very confusing, he’s never seen someone who can easily get into roles as him. Talented but also very hard to keep up with, Ibara almost feels taken aback every time Subaru speaks to him.

“Let’s start with something easier―Is there anything you like?”

Anything he likes? Well, he does enjoy eating all sorts of spicy food. That counts as an answer, right? Anzu asks for clarification, she wonders if food like curry counts. Ibara laughs and nods. Food like curry counts, Anzu. It is rather easy to find Indian cuisine here so he’d say, as Ibara, curry is his favourite food here.

“What kind of spices do you like, Saegusa-san?”

Seems like Ibara has unlocked some sort of influx of interest. Anzu’s eyes shine as Ibara talks about his interest in different kinds of spice blends. He recounts his visit to India, there was a specific curry called  _ The Ultimate Curry _ . He’s still trying to find the spices in that particular blend, he’ll be sure to share it with Anzu when he does crack the code. Anzu happily looks forward to Ibara’s discovery.

“First of all, I don’t think we have any ties to an Indian company, Saegusa-senpai―Please don’t start your weird lies again,” Yuzuru scolds. What a sore loser, Ibara thinks as he laughs at everyone’s shocked faces. Yes, yes, he’s aware that it’s rude to lie but it can’t be helped when everyone was so keen in knowing of this strange ultimate curry that he was going on about. He apologises for misconduct but admits that he does enjoy spicy food. That isn't a lie.

Anzu seems like someone who easily forgives others, she takes no mind in Ibara’s misconduct earlier and insists that she’ll try to get Madara to help her make some spicy curry for dinner. Judging by everyone else’s faces,  _ tonight _ may not be the only night where they’ll be eating curry. How pitiful, it reminds him of that week where Sandalphon and him ate nothing but quiches and tarts because that’s all  _ Eve _ would make. He sympathises with the troupe for a small moment. Must be tough to be forced to eat spicy food, though. Not everyone has the stomach to eat spicy food.

“Somehow, it’s painful to know that there’s a new unit member to the Curry Club too,” Yuzuru whines as Ibara laughs. Yuzuru seems to  _ really dislike _ the fact that there’s another person to enable Anzu and her curry needs.

Ibara’s interview is cut short due to the disturbance of Midori’s phone. It’s endlessly ringing. Ibara wonders why―Does Midori hail from a family with lots of power? Ibara wonders. He doesn’t look much like a young master, though? Then again, Ibara can’t say that when all he knows about the younger is his lack of wanting to do much unless he gets drawings of cute animals or compliments from Anzu. Rather weak-willed in that sense.

“ _ So does anyone have any suggestions for the next performance? _ ”

It seems that their scriptwriter is having some writer’s block with the next script. Ibara pities him a little. Ibara is rather curious what do the other troupe members think Ibara can pull? Hopefully, it’s nothing too much.

“What about a magician?” Shinobu suggests. That would be fun. He can pull tricks on stage without an issue there. He has no issue about playing a magician but what about the other members? Will they be his assistant? Ibara wondered.

“Let’s have him play a princess!” Subaru suggests instead. Somehow, Ibara isn’t surprised by Subaru’s suggestion. Ibara as a princess―Somehow, Ibara can’t think of a plot that would have him in that position. While he appreciates Shinobu’s comment on how Ibara can play anything, he might side with Midori on this matter. It sounds a little out of his expertise to play a woman confidently.

Anzu asks Ibara if he has any requests. To be honest, he doesn’t. Typically, for a first role, a hero would be an ideal role to have but even a simple role like a salaryman would be interesting as a first role as well. Ibara has no qualms in trying to change the artistic flow that was already cultivated in Yumenosaki. With that said, he really doesn’t seem to have a strong preference for anything. He just looks forward to seeing what Tsumugi’s script may contain.

“Period dramas have been pretty fashionable lately,” Yuzuru suddenly suggests. Subaru cries a fake shriek as he pretends to beg for mercy. They seem to be talking about that drama Yuzuru was watching last night. Was an idol he liked in there? Ibara can’t remember.

Anzu asks Ibara to stay back after the meeting. Did he say anything funny during the meeting? Ibara pondered as Anzu bid all the other members goodbye.

“I know it’s rude of me to say this but Saegusa-san, do you  _ seriously  _ want to act? Do you mean it when you say you wanted to join the theater company?”

Anzu can be rather daring, Ibara makes a mental note to be wary of her actions in the future. For someone as foolish as her, she does prove herself rather worthy as a leader of a company. Ibara will compliment her on that. Still, Ibara doesn’t want her to doubt him at all. That would simply disrupt him in his work.

“Of course, I would like to be here as long as I can,” Ibara says as he smiles softly. While he can say he wants to act with full-blown confidence now, his future may not hold the same confidence. There will come a time where his situation may not qualify him for acting anymore so he can’t promise that he’ll be in the company forever. When he has a child of his own, he probably won’t be able to act anymore.

“Child? You’re going to have a child?” Anzu asks, alarmed. She didn’t catch the context at all. It amazes Ibara that she can be smart one minute but then prove herself as dim-witted in the next.

Ibara laughs. It was an example, Director. Though, he hopes Anzu understands what he means by things like that. When something unexpected comes up, he will have no choice but to quit. Though currently, he has no issues that would lead him to quit the comps she understands.

Anzu nods at Ibara’s answer. That seems to be a good enough answer for her. There’s no need for Anzu to worry so much, Ibara reassures in hopes it would fend her off for the time being. He never thought dealing with women would be  _ this _ difficult. Then again, Ibara doesn’t like dealing with people. He wonders why he’s always the one dealing with work that involves interacting with others?  _ Slick talker _ , is what  _ Eve _ always called him.

Just as Ibara walks away, he felt someone touch his shoulder. He stiffens his posture before glaring at Anzu who stutters out an apology. Don’t get mad, Ibara tells himself. Surely, she didn’t mean it when she touched his shoulder. Ibara sighs to himself before warning Anzu to not touch him. For her own safety, it’s best Anzu avoids touching Ibara from now onwards.

“You’re up rather late―Another late night guest appearance?”

Ibara watches Yuzuru shake his head. His eyes are glued to his laptop; did he bring back work? Though Ibara recalled Yuzuru mentioning something about finishing work early so he doubts that Yuzuru is handling work at the moment. Just what on earth is he doing so late? Especially when Ibara was about to head back out.

“Midori’s father is trying to drag him to America because his parents got divorced and all―It’s all against his will, unfortunately.” Yuzuru continues to explain how he pities the younger, he looks like he never gets a say in anything. Yuzuru wished he could find something that would let Midori stay. He was really enjoying theater, it’d be a shame to see him go away so quickly. Yuzuru sighs as he leans against the couch.

Ibara stares at Yuzuru. He really didn’t think Yuzuru was the type to care about these types of things. It was really striking to see the hot-or-cold Fushimi Yuzuru wear such a worried expression on his face. Ibara couldn’t help but feel sympathetic at that very moment. He’s aware that he isn’t supposed to care for these troupe members but for a small minute, he wanted to. It’s only for a short while, Ibara thought as he sat next to Yuzuru.

“There’s a site that might help you find data about any CEO and the company they own in the world―Takamine Misaki is who you’re trying to read about, right?” Ibara asks Yuzuru who stiffly nods. It seems he’s taken aback by Ibara’s help. It can’t be helped, it was an unexpected gesture.

Yuzuru stares at the laptop screen as Ibara gets up to leave. He better head back soon. He doesn’t want to mess around too much. He has work back at the apartment too. He has to finish that as soon as possible.

“ _ Why did you help me? I never took you as the type to offer people help, even if this help is immoral. _ ”

Ibara wants to laugh. Beneath that pristine, humble personality of his, Yuzuru has always been cute in his own way. Ibara admires how human he can be at times. How does it feel to live honestly? Ibara wants to ask Yuzuru that kind of question, one day.

“Maybe I have a slight soft spot for you, Yuzuru.”

“Somehow, that is really gross for you to say, Saegusa-senpai.”

Ibara smiles as he leaves Yuzuru’s room. Cute. Even when he begins to throw that cold shoulder that makes Yuzuru the most unbearable person alive, Ibara can’t help but think that Yuzuru is cute. Such emotions can be drawn clearly on Yuzuru when he’s bare like that. Ibara wonders why Yuzuru chooses to go bare like that in front of Yumenosaki, isn’t it dangerous? Ibara doesn’t quite understand him.

“ _ Where’s Saegusa-san?! _ ”

Ibara seemed to have arrived at Yumenosaki at such a critical moment. The entire company seemed to be in distress―did something happen while he was gone? Just as Ibara asks for a reason to why there’s such a big commotion so early in the morning, Anzu explains that Midori had left the dorm unannounced earlier. They were all going out to find him. Do they not trust this child or something? Is he scatterbrained or something? Ibara doesn’t quite get it.

“I think I’ll pass, I’m merely a new face―I think he’d be happier if all of you go on ahead.”

Anzu shakes her head and insists Ibara follow them. It’s important that everyone goes; whether they’re a new member or the very first member of Yumenosaki. Everyone has a part to play in this company. It’s important they all go together.

“ **_We’re a family, after all._ ** ”

A part of Ibara wonders why humans are like this. They say the same thing over and over again. Whenever they find a cluster of people that they enjoy being with, they all suddenly call each other a family. Just why do they care so much about each other? Ibara doesn’t understand humans at all.

They come off as pesky whimsical things that say they know what a family is but  _ they don’t, really. _

Sometimes, Ibara doesn’t understand why people are willing to go this far. Is this really what it means to be a family? Ibara is curious if this really what it means to be a family. Pouring wasted energy on finding someone that could easily be replaced? Is there any worth in trying to salvage this play pretend family? Ibara doubts so. If someone must leave, they should just leave. No need to act so tough. Whether you like it or not, the weak will die one day. Stop trying to salvage this mess of a family, it won’t work.

“Well then, we’ll be taking our leave―Be a good kid for your big brother and dad, okay?” Midori’s brother ruffles Midori’s hair as they bid him goodbye at the departure gate. Midori smiles brightly and shouts goodbye like a small child. His eyes gleam brightly as he turns to Yumenosaki, Ibara wonders if the reason why Midori is happy to stay with Yumenosaki is the same exact reason Yuzuru said that night;

“ _ I thought that, maybe, Midori finally found a home that he could call his own but you know how useless overbearing parents are―They never really consider getting to know their own kids, they just want to see what they want to see. _ ”

Ibara remembered staring at Yuzuru who sighs as he pressed his cheek against the couch. A part of Ibara believes that he only felt pity at that moment because it was rare to see Yuzuru like that. Had Yuzuru not been that pitiful-looking, maybe, Ibara wouldn’t have wanted to help him. He would have let Yumenosaki be and go about his duties as per usual. Had that slip-up not have happened, then Yuzuru wouldn’t have given him that strange look that night.

“Don’t start causing commotions in the middle of an airport!”

Kuro is undeniably terrifying. He reminds Ibara of his peers back at Eden. Though, maybe Kuro is slightly more terrifying than most of them? The way he exerts such a tough authoritarian aura makes him rather difficult to deal with. Though it can’t be helped, right? Ibara doesn’t blame him for being that way. With a circus show like Yumenosaki, no doubt that Kuro carries himself so seriously.

“There it is―Dad’s lightning strikes!”

Midori goes down in one swoop. Fatal hit, Ibara wants to say in a joking manner though that is rather inappropriate at the moment. At least, he believes so. Subaru doesn’t on the other hand. He proceeds to play referee in the middle of the airport like an imbecile. Ibara has to admit that he’s thankful that he may not need to get used to this kind of commotion ever in his life. He’s rather thankful for that.

Ibara sighs as he leans against the wall. Jun looks at him confusedly, defensive as always. Ibara wonders if Jun remembers how defenseless he used to be around Ibara? Probably not. Jun looks lost and confused. How funny, Ibara thought as he smirks at Jun’s glare.

“ _ Family _ , huh? Of course, you’d find yourself in a place like this―I shouldn’t have expected anything less from you, Sandalphon.”

Jun glares at him. He doesn’t even want to speak to Ibara, huh? That’s fine.

Ibara hums for a minute. Pondering the many ways to tear this play pretend family apart. Surely, the easiest route is to report to Eden and let them handle the rest but that’s no fun, now is it? Ibara likes to get his hands dirty once in a while, you know? He wants to hear Jun wail in pain, to be honest. Beg. Cry. Ibara wants Jun to understand the pain he feels. He wants Jun to understand that he shall receive no pity for deserting Eve like that.

“You’re aware of what could happen if Eden found out about this little  _ family _ of yours, yes?” Ibara asks as he checks his nails. They need to be cut soon.

Jun’s breath hitches as Ibara side-eyes him. Good. He’s aware of the consequences. What a good dog.

“If I decide that I’m tired of playing along, I could just inform Eden of your existence and betrayal―Would you squirm and beg for mercy then? I wonder.”

Jun mumbles something that Ibara doesn’t quite hear. It’s fine. Ibara isn’t quite interested. There are better things to do other than trying to put in an effort of understanding Jun’s useless floundering. It’ll always come off as useless and troubling. Ibara wonders how Eve found it cute. Ibara never understood the other at all.

“So? Am I getting arrested?” Ibara jokes. Tsumugi stutters the word  _ arrested _ as Ibara laughs. It’s a joke, Tsumugi―there’s no need to panic. Ibara believes there’s no reason for either of them to get arrested. At least, not Tsumugi.

After calming the younger down, Ibara asks Tsumugi about the sudden meet-up. Could it be another interview? Not that Ibara minds. Today is an off-day, after all. Ibara doesn’t have anything important to do, thankfully. It’s surprising, to say the least. Tsumugi has good timing, Ibara wants to praise him.

Tsumugi shakes his head and explains that he wanted to have a face-to-face conversation with Ibara. It’s rare to have a conversation one-on-one, after all. Isn’t the dorms a noisy and hectic place? Ibara laughs. It’s like one big family, right? Tsumugi nods as he explains how he’s used to it.

“Are you okay with that much noise, Saegusa-kun?” Tsumugi asks as he furrows his eyebrows. It seems he’s concerned about how Ibara is faring in the dorms. How thoughtful, this child is.

Ibara shrugs. He’ll eventually get used to it. It’s an exciting experience, after all. It’s rare to be in a place like Yumenosaki so he’d like to cherish it as long as possible. Typical cop-out answer but of course, good children like Tsumugi would take such an answer. Ibara would praise him for being such a good child.

“Oh, how big is your family, Saegusa-kun? If you don’t mind answering, that is.” Tsumugi sheepishly laughs as he scratches his cheek. No need to be embarrassed, Tsumugi. Ibara won’t tell you the truth, anyway.

Ibara makes up an answer. Three. He’s a middle child. Now, what about you, Tsumugi? Would he tell the truth? Most likely. He seems like the type who can’t lie at all. Ibara wants to laugh but opts to drink his cup of coffee as Tsumugi explains his role in the family and the family’s school. That’s a lot of work for a younger brother. The fact that he has an older brother amazes Ibara. He doesn’t look the type at all.

“Say, what is it like rooming with Fushimi-kun? He’s a lot more composed at work, I’m assuming?” Tsumugi makes a joke about how Yuzuru is scary with his personas. Tsumugi doesn’t quite understand how he does it all the time. It must be tiring, Tsumugi sighs as he stirs his iced tea. It is. Even Ibara feels tired, just watching the younger go about his day.

  
  


“Well, it’s rather rare to share a room with someone, especially at this age so I guess you could consider it,  _ interesting? _ Though, I was already acquainted with Yuzuru outside of work so I’m not very surprised by his switch of personality. I’m not sure if his other co-workers would be able to handle it―After all, he’s a lot more composed at work.”

Tsumugi nods in understanding. He seems to be surprised by Ibara’s answer. Was it unexpected? Ibara is just following the script that Tsumugi is giving him, though. Maybe Tsumugi expected him to complain. Well, Ibara has long given up in complaining about things like that. There’s no need to complain and worry about fickle things. Maybe Ibara will complain once in a while. Just to ease up to whatever weird expectations Tsumugi has of him as  _ Saegusa Ibara _ .

“Ah, I’ve been meaning to ask this but don’t you think that incident with Midori was _really_ _something?_ ” Ibara asks Tsumugi who nods. He mentions how he felt really worried when he saw Midori get _even more depressed_ than usual. He’s really glad that everything got solved and Midori could stay.

“Midori can be troubling at times but to continue Spring Troupe without him, I can’t imagine it at all,” Tsumugi confesses. He laughs sheepishly as Ibara looks at him with a sharp look.

“You’re a good older brother figure, Tsumugi―You really were born to be an older brother, I believe.” Tsumugi chokes on his tea when Ibara praises him heavily like that. He seemed very embarrassed by Ibara’s compliment.

Though, Ibara wonders why Tsumugi wants to go that far? Even if the person doesn’t share the same blood as him, Tsumugi still insists to care for them. It seems Tsumugi can be a bit of a pesky worrywart. Wouldn’t it be easier to just leave them alone? Or could it be Tsumugi’s instincts are unable to ignore such pleas?

Tsumugi looks taken aback by Ibara’s sudden comment. He mumbled for a minute before concluding that he believes that it’s in his nature to keep wanting to look after people. He looks after his parents when his brother isn’t around, after all. It’s hard to ignore calls for help. Tsumugi believes ignoring them isn’t right. What a gullible child. Good children like Tsumugi should be sheltered from the real world, Ibara strongly believes. He and Shinobu are the same. Maybe Midori is the same, long past his rather crude outlook of life. Such simplistic children.

Ibara entails Tsumugi of a man that was his uncle. He was a security officer at a police station. He lived in the countryside, so he was friendly with everyone in the neighborhood. He often went around to help clean people’s houses and stuff; he was similar to a handyman. One day, a housewife he knew asked him to come clean her house. The moment he stepped inside, she confessed that she had been in love with him for a while―Of course, being the good man he was, he attempted to reject her but he was founded by the housewife’s husband while they were arguing.

“Her husband was an assemblyman, so my uncle’s explanation was brushed aside, and he lost his job,” Ibara explained. Ibara’s uncle is doing better now but it was unfortunate that he couldn’t trust anyone for a while.

Tsumugi looks guilty for the man. Ibara hears him admit his worries for such a man.

“ _ That’s a lie, of course. _ ”

Tsumugi looks confused. It seems he’s red to the tips of his ears. What a funny face.

“ _ I made it up, Aoba-san. _ ”

Tsumugi looks betrayed. Such a shocked face, it’s laughable to look at. Ibara can’t help but snicker as Tsumugi sighs in pity about how realistic Ibara’s lies can be. Ibara apologises for the sudden lie. He was just trying to see how much of a caring person Tsumugi was. There was no harmful intent in such a lie, don’t worry.

“It makes me wonder a little― _ Is there a reason why you lie so much, Saegusa-kun? _ ”

Ibara looks at Tsumugi for a minute. Guess he’ll let Tsumugi have a taste of what Ibara sees in telling the truth. Maybe it’ll teach the younger a lesson or two about trusting people so easily. It’s all for the better future of the youth, after all.

“To tell the truth all the time, that is a sign of being weak―How is that for an answer?” Ibara asks Tsumugi who stutters out a nod. Though, Ibara doubts the younger understands what Ibara means. It’s fine. To explain such trivial matters would be a waste of time. Ibara rather not.

It seems Tsumugi is the type to turn into a recluse when he’s struck with an idea. Terrible conditions to put yourself in, Ibara wonders how he survives. It is lucky to have someone like Midori around, he takes care of him while Tsumugi pushes himself to finish writing. Yuzuru praises him while Subaru makes a racket about how Midori finally sees Tsumugi as family. Ibara can’t help but laugh at the ruckus that can be caused by Spring Troupe.

What a mess to be in.

“ _ I’m…Finished...Please…Take― _ ”

Ibara catches Tsumugi as soon as the younger faints. Ibara sighs as Shinobu and Midori help him with Tsumugi. They drop him on the couch, just as Madara comes round to look for him. Madara laughs as he ruffles Tsumugi’s hair, he calls him a hard-working kid. It seemed Madara wanted him to eat first but since he’s asleep, he’ll let him rest. Looks like Madara prepared something easy on the stomach―Maybe it’s soup or something similar.

For the time being, why don’t we copy those scripts and read them through when Tsumugi wakes up? That seems to be the appropriate sentence for this sort of scene, no?

“ _ The Wizard of Oz _ ,” Anzu says as she flips through the script. Tsumugi apparently thought Wizard of Oz would be a good concept for Spring Troupe. Instead of making Dorothy the main character, he seemed to have made it a self-title play. It’s a story set prior to Dorothy’s arrival, it seems.

Ibara hears Yuzuru mumble as he leaned into his chair. Though drowsy from his nap and a warm meal, Tsumugi asks if there was something unsatisfying about the script. He actually tried his best for this script so he’s looking forward to any changes this time. Yuzuru laughs and states how he just realised something funny about the script.

Apparently, the script reminded him about another play. Yuzuru felt like he was possessed by the broadway gods for a minute. Better check with Ritsu to see if he hasn’t gone insane. Does everyone here treat Ritsu like some sort of doctor? Ibara wonders about that.

“ _ Ah _ , what was it called again?  _ Wicked _ ? Something like that, right?” Yuzuru asks as he whacks Subaru’s hand for rolling up Yuzuru’s copy of the script. Shinobu nods and explains how he’s surprised that it’s not  _ Wicked _ , though. Shinobu wondered why. If one were to think about a story within Wizard of Oz but not be about Dorothy, it’d definitely be  _ Wicked _ , right? Surely, there must be a reason why Tsumugi decided to do Oz instead.

Subaru hummed as he stroked an imaginary beard.  _ He _ apparently knew why. Somehow Ibara didn’t like where this was going. Ibara was really starting to hate this discussion and it has barely begun.

“ _ Copyright strike. _ ”

Shinobu tilts his head and echoes Subaru’s words in confusion. Yuzuru hums in agreement. Ibara can’t help but agree on such a thing. It does seem likely that Tsumugi wants to avoid a copyright strike but that doesn’t seem to be the sole reason to why Tsumugi wrote the script that way, at least to Subaru.

“Other than that, it’s also definitely because Barry here looks like an Oz-apologist.”

Ibara chokes on his own spit as Yuzuru nods in agreement.  _ A definite Oz-apologist _ , they both say in unison as the young members look at them strangely. Midori’s face clearly states he wants to say it as well but doesn’t want to go through the trouble of agreeing with those two idiots. Ibara won’t comment how offensive it feels to be also considered a, well,  _ Oz-apologist _ by the youngest member of Spring Troupe. Really, he wasn’t prepared for this kind of thing at all. He really is underestimating the nonsense he was going to be dealing with when he came to Yumenosaki.

Anzu politely asks the team to get back to the discussion―she mentions how they have bigger things to worry about. Besides, it is unfortunate that Anzu has to agree that Ibara does remind her of Oz so maybe he’s an Oz-apologist. Ibara looks at Anzu strangely as she terribly fakes a cough before continuing during the discussion. Ibara will have to let this slide for now. It’s not like he can do anything else about it. He’s just going to have to deal with being called an Oz-apologist. Though it’s only for a short while, Ibara strongly believes his mind will forever be reminded about such a peculiar insult made by Subaru.

“ _ Rick _ ―That’s Shinobu, right?” Midori asks Anzu who agrees that the exchange between Rick and Oswald does remind one of Shinobu and Ibara. Especially how the conversation flows out, it makes one wonder if Tsumugi based Rick off of Shinobu. Ibara wonders the same as he flips through Rick’s line―they’re long and filled with all sorts of high-strung emotions in comparison to Oswald’s lies that are laced with poison and a straight face. Ibara wonders if this is how Tsumugi sees his own members?

The casting flows out almost naturally. Seems like Tsumugi and Anzu had lots of fun assigning characters to his members, they looked really satisfied with casting. It can’t be helped, though. After all, they are nothing but a bunch of theater weirdos that Ibara is trying his best to understand.

“ _ Saegusa-dono, please wait! _ ”

Hm? Did Shinobu need something from him? Ibara turns to see what has gotten the young leader all worked up. This height difference―Ibara can’t help but wonder if it’s an inconvenience. Should he squat to let the other be able to converse better? Isn’t that rude? Ibara still remembered when Eve did the same thing when he was a young teenager, he sulked in his bedroom as Eve apologised from the other side of the door. He doesn’t really want to comfort Shinobu from the other side of the door nor does he want to suffer under the wrath of Subaru. Nope. Definitely not  _ that _ .

Shinobu explains how Rick and Oswald have lots of lines together which means the way their exchanges are done is very crucial. He was thinking that they could try and talk to each other every day, even if it’s for a little while. Shinobu seems to really want to bring out a natural exchange between Rick and Oswald, huh? Does anything work as  _ communication _ ? Ibara wonders what Shinobu’s definition of communication here.

Shinobu obviously flounders at the question. He can’t quite make up his mind. What a shame.

Ibara takes out the coin and flips it. He asks Shinobu which hands does he think the coin is in. Shinobu thinks for a minute and chooses left. He’s still pretty bad at this game, huh? Can’t be helped.

Ibara reveals that the coin was in his right hand, Shinobu gasps in awe. Ibara will assume that this sort of communication is good enough.

“Does this satisfy the requirements of the type of communication you want from me?” Ibara asks as Shinobu nods. He looks forward to this little activity, it seems. Ibara bids Shinobu goodnight as the other smiles and bows his head before taking his leave.

Such a strange kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shinobu good boy shinobu best boy  
> pls love my wittle shinobun!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> Idk if i'm going to upload the third chapter today?? hopefully??  
> we'll see bc i can never stick to my words  
> anyway, thank you for reading!!


	13. Fitting the Description

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Family; a group of related things._
> 
> By definition, Yumenosaki is a family, right? Somehow Ibara doesn’t believe it at all.  
> Do they really think they’re a family? It’s a rather pitiful-looking one, in Ibara’s opinion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally planned to finish up the last chapter and mass-upload it like usual but I decided that uploading this first is okay  
> The chapters from here to the last are p dang long so djskjdsjskd ppls take your time  
> I'm not sure when I'll upload the last three but _s o o n_  
>  anyway, I hope you enjoy!!

“My name is Oswa― _ Oz _ .  _ My name is Oz _ ,” Ibara says as he straightens his back. He watches Shinobu repeat  _ Oz _ in astonishment before giving him the title of  _ The Great Wizard _ . Shinobu pretends to be in awe of what is supposed to be a hot air balloon. Ibara finds it quite hard to go along with Shinobu as he stares at Subaru and Yuzuru pretends to be a hot air balloon.  _ Charming. _

Instead of correcting Shinobu’s marveling interest in the hot air balloon, Ibara decides to go along with this peculiar belief in Ibara’s nonexistent magic. Yes, it’s true that he made that whimsical contraption fly across the sky until he landed on this wonderland.

“ _ After all, I am the Great Wizard Oz. _ ”

Shinobu wasn’t kidding when he said Ibara and him would have many scenes together. It almost seems countless. The way Shinobu’s character, Rick, follows Oz like a trusted sidekick. It almost seems laughable. Someone who doesn’t want to let go of Oz’s hand. He follows every word Oz utters like he’s under a spell. Pitiful child. Ibara wonders why Rick wants to follow Oz’s words―Doesn’t he ever want to doubt Oz’s words even for a bit?

“If you shout  _ thunder _ and point directly at your target, lightning will strike it,” Ibara lies. Shinobu tries to attempt but Ibara scolds him for it. Is he trying to kill Ibara while he’s at it? How crazy is this kid? Ibara doesn’t want to know.

Ibara watches Shinobu get ready to leave. This next line is supposedly said with immense emotion. At least that’s what Anzu reminded him. Just as Shinobu is about to leave, Ibara stops him.

“Are you really going to go?” Ibara asks. 

Shinobu looks at him confusedly.

“Of course!”

Ibara watches him leave. He has to escape now. It’s now or never. Ibara understands that but yet he feels something swell uncomfortably in his chest when he thinks about Shinobu’s bright smile as he waves Ibara goodbye. He’s supposed to leave. Leave. Leave already, Oz. The entire point of that foolish lie is so he could  _ finally leave _ and you could escape from this goddamn mess.

“ _ Will he be okay? _ I wonder...”

“Saegusa-san,” Anzu calls for Ibara. Seems like she can sense the issue Ibara has with this line, huh? This woman might be part dog or something. She’s too good at sniffing out Ibara’s problems when it comes to acting. Well, she is a director after all.

“Could you try to pause a little longer when you deliver that line? Oz should feel worried for Rick here,” Anzu advises. Ibara nods―Worried? For a pitiful bumbling fool like Rick? That’s rather impossible for someone like Ibara. Ibara still has to deliver it properly, regardless.

Ibara repeats the line with the exact emotions that Anzu requests for but it seems that the line still comes off as flat. They spend a couple of minutes on this line alone, other members chipping in to show Ibara how to express the line albeit most of them felt slightly exaggerated. Maybe aside from Shinobu and Midori. Ibara personally believes Subaru and Yuzuru were just making fun of Ibara at this point. Tsumugi seemed to have gotten too into his role that he couldn’t express Oz’s feelings at all. It’s fine. Oz isn’t his role, after all.

Despite that unsatisfying scene, the rest runs rather smoothly.

Of course, Anzu wants Ibara to stay back for a minute or two. It seems she’s really worried about Ibara’s delivery. Ibara understands her worry so he’ll push his annoyance for today. He listens to her explain about expression and how they could change Ibara’s lines if he would like to. Ibara finds that gesture unnecessary. He’ll just find that troubling.

“There’s no need to go that far, Director. Is that all?” Ibara asks as he stretches his neck, uncomfortably. What did Eve used to say? If you roll your head three times when you’re angry, your neck will grow too long or something ridiculous like that. It took Ibara and Jun a couple of months before realising that was a lie.

Even trying ignoring Anzu, Ibara still gets reeled back into a conversation with her.

“Are you sure that you have no specific issues with the emotional scenes? I’m just worried that my instructions weren’t clear,” Anzu admits worriedly. Ibara doesn’t think Anzu is the issue if that’s her worry.

“If you insist, I do admit Oswald feeling worried for Rick suddenly not  _ realistic at all _ . It’s quite hard to understand why he would feel that way.”

Anzu nods seriously as if Ibara gave her the answer she was looking for. Anzu explains that they can work their way around that kind of issue. They can hold discussions with the other members. Then surely, it can be solved before the play begins. Ibara smiles softly to show his understanding to Anzu’s sudden excitement. He takes that excitement as a cue to leave.

“Wait, Saegusa-san―”

_ Clink _

Hm? Did something drop? Ibara turns to find Anzu reach out to the silver vial that laid on the floor. That’s not good. Before Anzu could even touch the tip of the vial, Ibara shouts at her.

“ _ Don’t touch it! _ ”

Anzu immediately retreats her hand and stutters out an apology. Ibara rambles for a minute; it’s not safe to touch things regardless of how seemingly innocent they may appear. That was a close call. Ibara checks the vial for any leaks―None. Good. The last thing Ibara wants this imbecile to do is  _ accidentally _ kill herself. That is  _ seriously _ the last thing he wants this idiot to do. Not now. Ibara has plans for her so she better not simply touch anything that could harm her. Just as Ibara warns Anzu about handling his things or even trying to come close to Ibara, Shinobu knocks on the door.

“ _ Saegusa-dono! Anzu-dono! _ ”

Shinobu sticks his head out from the door, he asks if they were done talking. Immediately, Ibara takes that as a chance to escape from Anzu’s grasp. Shinobu reminds Ibara about their coin toss battle, it seems they have yet to do one today. Ibara laughs and thanks the younger for reminding him.

As they leave, Ibara can’t help but stick his head back into the practice room. Eve really does drill these kinds of manners into him, huh? He wonders if Sandalphon is the same. Maybe he is. Most likely he is. He was nice from the get-go, anyway.

“ _ Anzu _ , my apologies for earlier. Forgive me for my misconduct―May we discuss these issues with the troupe a little later,” Ibara apologies with a saddening smile. He really didn’t mean to scare the other, hopefully, Anzu is aware of that.  _ He really means it _ .

Ibara gets reminded of his training when he faces Keito’s wrath. He’s strict, no doubt. He appears almost similar to a general. It terrifies Ibara a little. Did soft-hearted Sandalphon have to face the same wrath? Ibara wonders. Surely, if Eve were to have to face this, he’d just stick his tongue out like a complete fool.

“ _ Oswald _ , it’s good that you’re skillful in most scenes but overall, you’ll come off as a complete  _ daikon _ . Useless. It’ll leave your audience feeling unsatisfied and bitter. You need to convey these feelings properly, if not it’ll just come off as Rick being a stupid dog that blindly follows his master’s orders.  _ Fix it or quit it. _ ”

Ibara smiles and nods quietly. No doubt, Ibara is kind of terrified of this guy. Seriously? Convey these feelings properly? Isn’t he conveying them enough? Just what exactly is Keito looking for? Ibara doesn’t know. Personally, Ibara doesn’t  _ want _ to know.

“I’ll be sure to try my best in following the advice you’ve given me, Hasumi-san.”

It seems practice has finished early. Just enough time for Ibara to go back and finish up any more reports. He doesn’t want to slack on those kinds of things. He would rather not be considered that type. Though he says that, it seems  _ God _ has other plans for him.

Shinobu wants Spring Troupe to get closer. Not like they’re close enough.

“ _ Everyone, let’s sleep on stage again! _ ”

Shinobu rambles endlessly about Spring Troupe during their debut performance. They couldn’t get in-sync. They were terrible at acting. They couldn’t get anything right. No matter how hard they tried, it’d come out fruitless. They slept on stage to get closer and maybe recharge some form of motivation. What a cute fairytale but certainly, everyone just realised they didn’t exactly carry their weight, no? Shinobu seems like someone who still believes that Santa exists so for Shinobu’s sake, maybe Ibara will pretend to think that was cute.

“ _ I’ll join you, then. _ ”

Shinobu smiles brightly and expresses his excitement for the sleepover. He asks everyone to bring their futons and pillows to the theater at 10 o’clock sharp. Ibara watches Midori complain about how heavy it can be to carry everything―It seems Tsumugi offered to carry his futon in exchange of Midori folding the futon neatly. Subaru and Shinobu are animatedly talking about bringing all sorts of games to play. He even suggests doing  _ a pull _ on his phone.  _ Whatever that means _ .

Ibara hears Yuzuru take a deep breath as soon as he enters their bedroom. He’s aware that Yuzuru has something on his mind. Just say it. Don’t try to put a face on here. Didn’t Yuzuru mention that he didn’t have to put a face on here? Is that a lie too?

“ _ Senpai― _ ”

“I’ll try.  _ I promise _ .”

Yuzuru licks his lips and slowly nods. Almost immediately, Yuzuru situates himself in front of the television. Probably to distract himself from that awkward conversation earlier. Ibara takes that as his sign to leave. Ibara quietly walks down the hallway. He hears a music show programme play rather loudly. He hears Subaru and Shinobu talk aimlessly about something incoherent. He hears Tsumugi lightly scold Midori about being clumsy with his stuffed animals. A rather awfully loud troupe Ibara has to deal with. It honestly puts a strain on his back, really. The fact he’s the eldest is a little unfair.

Ibara pauses for a minute. Would Ibara  _ actually come back _ ? he wonders. Is Ibara  _ actually planning on keeping that promise _ ? Ibara really does wonder.

It’s not like there’s a necessity to play along with them, right?

_ Ibara’s patience is starting to thin. _ It really is.

Ibara doesn’t know how long he wants to be a saint and holds back his need to chop off all of the heads that belong to Yumenosaki Company. He can’t shout and throw a fit, though. It ruins his image. It ruins the idea the company has of  _ Saegusa Ibara _ . Ibara shouldn’t throw a fit.

The only enjoyable part of this  _ ridiculously annoying _ prank is the fact that Subaru threw some ungodly level of spice into his meal and seeing their confused expressions. Though, the confused expressions are more or less a common reaction to  _ anything _ Ibara does. He’s gotten quite tired of it, to be frank.

As he gets up from his meal, he looks at the Spring Troupe members coldly.

“Don’t play around with people’s meals.  _ Especially not mine. _ ”

Ibara hears murmurs. Seems like they’re regretting it. Somehow, he isn’t surprised. Though, that’s not enough to compensate for the amount of trouble he’s going through. His patience is barely there. He’s scrambling to the floor, trying to recall why he’s doing this. Not going straight to Sandalphon and shooting him straight dead in the eye like he’s always wanted.

A part of him knows why he hasn’t done that. That part vaguely sounding like Eve. Seems like the dead is haunting Ibara. Shouldn’t it be Sandalphon that Eve should be haunting? Doesn’t he want Sandalphon to repent for committing such a grave sin?

Ibara stares at the coffee table in front of him. He leans deep into the couch. Yuzuru sure likes soft furniture. Ibara vaguely recalls Yuzuru mentioning that Shinobu and Midori would sneak into his room to take naps on his couch. Ibara wants to laugh.  _ This is terrible _ .  _ This really is terrible _ .

“ _ Sandalphon, did you really kill him? _ ” Ibara asks the air quietly. 

_ Please Sandalphon, tell me that you didn’t _ .

Ibara wakes up to a blanket tightly wrapped all over him. Yuzuru must’ve gotten up to do the chores like the good Samaritan he is. Ibara snickers to himself. Yuzuru really is too kind. He must’ve wanted to apologise for yesterday but was too awkward to actually do it face-to-face. Such a kind person, Yuzuru is. He might even do it on behalf of the entire troupe too. Such a strange bunch.

It’s a shame that,  _ just this once _ , Ibara slept inside the dorms.

“ _ Grandfather-dono! _ ”

_ Grandfather-dono…? _ Just what on earth is going this early in the morning? Ibara rubs his eyes uncomfortably as he walks towards the courtyard. Just what are they doing? Who are they talking to? Ibara is struggling to get a hold of the situation and it seems like the troupe won’t fess up about it.

“ _ Mama! Where are my children?! _ ”

Are they doing an etude outside in the courtyard? Ibara doesn’t quite understand what Subaru and Shinobu are doing but he doesn’t really understand them on a regular basis. It’s amazing that their room isn’t ransacked due to how hyperactive all of them are. He peeks his head out as he sees the rest of Spring Troupe in the courtyard, arranging themselves for something. He wonders for what?

“ _ Dad, _ ” Yuzuru says with an apologetic smile. That smile is typically Yuzuru’s cue for ‘ _ Follow my lead  _ **_or else_ ** ’ and Ibara doesn’t quite like how it’s for a situation like this. On top of that, Ibara doesn’t quite like the fact that he’s being called  _ dad _ by both Subaru and Yuzuru. He doesn’t like it at all, actually.

Ibara stands awkwardly at the courtyard as the rest of Spring Troupe let out a long stream of apologies. It seems they really felt bad about yesterday’s incident. Ibara finds himself, bursting into laughter.  _ Oh, dear _ . Just what has this troupe done to Ibara? Ibara doesn’t know what they’ve done but they have gone completely off-script for Ibara. They’re not following their lines just like they’re supposed to. They’ve gone straight into improv.

Ibara can’t think of a line to reply because he’s finding himself laughing and shaking his head. Foolish people. Ibara doesn’t understand them at all.

“I’m not mad anymore,” Ibara breathes out. He coughs a little in between his explanation that he was just taken aback by Spring Troupe’s way of making attempts to get closer to Ibara. It’s not exactly nice but it was  _ definitely an attempt _ so Ibara can find the heart to forgive them.

Though, what the hell were they pulling earlier? Mama? Papa? Grandfather-dono? What was all that about? Ibara can’t help but laugh a little, just thinking about it. If Ibara was anything to Spring Troupe, he would rather be a neighbour of some sort. He doesn’t think he’s old enough to be a grandfather, especially with grandchildren that are around Shinobu, Midori and Tsumugi’s age. That is just highly impossible.

“I thought he wouldn’t like being given the grandfather role,” Tsumugi sighed. Shinobu mumbles about how Ibara’s glasses reminds him of a grandfather while Midori questions Shinobu’s insistence on addressing his own grandfather with  _ dono _ at the end. Yuzuru laughs; maybe an ex-lover would work better? You’re harsh as always, Yuzuru.

Subaru refuses rather vehemently. He states that Ibara is his second wife, all of a sudden. Ibara gives Subaru a weird look as Yuzuru shakes his head. It seems Yuzuru is really against marrying Ibara.  _ How awful _ . Ibara thinks he’d make a good husband to Yuzuru. At least he would like to think he would be a good husband to Yuzuru. Though, the thought of calling Yuzuru sickly sweet nicknames goes beyond his abilities to imagine. Quite unfortunate.

“That aside―Saegusa-san―when you become apart of this troupe, you become family to us.” Midori stutters a little but he gets the message across. There’s an uncomfortable swell in Ibara’s chest. He doesn’t quite like it. Just why does he fail to form words as he listens to Midori and Shinobu happily talk about how they want Ibara to be part of this family they’ve made? Ibara can’t form an answer which is funny because he swore he was a bit of a genius in pushing his feelings away.

Ibara smiles softly. A small part of him sings softly. He would like that. He would like to become a family with Spring Troupe.

Ibara watches the rest of Spring Troupe rejoice. They chat loudly about not wanting to skip breakfast. They even race a little there. What a childish bunch, Ibara wants to laugh. Though, there’s someone that isn’t rushing over to get breakfast. 

“Thanks for at least keeping my promise.”

Ibara turns to Yuzuru. He gives a confused look. What did he promise with Yuzuru?

“You at least _ tried _ to sleep over. It doesn’t quite count but it’s still  _ something _ , right?” Yuzuru says as he stretches his wrists. He gives Ibara an awkward smile that somehow, Ibara finds cute. Yuzuru walks ahead of him, mentioning something about all of that acting has gotten him tired and hungry. He even complains about practice starting soon too.

It’s such a shame that Ibara is lying again.

_ Bang! _

Jun jolts up. It happened again. He dreamt it again. It keeps happening. Shaky hands hold his as he hears whispers. Every time he focuses closely on those words being whispered, he hears a gunshot. He hates it. Stop it.  _ Please. Stop it. _

“Don’t tell me you got sick again?” Jun hears Mao ask exasperatedly. Today, it seems he’s taken pity on Jun and decided that a piggyback ride was the least he can do to make him feel better. Mao is warm. Jun wishes he could carry Mao in his pocket like a heat pack or something though Mao and Jun are roughly the same height so that’s kind of impossible. He wished he could shrink Mao to a size that’s big enough for his pocket and then turn him back to normal when it gets too cold. Would Mao even let him do that? Probably not.

Mao laughs at Jun’s absurd imagination. It’s almost similar to a child’s imagination. He must be hanging with Shu for too long again. It’s not like Jun can run away from Shu, though. It’s fine. It’s fun to talk to Shu sometimes despite how annoying he can be. Mao laughs at Jun’s sudden sour tone when Shu got brought up.

“Though, have you been sleeping well?”

Jun hums confusedly. Did it start to appear on his face too? Surely, Ritsu and Natsume would kill him, right? Mao laughs and shakes his head.

“Nah, it’s just―I just assumed you were getting nightmares or something.”

Jun takes that chance to tease Mao for getting embarrassed about nightmares. There’s nothing to worry about, Mao. Jun isn’t getting worked up about anything important, he promises. He gets down and joins the rest of the troupe for breakfast. They’re talking about Ibara being apologised to out in the courtyard earlier. Ritsu makes a joke about how Yuzuru has gotten another husband while Natsume compares the troupe to a drama cast. Shu mentions how they do remind him of a drama he has been watching lately. Seems like they’re planning on marathoning it together in Ritsu and Mao’s room. Every weekend is spent like this, lately.

Usually, Jun would join in the fun but to be honest, he doesn’t feel quite up for it. He apologies for turning down the invite. He tries to whisk away the concern faces by promising that he’ll tell them if anything is up. He just wasn’t in the mood to try and comprehend any of the drama plots that the rest of Winter Troupe get oddly invested in.

Jun goes out to take a walk after breakfast. Maybe his mind will clear up after a walk.

“ _ There’s a sudden decrease in consumption! _ ” Shu suddenly announces. Anzu jolts at Shu’s sudden announcement as the rest of Winter Troupe look in confusion. Did something happen? It seemed Shu was pretty perplexed about it too.

Jun hasn’t been eating  _ any _ of the strawberry sweets that Shu has bought for him. If anything, he’s  _ barely _ touching them. It’s like he almost got fed up with eating them. Shu spends a minute or two, rambling endlessly about the accumulated waste he has in both stock and money for Jun. Anzu tries to calm him down; surely there’s a reason why he’s like this, right?

“He hasn’t been sleeping well, hasn’t he? I tried to get him to sleep with me but he refused this time. I even tried sulking but he really did refuse.” Natsume puffs his cheeks. Ritsu jokes that Natsume goes to the extent of flirting with Jun, it was obvious that Jun was going to back away out of embarrassment. Anzu flounders at the direction of that conversation. Seriously, it’s hard to follow the flow at all.

Shu wonders if Natsume’s rather flirtatious tactics came off too strong to Jun hence why he rejected Natsume. Though Jun does like sleeping with Natsume. It’s not wrong to feel off-put by a sudden rejection from someone who would typically follow along with Natsume’s antics. Ritsu wonders if he’s sick again but he hasn’t shown any signs of the flu or anything similar. Mao hopes he’s not developing a fever any time soon.

“I tried getting him to sleep too,” Ritsu whined. Apparently, he thought scaring Jun by coming towards him with a bat was a good way to lure him to sleep. Anzu scolds Ritsu for trying to jump attack his own members, thinking that they’d faint. If Ritsu has been trying all week, it makes complete sense why Jun has been uncomfortable. Ritsu is causing him to be too wary to sleep if he keeps jump attacking Jun like that!

“Sleeping and fainting―They’re the same thing, Anzu.”

Ritsu, please consider how dangerous that sentence implies. Anzu is somehow regretting the fact she let Ritsu become troupe leader. He can be unexpectedly dangerous at times. Anzu thanks Winter Troupe for being able to stop Ritsu from ever committing a felony at times. Though can she really say that when almost all of the members look like they would commit murder without a question? Anzu finds herself feeling stressed, just recalling all the times Winter Troupe find themselves stopping one of their own members from doing something outrageous. Their intent to kill is probably as high as Autumn Troupe sometimes and that’s  _ saying something _ .

Mao chuckles at Shu’s comment on how fainting and sleeping might only be considered the same thing for Ritsu who, almost as much as Jun,  _ passes out at random times _ . Ritsu shrugs at that comment. It’s still sleeping so it’s fine. Natsume asks Ritsu to readvise his tactics as that might be too harsh on Jun.

“Well, if anything, we can rely on Itsuki when it comes to handling Sazanami, right?” Mao asks Shu who nods rather proudly. It seems like he has some plans in handling Jun, Anzu wonders if it’s okay to just leave it to Shu. Though it seems Winter Troupe is fine with it. They even found Shu’s plans on getting revenge on Jun for his antics during Mystery, rather funny. In fact, they’re enjoying listening to Shu talks about his master plans on serenading Jun to sleep with his singing. Anzu has never heard Shu sing so she wonders if that’s a good idea. The troupe seems fine with it so she’ll have to follow through with their judgment.

Should she really worry about this if Winter Troupe is already planning on ways to help Jun? Anzu chuckles to herself; Winter Troupe aren’t the same as the year before, she reminds herself.  _ They’re going to be fine _ , Anzu tells herself as she watches the member chat happily among each other.

Ritsu abruptly gasps, the other members look at him confusedly. He quickly places his dishes away and rushes to the front. It seems he’s late for something. Winter Troupe wasn’t even able to coax an answer. All they could say, alongside Anzu, was goodbye to Ritsu who shouts goodbye as he trips over his feet.

“ _ Saegusa-san, sorry! _ ”

Ibara bumps into Ritsu as soon as he decided that he had overheard enough of that conversation. He told the younger that it was only an accident so there’s nothing to worry about. Though, it seems Ritsu was rushing to an important meeting? What was Ritsu’s job again? Something about teaching, right? Ibara couldn’t recall anymore.

“Off to somewhere?”

Ritsu nods. It seems he has off to meet someone. He mumbled about a wedding and helping out. Ibara doesn’t really get it but he tells Ritsu to have a safe trip. Ritsu smiles warmly and tells Ibara to have a good day as he runs out of the dorms. He slowly waves as he watches Ritsu disappear into the town. How uncomfortable it is to wish people off like this. Ibara doesn’t quite like doing this kind of thing at all but he has gotten so used to it.

“Saegusa-dono, are you going somewhere?” Shinobu’s voice asks as Ibara ties his shoes. Ibara nods. It’s just for a short while.

Shinobu nods and gives him a big smile. He tells Ibara to have a safe trip. Ibara tells him it’s only a short trip to the convenience trip so there’s nothing to worry about. If there’s anything Shinobu wants, Ibara will buy it for him. Maybe that comic magazine that he keeps buying every week with Subaru, it probably doesn’t cost much. Shinobu stutters about. His hands flounder about as he looks for his wallet.

“There’s no need to pay me back, Sengoku-san― _ Consider it a treat for always working hard _ .”

Ibara finds himself, staring at the computer blankly. He really is in deep trouble. He has to find a way to get rid of these weird feelings he has found himself developing for those fools. They’re not a real family. They’re not  _ his _ real family. They’re a bunch of fools who  _ want to be a family _ . They don’t even know what it means to be in  _ his _ family. They know nothing.

That’s right. They’ll never be a real family.

A real family. A real family.

_ What makes a real family? _

Ibara doesn’t know.

Ibara leans back into his chair. The definition of family; a group of people who relate to one or another, similar to the word household. The definition of household; a house and its occupants regarded as a unit. By definition, Yumenosaki definitely suits what it means to be a family more than Ibara, don’t they? It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

Ibara doesn’t want to turn on the lights. The illumination from the computer is enough light for Ibara to realise that his apartment―his home―was no longer following that definition. It was empty. It was cold. It was dark. It had nobody that Ibara could relate to. It could not be regarded as a unit. It was far different from the Yumenosaki dorms. Ibara knew that and it made his blood boil, honestly.

“I really am jealous of you, Sandalphon.”

Even after leaving this empty shell of a home, Sandalphon managed to find a warm home. It’s unfair. Ibara has to stay in this cold, empty home while Sandalphon gets to live his life freely and happily like his sins had been forgiven completely by He. It’s almost as if he entered the confession room and wished to be reborn. Who let you be reborn? Don’t be ridiculous, you goddamn murderer.

Ibara is no fool. The confession room is a hellscape. There’s no such thing as rebirth. Sandalphon will never get it. He’ll never get a single taste of what freedom is. As his duty as Samael, Ibara won’t let him get even an inch closer. Not at all.

It is, after all, forbidden in the garden of Eden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ibara voice) i am v conflicted with my feelings  
> as usual, winter troupe good i luv them but i also luv spring troupe  
> actually, all of the troupes are good pls appreciate them  
> anyway, pls look forward to the next chapter!!  
> thank you for reading!!


	14. Sleep Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleep. It’s hard to sleep. It’s hard to stay awake too.
> 
> Ibara and Jun can’t handle it anymore. This lack of sleep is draining them whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its time to mass-upload bc this is the last three already!!  
> im _so tired :'))))_  
>  anyway, i hope you have fun with this chapter!!

“Director, let’s go on a date.”

Anzu gets flustered at the word, date. Ibara laughs at Anzu’s stuttering, how adorable this woman can be at times. Despite her initial floundering, she accepts Ibara’s invite and even looked at the invite rather positively.

“It’d be a good way to get to know you a little better, Saegusa-san!”

Enthusiastic as always. Ibara finds himself struggling to keep up with such a person. At times, Ibara finds himself get dragged along by Anzu as she chats Ibara’s ears off. Sometimes, Ibara doesn’t even get a single peep in their conversation. It’s marveling how she wants to know Ibara better when she often does those sorts of things to him. Ibara doesn’t understand this woman at all.

First stop; that spice shop Anzu has been staring at.

Of course, she’s excited. She gets a little too excited. Ibara finds himself trying to calm Anzu down as Anzu marvels at the type of spices inside the shop. She even prompts Ibara to tell her about what kind of spices are good. How ambitious. Guess it won’t hurt to indulge in this kind of activity. Ibara can’t say no when someone shows extreme interest in spices around the world. It definitely beats a certain someone who complains how it doesn’t go well with his sweets so why should he care? Ridiculous.

“I may have bought too much,” Anzu puffs as she stares into her bag. Ibara nods in astonishment. He wonders if Kuro will scold her for this? Probably. Most likely.

Anzu was surprised that Ibara didn’t want to buy anything. Ibara explains that he has his own set that was more suitable for travelling. Ibara isn’t as privileged as Anzu who has the space to keep these spices in large quantities. Surely, Madara would appreciate the spices. He’d definitely try them when Anzu comes back with them. Anzu smiles at Ibara’s thought― _ She can’t wait to try them when they get home! _

“Hm? I thought you’d be stylish in a cap?”

Ibara laughs as Anzu frowns at Ibara’s look. Definitely not his kind of look. Maybe he should have chosen a different shop to bring Anzu. It seems that it doesn’t really bother Anzu, though. She seems to be enjoying dressing Ibara? Ibara doesn’t quite understand her at all. He takes off his cap and places it on Anzu instead.

“ _ I believe you were thinking about how you would look in it instead, Anzu. _ ”

Anzu lifts up a ceramic pot. Good for hot pot apparently. It’s Spring, though? Why would they need to buy one now? Just put it down, Anzu. Ibara partially feels like he’s looking after a baby. The way Anzu picks up every funny-looking dish, Ibara wonders if she’s trying to make Ibara laugh. In a place like a tableware shop? That’s awfully dangerous. Either way, Anzu seems to be thinking about her company members too. The way she picks up a crow and laughs; it reminds her of Mika, apparently. How funny.

“ _ This one―Doesn’t it remind you of Ritsu-kun? _ ”

A crescent-shaped plate? Ibara didn’t really understand Ritsu’s correlation to the moon. He hums for a minute as Anzu prompts him to guess why she made such a correlation. He has to play games with her as well? Seriously? Ibara is somehow glad that he has dealt with these kinds of antics before. Though, a correlation with Ritsu? That is something Ibara has never thought of.

To be honest, this sort of scene was eerily familiar. The sudden ticking in his head as he watched Anzu marvel at the peculiar plate as she tried to get Ibara to think of an answer, Ibara somehow didn’t like it― _ No, Samael didn’t like it _ . Regardless, he had to think of an answer right? An answer. What was the right answer to this particular question? Samael can’t figure it out.

_ “Here’s an interesting question for you―What kanji sounds similar to the word  _ **_like_ ** _?” Eve asked the two of them. Sandalphon quirked an eyebrow as he tried to find an answer. Samael hummed for a minute. What was it again? It was a phrase Eve loved saying for some odd reason. _

_ Samael watched Eve hummed amusingly. Time was ticking as the two boys pondered to themselves about the answer. What was it? Samael tapped his nails against the table. It had to do with an activity they used to do a lot during missions, right? _

Oh. Oh. Now Ibara remembered.

“Ritsu-san’s name has the kanji for moon in it.”

Anzu claps her in amusement after placing the plate away. ( _ Eve did the same _ .)

A part of him felt like hurling his guts out. The moment she opened her mouth, the same joyous tone and word flowed out.

“ **_Correct!_ ** ”

Ibara mumbled how uncomfortable he feels. It’s very unfortunate that this entire scene felt like he was facing deja vu. Eve would do this kind of thing too, right? It’s gross how he can compare Anzu to Eve.

Ibara hears Anzu call for him, he looks up to see Anzu look at him confusedly. Ibara reassures her that he’s fine as Anzu makes an offhand mention that she couldn’t read Ritsu’s name at first. Probably because she was so nervous during Winter Troupe’s auditions, she found herself reading Ritsu’s name wrong. It led to Ritsu correcting her and teaching her how to read his entire name. Anzu was surprised that Ritsu didn’t seem annoyed by the mistake. He acted rather casual about it, actually. It was definitely an embarrassing moment but it was okay! Jun made the same mistake, apparently. 

Somehow that thought didn’t surprise Ibara at all. Jun is the type to just quickly glance at a name and not once consider how its pronounced at all.

Despite all that excitement on associating items with her company members, Anzu didn’t buy anything. A vague mention about how Kuro will run her over for trying to lead the company back into debt. Ibara laughs at Anzu’s grumbling about how inconsiderate Kuro can get with money but he has a point, though? If Anzu kept spending her money freely like that, she could very well send the company back into debt. Surely, not  _ just _ Kuro would be mad about that. Anzu puffs her cheek at Ibara’s comment; she’s not as irresponsible as Ibara thinks.

“I do keep tabs on my own spending, just so you know,” Anzu admits very proudly. That is very good to hear, Anzu. At least, she tries her best in ensuring that she isn’t going over her budget unlike some other people in their company. God knows what Yuzuru has been spending his money on, Ibara doesn’t want to know. More ridiculous idol items again. Though, didn’t Subaru get him hooked on some sort of video game the other day? Yuzuru is rather easily entertained, to be honest.

Anzu seems to be pondering for a minute. Probably wondering who else in Yumenosaki who has terrible spending habits. Ibara wonders too. Mika? Subaru? Those two often come back with all sorts of shiny things every time they’re paired up together for a street act. What about Tsukasa? He and Jun end up spending their earnings on candy as well. Thinking about it now, a lot of the company members spend their money on ridiculous things. How funny, Ibara thinks as Anzu makes a mention how even Kuro spends his money on obscure luxury items. 

“The only person who doesn’t spend money on anything is you―”

Ibara grabs Anzu just in time as she walks into oncoming traffic. She may be aware of how much she’s spending but not of her surroundings. How unfortunate. She can really get herself killed if she’s not careful.

“Please learn how to look where you’re going, Anzu―We wouldn’t want to lose you, now would we?”

Anzu awkwardly laughs before thanking Ibara. Well, it seems that was enough for today. He believes he’s been tired out to the core by Anzu and her antics. They should head back now. Ibara tells Anzu that they should be heading back but it seems like the other wasn’t stopping him now. She points at a restaurant, it seems like it’s going to get full―Could it be Anzu wants to eat there? Well, they didn’t really eat and they’ve been out all day so it isn’t a bad idea.

_ In fact, it was a splendid idea. _

“I’ll have the hot and sour noodles, please.” Anzu points at the menu as the waiter nods and jots down her order.

“Mapo tofu―I’ll have it extra spicy,” Ibara says as the waiter jots down his order. He repeats the order for any confirmation before finally taking his leave. They chat for a while. The restaurant is known for its Sichuan cooking, it seems. Quite rare to find these things in a place like Veludoway. It’s quite rare to find chinese restaurants that specialise only in one type of Chinese cuisine too.

Anzu takes a minute to go to the bathroom. Ibara nods and tells her to come back quickly.

“ _ We wouldn’t want your food to get cold, now would we? _ ”

Anzu nods in agreement. She’ll try to come back as quickly as possible.

“ _ Don’t mess with my food, okay? _ ” Anzu jokes as Ibara waves her goodbye. Sure thing.

Anzu marvels at the sight of the food plated out in front of her. Surely, she’s been dreaming of this moment for a long while. Ibara isn’t so surprised. He finds her reaction rather entertaining as her eyes sparkle at the sight of the mouth-watering food in front of them. Maybe teasing her would keep hold of the act, Ibara wondered.

_ Snap _ .

Anzu hums confusedly as she looks up from her food. Her face gradually pales as she realising Ibara took a picture of her making a dumb face at the food. Ibara laughs at Anzu’s reddening face as she throws a fit at Ibara.

“Saegusa-san, delete it!” Anzu commands Ibara who teasingly shakes his head. It’d be a shame to delete such a cute picture of Anzu―It’s a cute expression, Ibara would like to cherish such a thing. Of course, Anzu vehemently denies such a compliment. It’s  _ too embarrassing _ for her to handle.

Ibara laughs. He’ll cover her face then. Anzu repeats Ibara’s words confusedly.

“ _ Are you posting it?! _ ”

Of course, why wouldn’t he? Such a good picture shouldn’t be wasted. It’s a good picture so he’s going to post it. Of course, he’ll try his best to cover her face. He wouldn’t want the world to know how pretty the director of Yumenosaki is, now would they? He’s just joking, Anzu. 

Don’t fret too much. That’s how you’ll age quickly, you know?

Anzu pouts as Ibara laughs.

“I’m not as old as you are, Saegusa-san,” Anzu tries to strike at Ibara who laughs. He’s not as old as everyone thinks, you know? What a foul comment. Can everyone stop poking at his age? He isn’t old in comparison to a few others in the company. Look at Natsume, he’s  _ obviously _ the eldest in the company. Though, is that something that shouldn’t be stated so obviously? Ibara doubts so.

Ibara shrugs off Anzu’s crude comment and steers them back to the food in front of them. We wouldn’t want to eat cold spicy food. It never tastes as good as it does when it’s hot.

Anzu sticks her tongue out and fans herself as she pours another glass of water for herself. She mentions that the dish was spicier than expected. She’s surprised that Ibara has yet to touch his glass of water. Anzu makes a joke about how Ibara has a numb tongue thanks to all the spicy food he eats.

Ibara rolls his eyes. Wouldn’t it be the same for Anzu too? Though, it seems she’s more on the mild side. Anzu puffs her cheek at Ibara. It seems she’s going to try to challenge herself to eat spicier food from now onwards. Don’t hurt yourself then, Ibara wanted to joke.

Anzu wearily blinks as she tries to suppress some sort of headache.

“Are you alright?” Ibara asks worriedly.

Anzu shakes her head. It seems she isn’t feeling so well. She furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to explain to Ibara how dizzy she feels. Ibara nods carefully as he holds Anzu’s hand in one hand and checks her temperature with his other hand. He mumbles how warm Anzu feels as Anzu frowns.

Ibara asks a waiter to call for a taxi. He tightens his grip around Anzu’s hand.

“ _ Don’t worry, we’ll be home before you know it. _ ”

Ibara swears.

“ _ Oh? _ Good morning, director,” Ibara greets as he sees Anzu stir herself awake. She blinks wearily as she asks where they were. It was obvious enough that this wasn’t the dorms. They were somewhere else.

They were in a basement apartment. It’s a complete opposite from Yumenosaki dorms, Ibara couldn’t make it any clearer. He wanted to laugh at the poor girl’s confused face. Such a poor thing. Shall Samael bestow knowledge to this poor lost mortal soul?

“For a director of a company, you don’t really realise how dangerous it is to be leaving openings for people to just  _ simply poison you _ , no?” Samael asks as he cracks his knuckles. Anzu follows every move Ibara makes, it makes him want to laugh. Scared?  _ Good _ . That would teach her lesson for trying to be a goody-two shoes.

Samael tells Anzu that there’s nothing to worry about. There’s no point in tying Anzu up. Too much of a hassle. Ibara isn’t interested in dressing up. He’s not into costumes. He’s not into these play-pretends. Whatever Anzu wants to call that foolish group of actors, Ibara knows very well that that isn’t it.

“ _ If anything, I find your play-pretend of a family  _ **_rather cheap_ ** _. _ ”

It’s just a bunch of people pretending to be a family. There’s no  _ actual _ family. There’s nothing those fools have in common. Anzu wants to believe that they’re all one big family? Don’t make Samael laugh―Made up families don’t exist. They’re just lies to tell stupid children that there’s some form of hope left in the world. They’re just lies to tell stupid children that one day someone will love them for who they are. They’re just lies that only stupid children believe in, Anzu.

Anzu squeaks uncomfortably as Samael explains that everything is handled. Messages have been sent out. They’re on  _ a trip _ . It’s up to Yumenosaki to figure out what to do next. Will they choose to flounder to death due to the disappearance of their beloved director or will they choose to flourish and hunt down for Samael’s head? Samael wonders.

Samael notices Anzu looking at her phone behind him. She’s quite a terrible actor, Samael wants to say. He grabs it as soon as she rushes to it.

“Oh my, you can put up a fight, director― _ No _ , you’re no longer director, right?” Samael laughs as he dangles the phone above her. So cute. She’s so cute to play with. Samael places the phone away as he laughs at Anzu’s steeled expression.

“Why are you doing this? Clearly, I’m not what you’re after,” Anzu says coldly. Good to know that she knows her place. She comes off as a fool but can be sharp when she needs to. Samael does wish she was as sharp as she is now, during the date. Then at least Samael had a fight to put up with.

Samael praises her for being sharp. Of course, she’s bait. Samael is not one to steal any random girl out on the street. He has a purpose to fulfill and that is getting Sandalphon to confess.

Anzu utters out  _ Eve _ under her breath. Samael quirks an eyebrow at her; how did she know that name?

“You know Sazanami-san’s past, don’t you?” Anzu asks carefully. Samael takes a deep breath, she knows that’s a yes. She presses Samael for an explanation.

Well, since there’s a bullet that is going to go right through her head, there’s no harm in sharing such matters. Maybe that’ll teach her a lesson about tossing the word,  _ family _ , so casually. Such words have a sacred meaning, you know?

“ _ The Garden of Eden _ ―That’s where he and I originated from. It seemed he decided that he had gotten tired of following the orders of  _ He _ and became a  _ fallen angel _ . Living as a mortal after all he has sinned, it lives a bitter taste in my mouth.” Samael explains to Anzu who shook her head. She tries to reason Samael;  _ Sandalphon lost his memories. _

That’s no excuse. It was Sandalphon who chose to live his life that way. As Samael, the angel that represents the poison of  _ He _ , it was only his responsibility to punish Sandalphon for his sins.

After all, thanks to Sandalphon, the warmth of what Samael once cherished so lovingly had disappeared. It’s only fair that Samael is the one to be presenting Sandalphon’s head on Uriel’s desk when he returns to Eden. Surely, Raphael will scold him about ethics again. Not that Samael cares so much.

Samael tightens his fist.

Jun wakes up gasping for air. Another bad dream. Jun finds himself uncomfortably pressing his hands against his eyes. The headaches are getting too much. It’s unbearable. He feels like he’s choking to death every time he goes back to sleep. Sleeping has almost become too painful for him to do. When will this stop? Jun wondered as he got out of bed.

“ _ Let’s wait! _ ”

Jun hears shouting in the living room. He finds Chiaki calming everyone down. What is going on? Everyone seems concerned and uncomfortable. The way they all quietly listened to Chiaki talks about the mistakes of the past, it left Jun’s stomach twisting uncomfortably. No one speaks against Chiaki when he bows his head and asks them to wait for their return.

Continue practice as normal. Prepare standbys. Even if Anzu never comes back like they hope she does, Yumenosaki should carry her family’s legacy as promised. That’s probably something she would want from them.

Jun watches the entire company rearrange themselves. He hears Ritsu calling out to Tsukasa, Mika and Mao as he flips through Anzu’s copy of the script. He sees Kuro and Koga note how Keito would probably be too busy to help out so there’s a chance that the entire company would have to figure out the directing. Everyone is trying to get into their roles. There’s no Anzu so they have to figure everything out by themselves.

Jun feels useless as he watches Ritsu read out the lines in the script as the other members get into the position.

“ _ Sir Oz… The Great Wizard, Oz! _ ”

This girl won’t give up, huh? She’s passionate about theater even in a compromising situation. Samael admires her for that but it can come off as a little unhinged. Yesterday, she cowered in fear but today, she has returned to her workaholic state. How bothersome. Samael ignores her reciting the lines.

“ _ I only have one eye, but as a trade-off, it can see everything. _ ”

Don’t take the bait, Samael. You don’t have to comment on everything, Samael. It’s better off just shutting your mouth like Sandalphon always asks you to do. There’s no use in commenting on everything. If anything, Anzu would want Samael to comment on her  _ atrocious _ acting.

“You’re not very good at acting, Ennoshita-san.”

Anzu hums in confusion. At least, she knows how to act innocent. Samael will give her kudos for that.

“Then, please teach me how to be a better actor,” Anzu asks Samael who refuses. Don’t be ridiculous. Samael won’t teach a lousy actor like Anzu. She’s hopeless. She really is better off as a director than an actor. Even when he says those harsh comments, she continues to recite everyone’s lines, like the diligent and passionate director she is. 

Samael lets her be. There’s no use in stopping her.

“I’m not a wizard―Everything I have done up till now was all an act. Look, I was simply moving this head―”

That’s the wrong line. She misremembered that line. Samael takes a deep breath before correcting Anzu.

“ _ Everything I have done up till now was all a lie _ .”

Anzu hums in agreement as she nods her head. She compliments Samael for his splendid memory. Memorising lines have always been Samael’s strongest point. In fact, no one could rival Samael when it comes to memorisation. Anzu praises him highly for it.

Somehow, Samael can’t quite hate Anzu’s praises and comments. It fills in the empty space of this dark apartment.

“You don’t sleep much, don’t you?” Anzu asks as she stares at Samael’s back. Samael ignores her rambling about how unhealthy it is to stay wide awake for so long. Anzu wonders what Samael does on the computer to be up all day and night. Not even a wink of sleep. Though Samael can’t see her, he knows Anzu is staring at him with concerned, careful eyes.

Samael can’t get this girl off his back, huh?

The role Eve had was passed down to Samael. Now that Eve is gone, it’s Samael’s job to do information gathering. It’s his job to go through all that data and make it make sense. It’s tiring to be honest. He  _ does _ get drained from all that work but it’s not easy to sleep. To simply fall asleep like Sandalphon, Samael wishes he had that ability.

“Sazanami-kun and you are complete opposites,” Anzu laughs. Samael rolls his eyes; please don’t lump Samael with that fool. Sandalphon’s ability to fall asleep is one that is out of the ordinary. It’s almost enviable to watch Sandalphon sleep comfortably, anywhere. Does Samael want that kind of talent? No, not really. It gets in the way of work, in Samael’s opinion.

Besides, it’s not like Samael could sleep with Anzu in the room. It’s uncomfortable. It doesn’t feel safe, to be quite honest. Well, it’s not like he would want to sleep now. He’s got too much work to do, he can’t sleep. He has no time for sleep. He hopes Anzu understands that much. Surely, the other would have something else to say.

However, she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she gets up and heads to the door.

“Saegusa-san, I’m going to go take a bath―In the meantime, please take a nap,” Anzu says as she closes the door. Not leaving space for a single protest at all. Samael sighs as he stares at the closed door.

Rest? Samael wonders if he truly needs it. Putting his knees against his chest, he wonders if sleep is necessary at all. Closing his eyes, Samael stops for a moment.

_ Maybe a little bit of rest wouldn’t hurt. _

Jun wakes up to the rest of Winter Troupe looking at him in concern. Had Jun hid himself again? Jun didn’t realise. Then again, he hasn’t been able to get his mind off anything else but  _ Eden _ . It’s hard to think about anything but splashes of red and the moonlit sky.

It’s painful. It’s terrifying. It’s gruesome.

Jun can’t take it. Jun wants it to disappear.  _ Please, make it disappear _ .

Jun feels warmth, he sees everyone hug him. They hold Jun close. Jun leans into this warmth as he cries. It’s scary. He can’t take it anymore. He’s too weak to be able to handle all of this pain. He doesn’t know what to do anymore. He doesn’t know where to go. He doesn’t know if it’s okay to accept these parts of him. Jun doesn’t know― _ Please, help me. _

Natsume holds Jun’s hand. Jun feels a hand rub his back as he’s told to breathe.

“Let us accompany you through your burdens, Jun-kun,” Natsume says as Jun laughs through his tears.

“Quoting Mao, huh? Don’t you know that I think that guy is a pain in the ass?” Jun teases as Mao scoffs. Right back at you, asshole. Though Jun says he thinks Mao is a pain in the ass, he’s the one filling in Ritsu’s shoes when it comes to taking care of Jun. Ritsu is too busy to look after his troupe. Jun feels sorry, honestly.

Jun takes a deep breath as he looks at Natsume’s hand in one hand and Shu’s hand in another. He has to stop being a coward and face his fears already. He has to stop pretending like he can’t remember anything about his past. He knows what he has done now. He can’t pretend like he’s an innocent child anymore. He’s done things.

_ He’s done things to Ibara, especially. _

“I might know where Ibara took Director―he lied about the trip.”

“Well, that’s obvious,” Mao comments as Shu scolds Mao for his foul mouth. Jun laughs at Mao’s shrugging, it is painfully obvious that Ibara lied.

Natsume asks if there’s a chance that Jun could go find Anzu and Ibara for them. Jun wonders about that―Maybe he could go find Anzu and Ibara but he’d have to remember everything else he has done before he can do such a task. Remembering means having to face the consequences of his actions. Jun doesn’t know if he really wants to face those consequences, to be honest.

Jun is aware he isn’t a good person. It’s evident in how he acts but he wants to bask in a life where he could be one. He wants to be a good person. He wants to be able to live his life without regrets. He doesn’t want a minute of being a good person, he selfishly wants it forever. He wants to be able to smile without care.

“ _ I don’t think there’s a way to live a life without regrets, Sazanami _ .”

Jun looks at Shu confusedly. He watches Shu hum as he talks about how living a life without regrets is merely impossible. There will always be something that you’d find regretting. The only way to live life fully is to accept that you’ve made mistakes and to learn from them. There are times where Shu’s arrogance gets in the way of understanding people but he learnt to understand how they feel. It’s a scary process but Shu has gotten at least half of it down now. He’s not very good at reading the room but at least, he  _ tries _ .

“It wouldn’t hurt to try, Sazanami―Besides, must I remind you that no matter who you turn out to be, you’re still  _ Sazanami Jun? _ Such minor details don’t matter as long as you remain the same as ever.” Shu smiles at Jun laughs. Shu always has some grandiose way of saying things. It makes Jun laugh as Shu waxes more terrible poetry about how much he loves Jun and Winter Troupe. He wants Jun to stay even after he remembers what he’s done. He wants Jun to continue living as a Winter Troupe member even if it’s such a selfish request.

Jun agrees to it. He promises to find Ibara and Anzu. He promises to continue living as a Winter Troupe member. He promises to live truly as Sazanami Jun.

“Now go to bed,” Mao orders as he drags Jun to bed. He nags Jun for piling more stress on Ritsu. Natsume hums in agreement; it’s sad that Ritsu couldn’t help comfort Jun because he’s the one who’s looking after Yumenosaki alongside Kuro right now. Jun owes Ritsu an apology for adding more stress because he didn’t want to face his past. Shu hopes Jun has an idea how to apologize to Ritsu because a simple  _ sorry _ won’t cut it with that guy.

Strict as always, Ritsu is. They are right, though. He’s probably just piling more stress on the rest of the company. He can’t be so childish about this situation. He has to face his past whether he likes it or not.

“ _ Woah _ ― _ Jun-kun! _ ” Ritsu nearly spills coffee as Jun puts his entire weight on him. He really did mull over his regrets last night. Most recent regret? Forcing Ritsu to do so much work even though he's done enough. Jun mumbles apologies in Ritsu’s shoulder as Ritsu pats his head, telling him that it’s okay. Seems like Ritsu got a report on why Jun was acting strange. Jun’s glad that Ritsu isn’t mad.

Natsume asks if Jun managed to face his memories, just like he wanted to.  _ Kinda. _ He knows where Ibara and Anzu are, at least.

“Did you get half of it down?”

Jun shrugs.

“Better than Itsuki-san, definitely.”

Shu scoffs as Jun laughs. They drag him to eat breakfast. Jun wonders if he should eat a little before going to find Ibara and Anzu. Though, it seems impossible to eat when all that’s going in his mind is his memories from when he was younger. He really wants to settle his memories and mistakes with Ibara as soon as possible so maybe he’ll eat when he gets back. He declines politely and mentions he’s going to go out.

“I’m going home,” Jun announces. 

Mao asks if he’s going to be okay, going all alone. He nods. He has to do all on his own. He can’t risk bringing other people, they’ll get hurt. He has lost enough people in his life. He doesn’t want to lose the troupe too. All he asks for them to do is wait for him to return safely. That’s all he asks from them.

“ _ Take this, then. _ ” Natsume hands him a charm, it looks a little funny. It’s said to protect Jun, Natsume explains. It’s important that Jun keeps it on him at all times. He doesn’t want Jun to lose it. He wants Jun to come back safe and sound, with this charm still attached to him.

Jun promises that he’ll try to keep the charm with him at all times.

“ _ Try not to die out there, okay? _ ” Mao jokes as he ruffles Jun’s hair. He means it, though. Don’t die. Sure, Jun may be durable but he’s also stupid enough to sacrifice himself for Anzu’s safety. He doesn’t want  _ just _ Anzu coming back to Yumenosaki. He wants Jun to come back with her too. Ibara too, if possible.

Jun makes a jab at Mao for finally acknowledging Ibara as family. Jun can’t blame Mao, though. Jun has spent enough of his life living with that asshole to know it’s a living hell. Though, Jun is sure that Mao and Ibara not getting along is due to their similarities. Surely, Mao would  _ hate _ Jun for saying such things.

“ _ Seriously, don’t get hurt―The last thing I want to do is bury my roommate. _ ” Jun finds Shu’s humour rather dark, sometimes. Burying his own roommate? Jun suspects Shu in having low confidence in him. Jun will try to prove him wrong then. He’s proven Shu wrong once, he’ll do it once more. Shu can bet on it.

Jun looks at Ritsu who smiles softly. He’s tired, it’s evident in the heavy eye bags under his eyes. He’s too tired―he can’t even say anything. All he can do is hug Jun tightly. All he can say is  _ be safe _ . Jun tries to hug Ritsu as tightly as he can without breaking the other. He feels Ritsu brush his hair aside, he kisses his forehead.

“ _ Take care. _ ”

Jun nods.

“ _ I’m off. _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ennoshita is the name I chose for Anzu's surname bc I saw some JP fans use it before??  
> Ennoshita can mean "In the background" which is very literal to how Anzu is a director  
> it's also just a very good name altogether; _Ennoshita Anzu_  
>  anyway, I hope you had fun reading!!


	15. Saegusa Ibara & Sazanami Jun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warmth_ ―Ibara yearns for such a thing. He really does.
> 
> It’s hard being alone. It’s scary being alone. Ibara never wants to be alone, to be honest.
> 
> He’s afraid of being alone in the dark. He’s always been afraid of being alone in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am personally too tired to upload the last chapter but because I finished writing it, I'll try to upload it!!  
> I'm amazed that I could upload all of act 5 in one day!!  
> I hope you have been having fun reading act 5!!  
> I hope you enjoy!!

Just how long is this girl going to rehearse those lines? Samael must say he marvels at her insistent behavior. To go as far and look for Ibara’s script, she is rather serious in getting Ibara to rehearse with her. Does she seriously think she’ll make it out here alive? Samael finds that immense faith in Sandalphon rather hilarious. Well, this is turning less into torture for Anzu and more of torture to Samael so he can’t really blame her for her lax attitude towards the situation.

“Ennoshita-san, were you one of those kids who liked annoying your parents when they were busy with work?” Samael asks Anzu all of a sudden. It halts her from reciting the lines. There’s a minute of silence, Samael basks in it before having to face the reality that Anzu might not shut up once she answers the question.

“A bit. Why do you ask that?” Anzu looks at Samael with a look that screams  _ so what? _ This girl is rather arrogant, Samael can tell she likes putting up a fight when she can. Stubborn and bratty. Samael doesn’t understand this child at all.

“Your distasteful performance is bothering me from working―What will it take for you to stop bothering me?”

To be honest, Samael knows the answer.

“ _ Until you practice with me. _ ”

There it is. She just wants Samael to practice with her. Just once, she begs. Then she’ll stop. That is all she asks. Samael thinks about other methods but he isn’t quite interested in murdering today so he’ll have no choice but to indulge Anzu’s request. Just for today, Samael will join Anzu for practice.

The bright look on Anzu’s face―It leaves a funny feeling in him.

“Sir Oz… The great Wizard Oz!” Anzu tries to muster the best imitation of Shinobu. It falls a little flat but it seems she’s enjoying herself so Samael won’t comment on it much.

“Wizard?” Ibara quirks an eyebrow, he seemed a little confused by Anzu’s excitement. He narrows his eye at the girl, maybe she mistook his act for magic? What a stupid fellow, Ibara thought coldly.

Anzu hums. Was that not the style she wanted? Hasn’t this been the style Ibara always uses? Maybe Anzu has something else in mind, now that they’re one-on-one. Maybe she was unable to express her opinions about Ibara’s acting without being drowned out in the praises from the other Spring Troupe members.

“Could you try to do it a little bluntly? Like, how you would talk to me?” Anzu asks Ibara― _ No _ , she’s asking Samael to do this. Samael? Why that one? Does she have Stockholm syndrome or something? Anzu doesn’t seem to care, though. She begs for Samael to give it a go.

Samael sighs and agrees to it. Anything for Samael to do work in peace.

“ _ Wizard? _ ” Samael repeats, almost unconvinced that he heard such words uttered from the girl’s mouth. Only an idiot would assume such things are  _ magic _ . Though, it seems idiocy is rather common in a place like this. He’ll have to get used to it, one way or another.

Anzu claps her hands in astonishment. She seems to prefer this cold-hearted Oswald than the one that simply follows along with everyone else. Why is that? Samael wonders. Samael doesn’t dislike being cold, he quite enjoys the feeling of poking fun at people but to do it on stage? In front of thousands of people? Isn’t that distasteful? It seems Anzu says otherwise. She seems to like this type of Oswald.

“I’m sure if you bring this Oswald on stage, everyone would understand him better.”

“Why do you say it like  _ I’m _ going to go on stage?”

Anzu shrugs. She would like to believe that Samael likes acting. He seemed to enjoy it a little more, just now. The way he acted Oswald there was immensely better than the one he acted back at Yumenosaki. Surely, he’ll bypass Mao in no time. The fact that Samael can bypass Mao, a professional actor, is scary to Anzu but then again, it’s not like Mao is one who likes being stagnant so he’ll catch up too.

Samael chuckles at Anzu’s admiration for Samael. It’s not admiration for Ibara. It’s for Samael. Just what goes on this idiot’s mind? Samael doesn’t know. She is as peculiar as Jun and Eve. It’s unfortunate that Samael has a penchant for picking up peculiar idiots like her.

There’s a minute of silence. Samael wouldn’t mind considering it.

“If you want, we can do this once a day. That way, you would stop bothering me.”

Anzu lits up. She seems to enjoy this. She finds herself having lots of fun despite how grim her situation may be. Truly, this girl can find positivity in everything.

Day by day, at the same time as the first, Anzu forces Samael to act with her. To an extent, Anzu improves in acting as well. Though, Samael is wondering to himself, why is  _ he _ helping  _ her _ in improving her acting? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Samael doesn’t understand how peculiar their situation has become. She has completely stopped being afraid of Samael. All of those threats Samael has thrown at her, she calls them all noise. She doesn’t believe Samael could hurt her.

Well, maybe to an extent, that is true. Maybe Samael won’t hurt her.

“Well, practice is over. Thank you for your hard work, Ennoshita-san.”

Samael looks at the uncertain Anzu. Is there more than she wants to say? Samael can only tell that much. He can’t read her mind. He is still, after all these weird angel speeches planted in his head, undeniably human. He can only understand that she’s upset but not  _ why _ she’s upset.  _ That _ is something Anzu must explain to him.

“The way you act―I think would make Shinobu excited because he’s still trying to learn how to be antagonistic.” Shinobu? An antagonist? That’s very unlikely. Though, Shinobu has mentioned his admiration for how Samael acts. Maybe he does want to be an antagonist.

Samael makes a funny face as he thinks about Shinobu acting as a villain. Would that even work?

“He seems too short for a villain.”

Anzu snaps her fingers in a comical fashion. She seemed stumped at that fact as always.

“I knew you would say that―”

_ Knock. Knock. Knock. _

Anzu tries to reach for the door but Samael stops her. Wait. It’s not complete.

_ Knock. Knock. _

Samael narrows his eyes at the door. Almost there. Is it someone from  _ Eden? _ Adam? Samael thought Adam mentioned being too busy to follow them to Japan. Also to know that combination? It seemed unlikely it was someone from  _ Eden _ .

_ Knock. Knock. Knock. _

“Sandalphon,” Samael calls out to the person on the other side.

The door is opened and Sandalphon stands tall with a pitiful face. Finally remembered everything, huh? Good. That pitiful look looks good on him. He better make that pitiful face worth it before Samael puts a bullet right through his head.

“You can get rid of the wings but not the scars, huh?” Sandalphon jokes. Childish as always. Even in a dire situation where he must confess his sins, he has time to joke around. Samael never understood him at all. Anzu seems pleased to see him, though.

Samael looks at him sharply.

“ _ Confess to your sins and I, Samael, shall judge whether or not you shall seize to live another day! _ ”

Eve handed a silver vial that vaguely resembled a bullet each to Samael and Sandalphon. It was a suicide drug. A dire last option. Don’t drink unless you really have to. Samael recalled that much. Samael wondered if that message went through Sandalphon’s thick skull. Maybe. Sandalphon does take missions rather seriously. It’s just his slip-ups that annoy Samael, to be honest.

“This drug smells and tastes  _ super  _ sweet―Sandy and I gotta be  _ super _ careful,” Eve joked as he dangled the dangerous drug from his fingers. This man has no sense of danger. He continues to tango with death like he’s immune to it.

“Please don’t act like you’re immortal, Eve.” No matter how much Samael scolds Eve, the older will never listen. He’ll laugh like a maniac as Sandalphon and Samael sigh at his weird antics. Well, it’s not like Eve is that irresponsible during a mission so everything will be alright, right? Samael can believe in that, right?

Samael watches them get ready to leave. A part of Samael doesn’t feel good about this mission. Why? Samael doesn’t know. This apartment gets scary when there’s no one to return to. Samael is afraid of this empty apartment, to be honest.

When Samael gets back to this apartment when Sandalphon is wrapped up in double agent work and Eve makes a small retreat back to headquarters, Samael feels scared of this place. There’s no sound of Eve trying to teach Sandalphon how to bake and have it turn into a disaster. There’s no sound of Eve watching TV as Sandalphon snoring down the hallway. There’s no Sandalphon greeting Samael at the door because he always goes out to the convenience store 10 minutes before Samael gets back so they can go home together― _ Nothing _ .

To him, this silence he’s forced to return to at times, it felt  _ he’s being buried 6 feet underground _ .

It’s suffocating and scary. Samael doesn’t like it at all. He’s always trying to claw his way out but it fails and he’s forced to face the fact that no one can hear him. No one can save him. He’s stuck here. All alone.

“ _ Promise me that you guys don’t accidentally get yourselves killed, okay? _ ”

Eve coos at Samael for being worried. Sandalphon makes a jab at Samael for thinking Eve and Sandalphon were weak. He wasn’t calling them weak. He was just worried. It’s hard not to feel worried when he’s forced to wait out these missions. To not be there, he’s stuck waiting in agony. He wants some form of hope that they’ll be okay.

Sandalphon whacks Samael at the head. He gives Samael that stupid shit-eating grin he always makes when he feels like he’s going to succeed a mission. Samael hates it so much.

“ _ Worry too much and we’ll be coming back to a wrinkly Sammy. _ ”

How reassuring. Samael will try his best to not worry. He bids those two goodbye.

_ Tick. _

Samael waits.

_ Tock. _

It’s taking them longer than expected.

_ Tick. _

This is unusual. This is  _ extremely _ unusual. Samael hates it. Samael hates waiting.

_ Tock. _

Samael was uncomfortable. Samael didn’t like this. His brain was racking through every possible outcome. Where are they? Why aren’t they back yet? Are they safe? Did they make it out alive? No one is there to answer his questions. He’s left in silence as he anxiously waits for something.

Please.  _ Please _ . Someone tell Samael that everything is okay. Everything will be okay. Everything was planned accordingly. Please. Someone tell him that Eve and Sandalphon decided to take a stupid detour to go buy some fucking ice cream because they’re stupid sweet-tooth baboons that run purely on sugar. They’re probably out there, taking a morbid selfie with a dead body because Eve and Sandalphon are weird like that. They’re probably taking a dump somewhere. Samael doesn’t know. Samael doesn’t care. There’s no point in worrying, Samael.

They’re fine. _ They’re fine _ .  **_They’re fine_ ** .

Samael’s phone rings. It’s the phone that Samael uses to contact the headquarters.

Samael stands still. The sound of the phone ringing relentlessly is the only one giving its piece of mind in this room. Samael hates it.

“ _ I’m sorry, Samael― _ **_Eve is gone_ ** _. _ ”

That voice―It was  _ Adam _ . He sounded remorseful over the loss of Eve. A shot to the heart. He seemed to have expected this outcome.

Samael asked who had done this. Who had taken his family away? Who was so cruel to take someone he had loved so much? Where was Sandalphon? Please don’t tell Samael that they’re using him as a torture device. Please don’t hurt Samael’s last piece of love.  _ Please. I beg of you. _

There was silence on the other line. A stiff breath.

“ _ Samael, it was Sandalphon who tricked Eve―He betrayed Eden. He no longer wishes to be an angel. _ ”

It ached. It ached.

Samael wanted to scream and shout.  _ That’s not true! _

Sandalphon, that fool who could never do his missions properly. That fool who wants a reward at the end of every mission. That fool that insists that he isn’t as dumb as he comes off, even though, he really is  _ that _ stupid. That fool that Samael is always forced to look after. That fool that Eve loved sharing sweets with. That fool that Samael has found so unbearable but couldn’t spend a minute away from. Sandalphon isn’t the type. He would have never betrayed his family like that.

Sandalphon would never do this. Sandalphon always promised Samael and Eve that he’d protect them with his entire being. He’d always take good care and try his best in his missions. He may not be as skilled as Samael but he’s honest in doing his work.

He’d never do this.

“ **_You’re lying,_ ** ” Samael cries. Adam tries to console him but his voice is distant. Everything is painful. There’s ringing in his ears. It’s hopeless. It’s hopeless. Sandalphon killed him. Sandalphon killed Eve. He killed him. He killed him. Samael can’t take this. Samael doesn’t believe this.

_ Adam is lying. Adam is lying. Adam is lying. _ He chants that long after he ends his call with Adam.

Why would he lie? Samael doesn’t know.

Why would Sandalphon leave him? Samael doesn’t know.

What does Samael even know? Samael doesn’t know.

It’s funny. He’s supposed to be a genius but he can’t figure anything out anymore. All he can hear is silence and feel the cold growing on him as he stares out at the living room of this deafening apartment.

Samael must be crazy but he can almost trace out Sandalphon’s shape as he takes an unsightly nap. He can almost hear the noisy clatter of Eve making dinner. It’s going to be a mess to clean but he doesn’t mind it. If he pokes Sandalphon’s feet, Sandalphon will rise from bed only to fall back asleep against Samael’s wishes. Samael will always say he hated when Sandalphon did such things but he doesn’t mind it actually.

All of these noises―That’s what made it  _ home _ .  _ Their home _ .

_ Their home _ .

That was a lie. It was all a lie.

Sandalphon just pretended to love this made-up family. He never needed this family. He never wanted this family, like Samael did. He threw it away. He threw it all away. He killed Samael’s family. He destroyed Samael’s family. He doesn’t care. He never cared. He’s selfish. He’s awful. He doesn’t love Samael. All he cared about was himself.

“ _ Though, I can say all of that now―I can’t bring myself to hate you. _ ”

Samael finds Sandalphon in an unexpected spot. Samael finds Sandalphon in the form of a picture on Yuzuru’s phone. Now, he doesn’t quite understand Yuzuru so much since he’s rather secretive and polite to everyone, aside from Samael. Samael doesn’t understand that last part at all. Why does he enjoy teasing Samael? He will never know. Maybe it’s his form of being friendly, at least Samael hopes that’s what it is.

“ _ What’s that? _ ” Samael asks. It causes Yuzuru to yelp in surprise. Stop scaring people, Samael.

Samael laughs out an apology. Though really, he is  _ very _ curious about that picture. Yuzuru laughs awkwardly, he seems to be rather avoidant. He isn’t so sure if Samael was interested. Surely, it’s something boring. Well, not boring  _ but _ he isn’t so sure if Samael would want to watch such a thing. 

“Oh, I’m sure it isn’t something obscure―”

“It’s a theater company. Particularly, one I work for.”

_ Oh? A theater company? _

Is that where Sandalphon had decided to hide? Taking all those acting skills that Eve polished to good use, huh? Somehow that leaves a bitter taste in Samael’s mouth. Samael hates it. He hates it so much. Doesn’t Sandalphon know how insulting that is on Eve’s end? Sandalphon doesn’t really care, though. He’ll do anything to escape that hellhole known as Eden.

“ _ Theater, you say? Mind if you could reserve a ticket for me? I quite enjoy theater, actually. _ ”

Angels, huh? How ironic. Samael can’t tell if it’s the bitterness that rises up to his throat or he’s just sad that Sandalphon is up there, on stage, acting with a new family. He looks satisfied with being someone else. He’s satisfied with being  _ Sazanami Jun _ . God, Samael hates this so much. Not only is he using all those skills Eve had given him but he’s also using the name that Eve gave him. Does he have no shame? Probably not. His smiling face clearly shows that he has no shame in being known as  _ Sazanami Jun _ .

It’s pitiful.

A part of Samael wants to smile that Sandalphon is out of his life. No need to cover Sandalphon’s ass whenever he makes a mistake during a mission. No more stocking sweet food that only attracts ants. No more having to put up with nagging and arguments every day. No more having to look after that idiot. Samael is free from such pesky responsibilities  _ but _ …

Does he really want that?

Samael doesn’t know.

All Samael knows is that he’s just torturing himself by watching all of these plays. He’s just feeding himself guilt and anger for watching Sandalphon smile on stage. He’s just making himself angry for following Sandalphon’s footsteps tirelessly. Don’t leave. Please. Samael doesn’t know where to go. Please, help Samael.  _ Please _ . This world Samael now has to live in is  _ so cold _ , he might freeze to death. He doesn’t want to freeze to death.

Samael felt weirded out when Sandalphon finally looked at him.

The distance between them had grown so much over time. Samael could tell because the smile given to him by Sandalphon felt so unclear. It felt too far away from Samael. Samael couldn’t tell if Sandalphon was mocking him or he couldn’t even recognise Samael anymore. Did he really throw all of those memories he had with Eve and Samael away? Did he really not cherish them at all? Was it really only Samael who cared for those kinds of things?

His chest ached painfully as he drank up the faraway view of Sandalphon who laughed brightly alongside this new family of his.

“ _ I’m not your family anymore, huh? _ ”

Samael hates it.

“ _ You won’t even acknowledge me _ .”

Samael was alone.

“ _ I’m tired of waiting for you to acknowledge your mistakes. _ ”

Samael was tired. He didn’t want to wait anymore. He didn’t want to wait for Adam to give him a signal on what he should do. He’ll tear that play-pretend family Sandalphon has made apart. He wants Sandalphon to wail in agony as he watches everyone he loves leave him. Then Sandalphon will understand just how much pain Samael was in. Then Sandalphon will understand just how much it hurts to be the one who gets left behind.

_ Finally, Sandalphon will understand how scary and painful it is to be Samael. _

Samael laughs painfully as he hears Sandalphon’s side of the story. That’s a lie. Sandalphon is just making that story up. There’s no way that happened. There’s no way that all Samael has been given up till now was a lie. There’s no way that Samael was lied to about his family. It hurts. It hurts.

“ **_You’re lying,_ ** ” Samael cries as he tries to hit Sandalphon. It only tips the other over, Sandalphon is a lot studier than he looks. Though he could hit Samael at this moment, he doesn’t. Why is that? Trying to paint Samael as the bad guy, huh?

Sandalphon shakes his head. He doesn’t want Samael to antagonise himself. He’s sorry. He didn’t mean it when he left Samael alone all this time. He couldn’t find his way back home. He was injured. He didn’t know where home was. If he did, he would have run back to Samael, just as he always promised.

Samael doesn’t believe that bullshit. Sandalphon is just trying to fool him. That won’t work. That won’t work at all. Don’t try to be all soft to Samael now, Sandalphon. Samael knows that this is all one huge act. This isn’t real. None of those words uttered out of Sandalphon’s mouth are real. If they were, he wants to be proven wrong.

Show Samael that he’s wrong. Prove it.

“Give me the vial and I’ll show you that it’s been switched out as well.”

Samael looks at him as if he was crazy. Just how exactly is he going to prove Samael that?

“I’ll drink it.”

Sandalphon has really lost it. He really has lost his goddamn mind. So much so that it scares Anzu as well. Samael doesn’t believe this man. He’s lost it completely.

Samael’s eyes follow Sandalphon’s hands as he opens the vial. He’s  _ actually _ serious about this. Samael can’t believe this. Don’t be an idiot;  _ you’ll die. _ Samael reaches for Sandalphon’s hands. Though Samael finds this idiot a pain in the ass, he doesn’t want Sandalphon to  _ seriously _ disappear.

_ Ping. _

“ _ Don’t act like you’re immortal, you idiot! _ ”

Samael has never raised his voice that loud. He never wants to. It reminds him a lot of his childhood. It reminds him of a lot of the bad things he’s seen as a child before Eve took him. He never likes raising his voice. It’s terrifying when his skull rattles violently. It’s disturbing. It’s terrifying.

Samael takes a deep breath. Sandalphon is messing with his brain. Was he aware he could die―

_The smell._ _It isn’t sweet._

If anything, it has no odor. Almost clear. That isn’t what the suicide drug smells like. No clear smell―that’s what the other drug Eve was working on is supposed to be like. Was Eve serious about substituting suicide drugs with this imperfect drug? What was going on in Eve’s mind? Samael will never know. He never quite understood that guy, to be honest.

Samael feels like a mess. He really did try to murder his own family.

Samael finds himself laughing painfully as he cries to Sandalphon. He messed up. He really did think that Sandalphon was this awful. He’s awful. Samael is awful for following those assumptions from  _ Eden _ but he had nowhere else to go. He was alone. There was no one to hold him safe. He had nobody. He was jealous of Sandalphon who was surrounded by happiness. He was jealous of the growing distance between them. He wanted to be loved too. He was lonely. He was  _ so lonely _ .

“ _ Tell me, what should I do, Sandalphon? I have nowhere to go. _ ”

Sandalphon’s laughter rings in his ears as Sandalphon hugs Samael tightly. This fool will always make such heavy scenes like these a joke. That’s how he always copes with things, right? Laugh all the pain away.

“ _ You still have me, director and the rest of Yumenosaki too. Though, you say they’re not your family―I think they see you as their family. _ ”

Samael laughs. Sandalphon asks Samael to follow him and Anzu home. Come home. Let’s have Madara’s cooking while everyone makes a ruckus for Samael’s foolish mistakes. Let’s drink like there’s no tomorrow. Let’s act on stage with our hearts on our sleeves. Let’s live our lives as the names Eve had given us. Let’s live our lives freely. There’s no need to hide anymore.

“Saegusa Ibara and Sazanami Jun― _ That’s who we are now. _ ”

Ibara nods as Jun smiles brightly at him. He’ll never understand this man. No matter how many times he says that, he can’t bear the idea of being away from this idiot. Ibara just has to put up with the fact that he’s stuck with him until the very end. It seems like Anzu is sharing that sentiment too. Glad to know they share that in common.

A new family, a new life. Is this really what Eve would want? For once, Ibara wants to confidently say yes.

Ibara returns to Spring Troupe jump-hugging him. Another one of Subaru’s weird ideas. They hug him tightly as they whine about how much they’ve missed Ibara. They really did think Ibara and Anzu were gone forever. They thought both of them were kidnapped. In the midst of practice, they spent most of their time worrying over their condition.

“Now eat―You need all that energy for practice later!” Subaru shouts as he throws his arm around Ibara’s shoulders.

That dinner―That might have been the most Ibara has ever eaten. He finds himself almost hurling his guts out thanks to how much the Spring Troupe members were trying to feed him. The fact that Midori tried to join in the fun was very strange for him. He expected Midori to not join in at all but Tsumugi probably dragged him along. It’s loud and tight to live in this dorm but it isn’t so bad.

It really does beat living in an empty house that was 6 feet underground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my elbows hurt from writing and uploading this  
> anyway, i love ibara and jun w all of my heart  
> love my boys  
> thank you for reading!!


	16. Home Sweet Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ibara finds his mind in a mess. It’s cluttered. He’s unable to arrange himself accordingly.
> 
> _It’s disappointing that he can’t act accordingly._
> 
> Though he says those things, he always has someone to hold his hand and tell him that it’s okay. It’s okay to feel uncertain and sad. There will always be someone who will hold his hand and whisper comfort into his forehead as he cries.
> 
> That’s what it means to have a family, right? _Right._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of act 5!! here we go!!  
> I hope you have fun reading this chapter!!

To Ibara, practice was terrible. He was unable to focus at all. All that runs through his mind is Jun’s words. Nothing could be salvaged in his acting. He was too disturbed to properly act like the sessions Anzu and him had back in the apartment. He was thinking too much about other things to properly convey the cold Oswald everyone wants him to be. No matter how much he practices, it falls apart terribly.

Ibara spends the night staring more into the ceiling than sleeping. He’s going to be a disappointment, huh?

Terrible first performances are meant to be expected. Nobody is good at their first show. They’d always fall a little flat. That’s what they always say that but  _ terrible _ shouldn’t be in his dictionary.  _ Terrible _ isn’t supposed to be a word that Ibara would use to describe himself. He’s supposed to be perfect, polished and seamless. No mistakes should be made because to make a mistake is to fall in the hands of death.

Though can he say that in a situation like this? Where there’s no risk of death? Should he really be beating himself up over such a small fault? Ibara doesn’t know, really.

“ _ Where do you think you’re going this late? _ ”

Yuzuru’s timing always clashes with Ibara’s. It’s hard to lie with this one too. He looks right through Ibara with those sharp violet eyes. Doesn’t Yuzuru know that Ibara is afraid of those sharp eyes that narrow at him? Maybe he does but he doesn’t find it a bother. Cold as ever, this junior Ibara had to put up with. He can’t believe he might miss this poison-tongued junior. He really is going to miss Yuzuru.

“I’m surprised you’re awake so late despite having a performance tomorrow.”

Yuzuru isn’t convinced by Ibara’s sudden defensive stance. Yuzuru sighs as he points at his phone. Subaru got him to try idol games so he’s collecting his login bonuses right now. Ibara quirks an eyebrow, Yuzuru doesn’t look the type to like games but he  _ is _ unpredictable so Ibara can’t comment.

“I’m planning on getting rid of this so we have more space,” Ibara says as he lifts up the suitcase in his hand. He gives Yuzuru a warm smile. He’ll be back before you know it, he lies. Yuzuru doesn’t have to worry. If there’s anything Yuzuru has to worry about, it’s probably rearranging his stuff so there’s enough space for them. Ibara says those things but he wonders if Yuzuru truly believes them.

Yuzuru nods and makes an awful comment that Ibara should get rid of his stuff. It seems like Yuzuru is going to put up a fight against Ibara when it comes to dividing space, huh? How crude. It’s hard having a cheeky roommate like Yuzuru.

“ _ Senpai, _ ” Yuzuru calls out to Ibara just as his hand is on the door handle. Ibara turns to see Yuzuru sit up from his bed, he’s giving him an unclear look. Is it pity? Is it fear? Ibara doesn’t know but he does know that it leaves an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. Don’t be sorry, Yuzuru. You’re not part of the problem like you think you are.

“ _ Promise me you’ll come back. _ ”

Ibara chuckles. He’s just throwing out a suitcase. He’s not leaving. There’s nothing Yuzuru has to worry about, Ibara lies. He takes his leave and pauses for a moment. That might be the most honest Yuzuru has ever been to Ibara.

It’s a strange feeling but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t like it.

“ _ Sorry, were you sleeping? _ ”

Yuzuru is aware that Ibara is leaving again and for once, he really doesn’t want him to leave. Though, would Ibara listen to Yuzuru? He doubts so. He asks Shinobu to do it instead. Shinobu uses better words. Shinobu is nicer than Yuzuru. Ibara rarely says no to Shinobu so surely, it would work, right? Yuzuru doesn’t really know.

All he knows is that he doesn’t want Ibara to leave again.

“ _ Wait! Saegusa-dono! _ ”

Shinobu’s voice rings down the neighbourhood. He sure knows how to make a scene. Ibara turns to Shinobu who was huffing and puffing, trying his best to catch up with Ibara. Is it considered impolite to comment on the other’s strange choice of pajamas? Maybe. Will Ibara say it anyway? No. For once, he’ll bite his tongue on that.

Though, that’s not the point right now. He’s been found out. Yuzuru knew Ibara wasn’t going to come back.

“ _ Please don’t go. _ ”

Ibara pretends to quirk an eyebrow. He’s just visiting his older sister, Shinobu. His nephew was going to study abroad. It seemed he needed the suitcase today as his flight was tomorrow. It’s just a short trip, he promises―

“ _ You told Fushimi-dono that you were throwing that suitcase away. _ ”

Ibara can’t deny that. Maybe Ibara has gotten so mismanaged that he can’t remember how to lie anymore. To think the dumbest member of Spring Troupe could see right through him, it leaves Ibara disappointed in his acting skills. They’re so unkempt and terrible that even a fool could tell he was lying. Ibara takes a deep breath. This is pitiful.

Just as he opens his mouth, Shinobu asks him to do a coin toss battle.

Ibara quirks an eyebrow at Shinobu. He asks why. Regardless, it’s useless. Ibara is leaving this company. There’s no use in keeping him.

“If I win, please listen to my request  _ but _ if I lose, I won’t stop you from leaving.”

Ibara sighs. He can’t say no to this kid, can he? He takes out the coin and tosses it up in the air. Once the coin is gone, Ibara balls his two hands in the fists. Which hand is it this time, Shinobu? Ibara can see his rather extreme determination. It’s endearing watching it, to be honest.

There’s silence. Give up? Well, it looks like that’s the end of this journey.

“ _ It’s in neither of your hands. _ ”

Ibara quirks an eyebrow. That’s unfortunately not an answer, Shinobu.

Shinobu shakes his head. It is an answer. It’s the  _ right _ answer. It has to be the right answer because Ibara doesn’t seem to be the type to back down that easily unless they’ve lost. It’s pitiful when you can be seen by a fool like Shinobu. It really is pitiful. Ibara hates it so much. He doesn’t like this at all.

Ibara opens up his palms to reveal that the coin was not in neither hands.

“ _ You win. _ ”

There’s a small glint of pride in Shinobu’s eyes when Ibara announces Shinobu’s win. It’s sweet to look at. This child really is out to get him in so many ways. He never runs out of tricks when it comes to dealing with Ibara. In fact, the entirety of Spring Troupe is like that, no? The most unpredictable being Subaru and Midori.  _ Especially Midori. _

“You saw how I acted today―It wasn’t very good.” If they keep him as lead, it’ll just ruin the troupe’s reputation. He isn’t good enough to stand on stage with the rest of Spring Troupe. He’s just dragging them back down. They should just consider going with a different actor―They already had standbys so isn’t that enough?

Shinobu doesn’t say anything for a minute. It aches painfully as Ibara leaves himself bare like that.

“Suou-kun is too young to play the lead, Kagehira-dono’s dialect, unfortunately, turns the play into a comedy, Oogami-kun and I are the same age so it isn’t so fitting. Our last two standbys aren’t here either.” Shinobu knocks every single standby they had prepared one by one. Surprisingly strict despite his appearance, Ibara is taken aback by Shinobu’s statement. Harsh. Very harsh.

Though, what about their last two standbys? What does he mean by them not being here? Who are they, anyway? Mao and Ritsu, maybe? Though, Ibara doesn’t recall seeing them today.

“Isara-dono and Ritsu-dono could imitate you perfectly  _ but _ they had a wedding to attend!” Shinobu exclaimed. It seemed like that was why Ritsu seemed so busy lately. Wedding duties, huh? Who was it for? Ibara doesn’t know. Besides that, surely there are other people that could be Ibara’s stand-in for the run.

What about Jun? Isn’t he capable of acting as Oswald?

Shinobu shakes his head. Jun was never around for the practices. In fact, Ritsu and Jun rarely spoke to each other so Jun knows very little about the script. It made sense since Ritsu spoke very little to everyone, he was too busy getting everything done while attending to his own responsibilities regarding the wedding. Jun doesn’t have any of the lines or the directions down at all. To ask him to play the lead in such short notice would be merely impossible.

No one can come to mind. Shinobu isn’t surprised.

It’s hard to think of a replacement when that role is written for you, right? Shinobu thinks the same. Though thousands of people have played Romeo, Shinobu thinks his Romeo is one that no one else could play. That’s why it’s important that Ibara plays Oswald. No one else can play Oswald like Ibara.

“You may think you’re a terrible actor but so were the rest of Spring Troupe―Everyone starts out terrible, that’s expected,” Shinobu explains how Spring Troupe’s debut play was only subpar. It wasn’t great. It wasn’t spectacular. It was  _ okay _ . Shinobu sucked in his  _ very first play _ . Subaru was barely able to go through his lines without misremembering them. Tsumugi stumbles over his lines and had a terrible attachment to his script. Yuzuru was never truly interested in acting until halfway through production and Midori was the only one who could properly act but even then, he isn’t  _ spectacular _ . Shinobu knows he doesn’t regard himself at the same level as the professional actors in the company.

Heck, their own director, Anzu, can barely act. She’s  _ very bad _ at acting and lying. It’s almost hilarious watching her act.

“Even then, you can tell she enjoys it― _ We all enjoy it _ . Please don’t hurt yourself over something like this, Saegusa-dono. You’re fine just the way you are.” Shinobu smiles as he holds Ibara’s hand. Shinobu mentions how he may not know what is hurting Ibara inside but he would like to help Ibara with it. Not just Shinobu, all of Spring Troupe want to help Ibara because to everyone in Spring Troupe, Ibara is  _ family. _

You don’t need to hide anymore, Ibara. People will always love you the way you are.

Shinobu smiles proudly at Ibara who sighs. He can’t beat this kid at all. Ibara asks if all Shinobu needs Ibara to do is perform pathetically on stage, Shinobu shakes his head. He fumbles and mumbles for a couple of minutes before finally asking Ibara to wait where he was. He even takes the suitcase in Ibara’s hands and tells him that he’ll be right back.

Ibara catches Shinobu’s futons and pillows, he asks what he was planning to do with them. Shinobu smiles at him with a toothy grin.

“ _ A tradition! _ ”

The Spring Troupe tradition is to sleep on stage.  _ Literally _ . Ibara didn’t get it at all. Shinobu tells him the story of how Spring Troupe was so desperate to make their debut stage a success that that was  _ all _ they could think of. Sleeping on stage was what brought them together for some odd reason. It was funny. It was childish. It was irresponsible. Yet, it  _ worked _ .

Shinobu entails Ibara of all of the obstacles that Spring Troupe. From their debut to their latest play, Shinobu laughed and spoke happily about how much trouble and fun the troupe had. No performance is made perfectly from the very beginning. There was always trouble behind the scenes. Though, by the end of it, it’ll work out just fine.

“For this performance, we’ll be okay too. Though you might not believe me, we’ll be okay,” Shinobu says, head pressed deep into the pillow.

Ibara doesn’t understand this child. Doesn’t he know that Ibara has hurt people? He was going against the wishes of his late family. He wasn’t being himself. He’ll just ruin this family too. He’s not worth this family as well. Ibara stares into the ceiling. It’s so unfortunate that Ibara had gone against Eve’s words, just like that. He doesn’t deserve a second chance.

Shinobu doesn’t think that way, though.

Shinobu thinks Ibara and him are similar. Shinobu lost his parents at a young age.  _ Family _ , that’s a concept that Shinobu is not very familiar with. He’s seen it but only from afar. He doesn’t really know what it means to be a family. He doesn’t really know what it means to have an  _ irreplaceable spot _ until now. Without Yumenosaki, Shinobu would have never learnt what it means to be irreplaceable.

Shinobu hopes Ibara feels the same way about Oswald. No one can steal this role from him. No one can steal his place in Spring Troupe.

Ibara sees Shinobu yawn tiredly. He wishes Ibara goodnight and sleeps.

Ibara tries to close his eyes. For once he wants to sleep in peace. He wants to be able to sleep with someone else in the room. He wants to be able to live with someone else. He wants to be able to spend time with someone else. He wants to be able to love someone with all of his heart.  _ He wants to be able to live. _

Somewhere in the middle of the night, Ibara recalls hearing the other members sneak into the theater. They were looking for Shinobu and Ibara. When they did, they decided they were too sleepy to move them back to the dorms so they slept next to them. At first, Ibara didn’t like it but when he felt Subaru sprawl on top of him as Tsumugi scolded him for doing so, he reconsidered such a thing. The feeling of Yuzuru wrapping his arms around Ibara’s arm― _ It felt nice _ .

Just like he wanted, he slept in peace. Comfortably so.

Till the very end, Ibara worked to the bone. As punishment from the mess prior to the first performance, it seemed Kuro insisted Ibara carry his weight and practice in between shows so that they could continuously improve as the show went on. It was extremely tiring but every time Ibara mentioned how tiring and cruel practice was becoming, he’d get strike by Midori’s comments in how Ibara was lucky to narrowly escape Mao and Ritsu’s training. They are  _ way more intense _ than this.

Ibara doesn’t want to know, to be honest. He’s quite afraid of what he has heard about Mao and Ritsu in terms of training. Their appearances and personality mislead Ibara, terribly so.

“There isn’t any more space,” Ibara says as Chiaki brings in more presents. He really has no more space anymore. He didn’t expect to garner that much popularity as the shows went by. At this point, Ibara has entered the list of most popular actors in Yumenosaki. It feels unfortunate that Yuzuru is seeing monetary value in Ibara’s popularity. Ibara doesn’t like how Yuzuru is prying on Ibara’s growing popularity as an investment to the company. A part of Ibara firmly believes Yuzuru is evil from within.

There’s no time to comment about Yuzuru’s plans on monetizing his members, it seems the other troupes have come to visit. Jun is there with a gift.  _ Sunflowers _ .

“You’re ridiculous,” Ibara comments as he holds the sunflowers. Jun smiles cheekily. He was returning a gesture, that’s all. There’s no need to thank Jun, he knows he’s a good man. Ibara rolls his eyes as he jokingly whacks Jun who laughs at Ibara’s annoyance. No matter how hard he tries to get rid of this guy, it really is impossible.

Well―without him―Ibara won’t have anywhere to go, now would he?

“This is our last performance so I would like our leader, Saegusa-dono, to say something!” Shinobu announces to the huddled troupe. Ibara looks confused at Shinobu’s announcement. They want him to say the final words for the final performance? Really, they are crazy. Ibara seriously can’t think of anything on the spot but  _ he’ll try _ .

“I believe I’ve caused enough trouble for this troupe so I’ll be repaying you all for this last performance―Don’t blame me if all of you lose all your fans.”

Yuzuru calls Ibara out for being cheeky. Wasn’t it long ago that Ibara was uncomfortable by Yuzuru turning Ibara into some sort of income for the troupe or was that another joke? Ibara laughs at Subaru’s eagerness to put up a fight. Midori doesn’t really care much about popularity but if that meant a decrease in free stuff animals,  _ that is a concern _ . Shinobu wonders if Ibara was going to whisk away all the fans that gift Shinobu ninja toys too! That is a concern now that all of them put it that way. Tsumugi finds this escalation alarmingly, it’s almost funny to watch Tsumugi exasperatedly sigh at the troupe plot against each other.

“ _ We’re supposed to be a family―Saegusa-san, please don’t make the members turn against each other! _ ”

Oswald sighs uncomfortably as he steps out of the hot-air balloon. At least he managed to get away from those pesky policemen. Now, where is he? This place is strange. It looks nothing like Nebraska, now that he thought about it. Far from it. Looks like the tornado took him further than expected.

Good. Less trouble to deal with.

“ _ Who are you, sir?! _ ”

Oswald turns to find a child? A boy? He asks Oswald for his name. He confusedly stares at Oswald’s hot-air balloon. Well, it  _ was _ a hot-air balloon a moment ago. Now, not so much. It just looks like a pile of junk now. Regardless, he decides to introduce himself as  _ Oz _ . Oswald sees the opportunity in faking an identity as he listens to the other boy called him a wizard. Honestly laughable. Wizards don’t exist. Such things only exist in fairytales.

“Sir Oz, please save this country―The wicked wizards have taken control over the east and west, they may strike an attack on this peaceful city at any moment!”

Wicked wizards? Attacking? Did he land in some war-ridden land? If so, don’t they have a gun or some sort of armed forces to stop these so-called wizards? Oswald is still trying to wrap his head around the way this land functions. It truly is peculiar. Whatever it is, he can pose as a magical being for them. As long as he can get something in return, he’ll  _ definitely _ play their saviour.

Oswald asks the citizens to build him a city. From there, he will turn that city green to which that serves as a protective film for them. As absurd and impossible it sounds for both the citizens and him, nothing but a simple trick like putting a green film on their glasses would help. If they’re  _ that _ stupid, they might even keep them on forever. Truly, their idiocy is as magical as they think Oswald is.

Though Oswald says that, playing a hero comes with a price.

This lavish lifestyle Oswald was offered isn’t just for show. He  _ still _ has to defeat the wicked wizards. Right. Maybe not today, then. He is a little under the weather. Though, isn’t that the same reason he gave the day before? He wonders if Rick is as stupid as he appears. Maybe. From the way he nods and walks away, it seems he doesn’t want to come off as persistent. Even so, the everyday questioning is already persistent enough for Oswald. For a minute, it makes Oswald feel as though he’s being put under investigation for being a liar.

He isn’t that much of a liar, though. At least, he would like to believe that he isn’t as bad as people make him out to be.

“ _ Very well then, please prepare this list of things for my journey. _ ”

“ _ Yes, sir! _ ”

Together with Rick, Oswald embarks on a journey to defeat the wicked witches. He would like to settle this diplomatically so there’s no wage in war. The last thing he wants is his precious city completely destroyed. Not only will that reveal the lies he has made but it will also mean a full stop to the luxury he has been given. No one would want that, honestly. Oswald can say that very confidently.

First, Rick leads him to the Wizard of the North. According to the younger, he is said to be one of the kindest wizard in the land. He stands tall and smiles warmly at Oswald. They exchange a few words before Oswald tells him the reason why he decided to visit the Wizard of the North. Taking pity on Oswald, the Wizard of the North grants him a power; the ability to defect attacks from anyone. It seemed like a good power until the Wizard of North warned that Oswald that it wouldn’t work on wizards that are stronger than the Wizard of North thus becoming completely defective to wizards of the east and west.

_ Well, that’s useless. _

Next, Rick takes him to meet the Wizard of the South. Quite young for his age. Aside from that, he’s got a bit of a cocky personality. He doesn’t care much about things unless they affect him directly. Reminding him about the attacks of the wizards of the east and west, the Wizard of the South grants him a power; the ability to call for rain. It’ll be useful during dry weather, the Wizard of the South says as he smiles proudly. Oswald wasn’t very convinced over how useful this power will be in battle.

_ Just like the power given by the Wizard of the North, it felt very useless to Oswald. _

Well, looks like he’ll have to just pray that his lies can prevent a war in the land because he will die as soon as they attack him. He doesn’t want to die in battle. He rather die comfortably on his bed back at Emerald City and that is the only way he will accept his death. There is no other way for him to die, he swears.

Rick takes him to the Wizard of the East. The Wizard of the East is suspicious of Oswald for a moment, eyes follow every single thing he did within his vicinity. It was very uncomfortable but for the city’s sake, he’ll push it aside.

“The Wizard of the West is betraying you―He’s planning to steal the land from you.”

The Wizard of the East looks at him strangely. He seemed confused.

“ _ Impossible! There’s no way he would betray me! _ ”

That’s what Oswald thought about his last partner and he betrayed Oswald by telling the police. Not everything is what it seems, my friend. It’s best to act now or regret later. The Wizard of the East reluctantly believes Oswald’s words and mentions that he’ll strengthen his defense. He agrees to Oswald’s plans of stopping the Wizard of the West through the central city. Though he may seem uncertain, he agrees to the plans in hopes that the Wizard of the West will be stopped.

Pleased, Oswald asks Rick to lead him to the Wizard of the West. Rick pauses in his track and gives Oswald a funny look. Why didn’t he defeat the Wizard of East? Rick assumed that Oswald was here to defeat him, not have tea with him. Oswald jolts at Rick’s sharp comment. For someone with such an innocent appearance, he sure can be sharp-tongued when he wants to. How uncute.

“ _ There’s no need. If we wage war, there will be many casualties. It’s best to resolve things as peacefully as possible. _ ”

When Oswald and Rick arrive to visit the Wizard of the West, he is given a glare. Very tough one, Oswald might consider. Even with no magic, Oswald can tell the Wizard of the West is not meant to be messed with. The Wizard of the West spares no greetings―He goes straight down to business.  _ What brings two foolish mortals here? _

Oswald quickly tells him that the Wizard of the East is planning to attack. Almost as if he knew such a thing already, he presses a finger on Oswald’s lips. He was already suspecting that. The Wizard of the West had noticed he had been raising his defenses lately. Oswald was surprised―How could he know such a thing already?

The Wizard of the West laughed boldly.

“I may only have one eye, but as a trade-off, I am able to see everything as I please.” The Wizard of the West giggles as he comments at how cute Oswald is when he gaps his mouth in surprise like that. Not everyone is daring enough to do such things, no? Anyhow, if Oswald insists to stop the Wizard of the East from conquering the land by stopping him at the central city, so be it. Casualties are troublesome things, the Wizard of the West wasn’t very interested in dealing with such fickle things.

Oswald is pleased to see such a quick and precise answer from the Wizard of the West. He didn’t expect things to go  _ this smoothly _ . Why didn’t anyone else think of this? Oswald wonder. Maybe it was because Oswald was a genius, he snickered to himself.

With that said and done, Oswald had returned to the Emerald City citizens rejoicing for his success in stopping the wicked wizards from attacking the city. They believe in him so much so they believe he could grant wishes. How laughable. All their wishes were too simple that a few tricks could leave them satisfied. It’s hilarious watching them bid Oswald adieu as he collected their tributes.

What a simple life, he lived. Though as wonderful it is to live such a simple life, it is rather tiring. No shrill. No thrill. Oswald has found himself in an endless cycle. Such a shame.

“ _ Sir Oz― _ ”

Rick has a penchant for coming in during terrible times. Last time, he walked in Oswald throwing a tribute he found useless and now, he walks in Oswald trying to put away that stupid large head that everyone assumes is what he looks like now. Ever so changing appearance, they always say. It’s just a head that Oswald moves around with these strings, that’s all to it. It’s not very magical, in his opinion.

Though, Rick seemed to have a different opinion in his mind. No matter how hard Oswald tries to explain, Rick still believes it’s magic.  _ It’s crazy. _ It’s unfortunate that the one person Oswald hoped would react differently to this, didn’t. For a moment, Oswald thought Rick was a smart kid with a rather sharp-tongue that he always appeared to the other citizens. Guess to Rick, Oswald is nothing but a person to look up to.

“ _ Duel with me, Oz. _ ”

The Wizard of the West seemed to have kept his suspicions for a long while and caught Oswald at the worst time. Oswald shouldn’t have done the revelation to Rick. The Wizard of the West was just waiting for the  _ right moment to strike. _ Oswald hates to admit it but he was  _ definitely _ outwitted by the wizard. He is definitely smarter than he lets on.

Rick being the sweet child he is, he insists he follows Oswald to the duel. Don’t be ridiculous. Not only is Oswald attempting to avoid death but he doesn’t want to bring this child with him! No way is he letting such a fool follow him!

As if such fear was unable to deter the younger, Rick insists he go first against the Wizard of the West. Is he out of his mind? Oswald doesn’t understand Rick at all. He’ll die in that duel. Rick seemed insistent. He truly believes that he will be able to weaken the Wizard of the West so Oswald has a chance of winning. It’s unbelievably both stupid and sweet to see Rick’s enthusiasm.

Oswald lies and pretends to grant him the ability to strike thunder by swinging his arms around, pointing at his opponent and shouting out  _ thunder _ . Though in reality, such a thing is just a foolish act, Rick believes him and goes off to see the Wizard of the West. Foolish child. Oswald will never understand him.

“ _ Are you seriously going? _ ” Oswald asks just as Rick is at a reasonable distance from him. Rick turns to him and smiles brightly― _ Of course! _

What an idiot.

Though Oswald says that, he feels conflicted when he thinks about Rick. He’ll die if he goes there. He’ll die. Oswald has done lots of things but he would never kill a child. It’s amazing that he can allow fraud, stealing and other terrible things but the line draws at having a child murdered. Seriously, this land has made his morals go askew.

“ _ I believe you’re doing the spell wrong, Rick! _ ”

Oswald arrives just as the Wizard of the West is ready to strike at the clueless Rick. Oswald greets the glaring wizard with a smirk. Very well then. Guess he will put up a fight with the Wizard of the West. Come at him, then.

The Wizard of the West orders his flying monkeys to attack him. Rick, being the fool he is, assumes that the thunder trick will work but it doesn’t. Oswald tries to fly away from the flying monkey but they halt as soon as they approach Oswald. Hm? That’s strange? Is that supposed to happen? It doesn’t seem like it, judging by the Wizard of the West’s disgruntled face. Why is this happening?

Oswald rakes his mind over it until he remembers the Wizard of the North’s wish; immunity from those weaker than him. He may owe an apology to the Wizard of the North for calling him useless.

With that aside, Oswald cracks his knuckles.

“Listen carefully, Rick―This is how you use magic!  _ Thunder! _ ”

The clouds rumble as the Wizard of the West looks at the sky uncomfortably. The rain clouds appear to be gathering. It might not be enough to create lightning but it  _ may be enough _ to scare away his opponent. Watching the Wizard of the West feel defeated, Oswald bids the other goodbye as he retreats.

Oswald sighs uncomfortably, he stretches his neck as Rick happily talks about how amazing he was during the duel. Even with that, if another wizard were to try and duel Oswald, he’d just be a one-trick pony in comparison to them.

“ _ Let’s go home, _ ” Oswald says as he offers Rick a hand in getting into the hot air balloon. Though he treats the Emerald City as home, it isn’t actually  _ his _ home. It’s  _ Oz’s home _ . Oswald can’t keep up this Oz appearance anymore. He needs to go back and finish his duties at home as well.

In the meantime, Oswald looks at Rick who smiles brightly at the view below him. Rick may be able to turn Oz’s magic into  _ real magic. _

“ _ You’re leaving?! What about the Emerald City?! _ ” 

Rick throws a fit about Oswald’s departure. He understands where Rick is coming from but Oswald has to go back. There are things that he has left undone and he must finish them now. He can no longer keep them at bay. Though he wants to take pity on Rick and stay, he can’t. The Great Wizard of Oz isn’t Oswald, he manages to say despite how cheesy it feels to say such things. The Great Wizard Oz is someone who can help the people in need with the magic they have.

“Following that description, you’re better off as  _ The Great Wizard Oz _ , no?” Oswald jokes as Rick tries to muster the ability to lift his head up. Oswald ruffles his hair and says that Rick will do a good job protecting Emerald City, with and without magic.

Now, he has to go back home. Promise Oswald that no one ever finds out about Oswald’s departure, Rick? Rick nods and bids Oswald goodbye loudly. Oswald sighs and shakes his head. He  _ just _ said not to let anyone find out about his departure. At this point, Oswald has given up trying to understand how nothing goes through this kid’s mind properly. What an idiot.

Dull as ever. Nebraska never changes, huh? How unfortunate.

Oswald steps into the police station and asks if he could talk to a policeman. An accommodating policeman nods and attends to Oswald immediately. He makes a confused face as if he recognises Oswald a little but not sure from where. It has been a while, hasn’t it? It’s obvious that Oswald would have been forgotten over time. It isn’t so surprising when he thought about it.

“I would like to turn myself in―I am the wanted criminal, Oswald.”

The policeman stutters about before asking for a proper confirmation. Once reconfirmed that the man in front of him is, in fact, Oswald, the man wanted for serial fraud, he arrests Oswald immediately. Oswald laughs a little at the policeman’s floundering. No matter how much the scenery and people have changed, the reaction to Oswald has always been the same, huh?

Oswald wonders if he’ll ever get to visit Emerald City once he’s out of jail.

Ibara laughs loudly on stage as Shinobu complains how embarrassing it is to be screaming  _ thunder _ a bunch of times, especially when Yuzuru does that unconvinced glare he does towards Subaru. Tsumugi apologises to Shinobu for making him suffer like that. It’s fun being on stage. He likes it a lot. It’s warm and bright up here on stage. Especially when he’s next to these fools known as his family.

“Have you ever been tricked, Saegusa-dono?”

Ibara hums for a minute.

“As a kid, I was told that if you clench your teeth when you’re angry, they’ll all crack and fall apart.”

Shinobu looks at Ibara confusedly and asks him if that was seriously something he was told as a child. Yes, unfortunately. It was Eve’s way of trying to control Ibara’s anger. Very weird way but  _ very effective _ . Ibara won’t say that as it’s embarrassing to mention but he still thinks it’s a  _ really weird lie _ .

The congratulations party, Ibara tells another lie. It’s half a lie so there’s some genuinity in it, don’t worry. It leaves a bitter taste in Jun’s mouth who rolls his eyes at Ibara lying about abducting Anzu to make the ultimate curry for  _ his sister _ . He can’t lie to Jun nor can he lie to Yuzuru, huh? Those two are bulletproof when it comes to lies. Not that he minds. It’s good to have those kinds of people lying around. If not, Ibara might not be able to tell the difference between his lies and that’d be troublesome.

The congratulations party is loud. It’s definitely not something Ibara is used to. It’s something Ibara has to get used to. The sound of people talking over each other as food gets passed around. The trinkle of barking from Daikichi who has become Yuzuru’s flying monkey while Subaru pretends to be attacked when Daikichi licks food off his cheek. Gross but hilariously cute too. Ibara has to get used to this.  _ This is what home is like. _

“Moon-gazing again?” Ibara catches Jun sitting on a bench in the courtyard alone. It’s almost the end of Spring so it isn’t so cold anymore. He takes a seat as they recount the things they used to do with Eve; eating snacks while watching the moon and stars. Randomly pointing out constellations that neither of them could see  _ but _ Eve could for some odd reason. Eve making up some weird lie like he has the vision that could see all the constellations in the sky. He was really skewed in the head to be saying all those kinds of things.

Even then, that’s what made Eve,  _ Eve. _

Eve was their precious and foolish family. Ibara won’t forget that. It was hard finding peace during the time of Eve’s death and Jun’s disappearance. There was no rest and time to fully mourn. All Ibara had was anger and loath. Ibara was never allowed to cry. He hated how little space and time he was given to himself. He was really given that, he was given some space to express how much he missed Eve on stage. As ironic it is to find some peace in mind on stage and in a room filled with people, Ibara glad he got to do that.

“From now onwards, I’m responsible for ensuring none of you die, right?”   
  


Jun nods as he fishes a packet of spicy crackers from his pocket. Ibara quirks an eyebrow; just how did he have this at hand? Jun shrugs. He’d be surprised who eats spicy food in Winter. Ibara quirks an eyebrow― _ What does that even mean? _

Ibara is left with no answers. Jun laughs as he gets up from his seat and heads back inside. Ibara chases after him as he asks Jun for a clarification. No, seriously. Ibara doesn’t get what Jun means by that sentence. Don’t just leave him at that!

  
“ _ Seriously though, what does that even mean, Jun?!” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so much energy was poured when writing this last chapter  
> I hope you had fun reading this!!  
> I am not sure when I'll start act 8 but I'll start it _one day_  
>  thank you for reading!!


	17. Missing Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here Jun and Ibara assumed that missing heirs were only going to stop after Tetora finally settled things with his family.
> 
> Staring at the commotion that plays out in front of them and the rest of Yumenosaki,
> 
> _Guess not._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHATS THIS YOU SEE?? AN UPDATE???  
>  _I RETURN_ with a half update  
> act 8 is talking a lot more work than I thought and you must be wondering to yourself, "dude why are you writing act 8 if theres no eden gekka" HA H bold of you assume i wouldn't pass this bs up  
> anyway half update so don't expect me to go far  
> also yea tetsu is azami bc jokes yk (if you're curious who i chose to be shifuto, its hiiro AND THEY ARE THE SAME W/O ME KNOWING LIBER AND HAPIELE HAVE EARS)  
> this chapter is short soz abt that (idt this act will have the same amount of chapters as the prev acts so heads up abt that)

“ _ Well _ , since all of you promised to study for the screen test―this is what you get,” Mao says as he rested his chin against his hand. 

The rest of the company watched the younger members scratch their heads over the test. It was a two-part exam―First, they had to take a quiz about theater terminology. Then, they have a cold-reading the next day. Jun honestly is glad that Mao wasn’t buying into Ibara’s idea of making  _ everyone _ in Yumenosaki take the test. At least,  _ not yet _ . It’s funny how some of the members voluntarily decided to take the test even though Mao told them that they didn’t have to. Something about how Tori and Tsukasa were starting up more rivalries for something they didn’t need to be involved with. Jun doesn’t quite get it but he can kind of understand the picture behind it.

Jun hopes he won’t be taking that test. Judging by Koga’s furrowing eyebrows and Tsukasa’s head-scratching, Mao wasn’t going easy on them  _ at all _ . He said this was a basic, beginners’ test. It should be easy.

Jun gives Mao a funny look who chuckles. It’s not hard. There may be some trick questions but if they get it wrong, it’s not their fault for not knowing. Ritsu quirks an eyebrow at him;  _ just what did you put in there? _

“Are you going to mark them in front of us?” Hajime asks uncomfortably, it seems like he isn’t so confident in his answers. Mao pats Hajime’s head, he isn’t  _ that _ mean. He’ll mark them with Ritsu when they have the time but not now. That’d just make everyone anxious. He doesn’t want anyone to feel terrible, Mao laughs.

_ However _ , Mao will let them ask him  _ one question _ . Jun quirks an eyebrow as he flips through the quiz. Some of the questions look pretty simple, just like Mao promised. They were all about theater. Things you would at least know at a basic level.  _ What is an etude? _ Jun knows the answer to that so as long Jun knows, it’s not that hard. At least he’s assuming so.

Ritsu and Natsume laugh at the younger members huddling together as they contemplate on what is the question they should ask. It was only one question so they clearly can’t ask something simple. Mao probably has a difficult question in mind as he’s waiting. Jun hears Koga mention how some of the questions are questions they can ask the other adults, there has to be a question that only Mao knows the answer to.

“ _ Ghost light! What the hell was that?! _ ” Tetora asks angrily as he points at Mao who laughs with his entire body shaking.

_ Ghost light? _ What does that mean? Jun turns to Shu, hoping that he’d have some clue to what ghost light meant but it seemed the other was just as clueless as he was. Ritsu frowned as he scolded Mao for putting such a strange question in there. Don’t start pulling myths into the test―That’s just purposely making them difficult! No one would be able to recall that unless they’ve been to other theaters!

Mao laughed as Ritsu smacked him in the shoulder. Apparently, he knew that no one would find the answer to that. It’s less of a myth but more like a joke? Mao shrugged as he explained the answer to them; a ghost light is an electric light that is left energized on the stage of a theater when it is unoccupied, it generally is a lamp mounted on a portable stand to help the first person the next day find their way to the main switches  _ but _ there is a saying that these lights provide opportunities for ghosts to perform onstage, thus appeasing them and preventing them from cursing the theater or sabotaging the set or production.

“That explains picaresque!” Tomoya exclaims. Madara bursts in laughter as Kuro scolds him for trying to wipe his hands clean from that incident. No, it doesn’t explain the incidents for picaresque. That was all on you, Tomoya.

Tori asks about Macbeth. There was a question about Macbeth, specifically the significance it has to theater. Mao explains how that was a trick question. If everyone got half of it right, it was fine. The second half is a bit tricky.

“Unless you’ve done theater for long enough or have friends who are obsessed with theater, you wouldn’t really know the full answer to that,” Mao explains. Jun wonders if Mao was just trying to reassure the others that it was okay to get that question wrong. Though honestly, all that comes to mind when it comes to Macbeth is that it’s a play. A Shakespeare play. One that Yumenosaki has yet to act in. That’s it.

Shu asks Mao if he was talking about the curse of Macbeth, Mao nods as Anzu groans about it.  _ Oh _ , it was most definitely a theater-only thing. Ritsu and Anzu are begging Shu to not repeat such a name in the company. Ritsu claims the curse isn’t real while Anzu claims it was the downfall of her acting career. Apparently, Koga and Mika heard it was a curse but never knew what exactly it was about. How to dispel it, they never knew the answer to that.

“Never say the title in the theater unless you’re performing it. _ It is believed to be cursed. _ If you do say it; you must leave the theater, spin around three times to your left, spit, curse, and then knock to be admitted back in,” Shu explained. He wasn’t going to demonstrate it, they’re not in a theater so it was fine to utter such a title.

_ That has got to be the dumbest curse Jun has ever heard of― _

A screech was heard from the entrance. Did something happen? It seems like the lesson was cut short, thanks to Chiaki’s screeching. Seriously, that guy has some bad luck when it comes to being left alone. It seemed Tomoya has applied the Macbeth curse directly to the situation though Jun doubts such a possibility. Chiaki has always had bad luck so a little bit of Macbeth curse won’t do anything to him. If anything, it probably would barely affect him.

“Don’t act so brashly, I am just here to speak to the leader of this company,” a man with long purple hair says as he has a sword directly pointed at Chiaki’s face. This is a very strange situation. One that Jun has never been in. Jun has been in a lot of situations, as far as his memories can go,  _ but _ this is something new.

Kuro tells Chiaki to step aside as he glares at the man in front of him. For someone that looks shorter and smaller than Kuro, he stands his ground confidently. It’s amazing, Jun would want to admit. Kuro asks what his business was with Yumenosaki.

“The heir―He must be returned immediately. If you comply as commanded, I shall take my leave with him but if you fail to, then heed my warning, tonight shall not be peaceful.” The purple-haired man narrows his eyes as Kuro grits his teeth. Kuro states that he isn’t afraid of getting a little blood on him if it means for the other to drop his weapon. This is going to go bad, Jun thought as he stared at Ibara who was already trying to identify the man in front of the company.

Jun shot Ibara a look, hoping he would know who was this  _ heir _ that he was looking for. It seemed Ibara didn’t know the answer. Too many royal families to go through, not enough time on hand. Going into cults and mafias would be endless too. No one particular was coming to mind, it was undeniably dangerous that nothing was coming up.

Jun watches Kuro as he tells the purple-haired man to get lost because there is no heir for him to catch here. The purple-haired man didn’t seem convinced. He mentions being an accomplice isn’t easy. It takes courage to be an accomplice for a runaway heir.  _ Especially one who would not comply with his duties _ . If anything, it’s rather a disgrace.

“I see―You’re not afraid of dying.”

Kuro grits his teeth.

“I ain’t afraid of dying for my family.”

The purple-haired man hums. It seems like he has gotten the picture. Is he leaving? Jun wonders.

“Very well then―I hope you know your death is  _ completely in vain! _ ” Kuro quickly moves his head as soon as the other man strikes. Before anyone could even do anything else, Subaru clambers to stop the purple-haired man from striking once more. He tells the purple-haired man, Souma, to put down his sword. They are not his accomplices― _ They’re his friends _ .

Souma puts away his sword as he tells Subaru that there is no such thing as friends in a place like this. Was he aware that many believed that he was kidnapped during such a crucial time of his life? This is in no way how an heir should act. Subaru bows his head down and apologises for his actions but he tells Souma to leave the company be.

“ _ A prince?! _ ”

It seems everyone was trying to understand the situation at hand. Akehoshi Subaru, this bumbling buffoon, was in fact the crowned prince of Iridaceae. A crowned prince. Like an _ actual  _ prince. Jun gives Ibara a weird glance as it seems strange that  _ neither _ of them knew this kind of information. Well, Jun had memory loss to blame but what does Ibara have to blame? Not paying attention? Though, did Eden ever deal with such superiors? Rarely. If anything, that’s out of Ibara and Jun’s expertise. Sounds like something Barakiel would deal with, actually.

“So that means Subaru is Iridaceae’s next king?” Shinobu asks worriedly. Tsumugi asks if this is another one of Subaru’s weird pranks again because if it is, this is the most dangerous one yet. Jun can’t help but sympathise with Tsumugi's frustration. If this is a joke, it’s not funny at all.

Subaru doesn’t respond. He just looks away quietly as Souma begins to explain that there was still time before the coronation begins. Subaru can take this time to collect all of his belongings. If possible, Souma would like permission to stay with Subaru until they depart.

“Does that mean you won’t come back?” Midori asks as he looks hopefully at Subaru. It really seems like the younger members of Spring Troupe don’t want Subaru to leave. Subaru looks remorseful as he tells the younger members but that it isn’t easy to leave his country once he’s crowned king. A king’s duties must never be left unattended. Subaru can only run away from these duties for long.

In the meantime, he’ll try to cherish his life as Akehoshi Subaru, Spring Troupe’s favourite fool. He doesn’t want his members to cry over his departure. He wants them to happily bid him goodbye. He promises to keep them smiling until the very end of his time as a Yumenosaki member.

With such a heavy air hanging above everyone’s mind, Anzu tries to make conversation with Souma to ease everyone. As everyone takes turns asking questions about Iridaceae, they began to realise that Souma sure seems far more knowledgeable than Subaru. His extensive knowledge seems to marvel Subaru too despite the weird fact that Subaru is the crowned prince of that kingdom. Regardless, Jun wonders how Souma knows so much. That’s rather inhuman and that’s coming from Jun.

“Souma here is an android!” As soon as Subaru explains that, Anzu retorts how such a thing was impossible. No way could there be a real-life android. Though Jun wants to agree wholeheartedly, a part of him feels reluctant. Why is that? Androids don’t exist, right? The slight unease look on Ibara’s face doesn’t really give Jun any form of comfort at all. If anything, it makes Jun wonder if drugs were all that Eden made back in the headquarters.

Anzu asks Subaru to prove to her that Souma is in fact an android. Up for the challenge, Subaru walks behind and begins to push him a little. As what an android would do, he is completely off; motionlessly sitting there with his hand still in the air without any form of straining being still for that long. With another push, Subaru turns him back on. He repeats this action a couple of times before Souma asks Subaru to stop it as this prevents him from consuming the dinner made by Madara.

“ _ Eh _ ―I think the fact that you’re so easy to turn on and off is a bit of an issue, don’t you think?” Subaru complains as he sits back down. Such errors like these are dangerous, Subaru continues to complain as everyone else watches in awe. It really is an android. This is definitely a first for everyone here.

_ Is it just Jun but as the months go by, aren’t things getting worse? This is not normal at all. _

Ritsu unexpectedly compares Souma to roomba when Souma mentions that he can be left at the corner of the main entrance. Mao stops Ritsu before he can make any more odd comparisons to this new friend of theirs. In the meantime, Natsume offers his room to Souma as a temporary stay-in. Natsume makes a joke about how if he doesn’t want to, he can sleep in Mao and Ritsu’s room. There’s an extra bed that they don’t use.

Anzu tilts her head as Mao chokes at Natsume’s suggestive glance. Jun makes another joke that during some mornings, you would find Mao shirtless when he wakes up. Shu complains about how it must be difficult to sleep in one bed. During the weekends, they look sweaty and messy―Shu is surprised they’re able to sleep comfortably with how warm and small that bed is. Jun laughs as Shu wonders how they’re not freezing in the cold weather with how little clothes they’re wearing in bed.

“I rather room with you, Sakasaki-dono―I do not want to disturb the intimacy between them.”

Jun laughs as Mao exclaims to Souma not to jump to conclusions. Ritsu just likes sleeping with Mao because Mao just has a warmer body temperature than others. There is no weird thing going on between them, he swears. Ritsu giggles as he tells Souma that it's okay if Souma doesn’t want to room with them. Not to mention, three people in one room is a little jam-packed. Natsume should get a roommate too, Ritsu says as Natsume jokingly sticks his tongue out.

Shu apologises to Souma for misleading him about Mao and Ritsu’s sleeping habits. There’s nothing weird going on. Shu insists on correcting his errors which is a phrase Jun has learnt that is a sign that he’s about to say something  _ even worse _ .

“We’ve all slept together and I just don’t like it when we all wake up in sweat.”

Jun chokes as Mao massages his temples. Ritsu stutters as he clings onto Natsume who laughs loudly. None of that is right. That was twice as misleading. Mao tells Shu to go to bed already as Jun apologises to Souma for confusing him. Natsume insists Souma to follow them as they’re all heading to bed, he seemed reluctant at first but Ritsu pushes him to follow them down the hallway.

“ _ Don’t worry, Itsuki-san just talks funny! _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> winter hold hands and souma is scared  
> also : )


	18. Long Distance Relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _What are we really?_
> 
> At this point, no one knows how to feel about this relationship of theirs.
> 
> Is it a good thing? Is it a bad thing?
> 
> Jun is afraid of finding out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> H A H  
> i was dead inside when i wrote this

Ibara lies wide awake as he thinks about how inevitable Subaru’s departure is. It’s a little funny that Ibara has grown to like this troupe so much that the idea of one of them departing has made him sad. It’s inevitable. People go in and out of each other’s lives all the time. Ibara knows that. Ibara always says that but now he really hates such a phrase.

He personally believes his insomnia worsened thanks to such a worry.

Yuzuru doesn’t seem to have gotten any sleep either. Ibara looks at everyone in Spring Troupe with pity. It seems the only one who is trying his best to conceal his sadness about Subaru’s departure is their ever-so-cheerful leader, Shinobu. He tries to cheer everyone up by mentioning how they should all work hard in granting Subaru’s wishes, whatever it may be. Shinobu wants Subaru’s departure to be a happy one, just like Subaru wants it to be.

Ibara feels Yuzuru’s head rests on his shoulder. As the eldest, they should be the ones cheering them up. Ibara pats Yuzuru’s head as he hears incoherent mumbles. Ibara doesn’t blame Yuzuru for wanting to cry, Subaru loves Yuzuru a whole lot. With how everything was done so suddenly, Ibara doesn’t blame Yuzuru for registering this as a betrayal. Subaru always loved talking about staying by Spring Troupe’s side forever. Of course, Yuzuru would mark this as some sort of betrayal.

_ Even if it were inevitable _ .

Ibara feels more weight pressed against his back, he wonders if Yuzuru needed comfort that badly. Much to his surprise, the entirety of Spring Troupe was forming a line with Ibara as the frontline. Ibara didn’t realise that Subaru was trying to cheer everyone up by doing a stupid congo line as they walked to breakfast. Really, Ibara has been living here for a little over six months and he  _ still _ doesn’t understand how Subaru works. Guess those are just things he’ll never figure out.

“ _ Choo-choo! _ The Spring Train is coming through!” Subaru shouts gleefully as everyone laughs. Spring Troupe makes quite the ruckus as soon as they arrive at the dining room. Subaru is acting as a train conductor, thanking his passengers for taking the train as they leave. Yuzuru giggles as Subaru wipes his tears―It was obvious Subaru would know how sad Yuzuru felt about their situation. Subaru tells Yuzuru that such a sad expression looks terrible on him, Ibara makes a joke that angry expressions don’t compliment him either.

Yuzuru gives both of them an annoyed look before laughing. He hates both of them. He tells them to go get lost already. Why hasn’t Ibara left for another trip? Why hasn’t Subaru packed his things and left for the coronation? Neither of them have the right to be part of Spring Troupe anymore. Though he says all of that, it lacked bite.

It seemed Shinobu and Anzu were planning on making a graduation performance before Subaru’s departure. Tsumugi was wondering if Subaru is interested in more lines which is  _ always a yes _ . Yuzuru jokes about how Subaru will end up talking too much if Tsumugi gave him too many lines so try to keep it moderate, okay? Ibara wonders if Tsumugi is able to keep it moderate if Subaru will pester him about it.

Subaru snaps his fingers and mentions how he just remembered something. He takes out a pile of scrolls as he explains how he needs help from Spring Troupe. He wants to take the time to create the best memories with the people he loves so he has devised a wish he wants from each and every one of the Spring Troupe members!

Personal requests. Everyone has one personal request from Subaru and they are tasked to fulfill them according to the number of their orders. With this, Subaru believes he’s able to make precious memories with everyone.

_ Or so he says _ .

“ _ Sparkling wish ~1, Feast for a King? _ That’s a righteous turn of utilising your royalty against me, Akehoshi-kun.” Yuzuru shows everyone his wish from Subaru. Yuzuru is tasked to bring Subaru to the best local cuisines around the country. Do they even have time for that kind of thing? Ibara wonders as Midori tells Subaru that such a request is vague. Shinobu mentions how they could get permission from Anzu to join Winter Troupe with their local tour―That way, Subaru gets to try everything with ease.

As the rest of the troupe happily chat about what kind of food to eat, Ibara drags Subaru to the side. Is the guy crazy? Doesn’t he know he’s just going to make Ibara look bad again? Or has he no shame in throwing his beloved friend under the bus?

Subaru laughs sheepishly and apologises for the inconvenient request from Ibara. It’s just―Ibara is the only one who could fulfill such a role. He doesn’t have anyone else to turn to when it comes to such a request. Subaru makes Ibara promise to ensure he tells no one, no matter how dangerous and tempting it is to share. Ibara laughs as he tells Subaru not to worry so much.

“Though, I must ask, does this include that militant-esque servant of yours?” Ibara asks, leaning against the wall. Subaru takes a deep breath before shaking his head. If anything, he would like Ibara to not tell Souma either. Just Subaru leaving is good enough.

Ibara quirks an eyebrow at Subaru. Just Subaru? Ibara doesn’t want to question Subaru’s request any further but he can’t stop himself from wondering about Subaru’s choice in leaving Souma in Yumenosaki? Isn’t the entire point of Souma’s existence to be beside Subaru at all times? Shouldn’t he follow? It makes sense to, after all.

_ Unless, there’s a reason as to why Souma needs to be left behind? _

“You look stressed out―Here, have a strawberry mochi Takamine-kun got,” Jun says as he tries to shove it down Ibara’s throat. Ibara chokes a little in the process but that’s fine. Jun doesn’t think it’s so bad. The guy is pretty sturdy so he wouldn’t die from choking on a mochi. Or at least, he doubts so.

That aside, there’s a lot of changes needed to be done in order to get this play right. The stage is so big that their movements look so small but Ritsu complains how if they make too many big gestures, it ruins the subtle softness the play had. Jun can’t help but agree with Ritsu’s complicated worry. Though, they can only do so much before it becomes a disadvantage. Jun wonders if they can even bring back the same magic Sympathy held when they first performed it.

“You look just as worried as I am, Sandy.” Ibara gives Jun an unimpressed look as Jun laughs. He kind of is. He’s worried about messing up this stage. It’s scary. Though he’s glad that he can perform Sympathy again. He enjoyed the stage a whole lot. He always wanted to perform it again with the rest of Winter Troupe, just to see how much he has improved but at the same time, he’s scared of making the same mistakes as last time. He wants to do his best, Jun mumbles to himself as Ibara laughs.

“ _ You did all you could, Raphael―Michael will be okay,  _ **_he_ ** _ would never punish such a sweet soul like him. _ ” Ibara smirks as Jun laughs about how he has  _ got _ to keep that line in the play. It was a fan-favourite when it came to Uriel’s lines. If the viewers found out that the script  _ did not _ have that line, it’d be a big problem for Winter Troupe. Ibara laughs at Jun’s worry about people finding out how unfortunate it would be that the best line from Jun’s character is a  _ goddamn adlib _ .

Even with that joke aside, Jun can’t help but wonder what has gotten Ibara so worked up. Nothing happened back at Eden, right?

Jun laughs as Yuzuru mentions how Subaru is so casual about sucking up all of Yuzuru’s money. Like a goddamn vampire, Yuzuru complains as Ritsu jokes about how he should murder Subaru. Mao reminds Ritsu not to get so deep into his vampire-killer role as he’s going to be an angel tomorrow.

“Oh, Subaru, did you order Ogura toast?” Natsume asks as Subaru shakes his head. What’s Ogura toast? Natsume laughs as he explains that it’s just a simple toast with red bean spread on top of it. Sometimes, they’ll serve it with butter or sliced cheese on top of the red bean spread. It’s a simple dish but it warms Natsume’s heart every time he eats it.

Anzu asks how Natsume knows all of these dishes. Even when they were ordering, Natsume was helping Subaru point out what were the best local dishes from here. It was amazing to watch Natsume happily talk about the food he liked in Nagoya. Jun wonders how often Natsume traveled prior to joining Yumenosaki. It must have been a lot to have known all these kinds of things.

“ _ Oh no _ , I’m from Nagoya!” Natsume revealed while laughing. He giggled as he explained that he’s been to some parts of the city so he was very excited in helping Yuzuru plan out Subaru’s meals. Natsume laughed as Anzu murmurs about how it must have been a long while since Natsume last came back home. Jun wonders when was the last time Natsume came home. Judging from his quick darkened expression when everyone started talking about sight-seeing tomorrow, it must have been a long while.

What does Natsume’s house look like…? Jun wonders as he ate his meal quietly.

“ _ Thank you, grazie, spasibo, gracias, xie xie! _ ” Shu shouted as everyone waved the audience goodbye. Ritsu brought over close and whispered about teasing the audience―Blow a kiss to the audience before laughing off stage. Ritsu sure likes teasing the audience, huh? Jun wonders how things will turn out for him if Winter Troupe had a rerun on their later plays? Haven’t his latest characters been too much for the audience? Jun wonders if rerunning Mystery and Nocturnality would be a good idea.

Ritsu laughs as Midori asks if the garter belt was always there. He really didn’t notice until the play earlier. Shinobu wondered if Ritsu’s costume was always that short at the front. It barely covered the thigh. Shu gives Spring Troupe a smug look as Ritsu explains how the dress tore a little so Shu had it cut. Though with Ritsu’s legs exposed rather barely like that, it felt uncomfortable. Shu quickly gave Ritsu a garter to help him feel more confident with the style.

“The garter gave Michael’s last scene with Raphael a whole new feeling, doesn’t it?” Natsume jokes as Jun notes how it might be considered indecent, at this point. Though Jun will admit, it was kind of obvious Ritsu was uncomfortable with how short it turned. He kept adjusting every moment he wasn’t on stage which wasn’t often. Natsume wondered if Ritsu found it indecent to wear a skirt that short from the front.

“Well, the costume already had safety shorts so I’m fine―I was just very worried about how I was going to lie down during my last scene,” Ritsu admitted as he touched his thighs again. Man, he is not used to his thighs exposed like that. Jun, however, appreciates how good Ritsu looks. Mao probably does too since both of them couldn’t stop staring at Ritsu’s legs every time Ritsu walked by them.

Mao stammers at Jun’s confession over how he was easily distracted by Ritsu’s legs. Mao doesn’t really defend himself, though. He admits that Ritsu looked good and the garter was definitely a good decision from Shu. They should definitely consider getting Ritsu to wear another garment in the future play. Natsume wondered if he could wear one too, Shu gladly accepted these comments from his members―He’ll be sure to keep them in mind for the next play!

Anzu tries to sneak into the conversation, steering them back at how they feel about today’s performance. Jun thinks they did well. Ritsu mentions how maybe they should do a couple of adlibs tomorrow, especially some local ones. Mao makes a joke about how Natsume should speak in dialect since he’s from Nagoya. Natsume wonders if it’d be funny to speak in dialect during his scenes with Ritsu.

“Don’t, please―I am actually terrible with dialects.” Ritsu frowns as Natsume pats his head. He promises not to use too many difficult words. Jun notes how that would make Michael feel very unprepared in dealing with human beings. It’d be a funny gag to pull, especially to compensate for the tear-jerkers later.

Ritsu complains how he’s going to spend the rest of the night, holed up in his room, studying the dialect so he can understand Natsume’s lines. Hopefully, it’ll work. Ritsu only has till tomorrow morning to get this all down. God, he doesn’t want to do it at all. 

Jun hugs Ritsu as Mao mentions how Spring Troupe was a huge help and they deserve the whole trip off. They should be making memories with Subaru instead of helping Winter Troupe prepare with the stage. They’ve handled the stage on their own before so they’re fine. Tsumugi wonders if they were just trying to make them feel less guilty for going off to sightsee, Natsume laughs and says that making memories with Subaru is far more important than a play that Winter Troupe could rerun whenever they wanted.

“In comparison to our time playing our characters, your time with Akehoshi is limited so go, all of you should be making every moment special with Akehoshi,” Shu tells them before finally sending them all off in a frenzy about wanting to sightsee some things in Nagoya tomorrow. Shinobu asks Souma if he would like to join but it seemed Souma believed that Subaru would be happier to spend his last moments with just Spring Troupe alone. Jun quirks an eyebrow at that response. Jun doesn’t really know what androids are like but guess they all have their own wants and needs, huh? Or maybe Souma sees no danger in Spring Troupe and decided that Subaru should savour the freedom he has right now before it was too late? Jun isn’t so sure, to be honest.

Souma decides that he’ll help out with Winter Troupe’s performance tomorrow while Spring Troupe goes sightseeing. Winter Troupe sees no issue in that. In fact, they appreciate Souma’s obligation of helping out. They might need it, actually. Jun doesn’t know why but he feels like they’ll need Souma’s help. Jun knows he’s not the only one afraid of something bad happening, especially when they’re in  _ Natsume’s hometown _ .

Jun gives Shu a funny look before they find themselves staring at Natsume who mentions needing to do an errand. He promises to meet the rest of the troupe back at the hotel tomorrow morning. Anzu dismisses him with little to no issue. She waves him goodbye before joining the others, leaving the rest of Winter Troupe  _ supposedly _ going their separate ways.

Jun finds himself following Shu, hoping they could catch Natsume before he decides to run off on his own but as soon as they step outside, another scene unfolds.

_ Slap! _

Ritsu glares at Mao as Natsume tries to calm Ritsu down but he doesn’t listen. He just proceeds to tell Mao and Jun that they fucked up. Ritsu doesn’t understand how Mao and Natsume work at all. Jun doesn’t quite know what to do. The way Ritsu glares at them with glossy eyes like that, Jun is reluctant to further break Ritsu. Did something happen in between all three of them?

“ _ Let’s be honest and never hide anything from each other _ ―Miss me with that bullshit,” Ritsu spits out as he glares at them. Jun has never seen this kind of Ritsu. The way he tells Mao and Natsume to not try and lie again is a trait Jun and Shu aren’t familiar with when it comes to Ritsu.  _ No matter what, let’s stay together― _ Don’t try to cover Ritsu’s eyes with that utter bullshit. If all you want to do is give fake reassurance and expect Ritsu to blatantly ignore the fact that Mao and Natsume are hiding from the rest of Winter Troupe again, it just means their relationship never moved on from the very beginning, right?

It’s the same thing.  _ Always _ .

“Just why can’t you tell me anything? Why do you have to keep hiding things? It’s a shame since you of all people should know I hate people like that, Mao.” Ritsu sighs as he tells Natsume and Mao that it isn’t nice that Ritsu is left trying to figure out what’s been going on between them, even way before this tour even started. Ritsu gets it. Ritsu shouldn’t interfere but if it affects the troupe, it has to be addressed, right? Ritsu shouldn’t have to know everything but if it affects their relationship, Ritsu deserves to know at least a little bit.

At just that, Ritsu shrugs off the anger he had earlier. Jun finds it a little infuriating but before Jun can do anything, Shu gives the duo a piece of his own mind too. Shu defends Ritsu by stating Ritsu is right. Ritsu, at this point, has been echoing a worry everyone has been having over Mao and Natsume. It’s only fair that Ritsu is angry about it. Not to mention, Ritsu is the leader―It’s his responsibility to take care of these kinds of matters.

“Though, from a personal standpoint, it does feel like you two are leaving us,” Shu confesses uncomfortably, he rubs his arm. Jun agrees with Shu's words. It feels like there’s a separate wall between them. Jun doesn’t want to get mad too but he understands how frustrating it is to not know anything, especially when they’ve made a promise to be more honest with each other.

Ritsu isn’t wrong for wanting to understand them better. Though, judging by Ritsu’s discomfort, it’s obvious Ritsu doesn’t understand why he can’t be trusted. Especially with Mao involved, Ritsu probably is trying his best to suppress any actual discomfort about this situation.

“If we keep this up, I’m going to get Anzu to send us to marriage counseling,” Jun suddenly says. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing but he’s hoping that this will be enough to cheer Ritsu up. He isn’t so sure how he’s going to handle this situation but he can only hope his meaningless rant about how they’re all supposed to be  _ married _ . They should be able to be honest with each other.

To be frank, Jun isn’t so sure if they’re married or even soulmates but if Shu says they are, there has got to be some truth in it, right? After all, Itsuki Shu can barely lie. It’s amazing that he can act but not lie, Jun joked as he made wild gestures at the rest of Winter Troupe. He doesn’t really understand what is happening but he wants to help. He wants to be able to help solve what’s going on, even if that help isn’t very useful. Even if it’s terrible advice  _ but it’s still something, right? _ Jun doesn’t really know.

“I mean like as long as you’re not running away with the circus, we can solve it, right?” Jun gives an awkward smile to the rest of Winter Troupe who laughs. Natsume admits it was a bit of his fault. Mao was only following Natsume out of his own worry. They should have confronted the rest of Winter Troupe before actually leaving.

Natsume must’ve forgotten that Winter Troupe wasn't going to leave him alone. Shall they remind him again? There’s no such thing as personal space in this troupe, you know? They’ll be chasing each other till the end of time. There’s no Winter Troupe if one goes missing.

Natsume laughs as the rest of Winter Troupe poke at Mao for not mentioning his worries too. Making Ritsu cry―That’s a sin, you know? Jun would never make Ritsu cry nor would Shu. Though Jun doubts Shu could make Ritsu cry. The opposite seemed more plausible. Ritsu laughs when Natsume wipes Ritsu’s tears, even when Jun tries to scare those fears away, it’s still very obvious that Ritsu is worried about not being trusted. No matter how much Winter Troupe tries to remind him that he’s a good leader, their own actions encourage such worry. They never explain anything completely, Ritsu only nods in understanding because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right? Jun wonders if they’re just being hypocrites for that.

  
“I guess I should have followed Azuma-san’s words better, right?” Natsume jokes as he invited everyone to follow him  _ home _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> : ) h el p : )


	19. Move in & Move out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Empty houses scare Jun.
> 
> Something about them. Just _something about them_.
> 
> It scares Jun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (that be me writing this)  
> the alternative title to this chapter is "WINTER HOLD HANDS!! WINTER HOLDS HANDS!!! LIBER MAKE THEM DO IT PROPERLY YOU COWARD!!!!" ok  
> I cried twice writing this

The house looked like any normal house in a suburban area except it was empty and dusty. Jun watches Natsume sadly talk about how it has been so long since he returned home that he couldn’t even recognise it at all. He touches the wall and explains how he used to draw on the walls and run down the hall as his brother chased him playfully. It’s funny. A stupid teenager chasing his little brother is a sight to laugh at. He used to wonder why his brother was so childish.

Though, there’s no point in wondering about that. All of those memories are gone now. Painted over and packed up. Not a single trace of it is left. Natsume is surprised how pristine and clean this house was. This is probably his first time seeing it being  _ this clean _ .

“ _ Well, _ ” Mao starts. He gestures Natsume to say something but nobody quite gets it. It seemed like he wanted Natsume to talk about something instead of just staring aimlessly at the empty living room.

“Show us around then―It’s not like we’re going to leave this place until we get a memento or something.” Mao gives Natsume an unconvinced look as Natsume explains how impossible it’d be. Shu makes a mention of how kids have a knack in hiding the weirdest things in the  _ weirdest places _ . There might be something for Natsume to bring back home, you know?

Winter Troupe urges Natsume to give them a tour, they hold onto his hands as they walk around. Pointing at different rooms, urging Natsume to explain the use of it. Natsume laughs as Winter Troupe would try to reenact any of Natsume’s memories as he told them. Some accurate while others were definitely far from the nature of Natsume’s family. Either way, it felt good to see Natsume as he watched them fondly. Jun liked it when Natsume would try to direct Ritsu to comb through Jun’s non-existent long hair. Mao would mention how Ritsu might be more suitable as Natsume since he has longer hair than Jun.

“What room is this, then?” Ritsu asks as he steps in. He notes how it’s rather spacious. Almost like two people can stay here. Natsume nods and explains how it was the children’s room which he shared with his older brother. Shu laughed as Mao, Ritsu and Jun made jokes about how annoying that must’ve been. It was obvious Jun could relate to Ritsu and Mao’s sentiment about how terrible it was sleeping in the same room as their siblings but  _ Natsume couldn’t _ .

“God, I remember my brother accidentally getting ink on my scalp from marking our heads at the pillar so we could see who was taller―Did you do anything like that, Sakasaki-san?” Ritsu asked as he checked the pillars but they seemed clean from any ink or scratches, actually.

Natsume shook his head as he mentioned that his brother was way older than him so such things wouldn’t happen. At least, it wouldn’t make sense from trying to see the difference between him and his brother as it was obvious enough for him. There’s no need to record Natsume’s height either. Jun found that a little strange. Well, Jun wouldn’t know about that as Ibara and he would measure each other’s height using a scale as Eve jot it down. It was an annoying experience as they remained 1cm apart from each other so it was virtually non-existent.

“Did you do anything to the wall? Like dent it or something?” Mao asked as he looked around. Ritsu laughs as he recalled that time Mao and his sister accidentally swung their dad’s guitar into a wall and made a hole. Jun notes how Ritsu makes Mao and his sister sound like monsters. Mao sighs as he recalls the memory of being scolded for damaging the wall but not the guitar. At least, it was cheaper to fix the guitar.

Jun laughed―Ibara and he have done something similar. They broke one of Eve’s research as kids. They were rightfully scolded but Jun vaguely recalled Eve feeling guilty for scolding and punishing them. It was a funny memory.

It seemed that everyone else in Winter Troupe but Natsume had a funny story of playing rough. Even Shu who makes a mention of his older siblings and cousins causing trouble in their own peculiar ways. Natsume could only giggle and sadly shake his head―Neither of them would play roughly with each other. They couldn’t even match up to how roughly Ritsu and his brother would play but there are some similarities to Ritsu and his brother if he were to relate a little to anyone’s stories.

Ritsu tilts his head as he asks Natsume what he found similar. Ritsu doesn’t seem so convinced as he made an off-hand mention that he kind of finds his older brother annoying. Natsume’s relationship with his brother seemed―Ritsu didn’t know how to put it― _ sane? _ In comparison to Ritsu’s relationship with his brother, at least.

Natsume laughed as he shook his head.

“That thing about hiding and seek or the other stuff about reading books and wanting to travel, I used to do similar things but not as boisterous or loud as you and your brother,” Natsume explained as he traced the wall with his finger. There used to be a map there―Every day, they would read books about those countries they wanted to visit. They would dream of traveling together. If they weren’t doing that, they’d be playing hide and seek.

Natsume pointed at an old closet. It wasn’t very big. You couldn’t fit much but that was definitely enough for two people.

“I used to hide amongst the clothes in the closet,” Natsume said as he laughed about how impossible it seemed now. It was barely a closet anymore. It was almost at Ritsu's shoulder. How did Natsume fit in there? Jun wondered. He must’ve been very small at the time.

Ritsu hummed as he looked at it. Ritsu asks if it was okay to touch it. Natsume couldn’t see the issue and allowed him to. Though no one could really see what was so interesting about a shabby old closet. Ritsu laughed as he mentioned that it was obvious that no one in this troupe has tried hiding things from their siblings then.

“Remember that one time you hid Mai-chan’s birthday gift?” Ritsu asked Mao as he made a funny face. Mao hid a camera behind his scripts because his sister would never touch such prized possessions, she was so scared when she found the gift that she cried about it when he got home from school. Ritsu laughed as Mao talked about Ritsu’s older brother is no different―Hiding a pair of shoes in his guitar case? Mao calls Ritsu’s older brother ridiculous as Ritsu laughed.

After a few minutes of shaking the closet violently, something slipped out.

_ A small paper bag…? _

“Found it,” Ritsu says as if he knew Natsume’s older brother. He makes a joke about how all older brothers are the same―They have no idea that an early present is a thing. Shu makes mention how nobody would have noticed it wedged between the shelves of the closet when cleaning, Ritsu has got a good eye in things like this. Ritsu shrugs as he joked about how his brother stopped hiding gifts because of this.

Ritsu hands the paper bag to Natsume. Natsume looks at him confusedly.

“It’s a memento―I’m not sure what’s in it but you  _ definitely _ need to bring it back.” Jun watches Natsume slowly take out the items in the paper bag; two hair clips, one bigger than the other, and a message card written to Natsume. Mao asks if it was a birthday gift while Shu urged Natsume to read the card. It would at least provide some form of closure for the brother who Natsume dearly missed.

‘ _ Happy birthday―Let’s dress up and show everyone how pretty we are! _ ’

Short and simple. Natsume laughed as he sobbed. He could barely tell the meaning behind the message, he was just too caught up in recalling all those memories between him and his brother. It takes a couple of minutes before Natsume finally explains his situation. It was a funny and stupid situation.

“I used to feel unconfident with long hair and it was a struggle to tie so when I tried to cut it, my brother told me not to and grew out his to make me feel better―He must’ve wanted to match with me during my birthday.” Natsume smiled sadly as he touched the hairpins. The small one could barely fit Natsume. Though he says that, he doesn’t want to leave it.

It’s all he has left of his family.

The rest of Winter Troupe hold Natsume as he sobs. It hurts. It hurts so much. That’s all Natsume ever says as he cries. Though it isn’t much, Jun believes that Winter Troupe holding onto Natsume tightly was enough comfort for all the pain he was feeling. Jun didn’t know what to do but if holding onto each other tightly as they slept worked the last time they tried it, it should work one more time, right? Jun smiled warmly as he watched Ritsu comb through Natsume’s hair as he hummed lullabies.

Sleeping on the cold wooden floor―Jun firmly believes that they’ve done this kind of thing enough times to get used to it. As soon as Jun registered it was morning, he began panicking.

_ Shit _ . The play. 

He begins shaking everyone else awake so they could rush back to the hotel. Mao was the first to react, aside from Jun. He makes a quick call to Anzu as he explains the situation. Of course, Anzu isn’t taking this well. That’s obvious, judging from Mao’s pained expression. He really is earning a big scolding, huh.

Shu calls for a cab as Jun lifts up Natsume. Mao asks if they got everything but before Jun could even nod, Shu is scolding Jun for leaving Ritsu on the floor like that. Well okay, first of all, Jun only has two hands. He can’t be expected to carry  _ both _ Natsume and Ritsu. Second, there’s just this weird aura Ritsu radiates when he’s asleep. A part of Jun was practically avoiding Ritsu when he was waking up everyone. Something in Ritsu is just not human and Jun doesn’t want to figure it out.

Mao sighs as Shu scolds Jun for wanting to leave the  _ lead actor _ of the play like that on the floor. Mao tells Shu and Jun to stop arguing and get into the cab. He’ll carry Ritsu, then. There’s no time for arguing when they’re racing against time. They all clumsily file into the cab as Jun asks if Natsume is even able to act with his current condition. Shu doubts so, Mao wonders if it’s possible to get one of the Spring Troupe members to come back and quickly memorise the lines. Jun shakes his head―The closest members to memorise those lines would probably be either Midori or Ibara and depending on where they’ll be, there might not be enough time.

“Do you think Ritsu could pretend like Natsume is on stage without him  _ actually _ being there?” Shu asks.

“Souma,” Ritsu’s voice suddenly answered. He was clearly drowsy but it seemed he was awake enough to complain about how he really hates sleeping on the floor. It hurts his back. Terribly so. Besides that, Souma borrowed Ritsu’s script last night. Ritsu wasn’t really seeing any harm in lending the script to the android. He seemed curious about the script.

Ritsu giggled to himself as he explained how it was like a foreign object to Souma. It was funny to watch. Anyway, if Souma really is an android, that means he can at least replicate Natsume’s lines and movements, right? Even if it were mechanical, it was  _ good enough _ .

Anzu begrudgingly agreed to the idea when they arrived. Souma proved to have memorised Natsume’s lines perfectly but his movements weren’t as perfect as they hoped them to be. Ritsu didn’t consider that a worry, he tells Anzu that covering Souma will be easy.

“I’ll be the dumbest and most confused Michael you have  _ ever seen _ .” Ritsu smiled mischievously as Mao sighed. Jun wonders if this will affect the quality of the play while Shu decides to trust Ritsu’s plans, even if they seem suspicious.

After all they have no other choice, right? Jun can’t help but feel like they should’ve called Ibara.

Ritsu proved his plan worked as he kept initiating off-scripted conversations between him and Souma. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, Ritsu continued to play the sweet and innocent Michael while Souma turned Natsume’s character who was once sincere and apologetic to a mechanical and stiff doctor. To a small extent, Jun assumed Phillip found Michael strange whenever they interacted.

Jun wondered if Natsume was okay with watching this Phillip come on stage. Jun wondered if Natsume was okay at all.

“I’m sorry for causing so much trouble―I promise this won’t ever happen again.” Natsume bowed his head to Winter Troupe. Ritsu saw it as no big deal while Mao mentioned how Ritsu’s rendition of a ditzy Michael was harder to deal with than Natsume’s absence. He just hopes this is the only time Ritsu will be acting that way. Jun hopes so too. This Michael was surprisingly difficult to work with.

Subaru mentioned how Souma on stage seemed such a rare occurrence, he compared it to a SSR. Jun isn’t so sure what that means but it sounds rare so that’s all Jun can say about that. Souma seemed indifferent about his help, though. He only nods and mentions how acting is difficult. Well, he isn’t wrong. He just phrased it weirdly. What a strange person.

Well, he is an android after all. You can’t exactly ask Souma to express joy on command. Jun doubts he has such a command in him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ritsu so far has been slutty, stupid and angry which is p much everything he is in !! timeline skdjsdjkd  
> tossed some hcs here and there but not written ritsu's first word was _fuck_ bc thats what rei said and rei learnt it from his mom bc he's stupid  
> I think?? i have a couple of more updates and im done for now?? we'll see idk we'll see


	20. Heart of Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ibara feels bitter. Why? Subaru, that's why.
> 
> “ _With this charm, Director―No, everyone can smile happily! Even Souma!_ ”
> 
> Ibara can't help but feel _**bitter**_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NYYOOOM NYYOOOM

Ibara watches the comedic competition unfold very awkwardly. It’s funny in a strange way. Ibara would never consider Jun the type to joke around but it seemed so easily lured out with Ritsu. Maybe Ritsu has a way to lure things out of his members, Ibara watched curiously as Ritsu shivered about being called a pervert.

“Stop making vague gestures!”

Ritsu whines about how Jun usually gets it right! Maybe he has gotten bad at recognising his own gestures? Ibara laughs as Jun chokes on his own spit as Ritsu giggles like a child. It must be hard to battle someone like that, right? Ritsu can be rather difficult when it comes to making comebacks.

“Maybe if I do this, you’ll realise what I mean?” Ritsu places his arms comfortably as he leans close to Jun’s neck. Ibara notices Jun turn red as he attempts to wriggle out of Ritsu’s grip. Really, Ritsu is a demon when it comes to teasing his own members.

Ritsu giggles as Jun stutters how Ritsu is planning on killing Jun with gestures like that. Instead of pitying the blue-haired boy, Ritsu points out gleefully that Jun is making the face! See? _Jun is a pervert!_

Ibara has to admit; maybe placing Jun in a troupe with such a dangerous leader was a bad idea. Then again, shouldn’t Jun be used to this kind of antics? Maybe not when it’s done _to him_. Ibara vaguely recalls Eve casually flirting with his peers to get away from trouble. What a troublesome person, Eve was.

Ritsu laughs when Jun complains about how his embarrassment was the reason why they won. Ritsu exposing Jun like that―There’s no sympathy in that guy at all.

Just as Hajime announces the prize, Ritsu makes a mention about not wanting the prize. Jun makes a joke that Ritsu will get seasick if he goes on that cruise dinner. Ritsu scoffs as Jun snickers to himself. Jun continues to make shitty jokes about Ritsu fairing on a cruise dinner as Natsume hands the tickets to Tsumugi and Subaru.

“Your time is limited―I believe you all deserve it more than anyone else here right now.”

Ibara doesn’t like pity gifts but surprisingly, Subaru is shameless. Subaru jumps up and down, gives all of Winter Troupe a big hug as he kisses all of them on the cheek. Skinship is not a problem for this guy, Ibara thinks to himself. What a weirdo.

Spring Troupe sighs as everyone laughs at Subaru’s antics. Really, this guy is something else.

“ _Isn’t that too much?!_ ” 

Ibara thinks Subaru is ridiculous. The way Subaru waltzes onto the cruise with a sparkly suit. How tacky, honestly. However, it seems that was an unpopular opinion towards the odd prince. Shinobu found the choice cool and bold while Anzu claimed that the suit was a pretty good representation of who Subaru is. Yuzuru, on the other hand, was laughing as he took pictures of Subaru, claiming it was bold of him to do such a thing.

“We can’t get mad at him for this, can we?” Tsumugi sighs as Ibara pats the younger. It is unfortunate that they can’t.

Dinner goes the same as usual. Almost as if that fear of Subaru leaving wasn’t there at all.

Yuzuru is scolding Subaru for trying to avoid his vegetables while Midori whines about being the one who gets vegetables that Subaru has been avoiding. Shinobu offers to take the vegetables both Subaru and Midori are trying to avoid while Tsumugi sighs in exasperation about Subaru doesn’t seem like a crowned prince when he acts like that. Anzu is laughing amongst all that commotion. Ibara could never understand this troupe. They’re such a strange bunch, he thought as he watched Subaru laugh at Yuzuru’s exasperated face.

Really―it’s almost as if none of them could feel time ticking away.

Anzu tries not to laugh when Midori hands her a teddy bear. That teddy bear is said to protect her from Subaru if he tries anything weird. Though Anzu can’t see what it can do, Subaru buys such a lie. Just to ease Midori’s feelings about letting Subaru near Anzu, she believes. It’s thoughtful in a strange way.

“You didn’t have to believe Midori-kun, you know?” Anzu scolds Subaru who laughs. It can’t be helped. Midori hates it when Subaru hovers too close to Anzu. It’s mostly Subaru and Ibara who get that kind of treatment. Midori has long accepted that the others aren’t _rivals_ or anything. Yet, somehow he still hasn’t given up in being reluctant to pass Anzu over to Subaru and Ibara.

Anzu has her doubts on Ibara but not Subaru. At least, Ibara’s case makes sense. After all, he did kidnap her and everything. There isn’t much of a reason to dislike Subaru being near Anzu. Unless Midori’s fear is Anzu acting similar to Subaru in which that seems _very unlikely._

“Aw, don’t worry about it! It’s better that way, anyway―After this, it’ll only be Shinobu who will do such things,” Subaru says it like a joke but there’s a tinge of sadness in it. Anzu doesn’t quite like it.

It can’t be helped, though. Subaru can only apologise so much for not being honest. Anzu doesn’t blame him. It must be hard to be a crowned prince. It’s a pity, honestly.

“Well, it’s kind of useless being a king―It reminds me a bit of when I was the Queen of Hearts,” Subaru laughed. All you do is scold people while sitting on a big chair. All you do is just sit there and order people around. Maybe you visit a country or two but you can’t walk around as freely. It’s no fun being a king.

Though, it’s no fun being a servant either. Anzu listens as Subaru jokingly compares his relationship with Souma, similar to S and Luke. Souma is the same as S―It can be frustrating to deal with someone who doesn’t quite consider themselves something you want them to be. Subaru thinks it’s funny because he kind of understood why Souma is the way he is when he played S. He’s kind of glad that he could play such a character. He learnt a lot from that play. That was an experience he would have never gained without Yumenosaki.

Anzu stuttered out a nod as Subaru tries to muster that sparkly smile he always does. This time, that smile of his falls a little flat. Anzu can see that he’s sad. It’s clear in the way he looks down and thinks for a minute. The way he talks about how he wished he could stay with Yumenosaki just a little longer, Anzu couldn’t help but feel sad as well. Anzu wants Subaru to stay as well. She thinks his time is too limited. She wished they could have prepared more so Subaru could leave happily.

Subaru smiles warmly and shakes his head― _This is enough._

“Besides, this is better than whatever I actually wanted to do!” Subaru happily announces. His original plan was to travel around the world with no restraints! To travel the world comfortably! To see, feel, hear, smell, and taste everything that made the world the way it is! That was a pretty gross way to put it but it was a _very Subaru way_ to put it.

Anzu laughs as Subaru goes on and on about how much he wanted to travel the world. He found it like one big adventure! One where he can find new shiny things! One where he can learn all sorts of things that he couldn’t! It was supposed to be the perfect plan.

“I was supposed to travel the world with a friend―No, _with Souma_ ―Some things happened and I ended up leading such an adventure alone without anyone knowing.”

Anzu looks at Subaru confusedly. What does he mean by that? Did something happen back in his home? Did something happen when he was about to leave for that adventure of his?

“Subaru―”

“In the end, that plan didn’t reach its full potential because I stumbled into Yumenosaki Company,” Subaru says as he smiled softly. In the end, that plan never became true because Subaru found something better. Subaru found friends. Subaru found a journey that he could share with others. Subaru found a way to learn about so many worlds through theater.

This journey Subaru had with Yumenosaki, it was the best one he has ever had.

Subaru is glad that he had it. Even if it’s finished, he’s glad that he still had a chance to be with Spring Troupe in this lifetime.

Anzu smiles warmly as she nods at Subaru. She’s glad that Subaru could be in Spring Troupe too. It’s going to be hard to say goodbye when the time comes. Anzu doesn’t really want to see it. Anzu doesn’t want Subaru to go just yet but Anzu can’t make those kinds of selfish decisions anymore.

“Aw, don’t cry! I haven’t proposed yet!”

Anzu chokes on her own spit as Subaru rummages through his pocket. Anzu tries to stop Subaru but it’s a complete failure. It can’t be helped―Anzu is weaker than Subaru. It doesn’t take much strength to stop Anzu. This is embarrassing. Just what on earth is he saying? Marriage?! In no way is Anzu going to accept such a thing!

Subaru fishes out a charm. An old worn-out one too.

Subaru laughs as Anzu stares at it confusedly. He was joking about the proposal. He’s not going to take Anzu away from Yumenosaki. This is where Anzu belongs! He wouldn’t want to take Anzu away from a place she belongs to! That’s called kidnapping!

“Besides that, I want you to have this―I know it’s nothing special but it’s something I would like you to have.” Subaru places the charm in Anzu’s hand and tightly wraps his own hand around Anzu’s. He gives her a sad smile. One that Anzu wished she could whisk away but it’s hopeless to do such a thing.

Subaru tells Anzu that smiles look better on her rather than sad ones. She feels Subaru clasp tightly to Anzu’s hand.

“With this charm, Director―No, everyone can smile happily! Even Souma!”

_Even Souma…?_

Before Anzu can question that, the two of them hear someone crash to the floor. Not even a minute later, they hear two other familiar voices yelp as another one groans from the floor. They turn to find Yuzuru glare as Ibara laughs at Shinobu and Midori on Tsumugi who happened to be on the floor. What are they even doing?

Anzu tells them to get up so they don’t embarrass themselves in public but Yuzuru stops her. He tells her not to pity them. They deserve this embarrassment. _All three of them_.

“ _Let them grovel on the ground for eavesdropping on you both._ ”

Ibara laughs as Anzu and Yuzuru scold those three kids for trying to eavesdrop on people. Subaru wonders if they deserve such a strong scolding. In Ibara’s opinion, not really. Maybe this scolding is a little overboard. They were just curious. This was their favourite member and their beloved director, it’s only obvious they get curious as to what kind of conversations Subaru and Anzu would have. After all, it is a little hard to imagine Subaru and Anzu have a _genuinely serious conversation_.

“Though, you did seem pretty embarrassed there―Seems like to me, you had an actual heartfelt talk for once.”

Subaru’s hum suggests that Ibara’s words were true. They did have a heartfelt talk. It’s only expected. This is Subaru’s only chance, after all.

Tomorrow―Subaru believes it would be too late if he chose any other day than today. Ibara nods in understanding as Subaru apologised. Seems like it’s Ibara’s turn to grant such a wish, huh? What a shameful wish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ritsu flirts with jun bc jun is stupid  
> eve flirst with everyone bc he knows hes sexy  
> yuzuwu scawy and subaru good boi


	21. Responsible & Cruel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ibara wished fate wasn't so cruel to him. Had things been easier, he wouldn't be tasked with such a difficult task.
> 
> Even when he says that the view of Subaru's sad smile, makes him feel a little less guilty.
> 
> This troupe really has done a lot of things to this heart of his, huh? It beats louder than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh wow gay ass summary but ibara gay little boi  
> last short chapter and also last update!! for like now!! idk when i'll finish the second half skjdnds  
> soon maybe

“You’re really turning me into a villain, you know?” Ibara scolds as Subaru laughs out his apologies. Terrible, isn’t it? This man has no guilt at all. Ibara can’t believe that such a human can exist―Though he says that, he’s not actually serious about that. He can never be serious about that when it comes to this fool.

Subaru gives Ibara a sad smile. It must be the same one he gave Anzu before those kids made such a huge entrance. Ibara sighs as Subaru mentions how he’s glad that Ibara could help him out. Even if that wish is an unfavorable one.

Ibara doesn’t blame him. If anything, this is the least Ibara can do for Subaru.

Subaru has no shame. Even surrounded by peers, he still ruffles Ibara’s hair like he’s not going away. He still laughs like he’s only going to be gone for a short while. He still tells Ibara that no one in Spring Troupe looks good when sad, they all look best when they smile.  _ Bright smiles _ , especially. Don’t say it like Subaru is actually going to be able to visit Yumenosaki after this. Ibara is supposed to be aware that isn’t possible but Subaru’s contagious smile wants Ibara to believe otherwise.

Almost as if Subaru doesn’t want Ibara to leave sad as well, Subaru lectures Ibara about how to take care of Spring Troupe. Let Daikichi sleep with Midori because those two love sticking close to each other whenever they’re sad. Make sure to play those ninja games Shinobu  _ loves _ playing because that’s all he’ll be playing for the next few days. Be sure to take good care of Yuzuru because he’ll definitely drown himself in DVDs and forget to sleep on a proper bed. If Tsumugi is planning on killing Subaru in the Spring’s next play, make sure that Subaru’s character’s death isn’t  _ so bad _ . Subaru understands the feeling of betrayal Tsumugi might feel but he doesn’t want his death to be an ugly one.

Ibara laughs as Subaru goes on about how Yuzuru might influence Tsumugi to make Subaru’s death a terrible one. Subaru goes on and on about how he might actually feel that death if they ever go forth with such a terrible one. Subaru shakes his head in refusal, Ibara can’t help but laugh.

“I don’t think they’ll do that to you, Akehoshi-kun.”

Subaru gives Ibara an unconvinced look before chuckling. Maybe. Maybe not. Both of them will never know. Subaru, especially. He’ll be sure to stalk Yumenosaki’s blog after this. He’ll be like Ibara. Stalk them every day.

There’s a minute of silence that washes over them. Ibara knows Subaru doesn’t have much time left. He has to get going before it’s too late. Neither of them wants Subaru to miss his flight. Subaru better board soon.

“Take good care of them for me, will you Barry?” Subaru says it without sparing a glance at Ibara.

Yet, Ibara still nods. He promises to take good care of Spring Troupe. Though, such a promise is unnecessary. He still wants Subaru to leave with ease.

“Don’t get your head chopped off when you land, Akehoshi-kun.”

Ibara has to be quite honest―Subaru paying for Ibara’s breakfast is a weird payback but he won’t judge. He genuinely can’t judge Subaru now. Not because the other is no longer present in his life but more like, Ibara feels like he’s become  _ far more _ pathetic than Subaru could ever be. Not like Subaru is pathetic in the first place.

Ibara doesn’t want to go home so quickly, really. His eyes are still slightly puffy from all that crying he did earlier. If Yuzuru or Midori saw that, they’ll be snapping pictures of Ibara and hanging it on the walls. Calling it some sort of renaissance painting or something ridiculous like that. Ibara doesn’t know, really.

“ _ I’m home. _ ”

Ibara is met with Shinobu jumping at him in panic. He worriedly asks Ibara if he knows where Subaru has gone. It seems the entire company is up in arms. Subaru hasn’t been seen all morning, they say. Tsumugi is making note of how Subaru is not one to wake up early. Midori is trying to doubt that Subaru  _ actually _ ran away. It’s a shame that they’re all making these assumptions.

Ibara takes a deep breath. Subaru really is making him a villain here.

“ _Sparkling wish ~4, A Magician’s spell: Lost in the Shadows―I want to return to_ _Iridaceae_ _in secret_.” 

Ibara reveals the scroll Subaru handed him to the rest of the company. This was his wish that Ibara was tasked with. It’s not a very good one but Subaru had no choice, apparently. Subaru had left on a flight for Iridaceae this morning, he asked Ibara to send him off alone.

Ibara bows his head in apology. He’s sorry that he had to do this and not throw a tantrum about it instead. He just―He knew Subaru would rather leave in secret than have all of Yumenosaki bid him goodbye. Subaru probably didn’t want to see everyone’s sad faces.

“It’s not your fault,” Yuzuru says as he lifts Ibara’s face up. It’s not Ibara’s fault for fulfilling Subaru’s wishes. Besides, it doesn’t make sense as to why he would do this. Souma is still here. Shouldn’t Souma have left  _ with _ Subaru?

Almost as if on cue, Souma receives a phone call from someone. It seems someone from Iridaceae had contacted him. Ibara can only understand so much of the language but it seems Souma is not requested to come home. Why is that? What did Subaru tell them?

“ _ Subaru contacted the kingdom on his own about his return―During his testimony, he stated that I had imprisoned him overseas thus Iridaceae has ruled me as a wanted criminal. _ ”

Why would Subaru tell such a lie? Not even Ibara can figure out why. It doesn’t make sense as to why Subaru would just simply put the blame on Souma without considering the consequences. There has to be a reason why he would do this. Ibara finds himself deep in thought as the rest of Spring Troupe and Anzu claims that Subaru is not as cruel as Souma is painting him as.

“As seemingly kind he was to all of you, Subaru is still a trained prince―He knows how to act and think under various circumstances. It’s only natural for him to come up with such a ruthless decision like this.” Souma silences the troupe’s squawking with such a cold answer.

No matter how you look at it, Souma is right. The Subaru that Yumenosaki knew, may very well be just one side of him. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary to know that Subaru has his own fair share of secrets. Even with that kind of answer laid out in front of them, Ibara doesn’t blame them for their tantrums.

It still doesn’t seem very  _ Subaru-like _ to do this.

“Don’t you think it’s a little  _ too early _ for him to leave, though?” Ritsu questions Souma. It seems he was doubtful about it. There’s still time left before they even have to prepare the coronation ceremony. Ibara has to admit, he found it strange too. Ibara tried asking Subaru why but he received no answer.

Midori wondered if Subaru founded it easier to leave without anyone knowing. Maybe Ibara was right, maybe Subaru didn’t want to see everyone bid him goodbye with a sad face.

“But that doesn’t make sense! I still haven’t fulfilled his last wish!”

_ Last wish…? _

Shinobu rushes to get the last scroll. Ibara forgot about Shinobu being the last wish. Why would Subaru arrange his wishes like that? Especially tasking Shinobu with the last one, surely, Subaru isn’t that cruel. 

“ _ Sparkling Wish~5, Curtain Call!―I want to put on the greatest show with Spring Troupe once more! _ ”

Shinobu rambles on about how it’s strange for Subaru to save this as the last wish if he knew he was going to leave early. There’s just  _ no way _ that Subaru just wrote this without thinking! There has to be a reason as to why he would do this!

“Do you think this is a sign of help?! Do you think that maybe―Just maybe Akehoshi-dono’s true wish is to continue being Yumenosaki’s Akehoshi Subaru.” Shinobu clutched tightly to the scroll. Ibara looked at Souma, hoping he'd give the answer, alas the android had no clue if such an answer was true.

The android knew nothing of such feelings.

Souma claimed that Subaru never spoke about such matters. If anything, Subaru always did his work diligently and quietly. Not a single tantrum was made whenever he was handed his work as a crowned prince. If he ever admitted such feelings about not wanting to become king, Souma would have heard such things before.

“Then why don’t we go to Iridaceae and confront Akehoshi-dono about―”

“Such a frivolous adventure would be useless. On top of the Royal Palace is heavily guarded, you’re foreigners who are unfamiliar with the land―They’ll turn you away at the door without question.”

_ Harsh. _ Even if Shinobu’s idea was a little irrational, have some courtesy to let it out nicely. No matter how many retorts are given suggesting that this isn’t what Subaru wants, Souma deflects them seriously and swiftly. Truly, the life of the royal isn’t easy.

Even then, it still doesn’t make sense. Ibara can’t help but feel like it doesn’t add up right.

Why would Subaru leave his own servant and call him a criminal? What is Subaru trying to achieve in doing such a thing? Was it just because Subaru didn’t want Souma to follow him or was there another reason altogether? Did he want to get rid of Souma completely? Subaru is not  _ that _ cruel is he?

“Say, what are you going to do now?” Ibara asks as he folds his arms. 

Regardless of how you look at it, the only  _ true _ fact about this situation is that Subaru has turned Souma into a criminal. The android has nowhere to go now. Unless Anzu has other plans for the android. Very typical of her, Ibara might add as he watches the scene unfold in front of him.

“Surely, it was some sort of false accusation so please, stay as long as you like.” Anzu insists as she holds Souma’s hands tightly.

Even with Souma’s situation settled, there are some other problems at hand. Like the fact that Subaru’s graduation performance is not happening. This leaves Winter Troupe filling that gap as soon as possible. What a haphazard situation Subaru has left Yumenosaki in. Seriously, this is worse than Eden not letting Ibara mourn. At least back in Eden, Ibara didn’t have his tasks backlogged by Eve and Sandalphon’s disappearance.

Tsumugi states that he can possibly finish the script soon. The only issue now is the lack of a new member for Winter Troupe.

Due to the preparations of Subaru’s graduation, it seemed Winter Troupe had been putting off finding a new member. Even if they start trying to find one now, it won’t be enough time. Though, they can’t be the only troupe without a new member―Everyone in the audience would be looking forward to seeing the new Winter Troupe member. Ibara doesn’t want to sound mean but this wouldn’t be much of a problem if they didn’t put off looking for a new member in the first place, no?

“Why don’t we say Sazanami actually has a twin and have him play two roles?” Shu foolishly suggests. In comical fashion, Jun kicks the older from the behind as he asks if Shu wants to lose his legs. Mao tries to calm the two down before things start spiraling, leaving Ritsu and Natsume wondering to themselves if there’s anyone they know that could act on short notice. This isn’t going to improve the situation at all.

It’s honestly amazing that this troupe is known to most people as  _ the most mature _ when they act like this.

“If you don’t mind, perhaps I can be a stand-in member for your troupe―This is the least I can do since this all happened because of Subaru’s sudden departure,” Souma states as he bows his head. He’s willing to shoulder the responsibility, even if it’s not exactly his fault. Winter Troupe sees no issue in having Souma. If anything, they’re thankful for Souma’s offer.

Even with that settled, Ibara can’t help but wonder…

_ Is this really what Subaru wanted? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> main reason why i decided to divide the updates bc theyre all according to the troupe  
> so far all of these chapters are p spring-centric (minus the small gap of winter holding hands)  
> after this, it's all winter-centric so!!!!!!!!!!!!! pls look forward to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	22. A Mechanical Body & A Human Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Souma serves a different kind of challenge to Winter Troupe.
> 
> _One that they've truly have never dealt with before._
> 
> A part of Jun wonders if it's even possible for them to help Souma. That part of Jun wants to be able to.  
> Even if it's just a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> H AH YOU THOUGHT I WAS DEAD???  
> I was. In fact, I'm suffering rn bc for some odd reason, ao3 is acting funky so I had some difficulty editing this  
> expect a mass-upload soon btw bc act 8 is _finally_ done!! rejoice!! rejoice!!  
> i'm free!! i'm free!!!!! (risky game & scarlet mirror behind me)  
> anyway, I hope you have fun w this chap!!

Just as Jun guessed, teaching an android how to act is almost impossible. Souma can handle everything else about acting flawlessly but as soon as it comes to emotions, it’s completely mechanical. His emotions pale strikingly against most of Winter Troupe. The fact that he’s going to be working with Ritsu is an issue―He’ll look like a complete amateur next to Ritsu. Is this really going to be okay?

  


“When expressing anger, try putting strength in it― _Like gritting your teeth,_ ” Mao advises. He even gives a small demonstration that is pretty easy to follow. Though Jun can act as well as Mao, moments like these are what showcases Mao as the real actor of Winter Troupe.

  


“Don’t mess with me.” Souma tries to copy Mao’s actions but it comes off as Souma talking with something in his mouth. It doesn’t even sound like he’s that angry? Should they try something else?

  


Ritsu suggests Souma recalling back a moment when he was angry and channeling that anger into the line. Jun looks at Ritsu confusingly as Souma nods at him understandingly. At least, Souma gets it―That’s all that matters, really.

  


“It still sounds the same,” Natsume notes when Souma attempts the line again. All of Winter Troupe sigh exasperatedly as they flop on the floor. They don’t mean to discourage Souma but this is harder than they thought. They still want Souma to act with them but there has to be a way to get Souma to express something. Anything.

  


Though it can’t be helped. By the end of the day, he’s still an android. Nothing more than an android.

  


“Is your AI really not programmed with any sorts of emotions?” Mao asks in a skeptical tone. Jun understands the frustration―It doesn’t make sense as to why they would let an android live without any emotions. Surely, it would feel pretty weird, wouldn’t it?

  


Souma explains that he does have feelings. They’re just incredibly weak. The existence of these weak feelings are there to ensure Souma has a human touch. Aside from that, feelings are nothing but a mere nuisance. An android won’t be able to carry out their tasks if they can be swayed by their momentary emotions. Having emotional influence can be a bit troublesome when it comes to dire situations.

  


“Well if a human touch is what you’re after, wouldn’t it be better if you expressed a little bit more?” Natsume asks. He didn’t mean to sound mean but doesn’t it make sense? Shu can’t help but agree that it would make more sense for Souma to be able to express his emotions a little bit better, had that been the motive of adding such weak emotions into him. Maybe it needs to be triggered by something?

  


Shu suggests that he recite some of his cousin’s lovely poems, hopefully, it will be able to arouse some feelings in Souma but Mao and Jun stop him before he can even begin. Poems and abstract nonsense will only work on people like Shu, not Souma.

  


“Maybe Akehoshi-dono was right― _I am rather useless._ ”

  


Winter Troupe didn’t mean to hurt Souma’s feelings. They apologise for saying such crude words. Souma isn’t useless, they reassure him. Souma has wonderful acting abilities, it’s clear in how perfect he is when handling lines and directions. Not to mention, he was a good stand-in during the rerun of Sympathy. He learned the lines very quickly. They’re sure that if Souma can learn the lines to Sympathy quickly, he can learn how to express emotions too.

  


“How about consciously expressing your emotions every time you feel it? Even if you feel them a tiny bit, as long as you try to express them, it’d be okay,” Ritsu suggests. Anzu agrees and insists Winter Troupe help Souma express his emotions in everyone’s daily lives. Though Jun agreed, he wonders what kind of emotions can he help Souma with? Jun doesn’t really express much either.

  


Probably due to the tall idiot next to him, Shu makes expressing emotions troublesome. The only emotion that Jun ever needs in his daily life is the feeling of finding everything bothersome. Does he need to teach Souma that? Well, it wouldn’t hurt. At least, he’ll be able to ignore Shu when necessary.

  


_Crash!_

  


Jun jolts awake to the sounding of two people stumbling on the floor. Not long after that, he hears Mao nagging someone. Geez, what is going on?

  


Jun finds Mao scolding Tsumugi for overworking himself on the script again. Jun helps Mao as they find the rest of Winter Troupe. Really, this guy needs to learn how to pace himself. Not even Shu gets this bad when chasing his deadlines. Maybe they should do a rotation check on Tsumugi so he doesn’t overwork himself again? Though, it’s not like Jun will do it meticulously. He’s not Mao.

  


“What are you two doing?”

  


Jun turns to see Ritsu show a flash of concern, only to shrug it off as soon as he notices it was Tsumugi that they were carrying. Did Ritsu assume that Jun and Mao would carry a dead body around if it weren’t Tsumugi? Jun wants to have his doubts but moments like these are why Jun can never understand Ritsu. Does he just want to bury a dead body? Jun doesn’t quite understand Ritsu.

  


“Is he dead―”

  


“No, he’s just asleep which means the script is done.”

  


Ritsu gestures Souma to follow them. Don’t worry about Tsumugi, he’s like this all the time. Though, they should really consider fixing this. He’s going to die this way, you know? Jun can’t help but find himself sounding like Mao when he says stuff like that. Though, he’s pretty serious about this. If Tsumugi keeps this up, he’s going to die.

  


“Christine’s gender is ambiguous, huh?” Mao points out. Seems like Tsumugi has been considering Arashi’s suggestions about making more ambiguous characters. Though, it’s not like gender has ever been a problem to the company. Shu and Tori are always putting people in all sorts of costumes, it actually never mattered in the first place. Even then, this is the first time for Winter Troupe to have a character that is certainly undetermined.

  


Just thinking about these sorts of things, Jun can already feel how excited Shu is. It’s clear in the way he’s already highlighting certain aspects of the play and jotting notes down as to what kind of appearances everyone should have. Jun can feel it. He’s not going to get much sleep tonight.

  


Besides the ambiguity of Christine’s gender, the script itself is rather ambiguous. The characters aren’t exactly the kindest. Neither are they outright evil. They all have their own reasons as to why they do these things. Whether you forgive them for their motives, that’s up to the audience. Though, if it were Jun, he wouldn’t forgive his character at all.

  


Is that the point of the play? Whether or not the audience can forgive the characters for the actions they commit?

  


“Do you think the audience will understand this?” Mao asks as he quirks an eyebrow at the script. Jun doesn’t blame him, not even Jun gets this play. It’s Mystery all over again except this time, the script is in normal standardized Japanese. Jun knows all of these words separately but not quite when they are put together.

  


Ritsu has some doubts. Even Ritsu and Natsume are struggling to their feet as they read the script. Jun can barely understand the script in the first place so he can’t start breaking down the script to its morals like everyone else. He wonders if Shu understands the script but it doesn’t seem like he agrees with Anzu’s claims that the audience will understand the play just fine. Jun wonders why.

  


“Well, it’s not like the Phantom of the Opera made sense in the first place so surely, this is fine―To quote Summer Troupe; as long as we have fun then surely, the audience will too,” Shu explains as he finishes jotting down the pronunciations for all of the kanjis Jun had been highlighting. Guess he has a point. If the original play is as nonsensical as theirs, there’s no need to worry about how people will view them.

  


Besides that, isn’t this play a little emotionally charged? Ritsu can do this just fine, Jun believes that much but Souma is far different from Ritsu.

  


“Souma-san, what do you think about the script?” Jun asks Souma who hums.

  


To be frank, Souma doesn’t know but he thinks it’s fine. Though, he doesn’t understand his character. Just why is the Phantom the way he is?

  


The first sight of Souma’s emotions and it’s fucking _**confusion**_. _Thanks, Aoba Tsumugi._

  


That aside, Jun can’t blame Souma for feeling this way. In this script, it’s spot-on that the Phantom is not a nice character. Rather than seeing him in a good light, the Phantom is seen rather crudely in some moments which makes sense. His actions aren’t exactly forgivable. Jun wonders if Souma’s moral compass is making him feel unsettled about this character.

  


Regardless of that, emotions are definitely a problem.

  


Watching Ritsu and Souma exchange lines, it’s obviously clear that Ritsu has the upper hand in performance. Jun can’t help being worried about that. As strange as this script may be, aren’t these exchanges supposed to be filled with some sort of emotion? Like surprise? Fear? Mysterious? Wait, is that an emotion?

  


Jun sighs as he rolls out of the practice room. All of this worry is making him tired. Jun sprawls onto the bench and decides that a nap is what he needs. He doesn’t want to think about anything else. Just nap. Sleepy times. Goodnight.

  


Jun opens his eyes to a familiar scenery.

  


Since when did he return to Eden? There’s no way that’s possible―This has to be a dream, right? Before Sandalphon can question any further, he hears arguing from another room. The voices are rather indiscernible. Sandalphon wonders if he should go check, it’s not like he’s good at handling problems. Well, he can try but he’s not sure how that’ll fare out.

  


Just as he gets up from the couch, Sandalphon hears Eve cry.

  


It makes Sandalphon freeze. Why is Eve crying? Who is he arguing with? What are they talking about? Sandalphon doesn’t know but he wants to know. Who is hurting Eve? Jun needs to know. Sandalphon should know but why are no answers forming in his head? Is this a memory? Sandalphon doesn’t know.

  


Sandalphon covers his ears as he hears more arguing. The words jumble altogether, they’re difficult to discern. This argument leaves Sandalphon’s ears ringing loudly―Stop! Please! Sandalphon finds himself breathing heavily as he curls into a ball underneath the blanket. Sandalphon doesn’t want to know what happens next. Sandalphon wants out. Sandalphon wants out.

  


Wake him up. _Someone_. _**Please**_.

  


A loud voice echoes across the room. Almost as if Sandalphone was in that room with them.

  
  


_Why did you do it?!_

  
  


“ _Ah._ ”

  


Jun wakes up to Souma trying to feed Jun a strawberry. Confusedly, Jun takes a bite out of the strawberry before finally eating it by himself. That was a weird way to wake up. Not like he hasn’t woken up like that before but typically, it wouldn’t be as silent as how Souma does it. Jun tries to shake away that peculiarity of the situation for now.

  


What’s more important was that dream…

  


“Are you fighting something, Sazanami-dono?” Souma asks all of a sudden. Jun gives him a weird look before admitting that he is, to an extent. Jun explains that he’s currently fighting the past.

  


Souma tilts his head in confusion― _The past?_

  


Jun nods. Yup, the past. Recently, Jun regained back his lost memories. There are all memories regarding someone precious to him. Though they all don’t quite make sense yet, Jun wants to work his way in piecing them together again. It’s a little difficult but he’s working hard to accept his memories, even if they’re unfavorable. After all, these memories are what make him Sazanami Jun.

  


“Though, I have a strong feeling you’re a bit like me, Souma-san.” Jun admits embarrassedly. He can’t tell if that’s him trying to find a companion that could relate to his issues or just his instincts that say Souma is the same. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. Jun doesn’t know how to explain but every time Jun looks at Souma, he feels like Souma is running away from something subconsciously. It’s got the same distant stare Ritsu did when Jun told Winter Troupe that he washed up ashore.

  


It’s honestly a little terrifying. Those words Ritsu said, he made it seem as though Jun was lost. To an extent, he was right. Jun was lost but now he isn’t so much anymore.

  


“Sorry, did I scare you?” Jun laughed weakly. Souma shook his head―If anything, he was taken back by Jun’s words. Souma saw Jun’s words as optimistic. Uncharacteristically optimistic. Jun doesn’t want to question Souma's usage of uncharacteristically so he’ll take this as a compliment.

  


Ah, he’s running out of strawberries. Souma makes a mention that Shu bought another pack of strawberries the other day. Jun nods at that statement and makes note that he should probably drop by Natsume’s room later then. Just as Jun thanks Souma, Souma asks why he’s going to Natsume’s room.

  


“Oh, well I just like eating strawberries in Sakasaki-san’s room―He’ll try to figure out my past with magic, it’s kind of fun watching.” Jun answers as he gets up. Sometimes, Jun comes out of Natsume’s room with a charm too. Those days are fun because Natsume will joke about how those charms will help him sleep well. Though Jun doesn’t really believe in it, he kind of wants to believe in the charms Natsume gives him.

  


Souma nods thoughtfully. He asks if he could ask Jun another question before he leaves, Jun shrugs. Go for it. There’s nothing really stopping Jun from answering Souma anyway. It’s not like Natsume is expecting Jun or anything.

  


“In your opinion, what kind of person is Sakasaki-dono?”

  


What kind of person is Natsume? Hm, Jun didn’t really expect that. How does Jun describe Natsume? Well, he’s kind. He’s typically calm. Though, there are moments where he gets swept up in embarrassment regarding any of Winter Troupe’s antics despite claiming to be way too old for it. Other than that, Jun does feel a sense of wanting to protect Natsume.

  


“Even though Sakasaki-dono is an independent adult?”

  


Jun shrugs. Yea. Kinda. Sometimes, Natsume looks like someone who needs to be protected. Far more than Ritsu. That’s saying a lot because Ritsu can be physically incapable at times.

  


Souma nods in understanding. He bids the other goodbye before he goes back to tending the garden. Jun wonders why. Maybe he found out about Subaru and his burial of konpeito that he hid from Ritsu and Hajime. Though, didn’t Subaru replace it after Ibara found out? Jun can’t remember what seeds he bought.

  


Oh woah. Jun can understand why Chiaki had initially neglected this store room. There are just way too many things in this store room. How does one maneuver around here? Jun can only imagine.

  


“ _Woah!_ ”

  


Jun catches Mitsuru, just as he trips over his own feet. This store room is a mess. Well, at least it’s about half as clean from before. Better than nothing, right? Jun sighs as he helps Mitsuru put away the box. What is this anyway? Wouldn’t really want to put a box in the wrong spot, now would they?

  


Oh? Since when did they have this?

  


Jun hollers Chiaki over and asks him if he could take out this box. It had some pretty interesting contents. Chiaki doesn’t see the harm of it but he does wonder what is so interesting about the box Jun was holding?

  


“ _Eh? You found footage of Phantom of the Opera from the previous generation?!_ ”

  


Jun shrugs at Anzu as he explains that he found it while helping Chiaki clean up that God-awful storage room since he had free time. There was some other footage but Jun assumed that this would be useful for their upcoming play so he only grabbed this one. He can check back for any other footage later when he swings by to help Chiaki again.

  


For now, it would be pretty useful to watch this. Maybe it’ll help with their performance. They could gain a couple of pointers with this. Jun laughed to himself; he’s starting to sound like Mao and Ritsu. It can’t be helped, though.

  


“An all-women cast played by men,” Mao says it like it was something that Winter Troupe could have decided on doing too. Well, he isn’t wrong. Winter Troupe have worn dresses, aside from Natsume. Not like Natsume would mind either. Not to mention, Souma has long hair so they could have pulled off with no issue. Maybe it’s because they didn’t think so hard about gender when they decided on the play.

  


Now that Jun thought about it, their play and the previous generation’s isn’t so different. They’re both musicals, much to Jun’s dismay. They both still have some ring of love affairs, even though it’s pretty clear the previous generation’s rendition makes it a romance. The current Winter Troupe’s rendition doesn’t quite have much of it but that might be due to the script, not the actors.

  


“I wonder if I can even hit that note,” Ritsu grumbled to himself as he kept touching the side of his head. Jun doesn’t know what Ritsu is doing but it seems Shu does. Shu joins Ritsu in trying to figure out what note is that, they even task Jun to find the musical scores for this play even though Jun kind of doubts that even exists anymore.

  


Mao comments on how the previous generation made the songs harder. Not all of the members of this troupe are musically trained so Mao can’t complain about the inability to sing such difficult songs. It’s actually better that they start with easier scores. At least, it won’t be a strain to the members who aren’t trained for musicals and they can continue to improve as times goes on. Besides, it’s not like they wouldn’t try to make another musical after this.

  


Natsume points out how Summer Troupe are begging Tsumugi to give them a musical too. Anzu wonders if Yumenosaki should dedicate one rotation of plays to musicals―Would Kuro even let them? Jun thinks it would be funny to watch Tomoya try to act in a musical with the rest of Autumn Troupe. His voice will drown out completely, Jun laughs.

  


“Are you musically trained, Isara-dono?” Souma’s question cuts through the troupe’s laughter. It was such a sudden and serious question, Mao was taken aback for a minute. He stuttered out a nod as Souma hummed. Mao explains briefly about how it was a necessity to be musically trained in Dramatica. Without it, he would have been kicked out a long time. Not to mention, Ritsu forced him to attend music classes with him.

  


It was kind of strange but it honestly felt like Souma was in a different world from the rest of the troupe. The way he watches the troupe on tape with such curious yet familiar eyes, Jun wonders if he has seen this troupe before. Though that wouldn’t make sense, now would it? That would mean Souma lived in Japan, previously. Not to mention, that would mean Souma isn’t an android.

  


Do androids grow? No, right?

  


It seemed that the screening party the other day made Souma’s acting worse. Jun doesn’t know how but it somehow did. Honestly, Jun feels worried about that. Did Souma feel discouraged by the previous generation’s acting? Jun hopes not. Jun doesn’t want Souma to feel like he isn’t doing enough, in comparison to the rest of the troupe. There’s no need to hold such a high standard on himself.

  


The minute Souma mentions about having a malfunction, Jun quirks an eyebrow.

  


_Malfunction…?_

  


Well, it’s not unlikely for an android to malfunction but the way he’s describing it, it’s more like he’s expressing discomfort over something. Like he was reminded of something he didn’t want to remember anymore.

  


What did Ritsu call it again? Suppression? What was the word? For the first time, Jun wished he didn’t have such terrible memory.

  


“It’s clear, right?” Natsume asks the rest of the troupe after Souma takes his leave.

  


Jun doesn’t like the fact they’re talking behind Souma’s back but they kind of have no choice, don’t they? Souma won’t exactly admit what’s bothering him. Though, it’s more like Souma doesn’t know what’s bothering him. Jun wonders if Souma really believes that he’s an android. Was he raised that way?

  


Mao expresses his confusion as to why he claims to be an android. Surely, there has to be a reason why. Not to mention, Subaru claims he’s an android too. Was it all a lie? Jun wondered to himself.

  


Unless Souma’s situation is similar to Samael and Sandalphon’s?

  


Maybe Souma was taught to throw everything about himself previously and accept his life as an android. Though, would that make sense to the rest of Winter Troupe? Not to mention, the only person who is aware of the existence of Eden is Anzu. They wouldn’t really understand even if Jun tried explaining it.

  


Just as Jun makes an attempt to explain Souma’s situation, Natsume has already given up on thinking Souma is human while Shu is already discussing ways to determine whether or not Souma is even human. Jun could only find himself nodding along as he watched the troupe discuss ways to confront this issue.

  


It is a little frustrating that he can’t tell them that he may have an idea as to why Souma is like that. They are too caught up in ways to determine whether or not Souma is human. Jun sighs as he watches the troupe and Anzu whines about how Souma seemed inhumane.

  


“Perfect timing! Souma, could you help me for a bit?” Chiaki asks. Seems like Chiaki needed Souma to write out some letters. It makes Jun wonder if they were all wrong and he really is an android.

  


Though, Jun somehow refuses to believe that.

  


Unfortunately, his writing definitely proves that he’s just a machine. The lettering is well-done. Just as the rest of the group collectively agree to give up, Souma stops. Chiaki asks why. Souma admits he can’t read the kanji given at hand which is strange. Shouldn’t Souma be able to? It wouldn’t make sense if his fonts were half-finished. Though logically, it’s more like he hasn’t learned how to write difficult kanji? Almost similar to Jun, if he were to say it aloud.

  


Though, Shu and Mao might test Jun’s kanji reading skills if he were to admit that. That is not something Jun wants.

  


Even with how good he speaks, this is an obvious sign that Souma has lived here before, right? Then why is he lying about being an android? Surely his half-finished functions are clear evidence that he’s actually human, not an android. The group didn’t understand Souma’s actions at all.

  


“Maybe he was told to―Sometimes, when you lose those memories and are taught to be something you’re actually not, you end up believing them. It’s a little strange but I’m sure that’s what happened to Souma-san.”

  


Jun really doesn’t know how to put it but he really does believe someone brainwashed Souma. Even if it’s only a hypothesis, it’s not like these kinds of details will stop them from treating Souma any differently. All they can do with this information is to keep it to themselves. Whether Souma ever admits he’s an android or human, that isn’t something they can decide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, ik what you're thinking  
> this is some choppy writing what is going on goldie  
> well here's some issues:  
> 1) this chapter is connected to OTHER parts of the previous chapters  
> 2) I CANT REMEMBER WHERE I MADE THE _NEW END POINTS_  
>  so expect a relatively bumpy and choppy amount of chapters for a while bc sjkndjsdjk i am struggling man  
> anyway, I hope you had fun (hopefully, tomorrow, ao3 stops acting funky and i can massupload comfortably)


	23. It Beats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carefully, gently, Winter Troupe pick up the pieces.
> 
> Though the task comes off harder than planned, Jun knows that Winter Troupe want to help Souma as much as they can. No matter the response, Jun believes.
> 
> Even if it may hurt, Winter Troupe wants to help Souma overcome the pain that rings in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (sprawls on the floor)  
> this site is being a bitch to me w my editor so I have to edit it through html jsjdds  
> anyway this is like the only other bumpy chapter?? after this will all be less bumpy so yay!!!  
> I'm so tired and also I'm a dumbass for uploading this at such an awkward timing (bc I have rl duties to attend to)  
> so that explains why im not mass-uploading like usual (editor + rl duties = goldie is slow)  
> i hope you have fun!!!!!!!!

Jun stares at Souma who looks at the theater with such confusion. It’s almost as if he could recall being here. There’s a sense of fear and disturbance when Souma looks at the theater. Why is that? Has he been here before?

  


Natsume approaches Souma out of worry but that causes the other clutch his head in pain.

  


“Souma-san, are you okay?!” Anzu asks worriedly as the other members approach Souma cautiously. Sure, Souma may be nice but none of them would know how dangerous he is when he _malfunctions_. None of them would want anyone to get hurt accidentally.

  


When called for, Souma admits to having been to Yumenosaki’s theater before. He doesn’t know how but he recalls coming here with his father. It doesn’t make sense―There’s no way that Souma had _a father_ , Souma had _a developer_. Someone _made_ Souma. Nobody _raised_ Souma. There’s no way such a thing could happen.

  


Not wanting to push Souma any further, they all agree that they should head back to the dorms for now. Rehearsals can wait for now.

  


As soon as they returned to the dorms, it seemed Souma seemed fine. However, he seemed reluctant to answer Mao’s questions regarding that attack earlier. He continues to claim that he began malfunctioning ever since that screening party. Though, what those errors Souma keeps catching aren’t errors but memories. Those _disturbances_ during his nightly maintenance are not _disturbances_ , they’re _**nightmares.**_

  


“The theater and the screen party must’ve done a callback in your memories,” Ritsu summarises rather cleanly. Though that clearly indicates Souma is human and lived here before, no? The question of _who_ Souma’s father is doesn’t change the fact that Souma grew up. Not some sort of ageless android like how most machines should be. Machines don’t physically grow like humans. They never have and they never will. 

  


It’s very much safe to say, Souma is a complete human being. _**Not an android.**_

  


The thought of not being an android―Souma doesn’t believe it. Jun is vaguely reminded of Ibara when he sees Souma shake his head in refusal. The way he clutches tightly to his head as he mumbles how untrue those words Ritsu uttered. He doesn’t believe in those words. They’re meaningless. They’re nothing. Ritsu is wrong.

  


_Stop. That’s not possible. You don’t understand how I work at all._

  


Jun reaches out for Souma’s head. He doesn’t mind if he gets scratched. Souma’s scratches won’t be the worst scratch Jun has ever gotten in his life. Jun has had worse, he can confirm that. Souma doesn’t have to worry about such a thing.

  


_I’m an android. I’m an android. There’s no way, I’m human. I’m an android. I’m an android._

  


Jun calmly pats Souma’s head. Eve used to do this―Calmly pat his head and hum some weird lullaby Jun never knew the name to. It’s okay. Sometimes, it’s hard to accept these kinds of things. Jun doesn’t know if it works but since he feels Souma relaxed. That’s good, right?

  
  


_**I’m… What am I…?** _

  
  


“I’m going to take a break― _I’m sorry._ ” Souma quickly untangles himself from Jun and makes a quick escape. Jun sighs exasperatedly. It can’t be helped, they must’ve pushed him too hard. Souma couldn’t handle the pressure which is expected. The information must have overwhelmed him.

  


Even if Winter Troupe doesn't mean it in a bad way, this will definitely change Souma’s feelings about them.

  


Anzu rushes off to talk to Souma as the rest of Winter Troupe mope in the living room. They can’t really blame each other. They were all pretty harsh but Ritsu was exceptionally harsh. The last line really blew a hit at Souma. If Jun was in Souma’s position, he would have cried on the spot. Ritsu can be stone-cold without even trying.

  


Natsume wonders if it’s okay to let Ritsu handle Christine―Sure, Ritsu is a good actor but it doesn’t change the fact that Ritsu can easily turn cold if he wants to. Christine might scare the Phantom in the play when the run begins. Ritsu scoffs at Natsume’s statements.

  


“Though it’s always Ritsu’s words that knock everyone down, right?” Shu doesn’t know how to put it but Ritsu manages to put everyone on the spot with only one phrase. Like that argument Ritsu had with Mao and Natsume when they tried going to Natsume’s home without telling Winter Troupe. The way Ritsu echoes Winter Troupe’s promises, they feel _hollow._

  


Ritsu chuckles. Stop making it sound like Ritsu sucks the living out of every word Winter Troupe utters. Besides, that problem is solved. That’s not the issue at hand. Right now, they should be worried for Souma.

  


“Jun-kun!” Anzu calls out to Jun who tilts his head in confusion. What happened?

  


Anzu quickly explains about the microchip found in Subaru’s charm that originally belonged to Souma. That settles a couple of facts about Souma, surprisingly. One being the fact that Souma had to have lived in Japan prior to his departure to Iridaceae. Though, what does the microchip contain? None of them could quite figure out. Do they even have the equipment to read this thing? Mao gave Jun a knowing glance.

  


Jun sighs and swipes the microchip out of Anzu’s hands.

  


“I’ll see what Sa―I mean, Ibara―I’ll see what Ibara can do.” 

  


Though, Jun can’t guarantee what kind of payback Ibara is going to give him. Since Mao is aware that Ibara has got all sorts of tricks up his sleeve, Mao can probably help out. It might just be bribing Ritsu’s parents to _lovingly_ send the company more of those ghost chilli peppers that Ibara loves so much.

  


Ibara tries to read the microchip. It’s not exactly easy since it looks pretty old.

  


“So what’s in it, Sammy?” Jun leans over Ibara’s shoulder as Ibara tries to swat him away. A family register? This looks like some personal information. Why did Subaru hand Anzu someone’s personal history?

  


Ibara shrugs. It looks like it belongs to someone going by the name, _Kanzaki Souma._

  


“Well, it’s not like his name wasn’t obvious enough.” Ibara notes while Jun honestly admits he thought Souma’s name was Persian since it can mean moonlight.

  


“You’re kidding, right?” Ibara looks at Jun weirdly before handing him the computer so he can run back to Winter Troupe. Ibara warns him to be careful. He doesn’t want that thing to break. That’s a personal laptop so Eden doesn’t track him when he’s doing things like these. Also, be sure to remember about those chili peppers.

  


Jun nods tiredly. Yea, yea, he knows. Ritsu is going to be a little unconvinced by the weird order but nothing like a little Isara Magic can’t fix it. Jun has complete trust in Mao ensuring Ritsu gets those chili peppers. Jun has complete faith because he genuinely doesn’t know who else he can turn to.

  


Jun reveals to the troupe that the microchip contained a family register, belonging to someone named _Kanzaki Souma_. It’s pretty obvious that they’re looking through Souma’s personal information, it’s pretty amazing that Souma is fine with everyone knowing about this. Jun wonders if this is Souma’s way of accepting his past.

  


As they read through the family register, it was clear this information were callbacks all sorts of memories to Souma. It felt overwhelming, doesn’t it? Jun can see how much pain Souma was in. The way he clutched his head and tried to level his breathing, everything was coming back all at once. Jun approaches Souma calmly and hugs him.

  


“ _It’s okay, you can let it all out._ ”

  


Souma wails uncomfortably as he hugs Jun tightly. Jun combs through Souma’s hair and hums a lullaby, just like what Ritsu once did to Jun. Souma cries so messily―the way he takes deep breaths, the way he wipes his tears roughly and the words don’t exactly flow out like the perfect android he’s supposed to be. Somehow, seeing this ugly human part of Souma made Jun think he looked like the perfect human.

  


It’s weird. It’s strange. Why?

  


Souma falls asleep in Jun’s arms. Winter Troupe offers to carry Souma back to his room. Jun suggests everyone sleep with Souma. Back when Jun began regaining his memories, everyone tried to sleep with him, thinking it’ll make his nightmares go away. Though Ritsu wasn’t exactly present, Jun felt like Ritsu was there in spirit. Ritsu laughs―Don’t make it sound like Ritsu died.

  


Though, Jun is serious about this. He wants everyone to be next to Souma so he knows that no matter what, Souma is still Winter Troupe’s Souma. Jun feels like Souma will feel better if he wakes up to all of Winter Troupe sleeping next to him.

  


“ _I believe I have called back all of my memories since I was a child,_ ” Souma admits to the troupe after that nap.

  


Souma tells them the story of how he came to be. Souma remembered his father being a struggling actor and his mother being an Iridaceae woman; together, they were just a simple family of three. As a child, Souma wasn’t quite good at expressing things but he tried his best. Even then, it wasn’t enough for his mother. She would worry endlessly about Souma not being _a normal child_ but Souma’s father never did. If anything, Souma’s father often told him to express, only when he felt like expressing. There’s no need to chase after what is normal, being yourself is enough.

  


Such words put Souma at ease whenever he heard them.

  


The first time he visited Yumenosaki, Souma believed that was the most fun he has ever had. Everything about the play was magical. Souma felt like he was watching magic come to life whenever he saw the actors act on stage. Souma remembered telling his father how much he loved the play. He even remembered telling his father that he wanted to see his father act on such a stage like that.

  


Though they made such a promise _but it never came to fruition._

  


Souma’s mother―Maybe her loneliness got to her. She was far too lonely. There was no one to turn to when there was no proper cash flow. To an extent, Souma pitied her. He could see why she made the choice to force his father to sign those divorce papers. She couldn’t take it anymore. She was tired. She wanted to live a life where she could find peace. Souma doesn’t blame her for making such a rash decision.

  


Even then, Souma foolishly made a promise with his father―That charm represented a promise that Souma’s father made with Souma. He wanted to take Souma back to Japan, if it was possible.

  


Souma waited. He waited. He waited and endured all that pain from his step-father but in the end, Souma had learnt to forget such foolish memories. Souma had learned how to forget such troublesome things. Souma had learned to not care for things other than what is necessary. 

  


_Echoing his step-father words, **Souma became a complete android.**_

  


“I wish I didn’t treat these warm memories as something troublesome. To think I believed I was an android all these years, I am truly nothing short of a fool,” Souma said rather frankly. It isn’t his fault, though. He was raised that way by Iridaceae and his step-father. Souma never meant to do it voluntarily.

  


Souma makes a comment about how he believes that Subaru must’ve pitied him, hence why he left such a valuable thing behind.

  


Even if Winter Troupe don’t know Subaru as well as Souma but surely, there’s a different reason as to why Subaru wanted Souma to stay in Yumenosaki. Subaru is not as cruel as Souma puts him out to be. There has to be a reason why Subaru did this. He probably wanted to see Souma’s dazzling smile again.

  


_Dazzling smile again…?_

  


“Ah.” Jun rummages to his pocket and reveals a slip of paper Jun and Ibara found in the charm earlier. He didn’t really read the contents of that slip of paper, to be honest. He was kind of afraid of tearing it since it seemed rather old. Not to mention, Subaru must’ve left it there for a reason. Though, Jun wondered if Subaru was the one who wrote on it at all.

  


Handing the slip of paper to Mao, Souma urged Mao to read it aloud for everyone.

  


“ _A dazzling Souma is the best Souma―Together, let’s smile again!_ ” Mao reads it aloud. Jun has to admit that’s a very Subaru-like phrase to say but the handwriting looks nothing like Subaru’s. It’s far more neatly done. Plus, it was a rather old slip of paper.

  


Was this Souma’s dad’s wish?

  


Souma isn’t very good at handling his emotions, Winter Troupe learnt that pretty quickly. Not to mention, his emotions are still rather mechanical. It’s almost like someone is scrambling in his head, confused as to which emotions he should let out. Uncertain if these emotions are the right answers. Jun somehow understands. He doesn’t know how but somehow, he understands how overwhelming it feels to be in that position.

  


The way Souma laughs and cries at the same time, he’s probably trying to find the right words but there’s no way to describe his feelings. He finds himself choking as he tries to call out for his father. Winter Troupe tightly hugs him tightly as he cries for his father. It hurts. It hurts. Why does it hurt? Jun doesn’t know how to explain why Souma feels pain.

  


“This pain― _It’s what makes you human, no?_ ”

  


Souma nods as he listens to Shu explain that it’s okay that Souma doesn’t understand why things hurt. To be honest, that’s a common thing to happen. To not understand why things happen―The first step is to learn, isn’t it? Surely, Souma can learn how to be a human being. It’s okay if it takes a long time.

  


All of Winter Troupe can wait for him to catch up.

  


Souma wonders if this is what Subaru wanted him to do. Is this why Subaru left Souma here? Did Subaru come to Veludo Way, in hopes that Souma will come follow him? Did Subaru hope that Souma would be able to learn about himself once again? Did Subaru hope that Souma could become human again? Souma wondered deeply.

  


Anzu doesn’t quite know the answer to those questions but she believed Subaru just wanted Souma to be happy again. If Souma could be happy here, Anzu believed that was enough for Subaru.

  


Judging from how emotional Souma was, Winter Troupe decided to start practice without Souma. It’s best to practice the scenes without Souma. They want Souma to take his time in understanding himself. Jun doesn’t know how long it’ll take but it seemed Winter Troupe wanted Souma to take a long break before they ask him to come back to practice. They don’t want to overwhelm him again.

  


“ _Good morning!_ ”

  


The way Souma slams the door open and greets the troupe loudly, it leaves Ritsu yelping into Mao’s arms as Natsume clutches tightly to his own chest and Shu screaming loudly in return. Jun can’t blame them for reacting that way, Jun’s first instinct was to attack Souma which obviously wasn’t a good thing. Jun thanks God for bestowing Souma good instincts as he blocked Jun’s attack rather quickly.

  


Anzu was surprised to hear Souma was fine. Whether that fine was referring to any injuries sustained from Jun’s attack earlier or Souma’s mental state, nobody is actually sure. The only thing Winter Troupe were sure about was that Souma was interested in getting practice started.

  


_Is this going to be okay…?_

  


“ _Why do you look at me like that? I thought you never found my appearance a disturbance―Unless, you lied…?_ ”

  


Souma looks at Ritsu with sharp eyes as Ritsu scrambles away from him. There’s a sense of fear in Ritsu’s eyes as he presses up against the mirror. The way he tries to grip tightly to the ground and avoid looking at Souma, there’s a sense of discomfort in the air. It’s hard to form words when Souma looks at Ritsu sharply.

  


“ _Rather your appearance, I’m more disturbed by your tactics―_ ” Ritsu can barely finish that sentence without being scolded for those slip-ups that are deemed unfavorable. Those slip-ups―These are just foolish lies Ritsu was fed, right? Ritsu doesn’t actually see Souma that way, right?

  


Ritsu looks away from Souma as he asks Ritsu; just who has been influencing Ritsu? It really bothers him as he wouldn’t want his dearly beloved to start doing things he isn’t supposed to. Truly, Ritsu has started to become a brat.

  


Woah―Souma has improved. Rather drastically. It isn’t much. He hasn’t been able to express anger as well as Ritsu is in this scene but it’s definitely better than before. The Phantom barely has the face to properly express so it’s fine if he can’t do it _physically_ but at least he’s got the tone down. Jun is impressed, honestly. If Souma continues to improve, Jun believes Tsumugi might hand him far more difficult roles as time goes by.

  


Not like playing the Phantom is easy, though.

  


“ _Oi―Don’t start pulling pranks while building the set!_ ” Mao’s voice echoes, followed by a pair of laughter. Those twins are at it again, huh? The only people who can handle them are Chiaki and Kuro. Though, Mao is handling them pretty well. He scolds them rather ruthlessly, it makes Jun wonder what kind of kid Mao was when he was small. Was he a boring kid that did nothing but nag people? Though his skills don’t really suggest that? Jun wonders if he should bring that up during the after-party when they finish the run.

  


Jun hears Chiaki stop them so they can go back to work. He apologises to Mao for the trouble the twins caused but it seemed Mao wasn’t so bothered about it. If anything, he thanks Chiaki for helping them out even though Chiaki could have other things to do. Ah, Mao is right. Chiaki could have other things to do but he’s always willing to help the troupe and the twins to build the set.

  


“It’s so I can keep track how much space I have to make for the props after we finish this run!” Chiaki admits both cheerfully and tiredly. Right, Chiaki is arranging the storeroom. No, he’s still arranging the storeroom. It’s endless, Jun has to admit. He’s been helping out, alongside the other members but just as Chiaki said; every time he feels like he’s done a good job, a whole new pile comes in. Should they consider hiatus so they can finally clean the storeroom for good? Jun doubts Kuro would allow such a thing. That shitty Yakuza.

  


As soon as they’re done, Chiaki makes an announcement about the Fleur Award. Anzu hums, she’s surprised that time has flew by so fast. Before she can get wistful about wanting to be part of the nominations, Souma asks what even is the Fleur Awards?

  


For the first time, Jun can explain _something._

  


This is truly a miracle! 

  


He’s starting to sound like Shu―Oh dear God.

  


“It’s a _very prestigious_ award for those in theater. Even if you don’t win it, a nomination is already a rare honor.” Jun quickly jumps to explaining the award to Souma who listens intently. Though Jun is looking at Souma, he can already feel Shu and Mao look at Jun knowingly. Jun knows all of Winter Troupe are looking at him with _that face. That stupid face._ They know Jun is proud that he knows the answer to something regarding theater. Stop looking at Jun like that.

  


Mao asks Chiaki if Dramatica got nominated again, Chiaki nods. Anzu wonders if they’ve ever won while Ritsu recalled Dramatica being nominated last year. Jun is somehow not surprised. Jun vaguely remembers watching it with the rest of Yumenosaki last year, it honestly made Jun wonder if Mao regretted leaving Dramatical during such a crucial time. They got nominated and he left. Wasn’t he the leader of the troupe that got nominated too?

  


“Nah, they lost the year before―I had my bets that they wouldn’t win last year either,” Mao admitted rather honestly. Jun was surprised how harsh and cold he can think of his previous troupe. Jun wondered to himself if Mao ever valued his previous troupe? He didn’t want to ask such an insensitive question, he wouldn’t want Mao to think that Jun thought Mao didn’t value this troupe.

  


Ritsu mentions how Mao became quite a talk for a while the year before that, though. Apparently, Ritsu recalled seeing online posts about how good-looking Mao was during the award ceremony. It was a shame that Mao was good-looking that night for nothing. Let’s hope the next time the internet sees Mao be _that_ good-looking, he’ll _actually win_ for once. Mao clicks his tongue as Natsume and Shu laugh.

  


“Since we’re done, why don’t we try to do a street act to promote the play?” Anzu suggests. Jun hears Ritsu mumble about how he’s going to have a hard time doing some scenes so they’re going to have to compromise and do certain scenes only. Mao complains about how the lair scenes are too difficult to do as a street act, not to mention they’re spoilers so that might not be a good idea anyway. Anzu wonders if they should do simpler scenes, especially since she doesn’t want to risk Ritsu getting hurt like the last time they had to do a street act.

  


Ah, was it the one where Koga tried swinging Ritsu around as a joke? Jun remembers Ritsu throwing up in a public bathroom after that. Maybe they should consider stopping in giving Ritsu roles where he would get hurt. They don’t seem good for him, anyway. Even if Ritsu is really good at them, Ritsu can probably die from them.

  


Besides trying to avoid acting out scenes where Ritsu might get physically hurt, Jun wonders about Souma. Will he be okay?

  


Souma seemed nervous. He didn’t know if he'd be okay. Though, it’s fine? Everyone is always nervous the first time they start street acting. Especially when you’ve never been the main character, it can get pretty stressful. Jun has learned that first hand. He never wants Shu to stand behind him like that, _ever again_. Jun dreads the idea of that ever happening again.

  


Though Jun doesn’t really see an issue in Souma’s acting, it seems perfectly fine for the Phantom.

  


Of course, that is only in Jun’s opinion. It seemed Jun never shared the majority’s opinions. Even if he found Souma’s acting good, it still pales against Hokuto’s. Unlike Souma, Hokuto can express sorrow and grief, Souma struggles with that. It’s only obvious that Hokuto’s rendition of the Phantom will be far more favorable to the audience. Not to mention, it seemed his partner was very good as Raoul too.

  


Though, Jun preferred Mao’s rendition of Raoul. It made sense. Mao has played Raoul twice now. It’s obvious that Mao would be able to act as Raoul perfectly.

  


“My apologies―It’s embarrassing that I must’ve let all of you down with my performance.” Souma bowed his head in sorrow. Mao tells him to look up. It’s fine. There wasn’t much of a chance for them to win, anyway. Hokuto reigns from a family of actors and that partner of his isn’t new to the scene either. Souma shouldn’t worry so much about this etude.

  


Winter Troupe try to cheer him up, mentioning how they can still improve. There’s still loads of time. Souma doesn’t have to worry about a single thing.

  


Ritsu suggests they go out after dinner later. It’d be a nice wind-down before they start the intense training tomorrow. Natsume agrees, he’ll try to reserve a spot at the usual spot later. Mao doesn’t want to stay out for too long, though. If not, Jun will sleep through morning practice again.

  


“ _Alcohol?_ ” Jun tilts his head in confusion.

  


Natsume laughs and shakes his head. Well, if Jun wants to, he can have a drink. Just promise not to drink so much. Also, wouldn’t it be dangerous to go somewhere that Winter Troupe don’t allow Ritsu to go to? Natsume sighs about how Jun always thinks about alcohol first― _How cute._

  


Souma wonders if Natsume and Jun are having another street act. _They’re not_. None of the statements made was a joke.

  


“ _I am an alcoholic._ ”

  


Souma gawks at the different choices of drinks at the table. Unceremoniously points out Ritsu being the only one not holding alcohol and notes the peculiarity over Mao and Jun agreeing to not drink so much but then drink soju. Do they just handle themselves well? Souma doesn’t know. Souma doesn’t really understand these choices.

  


Natsume laughs as Shu mentions how they should have thought this drinking party through. The last thing Shu wanted was to explain everyone’s drinking habits, including Anzu. Though Ritsu doesn’t really have a drinking habit unless you count the fact he can die if he tries to consume strong alcohol. Then yea, it’s a drinking habit.

  


Souma finds himself listening to Winter Troupe talk about their drinks. Ritsu making stupid jokes about his health conditions, as morbid it may be. Mao and Jun reasoned with Natsume that they’ll be fine. It’s not like they’re staying here for long. They have to wake up early, anyway. Shu advises them to drink water before bed. Last time Jun forgot about that, he woke up with a pretty bad headache. Shu isn’t interested in taking care of both Mao and Jun. Jun is already a handful. He doesn’t want to know what Mao is like when unwell.

  


Ritsu laughs as Mao rolls his eyes at Shu’s nagging. He’ll be fine.

  


Even though they had lightened the mood up, Souma was still drowning into his drink about the etude battle earlier. It can’t be helped. They were the same themes, after all. It was Souma’s first play too. He probably feels a little attached to the Phantom despite how weird that is. Jun doesn’t think Souma is anything like the Phantom, in his personal opinion.

  


“Nobody is good at the start―Learning takes time, no matter how good your start is.” Mao points at Jun. If there was anyone who seemed like a perfect actor aside outside of Mao and Ritsu, it was Jun. He had all the talents but he was useless when it came to coming up with comebacks. He could barely act a funny scene without turning it into something depressing. It took Anzu _a long time_ for him to actually do something funny. While Winter Troupe enjoy Sympathy, they can’t deny Jun’s Uriel was severely depressing.

  


Jun cannot deny that. He was in a bad spot during the first run so don’t start pointing fingers at him.

  


Though Mao was right, learning is a process. There’s no need to rush. Jun hopes Souma doesn’t feel discouraged from the etude battle earlier. Let’s hope from tomorrow onwards, they can continue acting with ease.

  


Like a bunch of aunties, Natsume and Anzu had already begun those interviews that go way too personal. Jun can’t save Souma. Those two are too difficult to beat, they’ll try to drag out the answer whether Souma likes it or not. No one can save Souma here. Everyone else will get targeted next. No one quite wants that, to be honest.

  


_Well, minus one._

  


Ritsu laughs rings in the air as Natsume and Anzu pout at him for scolding them again. Don’t start asking people questions that you wouldn’t answer, Ritsu scolds them so lightly yet Anzu is already whining about how Ritsu is ruining their fun. Jun believes it’s the alcohol that’s talking for Anzu’s case. Natsume just playfully asks Ritsu suggestive questions, hoping that Ritsu will take the bait alas the other could see that already.

  


“ _Ritsu-kun, you really can be no fun sometimes._ ”

  


Ritsu giggles at Natsume.

  


“ _Sacchan just loves to tease, doesn’t he?_ ”

  


Natsume really can’t win when Ritsu starts using nicknames, huh? Jun can’t blame Natsume for feeling embarrassed after that. Ritsu laughs and apologises for going too far. Natsume doesn’t seem to mind, though. When Ritsu is like this, Ritsu can be really cute. It makes Ritsu laugh when he hears that. Sacchan is cute too, you know?

  


Just as soon as Ritsu says that, Shu talks about how cute Ritsu’s nicknames are. There he goes again, talking about how much he loves Winter Troupe. Dear God, someone stop him. Souma wonders if it’s okay to leave him be, it is. Don’t worry, he’ll be able to sleep it off. Just make sure he drinks water before that which is something _Jun_ has to do.

  


Not that it matters.

  


“Should we order one more or take everyone home?” Mao asks as he watches Anzu and Shu cry about theatre and Natsume tries to make more weird advances on Ritsu. Though Natsume claims to be a heavy drinker, there are just points where it’s very clear that he is drunk. Flirting way too much being one of those points.

  


To be honest, if they didn’t have practice, Mao and Jun would continue having shots together but also, they’re starting to pity Ritsu who is wedged between Natsume and Shu.

  


“I think it’s time to go home.”

  


“Thought so.”

  


Jun apologises to Souma for helping them carry Shu. Ritsu and Shu are too far apart in height so asking him would be a disaster. Souma doesn’t seem that bothered, he mentions that it probably is less of a disaster than Jun’s job―Natsume flirts _a whole lot_. It’s amazing that Jun is immune to it. Well, rather than saying he’s immune to Natsume’s flirting, it’s more like Jun doesn’t think much of it. They’re just things that Natsume says every day.

  


Souma nods as he helps Shu sit on the couch.

  


“Can I ask you a question?”

  


Jun shrugs. Yea, go ahead.

  


“That man with the long blue hair who came to watch our etude battle,” Souma begins his question. Jun quirks an eyebrow―A man with long blue hair? Jun admits to not knowing who Souma was referring to, he smiles weakly.

  


Souma nods in understanding and tells Jun to forget about the question. He leaves the room as Jun ponders to himself; who could the man with long blue hair be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ideally, the next chap is the play but shdsdsdk i have some stuff to do so expect that next week im hoping lol  
> anyway, i hope you had fun so far!!  
> i hope you love winter as much as i do bc theyre good!! good kids!! great kids! i love them  
> yes  
> anyway excuse me, im going to scream through my duties then pass out


	24. Lonely Lullaby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The stage is such a magnificent thing, isn't it?  
> No matter what hardships you have, it somehow gets lifted when you pour all those emotions you have onto the stage.
> 
> Jun can tell Souma feels that way.  
> He doesn't know how but he just _does._
> 
> It's _definitely_ Winter Troupe's fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
> so i brought my laptop for rl purposes but now that stuff is settled, i can quickly finish post act 8!! then start!! risky game!! (the entire point of this au)  
> anyway, we're kind of back on track (meaning the chapters don't feel as wonky as the two previously) so yea!!!  
> also, i have never watched the phantom of the opera so me being me, skimmed through the plot and threw it out of the window but thats okay the entire plot doesn't make sense so dont think this one will make sense either skjdnjds  
> i hope you have fun!!

_Corsets_ ―What a pain in the ass to wear. Are they really supposed to sing in this? How the fuck is Jun going to do that without croaking? Ritsu did help him with that problem but he’s still unconfident about that. Really, he’s going to die. Instead of Jun playing Carlotta, it might be better for Ritsu to play Carlotta instead.

  


Ritsu laughs as Jun complains about how this fucking costume is ridiculous. How did people sing in this? Jun would rather die.

  


Look, Jun is glad that Shu was satisfied with the costumes but this is a pain to wear. Honestly, he’s surprised Ritsu is fine. Though, that does bring the question as to what kind of upbringing did Ritsu have as a child. Jun doesn’t really want to question it so much but also, he kind of does. A part of Jun thinks Ritsu had a really weird childhood.

  


_That’s saying something because this is Jun who’s talking._

  


“ _He’s here―The Phantom of the Opera!_ ”

  


Christine turns to the commotion that unfolded behind them. Carlotta is complaining once more about how _things_ have been happening for _three years_. She doesn’t care what kind of delirious reason the manager has this time round. Someone is out to _kill her_. Every single time she opens her mouth to sing an aria, something terrible happens. Someone is out to kill her and that someone better show themselves before her patience wears thin.

  


Christine watches Carlotta storm off in anger as they wonder if it’s not actually someone attempting murder but more like the old building has gone shabby.

  


_Not like it isn’t so bad for Carlotta to be gone either._

  


Of course, as much as Christine wishes for Carlotta to disappear, that is not the right thing to do. _Especially now._ Carlotta storming off is just sending everyone in panic. Without a singer to sing the aria, the show cannot go on. Everyone is spinning in circles as they attempt to find a good replacement for her. Christine glosses over the music scores that were left behind by her, humming to herself quietly.

  


“ _You there―you seem to have gotten the song down._ ”

  


Christine turns in bewilderment. They begin shaking their head, denying such a thing. It falls on deaf ears, as ironic as that seems at the moment. Richard shuffles Christine to the stage, stating that he has heard Christine sing before. Everything will be alright. All Christine has to do is sing an aria. Such a thing shouldn’t be a problem for a chorus singer like Christine, right? This is their job. They should know what to do.

  


After all, if Christine doesn’t want Richard to reprimand them for staying back for too long late at night, might as well do this as an apology!

  


Christine isn’t even given a chance to retaliate. Off on stage they go. All they are given are nasty and confused looks from the others, Richard smiling politely before Christine is forced to give in to the short notice job. 

  


_Just do as you normally do in practice, Christine._

  


Christine finds themself echoing the _Angel of Music’s_ compliments. They’re not much but they’re enough to get by. All Christine has learnt up till now should be shown off, just like what he always says. Christine wonders if they can even meet that kind of expectation. As happy and excited as Christine can be; they feel entwined in fear, uncertainty, and guilt of possibly ruining the performance.

  


How do you please an audience with such an unpleasant voice? Christine can only cling tightly to the small compliments the _Angel of Music_ had given them up till now.

  


A stage with an audience and without one―Christine has learnt they’re similar.

  


It’s terrifying, honestly. To stand on stage with a single spotlight shining directly on you as you sing until you feel like your lungs will burst out of your corset. To sing to a scenery that you fail to recognise any life in. To stand there like a fool with no friend to lean onto. To hold back your fears and tears as you stare directly at the abyss with all your strength.

  
  


_It’s lonely._

  
  


As satisfying the audience’s response was, Christine can’t help but wonder if they were truly satisfied with such a shabby performance like that. Surely, they would have preferred Carlotta’s than Christine’s. Maybe they were simply applauding Christine for attempting. Maybe they were just trying to encourage Christine to feel proud. Christine can never be so sure, honestly. Christine doesn’t know if they should even try and find out the truth in such a loud applause.

  


No matter how hard Christine thinks about it, they can’t help but feel the applause was just complete mockery to them.

  


Christine sighs as they stare into blank space. _Just how was it any good?_

  


“ _You underestimate yourself, my beauty._ ”

  


Christine lets out a stifle laugh. Why must the _Angel of Music_ refer to Christine such a way? It’s not that Christine is bothered by it but it can feel overwhelming at times. Christine wonders why the _Angel of Music_ is so marveled by them? Maybe their father has spoken about them too fondly. Christine wonders if that’s even true. Was it really their father that had sent him to look after them? Christine can’t help but doubt a little.

  


Before Christine could ask the _Angel of Music_ such a question, there’s a knock at the door.

  


_Raoul._ He’s changed a lot since they last met. Christine was surprised by his sudden reappearance. How small their world is, Christine laughs as Raoul gushes about their voice. How heartwarming, Christine thought as they caressed the bouquet softly.

  


Things never change, do they?

  


To think someone like Raoul, an utter fool, could recall the stories about the _Angel of Music_ , Christine is impressed. Here Christine thought Raoul had forgotten about them completely. After all, they were only so small at the time. It’s easy to forget. People grow up, their faces change and everything. Raoul laughs as Christine mentions how it’s a miracle that they could be reunited.

  


Nothing is far funnier to Raoul than Christine’s belief in the _Angel of Music_ , though. He’s always laughing boisterously as Christine tells him how the _Angel of Music_ has taught them in secret. Their singing has improved thanks to the _Angel of Music_ , Christine truly believes it. Though, Raoul does not. He believes that Christine has always been blessed with a beautiful voice. There’s no need for teaching in Raoul’s opinion, he smiled warmly.

  


“Shall we catch up over dinner?” Raoul offers as Christine nods happily.

  


Raoul runs off to fetch his hat. Christine laughs as Raoul complains how his brother has been nagging about losing too many things. Forgetful as always. Christine can’t help but be over the moon whenever they think about this fool. How is it that Raoul could do this to them?

  


Christine finds themself smiling brightly in the mirror. They’re glad that they could reconnect with Raoul. It feels good to have someone to reconnect with. Christine needed it. They really did.

  


“ _My beauty,_ ” the _Angel of Music_ speaks. He speaks in a way that reminds Christine of the tip of a knife run down their back―Uncomfortable and dangerous. Christine doesn’t understand why the _Angel of Music_ is speaking of Christine in such a cold and harsh tone.

  


_He’s never really spoken to Christine in such a tone before_.

  


The _Angel of Music_ beckons Christine to follow him. As a reward for following so well, Christine will catch small glimpses of the _Angel of Music_. After all, that’s all Christine ever wanted, right? To see the _Angel of Music_ in his full glory. To know that the _Angel of Music_ ** _exists_**.

  


Even if Christine wishes to see the _Angel of Music_ , haven’t they gone too far?

  


The sounds of chatter grow further and further as Christine takes careful and quick steps down the stairs. The temperature gets colder and colder, Christine can almost see their breath each time they take a deep breath. Is this even worth it? Christine doesn’t know anymore. They can’t help but feel that this was a mistake.

  


Surely, Raoul is worried sick.

  


Christine should have just left when they had the chance.

  


Each step becomes heavier and heavier as they try to catch the _Angel of Music_ , it is no use. Christine is only human. This frighteningly cold temperature makes their body sluggish. Everything is hard to gauge. Christine can’t see well enough nor can they hear well enough. It’s terrifying. Christine doesn’t want to be in this position.

  


Christine lands on something soft as they close their eyes.

  


_Warmth. That’s all Christine feels_. _Warmth._

  


Christine wakes up to the sound of an organ, they’re faced with a familiar figure. Could that be the _Angel of Music?_ Christine can’t help but feel curious. What do you look like? Christine can’t help but wonder what the _Angel of Music_ looked like. Does he really look like how Christine’s father always described him as?

  


_Terrifying. Strange. Uncomfortable._

  


That’s all Christine could describe him as. Such a disfigured and grotesque face, Christine can’t help but feel shock. The mask is dropped out of fear as Christine backs away from the _Angel of Music_. That gesture does more harm than good.

  


The _Angel of Music_ ―That’s not who he is. He could never be such a divine thing. He does not deserve to be referred to as such a pristine deity.

  


After all, he is nothing but a phantom that haunts this opera.

  


To be honest, Christine is rather hurt by this. To be put as a fool, Christine doesn’t understand why the Phantom would do this to them.

  


The Phantom gives Christine a certain look. He chose Christine as the rightful beauty for his music. Is that not enough of a reason? Their voice is a perfect match. Shouldn’t that be a good enough of a reason? Such a beauty deserves to sing their heart out.

  


The love that Christine had provided when the Phantom was the _Angel of Music_ was something that he yearned. It was warm. It was full. It was something the Phantom had never felt before. He apologises for lying to Christine, he sincerely wanted to help them. If Christine wishes, the Phantom will stop. Even if it’s at the expense of his own happiness.

  


“No, I didn’t mean that way―It’s just,” Christine can’t even finish that sentence. It’s just _what?_

  


Christine is surprised. That’s all. Christine didn’t expect the _Angel of Music_ to not be real. However, that doesn’t mean Christine doesn’t appreciate all of the effort the Phantom had put in teaching Christine. They appreciate it. _Really._ Without the Phantom, Christine wouldn’t have been able to perform as well as they do now.

  


Christine picks up the mask carefully.

  


“Please don’t throw away something important as happiness for me,” Christine says as they return the mask to the Phantom. Their roles haven’t changed. Just names. That’s all. The Phantom doesn’t have to hide himself from Christine. Surely, they’ll accept it without worry anymore.

  


Though Christine says that, they have to admit―They were only saying that hoping it’ll appease the Phantom.

  


_Thinking about it now, Christine wished they were a little bit more stern during that exchange._

  


“I seriously have no idea what you’re going on about,” Christine admits as they read Carlotta’s note. There’s no way they could have written such a note. Clearly, someone else did.

  


Carlotta narrows her eyes as she demanded who could have known this.

  


If it wasn’t Christine, who else could it be? Christine wouldn’t be able to guess the answer, even if they tried. Don’t just push the blame on them.

  


The two of them go to the manager's office to confront about that strange note, Christine finds Raoul and Philippe in the manager’s office. They seem to be discussing a note that Raoul received. One that Raoul called nonsensical, to be quite honest. Christine couldn’t quite understand what was going on but it seemed like they didn’t need to.

  


It wasn’t like the four of them were the only ones with problems. Richard, the manager too had his own set of issues.

  


“It’d be weird for Christine to write notes, suggesting that they should cut ties with someone and be held as the star―Clearly, someone is just using Christine as some sort of decoy,” Richard sighed. The letters laid out in front of them are definitely not Christine’s. The handwriting and the paraphrasing is too far different from Christine’s. The letters were nonsensical.

  


Nothing to be worried about, Richard claimed. It’s all a joke. Surely, they meant nothing. Someone must be making fun of Christine― _That’s all._

  


Even with that kind of reassurance given, Christine doesn’t really believe it. Is it really all a joke? Is there really nothing to be worried about? Christine can’t help but feel helpless as they hear Carlotta and Raoul begrudgingly accept such a reasoning, Philippe makes a joke about threatening Richard if his words turn out to be false. The conversation moves on without Christine coming into terms with the conclusion.

  


Is that really all to it?

  


None of those warnings were heeded. Carlotta will remain the starring role while Christine played the Pageboy. The seat the Phantom had requested was not kept empty. Christine didn’t heed the warnings that well either, they continued to speak to Raoul. There should be nothing to worry about, right? After all, that’s what Richard said.

  


If that was true, then why did all of this happen?

  


The opera was initially going smoothly. No sign of the Phantom anywhere. It was truly a peaceful moment, despite Christine’s quiet grumbling over playing a mute role. Even then, it’s a good thing Christine could remain close to Carlotta like this. At least, Christine and Carlotta could save each other if anything were to happen. Or at least, Christine believed so.

  


Just as Carlotta kissed Christine, they hear shouting. The Phantom had arrived. As though he was the Countess’ husband, he began expressing his anger over the warnings and decisions that they had refused to heed. Carlotta holds Christine’s hand tightly as Christine makes note of the Phantom’s arrival.

  


“Your role is meant to be _silent_ ― _Act like it_ ,” Carlotta angrily whispered behind the fan.

  


Strangely enough, the Phantom overheard such a thing. Christine could almost consider it comical had the situation not terrified them. The aria came to an unfortunate halt as Carlotta grew unable to push nothing but hot air from her throat. No voice. She was rendered useless. Due to her inability to produce a proper voice, Richard quickly replaces Christine as the Countess as Carlotta is brought off stage.

  


No matter how much Richard tries to distract the crowd, it’s hopeless. Not even a single note that can escape Christine’s mouth will soothe the mayhem that had unfolded itself in front of them. The opera is ruined.

  


Such uncontrollable anger, Christine can’t stop such a thing. Christine _doesn’t want_ to control such anger. It’s scary. Christine feels helpless in such a situation. What should they do? Someone tell them, please. _Help._

  


_Crash!_

  


A chandelier crashes, ruthlessly murder those too close to it. Christine is safe, thanks to Carlotta who dragged them just in time. She takes deep breaths, helplessly gesturing Christine to escape with her. They hear Richard attempt to control the situation as they escape. Carlotta tosses Christine to Raoul and makes a gesture to leave _immediately_. Christine could only thank her confusedly before following Raoul.

  


“I didn’t expect her to help _at all_.” Christine admits their surprise over the entire mayhem. Christine holds tightly to Raoul’s jacket as they lean against his shoulder. This is so stupid. How could this happen? It’s overwhelming, really. Christine hates this so much.

  


Maybe it’s Christine’s fault. Maybe Christine shouldn’t have stayed back and foolishly accepted the Phantom’s words prior to this fiasco. Why did this have to happen? Christine feels terrible for the mess caused tonight alone. Christine just wants to disappear, hoping it’ll stop the Phantom from hurting any more people. Though, would that work? Wouldn’t that cause more trouble? Christine can’t help but want to cry over the situation.

  


Raoul offers Christine a hug. Carefully, he tells Christine to not blame themself. None of this is because Christine had led the Phantom on. Christine did not lead the Phantom on. There’s no such thing. All Christine did was sought out for his advice. Nothing more. Nothing less. All the Phantom was supposed to be was Christine’s teacher, right? So don’t start feeling guilty for simply wanting help.

  


“It was the Phantom that took it too far,” Raoul notes as he carefully cupped Christine’s face. It made Christine want to giggle at Raoul sounding so serious as the other rarely did such a thing. Had his thick skull finally picked up some manners? Christine laughed as Raoul took offense to that. _No_ , he has always had manners.

  


Though those words made Christine feel better, there’s still a sense of worry.

  


Christine asks Raoul to protect and love them. Christine wants to seek comfort and safety in his arms. Christine doesn’t want to ask much, simply love them and that is enough to keep such pent-up worry at bay. Raoul laughs as he notes that Christine doesn’t need to make a whole speech for Raoul to love Christine. Christine doesn’t need to do much at all. Simply being themself is enough for Raoul.

  


“You don’t have to say anything―I’ll protect and love you no matter what.” Raoul promises Christine with a kiss. Christine makes a joke that Raoul kisses Christine better than Carlotta, he gives them a confused look as they leave the roof. Just what are you going on about, Christine?

  


_Yes_ ―what are you going on about, Christine?

  


Is Christine delusional? Could they have poor taste? The Phantom couldn’t help but feel disgusted by the suitor Christine had chosen. What does he hold that the Phantom lacked? The Phantom couldn’t see a single thing that seemed well-suited for his dear Christine. That man was the same man that the Phantom stole Christine from, the first night the Phantom revealed himself to Christine. What a persistent fool.

  


Surely, that foolish couple will soon learn the wrath of a broken heart.

  


Every night is spent like this―All of the troupe members on the floor of the practice room, trying to dissect the last scene. Somehow, Souma is never satisfied with how he performs it. Something is _lacking_ but no one knows what it is. Jun feels his eyes go out of focus as he stares at his script. As much as Jun wants to go to bed, he understands the entire troupe’s frustration. There is something lacking in Souma’s last scene.

  


It’s supposed to be the scene where Christine feels overwhelmed by the Phantom’s cruel actions but it just seems like a bit of an exaggeration on Ritsu’s end. Though, so far, none of the audience members feel like it’s an exaggeration so it shouldn’t be a worry, right? Jun can’t help but feel like he’s making a dishonest conclusion when he puts it that way. Just what are they missing? Not even Anzu can give any sort of advice.

  


“How about we stop for tonight? We don’t want any of you showing up to the theater tired and unable to properly perform,” Anzu warns the troupe.

  


Souma nods in agreement but politely asks for one more try. Hoping that this one last try will satisfy him. Smiling warmly at Souma’s eagerness, they happily agree to Souma’s request. Though they are definitely worked to the bone, Souma’s eagerness manages to wash away every sense of fatigue of the troupe.

  


As long as Souma is happy, they’re willing to do anything.

  


“So tired…” Jun flops onto Natsume, he doesn’t even want to walk anymore. Shu scolds him for pushing all his weight onto Natsume. Stop that. He’s just causing trouble for others. Jun sticks his tongue out as Natsume explains how he doesn’t feel bothered at all. If anything, he’s quite used to it.

  


A thunder strikes, just as Shu tries to pluck Jun off of Natsume’s back.

  


“See―Even God says it’s okay for me to sleep on Sakasaki-san,” Jun jokes as Shu sighs. That’s out of pure luck not because God is trying to warn Shu for ruining Jun’s cuddling time with Natsume. Don’t be so dramatic.

  


The thunder strike wakes Ritsu up, though. He quickly jolts awake, making note of his plants that were left outside in the yard. He quickly tells Mao to let him down so he can save them before they’re ruined. Watching their frantic leader run off, it occurred to them that Ritsu was going to go and save his plants in the rain. Obviously, that was not a good idea.

  


“Wait―we should help him or else, he’ll get sick again!” Anzu orders Winter Troupe as they go after their panicked leader. Jun pretends to doze off a little so he doesn’t have to work but it serves as a failure as Mao scolds him for slacking and Souma kindly asks him to help. Jun really can’t escape work when they’re like this. Is Mao’s inability to say _No_ rubbing off on him? Maybe.

  


A full theater despite the typhoon, Anzu is quite amazed by the sheer power the audience members have. To go watch play in such a condition, Anzu wonders if Winter Troupe are aware of the power they hold. Judging by their gawking reactions, probably not. 

  


Anzu hears Ritsu make a joke that Mao’s fans have the power to arrive at Mao's plays regardless of the conditions, it must have affected the other Winter Troupe fans too. Mao questions how Ritsu knows that, only someone who would do the same would know such a thing. It leaves the rest of the troupe laughing as Ritsu flounders at Mao’s suspicions. There’s no need to hide anymore, Ritsu. At this point, it’s better to just admit that he watched all of Mao’s plays back when he was in Dramatica.

  


Enough of that―they should get ready as the final performance is about to begin.

  


“Shall we hear any final thoughts by our leader?” Mao asks, attempting to signal Souma who seemed out of thought. Probably not realising that he was the leader that _everyone_ was referring to throughout the entire run. Poor guy, he needed to be nudged by Shu to understand that. It kind of makes Anzu giggle a little.

  


Souma thought deeply as the other troupe members waited earnestly.

  


Anzu wondered what kind of speech will Souma give―Will it be like Ritsu who everyone claimed was filled with such childish love for the stage or will it be like Shu who kept pouring his utmost love for Winter Troupe and walked onto the stage with his heart on his sleeve or maybe it could be like Natsume who tried his best to come bare and reciprocated the love that Winter Troupe gave him during his lowest moment? Anzu couldn’t help but wonder as she watched Souma take a deep breath.

  


_Fun._ Everything about Winter Troupe was _fun_.

  


Thanks to Winter Troupe, Souma was able to look past the life he lived in Iridacaea and realise who he truly was. The ability to act and be with Winter Troupe, Souma can’t help but feel overwhelmed with the love and happiness he has whenever he is able to do such things with them. Really, he wants to thank everyone for their help.

  


_Especially Subaru_.

  


Throughout this entire time, Souma can’t help but wonder why Subaru had left him. He felt like he was being discarded away by the other―No longer of use. It was a little disheartening when Subaru banished him from re-entering Iridacaea but now, he feels thankful to Subaru. As absurd as it seems, Souma is glad that Subaru thrust him into this strange adventure of learning himself.

  


“For our last performance, I want to perform our last scene with complete satisfaction―No, I want it to be one that could leave Subaru in awe.”

  


The lights go out, just as Christine begs the Phantom not to hurt Raoul.

  


The last scene seen before the lights go out is Christine’s pitiful figure in the wedding dress, crying. It’s honestly frightening, just seeing that.

  


For a minute, Anzu forgets she’s the director. Regaining her senses, Anzu attempts to ask the manager to stop the show. It’s dangerous to risk the audience and the actors’ safety like this, even if it’ll disappoint Souma tremendously. Before Anzu can even finish her command, she hears Christine continue sob.

  


Christine sings a comforting lullaby. One that Anzu doesn’t entirely recognise―Where did Christine learn such a song? There’s no accompaniment. Just their voice singing solemnly in the dark, asking the Phantom for compassion. Hoping he’ll understand that Christine is human too. The Phantom isn’t the only one in pain. Christine is, as well.

  


Anzu takes this chance to talk to the manager, hoping that this song will buy time for them to get the emergency power running. It won’t be much but one or two spotlights will do. They just have to wait for the right moment. Wait for the right signal to shine the lights.

  


The minute Christine stands to face the Phantom, Anzu alerts the managers to shine the light on them.

  


The Phantom cries. Instead of the feeling of defeat, the Phantom cries at Christine’s comforting voice. Such a mesmerising feeling, the Phantom admitted as Christine calmly asks him to let go of Raoul and the others. No matter how much Christine pities the Phantom, they can’t help but feel angry for hurting others at Christine’s expense. Christine wants to try and help the Phantom, truly _but_ this is all Christine can give.

  


They can hear the angry mob close in, there’s not a lot of time left.

  


The Phantom tells them to go away. Disappear. Never come back. This place―This opera has always been his deathbed. He wishes to carry his music, sins and love in peace. To have Christine and the others be with him during this crucial moment, the Phantom doesn’t want that. Leave. _Please_.

  


Reluctantly, they agree. To be quite honest, Christine was surprised to see the others agree despite the trouble the Phantom has caused. Maybe. Just maybe, they knew the same things Christine did. Maybe they knew too―Maybe they knew that there was another way to help him. If only things were that simple.

  


“ _One day, we can meet again―_ ” 

  


Christine returns the ring. 

  


“ _―I want to be able to return the kindness you gave to me when that time arrives._ ”

  


_Ah._ Such loud applauses. Anzu can’t help but watch Winter Troupe in awe as they bow their heads after the finale. This was the biggest applause they have gotten yet, Anzu hopes Souma realises that his effort has come to fruition. Isn’t that amazing, Anzu wanted to say to Winter Troupe who smiled brightly at Souma thank everyone for coming to the play.

  


Laughter rang in the dorms as everyone talked about the fiascos they had to put up with during their fourth plays. From missing a lead and director to everyone scrambling to help Mitsuru overcome his anxiety to even Summer Troupe nearly taking over Autumn Troupe, Yumenosaki never runs out of problems. Truly, Winter Troupe had the biggest trouble of them all. A power outage. None of the other troupes would know what to do under that situation. Ritsu really proved both his acting skills and leader skills for single-handedly saving the stage.

  


“Akehoshi-dono would have adored that scene,” Shinobu admitted sadly. He admitted that Subaru had always enjoyed Winter Troupe’s dramatic scenes but Ritsu’s adlib was one that would definitely leave Subaru jumping up and down, begging Tsumugi to write a scene like that. To be honest, Shinobu wanted to cry when Ritsu sang. Shinobu doesn’t know why he kept thinking about Subaru when Ritsu sang that lullaby.

  


Maybe Shinobu still couldn’t find any sense of closure so he selfishly used that scene as one.

  


Ritsu pats Shinobu’s head―Don’t apologise for feeling selfish. It must be hard to be the leader with those kinds of feelings weighing Shinobu down, right?

  


Souma admits having similar feelings when he heard Ritsu sing too. It was strange. Souma had kept those feelings and thoughts aside, claiming that this position is nothing but an act of responsibility for the collateral damage that Subaru had caused Yumenosaki. Yet, before Souma could even realise, he began learning to love this troupe known as Winter Troupe. He began learning to love this theater company known as Yumenosaki. He began learning to love this thing, this activity that is named _acting_. It felt so _warm_.

  


For the first time, Souma believes, he _finally_ understood Subaru.

  


This task that Subaru had quietly given to Souma―To learn and love _Kanzaki Souma_. It was a task that Souma would have never taken, if Subaru had been upfront about it. Even if Subaru where to throw a tantrum and tell Souma _exactly_ why he had left Souma here in this country, Souma would have never understood the meaning of those actions.

  


It’s a pity that Souma has yet to give his reply to him.

  


Hearing those words, Anzu couldn’t help but feel confused. What does Souma mean by _he has yet to give his reply to Subaru?_ Anzu stutteredly repeats Souma’s words with a confused tone. Could it be?

  


“ _I intend to return to Iridaceae so I can confront Subaru._ ”

  


There are many reasons why Souma wishes to see Subaru. Souma has too many questions to ask Subaru. Souma has too many things to say to Subaru. How long did Subaru know about Souma? Could it be that the trip they were supposed to take together was a trip where Souma got to learn about himself with Subaru in hand? Was that cruel decision of turning Souma a criminal, Subaru desperately wanting Souma to see his true self? More importantly, did Subaru truly wish to leave this country and become king?

  


Souma couldn’t help but want to charge into the Royal Palace and selfishly ask Subaru those questions. Make a fool out of himself. Selfishly call himself _Kanzaki Souma_ in front of Subaru. Prove Subaru, even if that’s the last time Subaru sees him, that he knows himself now.

  


“Let us go with you!” Shinobu exclaims. Souma isn’t the only person who wishes to know Subaru’s true feelings. Spring Troupe wants to know as well. They wish to see him once more. Even if it’s risky, they wish to see their Akehoshi Subaru once more. No matter what it takes.

  


Seeing Spring Troupe wanting to risk everything for Subaru, it leaves Anzu feeling warm. She laughs when she hears Yuzuru explain that Ibara can cover up any mistake made by the kids, just in case. Those two will always treat something so dangerous so lightly. _How scary_.

  


“We can’t just let Souma-san take care of Spring on his own, right?” Ritsu chips into the conversation suddenly. The idea of Souma guiding Spring Troupe around Iridaceae seems almost comical, especially when the only other helping hands are Yuzuru and Ibara. They would spend more hours on arguing than _helping_.

  


Souma looks at Winter Troupe and Spring Troupe in confusion. Why would you want to help a wanted criminal…?

  


“ _Because you’re not the only―_ ”

  


Ibara instinctively covers Jun’s mouth. Ibara glares at Jun, telepathically arguing in each other’s heads. At least, that’s what it looks like.

  


“Because we don’t want you to do this alone,” Natsume answers. After all, Winter Troupe said it already. They are willing to help Souma in every way possible. Even if it’s something as dangerous as this, they are willing to lend a hand. There’s no need to do things on your own, Souma. Not to mention, this troupe _can never_ _leave you alone_. Natsume should know that. He has felt it firsthand _twice_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ill try to post the last chapters soon!!  
> first of all, i just wanna say thank you to those who have took the time and patience to read this disaster fic & left kudos!! tho i say this fic is purely self-indulgent, im really happy to see ppl like it!!  
> second of all, tbh im not the only idiot behind this au lol sometimes, i get help from nov aka twt user esnoyuutsu who btw sometimes doodles this au([like this one](https://twitter.com/esnoyuuutsu/status/1294196220085198856), [and this one](https://twitter.com/esnoyuuutsu/status/1293564598755311617), [ this one too](https://twitter.com/esnoyuuutsu/status/1261599961453522945))!! thank nov bc w/o them, i probs wouldn't have done this outrageous au lmao  
> idk when ill get the next chaps up but hopefully asap!!  
> anyway, thank you for reading!!


	25. Persona

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Persona: _the image or personality that a person presents in public or in a specific setting—as opposed to their true self._
> 
> Jun isn’t surprised that Ibara and him aren’t the only ones with that sort of trick up their sleeves.  
> Though he says that, he can’t help but feel uneasy whenever he can’t recognise his own friends. 
> 
> Say, why is being in a powerful position so goddamn scary?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I RISE FROM THE DEAD  
> jk hello grossnoona here and finally!! finally!! im like done w act 8!!!  
> its over!! the hell is over!!! _kinda_  
>  there's one more chapter but you can worry about that later  
> for now, enjoy this rather long chapter of yumenosaki going to Iridaceae (not going to lie, I think I mispelled this fake kingdom name A BUNCH OF TIMES so ignore it if you spot one bc I will check it later dw)  
> I hope you have fun!!

“I can make fake passports for those who need it,” Ibara explains to the others. As the days draw near, they discuss various methods to enter Iridaceae. Being an act for the coronation is a sure-fire way to get in with ease. All the plan needs is a couple of tweaks and  _ it should be perfect _ . Or at least,  _ almost perfect _ .

They’re not exactly Eve nor are they Adam so it’s not like they’ll be able to make a plan that is flawless. Especially when only 3 out of the 25 heads in the company have some knowledge in doing dirty work like this. Even 3 is a bit of a stretch for Ibara to say, he thought as he glanced at Jun who was comfortably sleeping on Mao’s lap, his head on his shoulder. What is he? A baby? There’s no need for Mao to pamper him  _ that much _ .

“How will we secure a spot?” Anzu asks. Even if they can safely enter Iridaceae, there’s no point if they can’t secure a spot in the coronation ceremony. Everyone knows that hence why they all look at Ritsu with hopeful looks. Ritsu can’t run away from his name now. With Yumenosaki’s rapid popularity, Ritsu has to succumb to the family name one day. Sure, Souma can say that they can find another way but Ritsu’s name is a key player in securing a spot  _ immediately _ . There’s no need to worry about looking for any sort of patron or anything.

Honestly, Jun never knew how powerful Ritsu’s name was until now.

First of all, Jun didn’t know that  _ Sakuma Ritsu _ and  _ Ritsu _ were  _ two very different people _ .  _ Sakuma Ritsu _ was courteous and spoke in a soft and sleek manner. He would listen intently to the staff as they spoke about the arrangements made. His entire personality was a 180 degree flip from  _ Ritsu _ . Honestly, Jun felt a little weirded out. It made his heart flutter in an unfortunate way.

Second of all, Jun didn’t expect Ritsu to ask for Yumenosaki to stay in a first-class lounge. This was obviously way too much. It was nerve-wracking. The fact that Ritsu even asked if they could rest in a private room was just  _ too much _ . Regardless, Ritsu didn’t listen to any of Kuro’s advice and paid for everyone’s tickets. Even though it probably costs a fortune.

As soon as the staff told them to get a good rest, Ritsu had broken out of his facade. Clearly tired of playing  _ Sakuma Ritsu _ . Yumenosaki owes Ritsu their lives because, without Ritsu’s name, they probably would have a harder time sneaking Souma into Iridaceae. Jun even notes how Ibara’s job is made easier thanks to Ritsu’s insistence on taking first-class. Really, having such a powerful heir on hand has got to be the luckiest thing to happen to them this year alone.

“You don’t have to take off your shoes right now but you can when we get on the plane―In fact, you should probably sleep on the plane since it’ll be a long trip,” Ritsu advises Shinobu who exclaims how Ibara lied to him again. Really, Ibara should stop picking on Shinobu. Just because he’s gullible doesn’t mean you should be lying to him at every chance you get. How awful of Ibara.

Before Winter Troupe and Spring Troupe begin to scold Ibara for lying to Shinobu again, Souma thanks Ritsu for letting him use Ritsu’s name as a way to secure such a late entry. The Winter Troupe leader laughs sheepishly before calling the issue, something trivial. Ritsu rarely uses his name as a way to hack his way through things unless necessary.  _ This trip _ counts as necessary so there’s no need to thank or repay him. Just being able to see Subaru once more is enough for Ritsu, honestly.

Besides, there are other important things to worry about. Being in a first-class lounge shouldn’t even remotely be a problem to them. A problem for Yumenosaki is figuring out how to convey  _ their _ play in a country that doesn’t speak their language.

The discussion gets carried on as they board the plane. It only comes to halt once it becomes merely impossible to ignore the fatigue that washes them over. Even though Jun was comfortably asleep, he could still hear the conversation that Ritsu had with Shinobu.

“Isara-dono and you are very comfortable on stage,  _ especially together _ ―I want to be like you, one day.”

Jun hears Ritsu laugh softly. If Jun were to be honest, he might agree with Shinobu too. Mao and Ritsu are really comfortable together. Everyone in Winter Troupe was surprised to hear them have no issue with kissing. Kissing is kissing, they said. As long as they can convey the feelings that the characters have for each other, they don’t mind those sorts of things at all. Jun was a little envious since he felt embarrassed and nervous to even peck Ritsu on the lips. It’s amazing, really.

“That night when you acted like it was scripted, even though there was trouble, it reminded me of a play I watched as a child,” Shinobu spoke about a play he watched during an art appreciation event in his kindergarten. Actors staying in their roles despite the troubles they faced on stage. It moved Shinobu. It’s funny. Though the experience left such a huge impact, he has never actually looked for the troupe that left such an impression on him.

Just hearing Shinobu excitedly whisper about this troupe, Ritsu wonders if they should catch a show by them when Winter Troupe and Spring Troupe come back from this trip. If they’re lucky, they might be closer than Shinobu could ever imagine. Let’s watch together when Ritsu and Shinobu get back, okay?

“Y’know, that sounds like a fun activity that I want to tag along but shouldn’t you two be sleeping?” Jun hears Mao mumble. Shinobu fumbles out an apology while Ritsu makes a joke about Mao being excited and nervous about the performance. Even then, it’s obvious that Mao is tired. Jun doesn’t know what Ritsu means by that but it doesn’t matter, that trio has already settled their conversation. Leaving Jun listening to the quiet breathing the staff and passengers make as they sleep.

Jun wished things were that peaceful forever but from time to time, he is proven wrong.

Ibara is best when he’s deep in sleep and not scolding Jun’s ear off about buying candied flowers and other sweet delicacies that are local to Iridaceae. Oh, shut up. He complains and complains but his hand instinctively reaches for the cayenne pepper leaves and other strange spices as if that isn’t him splurging on useless items as well. Things don’t change at all, huh? Here Jun assumed Ibara would have stopped splurging as much with how often he travels.

Even after Yumenosaki meets Tsumugi’s brother, Ibara and Jun continue to argue. To be honest, they only stop once Souma begins to introduce them to the subordinate that has been helping them. Iris bows her head and welcomes the company to Iridaceae. She smiles warmly as she explains that the food served is all on her, don’t hesitate to eat comfortably. It must be tiring to eat airplane food for 12 hours straight. Iris can’t imagine how sick of airplane food the company must be.

Jun listens to Souma asks about Subaru’s well-being.

Subaru has been relatively busy with preparations regarding the coronation. He must be tired and lonely, Jun thought as he listened to Souma explain how Iris has been trying to look after Subaru in Souma’s stead. Despite how smoothly the preparations have been, it seems something has been bothering Iris. It’s regarding Subaru, especially.

Though Subaru might have no means to become king, Iris and Souma are aware that Subaru had the means to dismantle some unnecessary power structures. As well-liked as Subaru may be to the public, he is a threat to those who benefit heavily on those power structures. Iris expresses her worries about people threatening Subaru for being  _ impure _ for the throne.

“ _ Impure? _ ” Anzu asks confusedly.

Souma explains that Subaru is only partial Iridaceae, similar to Souma. Some people believe that these ideas he has if he were to become King, derives from the fact that he is not fully-Iridaceae. Purposely stating that he’s planning to target those who are fully-Iridaceae or whatever weird ideas that go in their heads. To be honest, not even Souma fully understands what they’re saying half of the time.

“Due to their foolish acts, it’s no doubt they’re the reason why Subaru had fled abroad.”

Must be hard to balance so many responsibilities, Jun thought as Souma mentioned that there might be an unexpected danger during the coronation. Being king is hard. No wonder Subaru mentioned that he felt weird playing the Queen of Hearts. He must be suffocating underneath all that pressure. Poor thing.

“Even if there’s no chance to talk to Subaru, why don’t we try to put up a performance that’ll help convey everyone’s feelings to him?” Ritsu suggests. Mao notes that there might not be enough time to practice, though. The Royal Palace is only open to the public on the day of the coronation and there are many theater troupes, Souma wonders if he could ask Iris to arrange a practice area for Yumenosaki.

Winter Troupe discusses various ways to reach the audience during their performance. Whether it be Shu’s peculiar ways to enchant the audience with his words to Mao’s stupid suggestions of imitating Ritsu’s stupid fanservice. There’s a never-ending list of things that they want to try with the Iridaceae audience. Even then, not  _ all of them _ seem like a good idea.

“How about we have the Phantom serenade Christine during one of the crucial scenes?” Shu suggests

Souma makes mention of how he can’t think of a lullaby to sing, like Ritsu. Not to mention, he will end up croaking mid-way if he tries to do it without thorough training. He can’t sight-read as well as the others. If there’s anything that will happen during such a moment is Souma’s failed attempt to be pretty and become a laughing stock.

“If you feel any better, I’ll  _ gladly _ hit you in the head if we go through with Itsuki-san’s idea,” Jun attempts to reassure but it comes off almost comical and in-character for such a thing to happen on stage. The idea of Carlotta hitting the Phantom in the head for serenading so poorly to Christine sounds almost something like Tsumugi could put in the script without question. Either Tsumugi is getting better at accurately guessing the troupes’ actions or the troupes have been getting  _ too into  _ their characters lately.

The troupe laughs as Shu makes jokes about Carlotta scrutinizing the Phantom for his poor singing. Natsume wonders if Carlotta should boldly teach the Phantom how to sing as Christine watches them in utter confusion.

“ _ God no _ ―Sometimes, I barely think I’m carrying a note on stage,” Jun admits rather honestly. Souma excitedly agrees with Jun’s statement. It’s just merely impossible to carry a tune on stage when  _ so many people _ are looking at you. Souma thinks he cracked his voice a couple of times out of nervousness. He can only imagine Subaru’s face if he saw that.

Anzu giggles as the members reassure him that he’s just overthinking again. Surely, Subaru would enjoy the performance regardless of Souma’s capabilities.

Recently, Souma has gotten better at expressing. It’s a whole new version of Souma. One that Subaru has  _ yet _ to see. An update that Subaru might assume Souma was incapable of processing. Anzu couldn’t help but think how exciting it is to show Subaru this new version of Souma.

_ Will Subaru be able to understand the feelings of Kanzaki Souma? _

“There are guests already?!” Anzu exclaims as she watches the guests usher into the theater. Souma nods―there are no reserved seats so guests must arrive early to be able to get a good spot. Though, the best seats are reserved for the Royal family.

Natsume and Ritsu ask about the history of the theater. Judging by its interior and structure, it looks rather old. Mao can’t help but wonder if it can even hold itself together anymore. 

Souma hums in agreement. The theater is actually  _ rarely _ used. It used to be for the Royal family only but due its deteriorating structure, it has only been reserved for ceremonies like this. Sooner or later, it’ll be rebuilt. Possibly after the coronation ceremony.

_ Such a waste _ .

Though Jun understands completely. Jun hears Shu ask about the chandelier, the two of them wonder if it’s  _ actually _ real. It almost looks like it's only for display. Nothing more.

Souma explains that the chandelier is, in fact, real. It has been in use since the very beginning. Although, it uses candles instead of lights unlike the rest of the building so it doesn’t illuminate much. Though, it does set a rather eerie ambiance.

“ _ Rather suitable for our play, I believe. _ ”

Jun nods in agreement. Though, it’s a shame that they don’t have enough time to practice so they can incorporate the chandelier into their play. Even then, it’s not like they’ll be able to do much with it. The chandelier looks fragile, anyway. Jun tries not to think so much about how scary having such a flammable thing hanging above their heads as they perform on stage. It sends shivers down his spine as Ritsu pushes everyone to practice as much as they can.

They can only practice so much before it’s just far too late.

The first show is about to begin. Jun watches the first troupe prepare themselves. Rather swiftly too. Though, Jun wonders where the troupe is from. It seemed filled with a mix of different nationalities. It’s led by a sharp-looking dark-hair man and a chatty blond man. Jun couldn’t help but follow their movements as they went up on stage.

_ Cool. That’s all Jun could describe them as. Cool. _

“During the intermission for Winter Troupe’s performance, we’re going to approach the balcony with Iris’ guidance,” Souma’s explanation cuts through Jun’s thoughts.  _ Right _ . Right. Jun shouldn’t be watching that troupe in awe, just yet. They have to plan a way to approach Subaru safely and discreetly. Souma explains ways to avoid being caught by the guards, dispelling any worries made by the other members.

As flawless as this plan may seem, Jun doesn’t actually know if it’ll go well. Jun wishes he didn’t have that built up anxiety he has whenever these types of things pop up, can’t he have some faith in Yumenosaki? It’s hard to imagine that.

Even then, he can only hope that things work out.

What a funny sight, Ibara thought.

Ibara kind of wants to hurl at the sight. Who knew he could feel so out of reach with Akehoshi Subaru? Ibara never thought Subaru could ever feel so far from the rest of the troupe. It’s clear that Tsumugi, Midori and Shinobu are uncomfortable at the sight of Subaru in his regalia, greeting the citizens with such skillful courtesy. Though Yuzuru doesn’t seem the slightest bit impressed by this version of Subaru. Could it be that Yuzuru is already used to other people’s personas?

“I take back my comments from the last dinner we had with him,” Yuzuru suddenly admits. It seemed Subaru’s clothes didn’t suit him at all, according to Yuzuru. If anything, it looked terrible on him. To Yuzuru, Subaru is all worn-out T-shirts and sneakers. Not this polished prince-costume that Subaru was probably stuffed into.

How funny. With Yuzuru’s rude commentary, it’s easy for Spring Troupe to be dispelled from the worries that Subaru is too out of reach. Ibara didn’t think Yuzuru was even capable of such things. Time to time, Ibara is proven wrong by Yuzuru and his words.

Really―How is that possible?

It’s honestly endearing to see so many people enjoy theater. Anzu watches the troupes in awe as they perform their stories flawlessly on stage despite the language barriers. Who knew such things could transcend languages and culture? Anzu wonders if Winter Troupe could do the same. She can only hope such a thing was possible.

She hears them discuss using a trap door during one of the crucial scenes but it seems such a request was denied. What a shame. Though, it seemed better they not try it without any form of practice. It’d be a dangerous thing to attempt anyway.  _ Especially _ since they didn’t want to risk Souma and Ritsu’s well-being.

“Let’s perform how we always do―No matter what, we should try our best to convey everyone’s feelings to Subaru.” Ritsu holds onto the members’ hands tightly. Let’s do our best, Ritsu always says with a slight shaky voice. Jun always prop his head on Ritsu, hoping it’ll ease him a little. Though, it’s hard to stay calm like this when Jun is just as nervous as Ritsu.

This is the first play Yumenosaki has ever done outside of the country.

Shu tries to reassure everyone that if they do well, this will open new paths like tours around the world. Who knows? All Shu knows is that he would love to travel around the world with Winter Troupe. Wouldn’t that be a fascinating trip to have? Them around the world? Shu can’t help but feel excited, just thinking about it.

“Slow down there―We won’t even know if we’ll make it through this performance  _ alive _ .” Mao stops Shu from drifting off to topics that shouldn’t matter now. They can discuss such matters  _ after _ the show, Mao promises Shu. Natsume couldn’t help but giggle about how fun it’d be to travel with Winter Troupe. Shall they visit Greece together one day?

Souma makes a quick mention that he owns an international driver's license so there is no objection towards such a trip. Mao groans and mentions that they  _ seriously _ can worry about those useless details  _ later _ . Do they want to give Subaru a performance that he'll remember forever or not?

Winter Troupe laughs at Mao’s exasperation. Sorry, sorry. It’s just―Such worries are hard to scare away. It can’t be helped, they were all just trying to calm themselves down before the performance. Ritsu himself has gone completely mute due to nervousness. What a pity, Jun thought as Ritsu avoided looking at any of the members in the eye.

“We’ll be okay,” Souma voices a thought, looking at Ritsu softly.

Ritsu takes a deep breath and nods. They’ll be okay. Souma is right. There’s nothing to worry about anymore, Ritsu. All they should think about is the performance so let’s go together, okay?

“ _ For the next play―Yumenosaki Company from Japan will be performing Phantom F and the Opera of Grief. _ ”

Subaru  _ immediately _ corrects his posture and leans forward when he hears that announcement. Yumenosaki Company? As in  _ his _ Yumenosaki Company? How did they get here? Are all of them here? Subaru can’t help but frantically search the audience for a sign of  _ any _ of the members but it’s useless, the lights dim and he is unable to tell apart the ocean of people that are below him.

A spotlight is shone on stage and Ritsu stands before him.

Ritsu has always scared him a little, the way he stares directly and smiles warmly at Subaru― _ Can he see me? _

“ _ Ritsu? _ ”

A guard hums confusedly at Subaru. His father asks if he was alright. Subaru nods and leans back into his chair.

“ _ Ah, it was nothing. _ ”

Christine giggles as Raoul frowns about Christine’s rude jab at Carlotta’s kissing abilities. At least praise her, will you? Thanks to Carlotta, Christine survived with no injuries. They should at least buy dinner for her or something. Carlotta can be kind too, beneath all of that diva exterior she has.

“Let’s hope your brother doesn’t try to flirt with her,” Christine teases. Raoul groans a little―Do they  _ have _ to bring Phillippe? Can’t they just let him find another dancer to shamelessly make out with? It’s not like Carlotta would be awkward with just the three of them? Unless Christine is trying match-making as a side hustle?

Stop asking too many questions, Christine lightly smacks Raoul. They aren’t match-making. They just think Phillippe would be nice to have dinner with. Not to mention, Raoul and Phillippe will go home together after dinner. Wouldn’t it be nice to spend some time with your brother, Raoul? Just this once, okay? Christine promises. 

Raoul gives in. He can’t say  _ no _ to Christine at all. They leave the rooftop with spurts of giggles and kisses.

Such a youthful couple, Phantom will admit that. Such a shame that Christine has poor taste in men. What does this man have that the Phantom doesn’t? The Phantom couldn’t see a single thing that seemed well-suited for his dear Christine. That man was the same man that the Phantom stole Christine from, the first night the Phantom revealed himself to Christine. What a persistent fool. Couldn’t the man leave his dear Christine alone?

Poor Christine, don’t worry about a thing. The Phantom can whisk such a persistent man away from his dear Christine.

“ _ We will now take a fifteen-minute intermission. _ ”

Shinobu claps as he praises Winter Troupe for doing such a wonderful job. Ibara laughs as Shinobu embarrassedly admits how red his skin turned when he saw Mao and Ritsu kiss. No matter how many times he sees it, his skin can’t help but turn red at the sight of it. Though, Shinobu doesn’t have to be embarrassed about it. The rest of the audience seemed to feel the same way, Ibara can reassure.

Ibara hears the audience murmur about how enjoyable the play was. Though some of the audience seemed caught up about the kissing. Was it that strange to see two men kiss on stage? Maybe Ibara was too used to seeing Mao and Ritsu be lovey-dovey to ever realise the absurdity of it.

Though, aren’t the entirety of Winter Troupe lovey-dovey to each other? Surely, Winter Troupe would be able to kiss each other as casually as those two one day.

Just as he hears Yuzuru tell Midori that kissing isn’t embarrassing, Ibara is met with Iris who informs them that she will be guiding them to Subaru. Since Souma isn’t here with them, Ibara has to be the translator, huh? What a shame.

“ _ Quickly, please― _ ”

Talk about tough security. Far more secure than usual too. Last time Ibara was here, the security wasn’t this tight. Given Ibara visited during a down-period, it was only expected that it wouldn’t be as heavily guarded as now. Even then, isn’t this too much? Unless they’re aware that Subaru is at a risky position? It wouldn’t be surprising if that was the case.

Iris points at the staircase and explains that once they go up the stairs, they will be led to the hall that is connected to the balcony. Soon enough, they’ll be able to meet Subaru and confront him with all the feelings that Spring Troupe has carried up till now.

“ _ Iris, _ ” A soft voice was heard at the top of the stairs, Spring Troupe looked up to see a woman standing in confusion. Ibara sees Iris bow her head in a hurried manner, apologising too. Could she be―?

“ _ Your highness, I apologise for the disturbance―This is Prince Subaru’s mother, _ ” Iris explains to Ibara who nods in understanding before relaying the information to the rest of the troupe. She bears some resemblance to Subaru, her smile is warm like his. The troupe couldn’t help but look at her in awe. Subaru’s mother is Japanese, just like Souma had explained last night.

Subaru’s mother speaks to them in Japanese, telling them not to give her such worried faces. Though Subaru fled the country and joined a troupe without his parents’ permission, she is the only one between her and his father to know about it in full detail. She even winks at them, implying that she knows far more than any of the members could imagine.

Though it seems, that’s not why she’s out here in the hall.

Subaru’s mother tells them that she was confused as to why Subaru had to suddenly leave without the King and Queen. After all, they’re supposed to leave together. It seemed against the coronation ceremony schedule, as well. Uneased, Subaru’s mother left to find him but it seemed she was too late. Subaru had gone missing and it is leaving her in panic. She’s afraid of there being people who want to hurt him, simply because they don’t think he deserves to be king.

“If his father finds out, things are not going to go well― _ Iris, if possible, find Subaru while I take his friends to tell Souma about the current situation. _ ” Subaru’s mother ordered the servant in a rather strict manner. They watch Iris nod and runoff, leaving the troupe awfully queasy at the situation.

Even then, despite her strict aura and swift course of action, Shinobu manages to selfishly want to find Subaru too. Subaru’s mother smiles sadly at Shinobu, she coos at his bravery but such a task is far too dangerous for him. Far too dangerous for any of the members, actually. It’s best they stick with the current plan.

“I can go find him,” Ibara suddenly admits. He doesn’t quite understand why he’s suggesting such a task upon himself. Isn’t that troublesome? Ibara can’t say so. Subaru is important to him so it only makes sense to want to take such a dangerous task, right?

Subaru’s mother gives an unclear look before sighing to herself.

“Very well but be careful.”

Subaru’s mother guides the rest of the troupe to the theater. Ibara takes a minute, watching their backs get smaller and smaller as they disappear into the background.  _ Be careful _ , Subaru’s mother says but how can he?

Ibara turns around to see Yuzuru not wanting to look him in the eye. Clearly, embarrassed for pushing such a task upon himself as well. It can’t be helped. Ibara is aware of how Yuzuru feels about Subaru being in danger. Yuzuru would foolishly agree to stick with Ibara than follow Subaru’s mother’s orders even though her plan makes sense and is safer than what they’re doing now. Though, Ibara can’t blame Yuzuru for doing this.

“ _ Please, _ ” Yuzuru quietly begged as he held the hem of Ibara’s shirt.

Ibara took a deep breath. Pretending to consider his other options, even though he doesn’t have any. There’s no other choice. Well, more like, Ibara doesn’t want any other choice.

  
“ _ Okay, _ ” Ibara whispered back as he took Yuzuru’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact, i didn't really made it intentional for ibara to have the first line and last line  
> when i finished this chapter i was like _Oh? Interesting_  
>  anyway Im going to nyoomnyoom the last chapter so pls be patient!!  
> this entire act has been filled w so many waiting gaps (and its all bc i have been having a hard time writing this) but I hope you had fun!!  
> thank you for reading!!!


	26. Don't Say Goodbye Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s rude and stupid but let’s be selfish, only this once.  
> Don’t worry about anything else.  
> Nothing else matters as much as us right now.
> 
> From Spring to Summer to Autumn to Winter,  
> Until the days of flower blossoms,  
> Please stay―please stay here a little longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (pops party poppers) ITS HERE THE END!! IT IS NIGH!!!!!!!!  
> that aside, today's summary is not even a poem or anything but pls imagine alice saying it (yes hes in this chapter oh my god he finally appears after HOW MANY TIMES HE GETS MENTIONED)  
> so I want to personally apologise bc I was going through a lot while making this and it just had so many gaps in waiting so im sorry if you're sad that act 8 took so long to make but its over!! thank you for supporting throughout the entire process!!  
> i hope you enjoy!!

What a strange position to be in, Ibara thought. Though Ibara doesn’t doubt Yuzuru’s abilities, he can’t help but feel a little worried. As capable as Yuzuru may seem, Yuzuru is still a normal person with no real combat training. Sure, Ibara could say he isn’t responsible over Yuzuru’s well-being but he doesn’t want to lose Yuzuru as well.

“ _ You two there―What are you doing here?! _ ”

Ibara and Yuzuru turn to the sight of a guard, attempting to usher them out. Return to the theater, he says as Yuzuru looks at him in confusion. Ibara isn’t surprised by the genuine look on Yuzuru’s face, it’s clear that he doesn’t understand the guard’s orders. Before Ibara can make up a lie to explain why they’re here, Yuzuru pulls out a bottle and offers it to the guard with a silent smile.

_ God, Ibara hates that silent smile of his _ .

Much to Ibara’s surprise, the guard decides to pretend that he didn’t attempt to bark out orders at them earlier. Well, that was easier than either of them expected. Ibara gives Yuzuru a funny look, hoping it’ll trigger an explanation as to why he’s carrying a bottle of sake around. Does he miss Japan that much?

Yuzuru chuckles as he shakes his head.

“Tsumugi’s brother gave it to me.” Ibara makes a disgusted face, simply not wanting to hear any further explanation. Yuzuru laughs as Ibara grumbles about how he prefers Subaru over Tsumugi’s older brother. He can understand the sentiment that Tsumugi has whenever he meets his brother. How dreadful.

After a few minutes of idle wandering, Ibara hears radio static. Pretending to have an interest in a different painting that is hung on the wall, Ibara and Yuzuru hide between the pillars. Oh? Have they found Subaru already? Ibara listens intently to the guard talking to the handheld transceiver.

“ _ The prince’s subordinate sniffed out the plan, but the prince was lured by the decoy. We’ve locked him up in the trap cellar just as planned. _ ”

Ibara hums to himself as Yuzuru quietly asks for a translation. Well, it looks like they have a trap cellar to go. Ibara tells Yuzuru to follow him quickly. The guard won’t notice them but it won’t be long before he starts feeling suspicious of them. 

Though, a trap cellar and a chandelier? Are they planning to burn the whole theater down? Yuzuru makes a mention that they probably would drop a chandelier after the intermission. If they’re not quick enough, there is a chance that  _ everyone _ is going to die in that theater. Not the best way to die, in Yuzuru’s opinion. Not to mention, Yuzuru doesn’t want to be on a plane  _ alone _ with Ibara.  _ God no. _

“Can you not be morbid for five seconds?”

Yuzuru gives him an unconvinced look.

“Can you not be sneaky for five seconds?”

Ibara sighs. He gives in. They have no time for foolish arguments. They have to get to the trap cellar, as soon as possible. Though, how are they going to get past the tight security around there? Yuzuru’s trick from earlier won’t work on them, for sure. Unless they use brute force? That would do a better job than luring them away.

“Fushimi, do you mind if you closed your eyes?”

Yuzuru quirks an eyebrow.

“Literally or to the crime you are about to commit?”

_ Both. _

Yuzuru sighs and closes his eyes. He takes the time to mumble how dangerous and stupid this idea is. Ibara couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Yuzuru standing behind a pillar with his eyes closed, grumbling how stupid it is that Ibara thinks he’s invincible. Ibara doesn’t think he’s invincible, though? He just doesn’t want Yuzuru to get hurt, that’s all.

“Have some faith in your junior, will you?” Yuzuru manages to bark out, despite how cowardly his current state looks. Ibara wants to burst into laughter at the sight but he doesn’t. He simply kisses Yuzuru’s forehead and tells him that this will only take a short while. Don’t worry about Ibara, he’ll be okay.

How funny. Samael would have hated this kind of situation and relationship. If it were Samael that Yuzuru was in contact with, Samael would have forced the other to fend for himself. Samael doesn’t like anyone else but Eve and Sandalphon. He would have proceeded with the mission, not giving a single damn if Yuzuru had fallen through the cracks.

_ Say, why do you care so much about this guy? It’s not like he’s of any real use. _

Ibara’s moves begin to stutter a little, giving the guards a chance to actually get a hit at him. How scary. What a dangerous situation to be in. Why did Ibara have to think so hard about Yuzuru’s well-being? Why didn’t Ibara scold Yuzuru and tell him to follow the rest of Spring Troupe like how he’s supposed to? Isn’t he just dead weight? Ibara couldn’t help but feel pathetic when those questions ran through his mind.

_ Smash! _

Ibara catches the sight of white porcelain breaking against a guard’s head, Yuzuru has his fist in another guard’s face. Though a part of him that rings closely to Samael, bitterly notes how Yuzuru didn’t keep his promise. Another part of him is glad that he didn’t. Ibara watches Yuzuru hiss a little in pain but it doesn’t wipe away the concerned look he gives Ibara.

“Senpai, are you alright?” Yuzuru asks, lending him a hand. Instinctively, Yuzuru begins to check Ibara for any injuries. Sighing in relief when it seemed clear that Ibara had not sustained any serious injury. Quickly, the two of them hastily unlock the door to the trap cellar.

They find Subaru on the floor, clearly dizzy and unaware of the situation he had been placed in. Ibara and Yuzuru carefully help him up as he mumbles complete nonsense. No matter the situation, Subaru is still talking complete nonsense, huh? Though, Ibara will praise him for being able to speak absolute garbage in  _ both _ languages.

“We can’t really explain what’s going on right now but we have to leave this instance!”

Despite them rehearsing and going over the lines together, Jun couldn’t help but notice how distracted Natsume was. Though he recited and acted out his lines and scenes perfectly, his eyes would avert to something else as soon as he’s done. Why is that?

“ _ The intermission will be ending shortly. Kindly, please take your seats. _ ”

Winter Troupe can only alter so much before it goes completely against the script.  _ Especially without rehearsals _ . Not everyone is good at improv, either. They’ll have to make-do with their current situation. Even then, Jun can’t help but point out his concerns towards Natsume. It’s freaking him out a little, to be honest.

“Sakasaki-san, are you alright?”

Natsume hums confusedly as the other members look at him in concern. He reassures them that he’s fine. He’s just  _ concerned _ . That chandelier over there has been swaying for a while now. Natsume can’t help but feel uneasy with how such a dangerous thing sways rather violently. What makes the situation even more concerning, only the chandelier is swaying. Nothing else is moving in such a manner.

It’s not like they can complain, though. Surely, it’ll fall on deaf ears. All they can do is be cautious and hope that the play runs smoothly.

“You’re really dressing to impress, aren’t you?” Christine jokes as they watch Carlotta correct her dress. Of course, she is. Why wouldn’t she be? Just because they’re friends now, doesn’t mean Carlotta is going to let herself be outdressed by Christine. Don’t get your hopes up.

Christine laughs as Carlotta scoffs at them.

Lately, Carlotta’s insults have turned into light jabs. Christine wonders if that’s a sign of the two of them being close friends? That’s probably wishful thinking. Even then, a relationship like this is fine. Christine quite enjoys it, actually.

“A grand masquerade ball like this―Richard sure loves flaunting himself,” Carlotta comments as they thread through the sea of guests. To pull such an event, Richard must believe that the Phantom’s outburst was a one-time thing. Christine wants to hope it is, Carlotta doubts it. If anything, she feels uneasy over his absence throughout the months. Just what is he up to? Christine hums in understanding.

Carlotta shakes her head. She doesn't want her mood ruined, to be honest. The masquerade is a very enchanting event, she doesn’t want to spend the entire night in despair. How pitiful. Should she wash away these anxious thoughts with alcohol?

“By the way, when is that fiancee of yours arriving?”

Christine tilts her head in confusion.

“Raoul? He’ll be here soon―Why do you ask?”

Carlotta hums. Is it wrong to say that she may have some form of interest with Raoul’s brother, Phillippe? Christine laughed as they shook their head. Not at all but why Phillippe of all people? That's a rather poor taste in Christine's opinion.

Carlotta scoffs. No way is Carlotta hearing Christine say she has poor taste when Christine is the one in love with her own childhood friend. How cliche. Get better taste, will you? If not, don’t judge Carlotta for catching feelings for a frivolous man. Isn’t Christine’s fiancee the same? Neither of them can judge.

“I know but you’ve only met him  _ twice _ ―How can that happen?” Christine couldn’t stop laughing at Carlotta’s reddening face. Sometimes, it just happens, you know? Can you knock it off, Christine? Carlotta is being honest here!

Christine apologises for laughing at Carlotta’s blooming feelings for Raoul’s older brother. For a minute, Christine tries to picture the idea of Carlotta being their sister-in-law. Definitely hard to imagine.

“Bold of you to go straight to marriage when I don’t even know if that man likes me,” Carlotta comments crudely as Christine laughs harder. That’s true. Christine is making bold assumptions, though Phillippe isn’t so bad. Outside of his track record of being a womanizer, he’s not so bad. He’s sincere and smart. He can be caring at times if he isn’t chasing another woman’s skirt. Maybe Carlotta doesn’t have terrible taste.

“Though, I think you’d get along with Phillippe well― _ Carlotta? _ ”

Jun has to admit, he wasn’t focusing on Ritsu at all. It was just merely impossible to continue on with the act when the swaying of the chandelier was just  _ so distracting _ . Alarming, even. Is that safe? Jun completely understands how uneasy Natsume was, prior to the show continuing.

No good. Judging by how violent it sways, Ritsu and he are going to get  _ severely _ hurt. Though, how do they keep in character in this kind of situation? Jun can’t suddenly cut Ritsu off and run back to see what the hell is going on. There has to be another way to confront this situation.

“ _ Carlotta? Are you alright? _ ”

Ritsu gives him a confused look, clearing wanting an explanation as to why Jun is suddenly going off-script. None of the members nor the staff are asking them to stop, leaving Jun rather uncomfortable with the lack of concern.

“Move back,” Jun whispers, almost inaudible but it’s enough for Ritsu to hear.

Ritsu mouths the word back but has a confused face. He doesn’t understand the situation at all, does he? Is he aware that standing in the center is dangerous? Maybe, he isn’t aware because his brain is caught up in playing the character. For once, Jun wished Ritsu wasn’t like this.

“Move back, Ritsu―”

_ Crash! _

Before Jun could even finish that sentence, the chandelier crashes deadly close to them. They slip and fall to the ground as they scramble away from the burning chandelier. This isn’t good at all. Jun has to thank his instincts for grabbing Ritsu close quickly enough. Even then, that doesn’t really change the situation they’re in. Damn these skirts, Shu put them in. Judging by how quickly the fire is spreading, they’re going to be burnt alive thanks to these skirts. If he makes it alive, he’s going to make Shu make these skirts detachable. 

“ _ Woah―! _ ”

The entire structure of the stage is falling apart. This is really bad. Just why did Subaru have to be a prince?! Couldn’t he live an easier life like a spy or something?! They wouldn’t be stuck in this kind of situation, had it not been the fact that Subaru was a crowned prince!

Jun feels Ritsu’s grip tighten as he winces in pain. Right, Jun is left with Winter Troupe’s  _ physically _ weakest member. The smoke and heat is probably affecting Ritsu more than Jun. Jun wants to ask Ritsu if he’s alright but he stops himself. Mao has mentioned before that Ritsu can barely hear himself and his surroundings when he’s hurt and panicked like this. Jun can only cling tightly to Ritsu as they try to get out of the fire as soon as possible.

“ _ Who is responsible for this!? Is this the doing of the Phantom who haunts this Opera!? _ ”

As dangerous as it seems, Jun stops for a minute. Is that Shinobu?

“ _ Christine! Carlotta! _ ”

Ah, Mao too. Are they trying to treat this entire hazard as a part of the act? Are they crazy?! 

“ _ Find the Phantom! I won’t let him do as he pleases for any longer! We must capture him now! _ ”

Think of a line, Jun. Just any. At least, he’ll be able to signal the others that Jun and Ritsu are safe. Think of something. Come on.

“ _ Raoul, be useful for once in your Goddamn life and call a doctor! _ ”

Good enough. Okay, acting time is over. With Ritsu’s current state, Jun and Ritsu will die. Ritsu won’t be able to say his lines, at this rate. Let’s just hope, the audience can’t see Carlotta carry Christine and kick things away so the path is clear. It’s an absurd sight but cut him some slack. Keeping in character during dangerous situations has never been his forte.

“ _ Carlotta, this way! _ ”

Jun looks up to find Natsume signaling him over. They quickly escape the fire, as they hear the Queen order the guards to extinguish the fire and the audience to stay calm as they exit the theater. Before Jun and Ritsu can even catch a break, the Queen ushers more guards to take care of their injuries.

The theater was partially destroyed, but there were no severe injuries and every guest is safe. That was a good thing to hear. As for Jun and Ritsu, they’re just lucky that they made it out alive and the costumes were only covered in soot. Though, Jun is just glad that Ritsu is okay. It was honestly scary to be in that position, he’s never really had to carry such a fragile thing in his life. He was glad that Winter Troupe quickly came in, as soon as they got out of the fire.

“Oh, don’t make that face―You’re hideous when you cry,” Subaru’s mother states as Subaru makes a tearful face. It can’t be helped. Due to Subaru’s disobedience, things had unfolded this way. To the extent of getting his own friends hurt, it’s hard not to want to cry about it like a big baby. Subaru’s mother laughs as Subaru tells her that he hates crying like this, in front of his friends and mother.

Though, it’s no one’s fault that Subaru reacted that way.

Neither is it anyone’s fault for Souma to crawl back here, wanting to see Subaru again.

As dangerous it seems for either of them to make such hasty decisions. No one can blame them for reacting that way. Even if it happens to be at the expense of others. Though only Subaru’s mother can say that, who knows what Subaru’s father will say about this?

“ _ We are currently investigating the cause, but we will set a near date to hold the ceremony again for our people, who were looking forward to— _ ”

Subaru’s mother halts her husband from speaking any further. 

“ _ My dear, _ ” Subaru’s mother calls for him, gesturing Subaru to come closer as well. Yumenosaki could only watch them discuss amongst themselves about the entire situation. Iris had joined them to watch the Royal family discuss in private. Clearly weighing each and every decision that was made, that led to this outcome.

Not long, Iris and Souma are called into the meeting.

Are things going to be alright? Jun looks at Ibara, hoping that maybe he would have an answer but the other could only shrug. None of them have dealt with these types of things so they can only sit in agony as they wait for the outcome. At least, the guards are friendly and hospitable so it’s not like they’re waiting to be sent to jail or anything.

“If  _ He _ saw us like this, would  _ He _ punish us?” Jun asks jokingly.

Ibara gives him an unconvinced look. Trying to jog your memory right now? When Jun is sitting next to his unconscious leader? Jun never stops being ridiculous and unable to read the room.

“We’d be punished to death but if Eve were around,  _ He _ would have us reluctantly off the hook,” Ibara responded with a sigh. Jun laughed a little. Yea, Eve would have gotten He to let the two of them go. Though, they’d probably be punished by Eve.

Reciting tongue-twisters or maybe helping him out the lab. They used to do those types of things a lot, growing up.

“ _ Though _ , Eve would praise you for one thing,” Ibara notes how Jun being able to save himself and Ritsu would be something Eve would praise him for.  _ Greatly _ . He’d call Jun a prince for being able to save Ritsu. Kind of makes Ibara jealous, a little.

Jun smiles softly at Ibara’s embarrassing confession.

It’s not like Jun is the only one who would receive praise from Eve. Ibara too. Saving a prince  _ and  _ managing to keep his partner alive? Now that’s a rare sight. No way would Samael do that. He'd have either come back with the prince’s dead body or his partner’s dead body. Either way, someone  _ has _ to die and Samael isn’t in the list of options.

Ibara shoves Jun lightly, telling him to knock it off. Ibara is aware that Samael wouldn’t do that. Stop teasing him.

Subaru comes out with a rather worried look. He approaches Yumenosaki with a meek face. He bows his head in sincerity and apologises to them for all the trouble caused today. The fact that Yumenosaki even flew out to see Subaru, it’s clear that Subaru could never repay Yumenosaki like this. He thanks them for everything that they have done.

“Allow me to make arrangements for the guards to take you back to your hotel, please.”

Subaru mentions that it’s only fair, after the tremendous trouble he has put on them. Not to mention, he doesn’t want Yumenosaki to handle a severe situation like Ritsu’s all on their own. He should bear the responsibility of leading Ritsu into such a dangerous situation. In fact, he led all of Yumenosaki into such a dangerous situation.  _ Please _ , allow Subaru to do this for Yumenosaki.

Alas, Subaru is denied the chance to get guards to escort Yumenosaki back to their hotels. He is denied by his father from making such arrangements.

Though Subaru calls it cruel, Shinobu doesn’t see it that way at all. Even if Yumenosaki were asked to leave, Shinobu wouldn’t have left at all. He would stubbornly stick by Subaru’s side, as stupid it is. He would want to carry Subaru’s burdens, even if Subaru told him not to. All because Subaru is a Spring Troupe member to him.

“It’s only right that we stay with you―You’re our family so please, let us stay with you.”

Subaru stares at the rest of Yumenosaki in confusion. Though they’re tired and scared, they don’t want Subaru and Souma to carry this burden alone. If there’s anything Yumenosaki has learnt this past year is that they’re stubborn and selfish. They just can’t let go of their members as easily as they want to. No matter how hard the world tries to take away a Yumenosaki member, Yumenosaki will find a way to get them back. Even if it’s ridiculous and dangerous so please, let Yumenosaki be with Subaru and Souma until the very end.

“Subaru,” Souma calls. He stands poised, returning to his servant-like state. Barely recognisable to Yumenosaki. Especially, Winter Troupe who had worked so hard in breaking that servant-like state he was in.

Souma spares a glance at Winter Troupe, pitying them a little. It’s clear he feels guilty for having to not be able to save Jun and Ritsu but it’s fine. They’re safe so don’t make such an ugly face, will you? Eve used to say that ugly crying faces stay that way if you’re not careful. Jun would always believe those such lies, even though it’s obviously not true. Maybe Jun was a dumb kid. Who knows?

Ritsu murmurs, definitely signaling everyone that he’s awake and fine. He slowly sits up, wincing in pain. Seems like he’s dizzy. Ritsu drinks water as he mumbles how much he wants to lie down and become one with the ground. This play was the  _ worst _ play he has ever acted in. He never wants to do this again.

Winter Troupe laughed and agreed on that statement. Nearly losing their co-lead and leader in a fire? That was something that none of them would have dreamt of ever happening to them. Who knew so much could happen to them over the course of a couple of months? It’s scary, to be honest.

Shu wraps the blanket around Ritsu, mentioning how it’s obvious that Ritsu is still slightly shaken from the entire incident. Subaru apologises directly to Ritsu who only laughs. There’s no need to apologise, Subaru. As long as Ritsu gets to see Subaru safe and happy, that’s all that should matter.

Don’t worry about Ritsu―Believe it or not, Ritsu has been in all sorts of technical problems regarding concerts and shows. Though this was terrifying, this isn’t particularly out of Ritsu’s experiences with old equipment.

“Ah, right―Subaru, the King has called for you.” 

Souma bows to Yumenosaki and tells them to wait for a while. Jun watches Anzu stutter out a nod as they watch Subaru and Souma retreat back into the meeting room. All of them couldn’t help but wonder who could have done such a cruel thing during a crucial moment like this? Even if that gets settled, will Subaru and Souma be able to come home with Yumenosaki? All sorts of questions run through their minds as they wait patiently.

Sensing everyone’s fear, Ritsu absentmindedly sings a lullaby.

The same lullaby he sang during their last performance. That comforting sound that could lull anyone to sleep, it leaves a comforting feeling over everyone. Jun watched Shinobu cling tightly to Ritsu as Ritsu wrapped him tightly in the blanket with him. It’s okay to be scared. There’s no reason for Shinobu to be brave all the time. Cry when you’re scared. Don’t be embarrassed.

Jun has always wondered about that lullaby―

“ _ Where did you learn such a lullaby? _ ”

Yumenosaki looked up to see the King of Iridaceae look at Ritsu in bewilderment. It obviously leaves Ritsu stuttering over his words as he struggles to answer the King’s question. The fact that the King even asked in Japanese, it’s no wonder Ritsu was a babbling mess. Ritsu didn’t expect the lullaby to attract unwanted attention. He fumbles an apology for singing.

“My mom? She used to sing this to me whenever I got scared?” Ritsu almost seemed uncertain of his answer. Is nervousness making his memories completely scrambled? Jun wouldn’t blame him.

Thankfully, not only Ritsu was puzzled by this sudden reaction. Subaru and Souma too. They didn’t understand what was so important about the lullaby. Though, Souma will admit that he was very comforted by such a lullaby. Ritsu’s voice is very pretty. While Subaru looked at his father and mother in confusion, is there a reason why this lullaby is significant to them?

“Well beneath all of that responsible exterior, your father is the same as you―He too enjoys things like idols and performances.” Subaru’s mother explains that while Subaru was too busy being nervous during Yumenosaki’s performance, Subaru’s father was hellbent on trying to figure out why Ritsu looked familiar. Lo behold, Ritsu was related to Subaru’s father’s favourite singer.

Hearing that explanation, Ritsu immediately understood the situation.

Ritsu listened to Subaru’s father gush about his mother for a couple of minutes. Occasionally glancing at Subaru, hoping that the other could help out but the other was just in a pinch as Ritsu. Subaru  _ knew _ about his father’s love for performing arts but he didn’t think he’d go to the extent of gushing to someone about it. Since he’s  _ old _ and stuff, you know?

Subaru’s father finally stops as he makes mention of a concert, something a bit like a musical? Jun doesn’t entirely get it but Ritsu does. His mother’s concert for her anniversary, Ritsu explains that a lot of actors, musicians, singers, and dancers will be there. Could it be that Subaru’s parents would like to go?

“Oh no―We have duties to attend and it’s not like it’s easy to get those tickets, anyway.” Subaru’s father is just as ridiculous as Subaru. Jun learns that quickly when he immediately mopes about his responsibilities. He mumbles about dealing with the men who had inflicted damage to public property and harm to the citizens and royal family. Other duties also include speaking to the other royal families over pushing the coronation ceremony to another date.

Possibly another candidate too.

_ Huh? _

What about Subaru? Isn’t he supposed to be king? What happened to that? Yumenosaki looked at Subaru who could only smile sheepishly. With Subaru keeping his feelings about not wanting to be king and how he knew about people plotting against him, there is a chance that Subaru may not be fit for king. The family will have to find another candidate to become king. Of course, Subaru is free to change his mind and come back.

Though, it’ll be a  _ long _ while till such a coronation ceremony ever happens. Subaru is the eldest amongst his cousins, anyway.

“Though you’re unfit to be king, I cannot stop you from contributing your knowledge to the country―I look forward to your reports on ways to improve the royal theater, Subaru.”

Subaru stutters out a nod. Yes, he’ll be sure to send in documents and reports from around the world. Look forward to it! Surely, Subaru’s father would enjoy the things he has found! After all, despite this being against Subaru’s father’s wishes, he still encourages Subaru to continue living freely with his new family in Japan.

“So why don’t you see the world with that special someone of yours?” Subaru’s mother winks at Subaru who laughs with red-tinted cheeks. Special someone? Who could that be?

Subaru holds Souma’s hand tightly and nods happily. Subaru and Souma will travel together with Yumenosaki to see the world! Let’s see, feel, hear, smell, and taste everything that made the world the way it is together, everyone!

Such excitement that echoed in the halls, it leaves Yumenosaki in a laughing fit.

Seriously, Subaru never changes, huh?

“ _ Welcome back! _ ”

Spring Troupe and Winter Troupe come back to the comforting sounds of Summer Troupe and Autumn Troupe. They shout and hug each and every member as a welcome back gift. Though Kuro is complaining about the amount of trouble caused, there’s no ill-intent in such complaints. Jun can’t help but want to poke fun at Kuro for trying to hide his relief.

The troupes exchange stories from home and Iridaceae. Talking about food, sights, and adventures they’ve all had.

Jun can never get tired of this warm, fluffy atmosphere that blankets the dorm. Can they always remain this way? Jun wonders if it’s selfish to wish such a thing. That’s okay, right? To selfishly wish for everyone in Yumenosaki to remain that way? Surely, Eve would think Jun’s wish is so innocent and sweet. Like always.

“No, you don’t have to―Listening to my dad talk about your mom was enough!”

Jun looks up to see Ritsu lift his hand up and explain that it’s only fair that Ritsu reserve tickets for Subaru’s parents if they’re planning to come to visit around the same time as the concert. Go tell them to not buy tickets. Two extra tickets are nothing to the number of tickets Ritsu is already buying. The fact he’s including Chiaki too, Ritsu comes off as  _ extremely _ generous at times.

“Besides, I’m just giving my mom a reason to add another day to her concert,” Ritsu complains as Mao rolls his eyes. It’s not Ritsu’s fault that Ritsu’s mom wanted the Winter Troupe to perform some of the scenes from the play for her concert. She even offered to pay any royalties that needed to be paid. The offer was simply impossible to refuse.

_ Think of it as an investment _ ―Ritsu’s mother said with a cold smile.

Working with Ritsu’s mother was an experience. Not in a bad way, of course. Though, it was still  _ an experience _ . One that Jun will probably never forget.

The dazzling costumes and performances that were made, Jun was even surprised that Ritsu’s mother thought that Winter Troupe were on par with these people. To Jun, they weren’t. They’re far from it. They struggle to their feet as the other performers are practically gliding through the stage with their rehearsals. Jun had to admit, throughout the entire duration of the concert, he was quite nervous and afraid.

It only made sense.

As happy as they are in getting familiar with Ritsu and Mao’s peers, it was no doubt that everyone wasn't as happy with their performance as they normally are. Though they received compliments and encouragement from Tsumugi and Tasuku, they still felt unsatisfied with it. No matter how much they practice, it always falls a little flat. How troublesome.

Souma admits that it might be his own acting that’s dragging the play down. As much as Winter Troupe wants to say it isn’t, they agree that Souma’s nervousness does make the acting feel a little awkward. Though there have been no complaints so far about their segments, it’s obvious that they’re disappointed in themselves. Jun wondered if they’re just overthinking it?

“ _ Maybe you should get some advice from someone who actually played the Phantom? _ ”

Tsumugi’s suggestion seemed almost like a joke but it apparently wasn’t. If they’re so worried, why don’t you go ahead and ask someone who has done the play? Ritsu asked Tsumugi for advice regarding Christine, Souma should ask someone too if he’s that worried about his Phantom. If they’re unsure who to ask, Tsumugi and Tasuku have the perfect actor for Winter Troupe to ask.

“Yea, he’s stiff like the Phantom too,” Tasuku jokes as Jun quirks an eyebrow. An actor who is stiff? That doesn’t make sense at all. Tsumugi scolds Tasuku for being so rude. Though naturally, he is a stiff person, he’s still a superb actor. He works  _ really _ hard to improve his acting so please be nice to him, Tasuku.

They get help from that sharp-looking man they met at Iridaceae, Nishiki Gai. The chatty blond man, Citronia, is with him too. Though, he’s apparently never acted in the Phantom of the Opera. He’s just enthusiastic about the play, that’s all.

With a few adjustments and encouragement, Souma believes he’s feeling a lot less nervous about Winter Troupe’s segments. Gai is glad to help and understands Souma’s feelings, he even tells him that what the audience’s reaction shouldn’t matter as much as Souma’s when he goes up on stage. As long as he’s having fun, that’s all that should matter.

“Don’t worry so much―You can always rerun it in the future, once you’ve gotten used to the stage,” Tasuku adds. With that said, stop squawking about how bad you’ll be on stage. You’ll be fine. It seems Winter Troupe has caught Ritsu’s terrible anxiety. Is it really okay to let this guy be the leader? Ritsu scoffs at Tasuku’s words as Tsumugi laughs.

It’s only natural, though? Winter Troupe are only roughly a year old and they  _ just _ got a new member. Don’t you think it’s typical for them to have these worries? Sure, Mao and Ritsu have been acting for a while but in comparison to the rest of their peers, their years are nothing to be in awe of. Tsumugi doesn’t blame them for feeling so worried.

“Though, if it makes you feel any better―You’re definitely doing a better job at the play than when we first did it.”

Jun quirks an eyebrow at that statement― _ We? _ Was Gai in the same play as Tsumugi and Tasuku when they first performed this? Jun could only watch Gai laugh and admit that he had  _ tons _ of worries when they first began running the Phantom of the Opera. Before Ritsu can even ask about that statement, a staff member calls for Winter Troupe to prepare for their segment. They reluctantly bid goodbye to their seniors as they shout good luck in return.

_ Guess they’ll never know. _

This performance was Winter Troupe’s favourite performance. Jun would want to wonder why but he thinks he knows the reasons rather well. This performance was Subaru and his parents’ first time watching Souma act on stage. This performance was also the first time Souma could pour all of his feelings out for everyone to see properly. No disturbances. Just the audience being able to see Kanzaki Souma in his purest form.

Backstage, Jun is met with a peculiarly formed group. Tasuku, Tsumugi, Gai, Homare, Azuma, and this other man Jun doesn’t fully recognise converse amongst each other like old friends who were unexpectedly reunited. Jun didn’t know they were friends at all. Maybe because he is not one to ever question other people’s lives but it just seemed strange to look at? Jun doesn’t know how to put it.

Not like it matters to them or Winter Troupe.

They seem comfortable enough to let Winter Troupe into their conversations. Homare praises them for their performance while Azuma notes how comfortable they are to kiss on stage. There’s a minute of Tsumugi and Tasuku teasing about the first time Mao and Ritsu kissed each other but it’s all done with so much love and warmth. Jun couldn’t help but quietly listen and watch everyone happily chat with each other.  _ So warm. _

_ How can he keep this warm feeling? _

“They won’t go away,” a voice tells Jun. He finds himself looking at a short grey-hair man as he gives Jun a warm smile. He tells Jun not to worry so much. It’s clear that he’s thinking of something that weighs heavily in his heart but there’s no need to anymore. Just living his life peacefully is enough. After all, thinking is a difficult thing to do so it’s best to try not to think so much.

Jun laughs. Maybe this man is right. Though, Jun finds it absurd that he’s finding comfort in a stranger he’s never met. He says that as if he hasn’t been doing that for the past years.

“Sazanami Jun, right? Azuma has told me a thing or two about you.”

Jun nods. Though he’s quite surprised Azuma would talk about Winter Troupe. Maybe he is  _ that _ fond of them. And you are?

“Mikage Hisoka―Azuma’s husband.”

Hisoka smiles warmly at Jun who hums in understanding. He never knew Azuma was married. That’s an interesting fact. Jun listens to Hisoka joke how it really must be fate for Natsume to be in such a troupe like Winter Troupe because typically, it would be merely impossible for this group of friends to meet. Hisoka thanks them for that.

Just as Hisoka talks about how awfully difficult it has been to catch his friends, Ritsu calls for Jun and Hisoka. They’re taking a group photo so why don’t we join?

Jun laughs at the endless arguing about how they should stand next to each other. Gai makes a suggestion to make Ritsu and Hisoka stand next to each other because they’re the shortest amongst the group. Obviously making Hisoka offended because that’s what Gai said the last time they were at Tasuku and Tsumugi’s wedding. Tsumugi laughs about how Ritsu was holding the bouquet that Tsumugi caught too. It just seemed so off-putting when looking at the photo back at home.

After much arguing and rearranging, they’ve properly settled themselves next to each other. Jun finds himself wedged between Hisoka and Azuma who is happily conversing with Natsume about the play. Jun can hear Shu laughing next to his cousin about a poem he made on the spot while Ritsu makes pained noises because he is most  _ definitely _ next to Tsumugi. There’s even Tasuku and Mao who are scolding Tsumugi for being a bully to Ritsu. Amongst all of that, Souma seems satisfied standing next to Gai who talks about acting with him. What a noisy bunch.

Though, Jun likes this noise a whole lot. He doesn’t know. All he knows is that he wants to believe Hisoka’s words through and through. Jun smiles brightly as they pose for the camera.

  
“ _ Let’s hope you guys aren’t this noisy during Alice’s wedding in April. _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _april_ (this is a message specifically for ppl who will understand--if you understand, (eye emoji) h e y)  
> again, thank you for supporting my dumb ass on this au!! It's not over yet but I'm just happy I got to write act 8 and see it through the end!!  
> it really makes me wanna cry bc this au is a v personal self-indulgent au and I'm just happy by the idea of ppl enjoying it!!  
> thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed it!!!  
> also just for those curious/forgotten:  
> \- (this was meant to be written in but i couldnt fit it in) citron and guy lead an intl acting troupe that travels around the world (w citron being nicknamed the Prince of Acting) + Not Married but Married  
> \- tasutsumu work w ritsu's mom's personal theater troupe but have their own projects too (also happily married)  
> \- hisoazu are married but are normal(?) people   
> \- alice is still a poet but he's super famous and rich now (also happily engaged as you can tell in this chapter)  
> \- funny fact: yes, kaijin f a3 winter ver existed but maorits don't remember it at all

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you for reading and putting up with this au  
> as you can tell there's an indefinite number of chapters bc im not smart and am barely done (dont expect this entire thing to finish before the end of the year) so ye ha  
> I hope you had fun reading!  
> Thank you for reading!  
> (If you want, you can check out my twt [@drunkossan](https://twitter.com/drunkossan))


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